A journey to the world under-ground
till at last she laid Hands upon my Cloaths, and endeavour’d to stop
me. With that I forcibly started from her, and having vastly the
Advantage of her in Swiftness, I quickly got out of her Sight. One
may judge of the Extremity of the Rage she was in, by the Words I
could hear her pronounce, namely, _Kaki spalaki_, that is, _ungrateful
Dog_. I digested this Affront with a _Spartan_ Nobleness of Mind, and
was glad at my Heart, that I could any Way escape from this Land of
Philosophers, the bare Remembrance of which fills me with Horror.
The next Province I arriv’d at, was that of _Nakir_; the Capital of
which is a fine, large City of the same Name. I cannot say much of
this Place, because I pass’d with the utmost Haste thro’ the Countries
adjoining to that I lately left, and long’d to be among People less
philosophically, and especially less anatomically given. For such a
Terror had seiz’d me, that I could not help asking every one I met,
whether he were a Philosopher; and even in my Dreams, the Carcases
and Instruments of Dissection still swam before me. The Natives of
_Nakir_ were very courteous; for every one I met offer’d me his Service
unask’d, with long Attestations of his Honour and Honesty. I thought
this very ridiculous, since I suspected none of them, nor call’d their
Integrity in Question. I express’d my Wonder at these Compliments, and
observ’d, that I could not conceive to what Purpose they were made; at
which they only renew’d their Protestations of Service with a thousand
Oaths. Leaving this Place, I overtook a Traveller bending beneath
the Weight of his Burden. Seeing me, he stopt, and enquir’d whence I
came. When I told him I had pass’d thro’ the Province of _Nakir_, he
congratulated me upon my Escape, assuring me, that the Inhabitants were
a People famous for their Skill in Tricking, and hardly a Traveller
pass’d, but was their Prey. I answer’d, If their Actions at all
corresponded with their Words, they must be People of the greatest
Honour, of which every one boasted extremely, and assur’d me of it with
a Multitude of Execrations. The Stranger smiling at these Words, _Take
Care_, says he, _of those who trumpet their own Virtues, and especially
of those who readily send themselves to the Devil to convince you_.
That Piece of Advice I bury’d deep in my Mind, and I have since
experienc’d that my Adviser had Reason.
I now arriv’d at a Lake, the Waters of which were of a yellowish
Colour. On the Bank there was a Vessel of three Ranks of Oars, in which
Passengers, for a small Consideration, were ferry’d over into _the Land
of Reason_. Having agreed for my Passage, I went aboard, and with the
highest Pleasure imaginable began my Voyage, inasmuch as I presently
observ’d, that these subterranean Vessels are impell’d by secret
Springs and Machines, which cleave the Waters with an astonishing
Rapidity, and all without the Agency of Rowers. Being landed on the
other Side of the Lake, I hir’d one of the Guides, which ply in the
several Ports, and under his Conduct I travell’d on. In the mean Time
my Guide told me every Thing that related to the Government of the
City, and the Manners of the People. I understood from him, that they
were all _Logicians_ to a Man, and that this City was the true Seat of
Reason, from whence it had its Name. And upon my Arrival, I found all
he had told me was true. Every Citizen from his great Penetration, and
the Composedness of his Manners, had the Appearance of a Judge. I could
not forbear lifting my Hands to Heaven, and crying out, Oh! infinitely
happy Country, where every Member is a _Cato_. But when I had more
accurately examin’d the Condition of the City, I observ’d that Business
went but dully on, and that the Republick in a Manner languish’d
for want of Fools. For as their good Sense weighs every Thing in
the justest Balance, and as not a Soul can be cajol’d by specious
Promises and studied Words, it follows, that all those prudent Means
and Methods, by which the Minds of Subjects are excited to the best
and noblest Actions, and that too at the cheapest and easiest Rate,
must here lose all their Efficacy. In short, the bad Effects of such
an exact Knowledge of Things were explain’d to me, and pathetically
lamented by the Super-Intendant of the Treasury. “One Tree, says he,
is here distinguish’d from another by nothing else but his Name, and
the Make of his Body. No Emulation among the Subjects, since Marks
of Distinction are thought not worth acquiring, and nobody is wise,
because every body is so. Folly, I confess, is a Defect, but to have
it wholly banish’d, may not be so desirable. Let every State, indeed,
have a competent Number of wise Men for the publick Employments. Some
must govern, and some must submit to be govern’d. What other States
effect by the most trifling Inducements, our Magistrates can procure
only by solid Rewards, which often drain the Treasury. Wise Men require
the Kernel if they serve their Country, but Fools are put off with
the Shell. Thus, for Instance, the Distribution of Honours and Titles,
with which Fools are taken as with a Hook, and spirited up to the most
hazardous Enterprizes, can be of little Force among a People, who know
that solid Fame and Honour is to be acquir’d only by inward Worth and
Virtue. A People of this Stamp are not to be deceiv’d with specious
Sounds. Your Soldiers, I think I have heard you say, are animated to
undergo the utmost Severities, from the Hope of an immortal Name in
History. This is what our People cannot conceive. They think, that
this Mode of Seech, for Instance, +Dying in earnest, and living in
a History+, is the veriest Jargon in the World, and that it is mere
Dotage to proclaim aloud the Praises of one, who cannot hear nor
understand them. I pass over numberless Inconveniences, which flow only
from our exquisite Knowledge, and which prove to Demonstration, that at
least half the Members of every civil Establishment ought to be Fools.
Folly is to Society, what Fermentation is to the Stomach; too much, or
none at all, are alike injurious.”
I heard all this with the greatest Amazement. But when in the Name
of the Senate he offer’d me the Freedom of the City, and repeated
his Intreaties, that I would fix my Abode here, I could not forbear
blushing, from a Suspicion that his Request proceeded from a
pre-conceiv’d Opinion of my Foolishness, and that he took me for such
a Sort of _Ferment_ as might be of Use to a State labouring under the
Misfortune of too much Wisdom. I was confirm’d in this Suspicion,
when I heard the Senate had decreed to send a Colony abroad, and in
their Places to take in an equal Number of Fools from the neighbouring
Nations. And so with a Sort of Resentment, I left this Race of
Reasoners. Yet for a long Time I could not help reflecting upon that
subterranean Axiom of theirs, unknown to the Politicians of our World,
namely, _That in a well-constituted Society, it is necessary that at
least half the Members should be Fools_. I wonder’d so salutary a Maxim
should remain undiscover’d by the _worthy Spirits_ of our Age. But
possibly it might be known to some, who were however unwilling to have
it inserted in the Class of political Truths, since with us there are
great Plenty of Fools, nor is there (Envy apart!) a Village or City
with us, but what is handsomely stor’d with this goodly _Ferment_.
Having rested some Time, I renew’d my Travels, and visited several
Countries, which I pass over in Silence, as having nothing remarkable
in them. I suppos’d I had now seen all the marvellous Things in the
Planet _Nazar_. But arriving at the Province of _Cabac_, fresh Wonders
offer themselves, and even such as exceed the Bounds of Credibility.
Among the Natives of this Region, some are born without Heads. They
speak by a Mouth plac’d in the Middle of the Breast. Upon Account of
this great Defect in Nature, they are exempted from all such difficult
Employments as require the least Headpiece. The only Posts they are
admitted to, are chiefly those about the Court. Thus the Chamberlain,
the Master of the Ceremonies, the President of the Seraglio, and the
like, are all taken from the Class of People that are without Heads.
Nevertheless some that have no Heads are, by the special Indulgence
of the Government, receiv’d into the Senate for some Merit of their
Ancestors, and that without much Detriment to the Republick. For
Experience tells us, that the whole Authority of the Senate is lodg’d
in the Hands of a few leading Members, and that the rest only help to
fill up the Number, and to assent and subscribe to the Resolutions of
others. And in my Time, there were in the Senate two that were born
without Heads, who nevertheless enjoy’d the senatorial Stipends. For
tho’ they were destitute of Sense, by reason of that Defect of Nature,
yet surely they might give their Vote with others; happier in one Thing
than their Collegues, namely, that nobody was angry with those who had
no Heads, but vented all their Rage against the others. And hence it is
evident, that it is safer sometimes to be born without a Head. This
City may vie with any in Magnificence and Splendour. It has a Court, an
University, and several noble Temples.
_Cambara_ and _Spelek_ are the two next Provinces. The Natives are all
Limes. But in this they differ, that the former seldom live beyond
the Age of four Years, whereas the others seldom fall short of four
hundred. Here you might see Fathers, Grandfathers, Great Grandfathers,
and so on; they would tell you old Stories and Adventures of their own
that happen’d Ages ago, and by their lively Representations make you
think you was almost present at them. As much as I pity’d the first, I
envy’d the last. But after I had more inly examin’d the State of both,
I found my Error. In _Cambara_ every one, within a few Months after
their Nativity, arriv’d to their full Maturity of Body and Mind. One
Year was enough to form and perfect them; in the rest they prepar’d
for Death. Not _Plato_’s self could have imagin’d a more charming
Republick; here all the Virtues flourish’d to Perfection. Being hourly
convinc’d of the Shortness of Life, they are always ready for Death,
and regard this Life only as a Passage to a better. We may imagine
every one of them a Philosopher, who with a happy Indifference to his
present State, aims only at securing that solid and durable Pleasure,
which is the Reward of Virtue and Piety. In a Word, this seem’d to be
the Abode of Angels, the Kingdom of Saints, and the truest School of
Wisdom and Virtue. Hence one may judge how unjust their Murmurs are,
who complain of the Brevity of Life, making it the Foundation of a
Quarrel at their Maker. Our Life is short, because we lose the greatest
Part in Sloth and Pleasure; it would be long enough if our Time were
better employ’d. But in the other Region, where Life is lengthen’d
to four hundred Years, I discover’d all the Vices under Heaven. The
present State of Things they look upon as eternal and immortal.
_Hinc fugere pudor, verumque, fidesque & honestum:
In quorum subiere locum dolus insidiæque._
There was also another Inconvenience resulting from long Life. Those
who had unhappily lost their Estate or Fortunes, those who were maim’d
in their Limbs, or were fallen into incurable Diseases, made the most
piercing Complaints, and knowing no End to their Miseries, often laid
violent Hands on themselves. The Shortness of Life, therefore, is to
the Wretched the best of Remedies. Both these Countries afforded me
Matter of much Admiration, and upon my Departure fill’d me with very
philosophical Reflexions.
I pursued my Journey thro’ certain desert and rocky Places, which lead
to _Spalank_, or the Country of Innocence. This Place is so call’d
from the Innocence and peaceful Humour of the Natives. These are all