A journey to the world under-ground
Beeches, and esteem’d the happiest of the whole Creation. They are
subject to no Passions and Affections, and consequently free from all
Vices.
_Sponte sua, sine lege, fidem rectumque colebant;
Pœna metusque aberant, &c._
Upon my Arrival, I found all I had heard was true, and that actually
they were govern’d not by Laws, but by their own innate Virtue and
Disposition. Envy, Anger, Hatred, Pride, Vain-Glory, Discord, and all
which among Mankind bears the Name of Vice, is here proscrib’d and
banish’d. But with the Vices there were also many Things wanting,
which adorn the human Species, and seem to distinguish them from
Brutes. Except Divinity, Natural Philosophy and Astronomy, all the
Arts and Sciences were wholly unknown. They had not the least Idea of
Law, Politicks, History, Ethicks, and Eloquence, the very Names of
which were never heard of. As there was not the least Spark of Envy,
so there was no Emulation to excite and animate the Soul to worthy
Deeds. There were no splendid Edifices, no Palace, no Senate-House,
no Forum, no Magistrate, no Riches, and consequently no Desire of
them, or Contention about them. In two Words, if they had no Vices,
they had no Politeness, Art, or Elegance; nor any of those Things,
which, tho’ in Reality no Virtues, are yet extremely like Virtues,
and render Men civiliz’d and social. To say the Truth, I seem’d here
to be rather in a Forest of real Trees, than in a rational Society. I
stood a long Time in doubt what Judgment to form of these People, and
whether such a State were in Reality desirable. At length reflecting,
that an uncultivated Creature was however better than a vicious
Creature, and that tho’ they had no Arts, they had also no Thefts,
Murders, and other atrocious Crimes, which destroy both Body and Soul,
I could not help pronouncing them happy. Walking carelesly along one
Day, while I was among them, I struck my left Leg against a Stone. It
swell’d violently, and gave me excessive Pain. An honest Countryman
seeing this Accident, presently ran to me, and with a certain Herb
he held in his Hand and apply’d to the Wound, the Anguish forthwith
abated, and the Swelling decreas’d. These People, thought I, must
have extraordinary Skill in the Art of Healing. Nor was my Conjecture
wrong. For since their Studies were confin’d within so narrow a
Compass, they were not contented with the outward Rind of Knowledge,
like our modern Connoiseurs, but went to the Bottom of Things. When I
thank’d my Benefactor for his Services, and told him that God would be
his Reward, he answer’d me in so solid, so learned, and so devout a
Manner, tho’ in Terms perfectly simple and rural, that I had really
some Apprehensions it was an Angel in the Shape of a Tree. It appears
hence, with what little Reason we dislike that _calm_ Philosophy of
some Men, who neither wish nor grieve, are neither angry, nor pleas’d,
who divest themselves of all the impetuous Passions of the Soul, and
whom we therefore accuse of leading a Life of Indolence and Softness.
It appears also how much mistaken they are, who are Advocates for the
Necessity of Vices among Men; who stile Anger the Whetstone of Courage,
Emulation the Spur of Industry, and Distrust the Parent of Discretion.
For who does not know, that from ill Eggs ill Birds are hatch’d, and
that many Virtues which Mortals pride themselves in, and which are
celebrated in Verse, are rather the Disgrace than Ornament of Humanity,
if beheld with a philosophical Eye.
I left this Place, and arriv’d at _Kiliac_, where the Inhabitants are
born with certain Marks impress’d upon their Forehead, signifying the
exact Number of Years they have to live. These surely I thought must
be the most fortunate People under the Sun, since an unexpected Death
could surprize none of them in a sinful Action. But then, as their last
Day of Life was known to every one, they deferr’d their Repentance to
the last; insomuch that if you found one among them sincerely devout
and honest, it was one whom the Marks upon his Forehead directed to
think of his Quietus. Some I observ’d who walk’d with their Heads
hanging down; they had almost liv’d out their Time, and were counting
the Remainder of their Days and Hours upon their Fingers, expecting
with Horror their last approaching Moment. This gave me to see the
general Wisdom of the Creator in concealing from Mortals the Time of
their Death.
Having travell’d over this Country, I came to a Streight, the Water of
which was black; and being ferry’d over, I landed upon the Province of
_Askarac_. Here new Monsters met my Eyes. As _Cabac_ produces Animals
without a Head, some among these People are born with seven Heads.
To these, as being possess’d of an amazing Knowledge, the Citizens
formerly paid almost divine Honours; and out of their Tribes alone,
Commanders, Consuls, Senators, and other great Officers were elected.
But, alas! as many Heads as they had, so many different Geniuses they
had. They confidently and readily undertook to discharge various
Employments at one and the same Time; and left nothing unattempted
while they held the Reins of Power: But from that Multiplicity of
Business, and from their various Ideas interfering and jostling with
each other, they made wretched Work of it; and in Process of Time so
great was the Confusion, that it requir’d the Labour of an Age to
recover from the Disorder these omniscient Magistrates had thrown
Things into. Hence a Law was enacted, to exclude for ever these
seven-headed Trees from all publick Offices of Importance, and that the
Government should hereafter be intrusted to _simple Heads_, that is
to say, those who have only one Head. Ever since, those very People,
who had been rever’d as Gods, have been sinking into the same Contempt
as the headless Inhabitants of _Cabac_. For as they, who had no Head
at all, could do nothing; so these with many Heads did every Thing
perversely. But tho’ they are for ever remov’d from all State-Trusts,
yet they serve as an Ornament to the Kingdom. They are carry’d about
like publick Spectacles, to shew the World how liberal Nature has been
in their Formation. Tho’ to say the Truth, had she been less lavish of
her Favours, she had been in Reality much kinder. Of all this Race,
there were only three in my Time in Employment, to which, however,
they were not admitted, till they had consented to an Amputation of
six of their Heads. After this, the confus’d Ideas they labour’d under
vanish’d, and they were brought to common Sense. Thus Men prune Trees
of their superfluous Branches, to derive more Health and Vigour to the
rest. Very few undergo this Operation, upon Account of the extreme Pain
and Danger. From hence I drew this useful Maxim, That all Excess is
hurtful, and that Simplicity is true Wisdom.
From hence I pass’d to the Principality of _Bostanki_, a People, as
to their outward Make, little different from the _Potuans_; but as to
the inward, they have this Singularity, that their Heart is situated
in their Thigh; so that it may be truly said of them, that they carry
their Heart in their Breeches. Hence, among all the Inhabitants of this
Globe, these are accounted the most fearful and pusillanimous. Upon
my Arrival, I enter’d into an Inn near the Gate, and as the Fatigue
of Travelling had made me something weary and fretful, I rattled my
Host for being slow in his Attendance. But he, falling on his Knees,
implor’d for Mercy, and extending his Thigh for me to feel the great
Palpitation of Heart he was in, from storming I fell to laughing,
and bid him dry his Tears, and cast away all Fear: He rose, and in
a Transport kiss’d my Hand, and set about Supper immediately. In a
Minute or two the whole Kitchen resounded with Cries and Lamentations.
I ran thither, and to my vast Astonishment, there did I behold my very
fearful Host beating and whipping his Wife and the Maids about. Seeing
me, he took to his Heels, and run away. I turn’d to the weeping Family,
and begg’d to know what Crime they had committed, to provoke so meek a
Man to so great Rage. They, on the other Hand, stood mute, with their
Eyes fasten’d to the Ground, not daring to tell the Cause of their
Affliction. But upon my persisting to enquire, and adding Threats to
my Intreaty, the Mistress spoke to me in this Manner: “You seem, Sir,
to be a great Stranger to the Manners of the World. The Natives of
this Principality can’t bear the Sight of an armed Enemy, and out of
their own Houses tremble at the least Noise; yet they all domineer in
the Kitchen, they exert their Bravery on their defenceless Family, and
are only then valiant, when no Resistance can be made. On this Account
they are the Jest, as well as the Prey, of the neighbouring States.
But in the bordering Kingdom, to which we are Tributaries, the Case is
otherwise. There they never fight but against an arm’d Enemy. There
the Males command abroad, and serve at home.” I admir’d the Wisdom of
the Hostess, whom I look’d upon as worthy of a better Condition. And,
indeed, upon a closer Inspection into the Nature and Disposition of
People, this Matron, it must be own’d, was extremely in the right,
since from innumerable Examples it is clear, that _Hercules_ is not
the only one who has yielded to a Distaff, but that it is the common
Fate of brave and warlike Men to submit, with all due Patience, to
the Female Yoke: And that, on the other Hand, the veriest Cowards in
all Nature, who like the _Bostankians_, carry their Hearts in their
Breeches, are yet Heroes in the Kitchen. This People live under the
Protection of a neighbouring Kingdom, to whom they pay Tribute for it.
From hence I pass’d by Water to _Mikolac_. Coming out of the Boat
I miss’d my Cloak-Bag. I presently charg’d the Boat-Man with the
Theft, who stifly deny’d it. Upon this I went and complain’d to the
Magistrate, telling him, that if I had not the Liberty of bringing
an Action against the Boat-Man for Breach of Trust or Theft, I hop’d
he would at least compel him to make simple Restitution. But my
Adversary not only persisted in denying the Fact, but threaten’d me
with an Action of Slander. In a Case so doubtful the Court call’d
for Witnesses. But as I could bring none, I desir’d my Antagonist
might purge himself by Oath. At this the Judge smil’d, and spoke as
follows. “My Friend, says he, in this Province we are bound by no
Religion, nor have we any other Gods beside the Laws of our Country.
Accusations here must be made good by legal Methods, such as proving
the Delivery, estimating the Value, exhibiting Receipts, and producing
Witnesses. Whoever is destitute of these, not only loses his Cause,
but is liable to be sued for Calumny. Make the Case plain by proper
Evidence, and what you have lost shall be restor’d to you.” Thus losing
my Cause for want of Witnesses, I not only lamented my own Misfortune,
but that of the Republick itself. For from hence it appear’d, what
a weak unsettled Society that must be which depends for its Security
upon human Laws alone, and how frail are all political Edifices unless
cemented together by Religion. I staid three Days here in continual
Fears. For tho’ the Laws of the Country are in Reality very good, and
tho’ Crimes are punish’d with the utmost Severity, yet no Safety can
be reasonably expected in a Country too atheistical to have the least
Sense of religious Obligation, and where they scruple the Commission of
no Crimes, provided they can but conceal them.
From this Land of Atheists, I travell’d on over a steep Mountain to
the City of _Bracmat_, which was situated in the Plain at the Foot of
the Mountain. The Inhabitants are Junipers. The first Person I met,
came directly rushing at me, and threw me backwards. I did not well
understand this, and asking the Reason of it, the Juniper begg’d my