A journey to the world under-ground
Pardon a thousand Times. Presently after, another with a Staff he had
in his Hand, gave me a Blow upon the Reins that almost took away my
Senses: But in the same Moment he made a long Harangue to me in Excuse
of his Imprudence. Suspecting, therefore, this People to be either
totally blind, or very weak-sighted, I took Care to avoid every one I
met. In fact, all this arose from the exquisite Sense of Sight which
some are here endued with. They can clearly discern remote Objects,
which are impenetrable to vulgar Eyes; but then they do not see what
is nearer and almost at hand. These are call’d _Makatti_; and they
devote themselves principally to the Studies of Metaphysicks and
Astronomy. They are of very little Service in the World, by reason of
their too delicate Vision. They make very pretty _minute Philosophers_;
but in solid Matters and Things of daily Use, they commit innumerable
Blunders. However, the Government makes some Use of them, and sends
them to the Mines for the Discovery of Metals. For tho’ they see scarce
any Thing upon the Surface of the Earth, their Sight exerts itself upon
any Thing beneath it. I concluded from hence, that there are some who
are blind from too great a Delicacy in the Organs of Vision, and that
they would see better if their Eyes were worse.
Having gain’d the Top of another very steep and rocky Mountain, I now
enter’d the Province of _Mutak_, the Capital of which look’d like a
Grove of Willows, the Inhabitants being all of that Species. Proceeding
to the Market, I there found a robust, healthy young Man, sitting in a
_Place of Ease_ (of which there are many round the Market-Place) and
imploring the Mercy of the Senate. I enquir’d the Meaning of this,
and was informed, that the said Person was a Criminal, to whom they
were going to give the fifteenth Dose. Surpriz’d at the Answer, I
step’d aside, and desir’d my Host to explain this Riddle. He reply’d
thus: “Most Nations punish Crimes by whipping, branding, hanging
and the like: But nothing of that Kind obtains in this Country. For
we study not so much to punish Crimes, as to mend the Criminal. The
Culprit upon the Seat is a wretched Author, who for his violent Itch
of Writing, which neither Law nor Advice could restrain, has been
condemn’d by the Senate to the publick Punishment. This is left to the
_Censors_ of the City, who are all Doctors of Physick, and who are now
going to macerate and bring him low by frequent Purgings, till they
have conquer’d and extinguish’d the Lust of Scribbling.” He ended his
Discourse with desiring me to go to the Shop of a publick Apothecary.
I went with him accordingly, and to my vast Amazement beheld Phials
and Gallipots all properly arrang’d, with such Inscriptions as these:
_Powder of Avarice._ _Pills for Lust._ _Tincture against Cruelty._
_Lenitive of Ambition._ _Cortex against Pleasure_, &c. Words cannot
express the strange Confusion of Mind this odd Spectacle threw me
into. But a perfect Ecstasy of Surprize ensued, when I observed a
Parcel of Manuscripts with these Titles: _Sermons of Master_ Pisagus,
_a Morning’s Perusal of which gives six Stools_. _Meditations of Dr._
Jukes, _a Specific in the_ Coma Vigil, _or Want of Sleep_, &c. I
thought the People out of their Senses, and to examine more accurately
the Virtue of their Medicines, I open’d the first of these Books.
It was such insipid Stuff, that at the first Chapter I began to make
Faces; and reading on, I found my Bowels rumble, and soon after had a
_Tenesmus_. But as I knew I had no Occasion for Purging, I threw the
Book down, and run away. I then observ’d, that nothing in the whole
World was without its Use, and that the most pitiful Performances were
serviceable for something. I found also, that this People were no
Fools, however absurd I at first took them to be. My Host averr’d to
me, that he was cur’d of lying awake from only perusing Doctor _Juke_’s
Book, the Virtue of which was so profound and potent, that Vigilance
itself must snore at it. These Things occasion’d in me a tumultuous
Variety of Thought. And lest they should break in upon that Chain of
philosophical Reflexions I had heretofore made, I resolv’d soon to
leave the Country. And happily enough, the strange Things I soon saw
in other Provinces, jostled out almost all Thoughts of this Place. But
notwithstanding, after I had finish’d my Tour round this Globe, and
was reflecting upon the _Mutakian_ Philosophy, their Manner of curing
Disorders was not altogether so absurd. For I am convinc’d, that in
our _Europe_ there are some Books that would purge the most costive,
or give Sleep to the most wakeful. As to the Disorders of the Mind, I
own I could not subscribe to the _Mutakian_ Principles in this Point,
tho’ it must be confess’d, there are some Infirmities of Body, which we
confound with the Disorders of the Mind; as a witty Poet of our World
has observ’d in the following Epigram.
_Sexte, diu mecum morbo vexaris eodem,
Humores acres nos cruciare solent.
Cum mihi sit morbus circum præcordia versans,
Exosus, querulus, difficilisque vocor.
At te ægrotantem plorant, miserantur amici,
In pedibus morbi vis quia tota sedet.
Comiter excusant te, cum saltare recusas,
Immunem clamant, namque podagra tenet.
Inter convivas at me cantare negantem,
Fastosum, querulum, difficilemque vocant.
Cum minus ardua res tibi sit saltatio, Sexte,
Quam sit cardiaco psallere sæpe mihi._
I departed from _Mutak_, and crossing over a Lake of a yellow Hue, I
arriv’d at _Mikrok_, and proceeding to the capital City, I found the
Gate shut. I was oblig’d to wait till the drowsy Centinel was pleas’d
to open it, which was some considerable Time, it being secur’d with
a Multitude of Locks, Bolts, and Bars. Entring, I observ’d a deep
Silence reign throughout the whole City, except that my Ears were now
and then assaulted by a Noise as of People snoring. I could not help
fancying I was got into the Region of Sleep, as the Poets talk. Would
to God, says I to myself, that several of the Magistrates, Senators,
and a few other honest Countrymen of mine, who are dear Lovers of
Peace, had had the Luck to be born in this blessed City! How sweetly
and quietly would they live! And yet from the Signs in the Streets,
and Inscriptions on the Houses, it was evident, that Arts and Sciences
were not unknown here, and that Laws were exercis’d. Led by these
Signs, I found out an Inn. No Entrance to be had. The Doors were all
fast. And tho’ it was Noon with the rest of the World, it should seem
it was Night to the Inhabitants of this City. At last, after having
knock’d and bounc’d a long while, I was let in. Time is here divided
into twenty-three Hours; nineteen of them are sacred to Sleep, the
other four to Business. Suspecting, therefore, these People to be
monstrously negligent both in their publick and private Affairs, I
desir’d something to be brought me to eat, which they had ready in the
House, fearing, if I had order’d any Thing to be dress’d, the Cook
should fall asleep while it was about. But all Things are here done in
the concisest and most compendious Manner; every Thing superfluous is
omitted; and therefore this diminutive Day of theirs is long enough for
all Sorts of Business. After Dinner, which was brought upon Table with
a surprizing Expedition, my Host waited on me round the City. We went
into a Temple, where we heard a Discourse, short indeed, with respect
to the Time, but long enough considering its Importance. The Preacher
went directly to his Subject. He us’d no Flourishes, no Tautologies,
nor said one superfluous Thing. So that when I compare this Discourse
with the long nauseous ones of Master _Petre_, the former is in Reality
more copious than the latter. With the same Brevity Proceedings in
Law are dispatch’d: The Advocates say all in few Words, and then
produce their Witnesses. I remember to have seen a Copy of a Treaty of
Alliance between this and a neighbouring Kingdom. It was couch’d in
these Terms: _Let there be perpetual Friendship between the_ Mikrekians
_and_ Splendikanians. _Let the Limits of the two Kingdoms be the River_
Klimac, _and the Top of Mount_ Zabor. _Sign’d_, &c. Thus in three Lines
they express, what with us would require a Volume. Hence I am persuaded
one may come to the Point with less Noise and less Loss of Time, if
Superfluities were to be retrench’d; as a Traveller would find his
Journey half as short again, were he always to go directly strait. The
Natives here are Cypresses, and are distinguish’d from other Trees by
Wens in their Forehead, which Wens have a stated Increase and Decrease.
When they increase, a certain Humour distils from them, which falling
upon the Eyes brings on a Drowsiness, and is an Indication of the
approaching Night.
From hence to _Makrok_ is one Day’s Journey. Here the Inhabitants never
sleep. Entring into the City, I stopp’d a Person, tho’ he seem’d to be
in Haste, and begg’d he would be pleas’d to direct me to a good Inn.
He reply’d he was very busy, and made the best of his Way forward. So
great was the general Hurry of this Place, that they seem’d not to
walk thro’ the Streets, but to run or fly, as if they were afraid of
being too late. The least I could think was, that some Part of the
City was on Fire, or that some other sudden and unlook’d for Disaster
had frighted the Citizens out of their Senses. At last I cast my Eyes
upon a Sign before a House, which signify’d it was an Inn. Here some
were entring, others departing, others stumbling for Haste, insomuch
that I was a Quarter of an Hour bustling in the Yard before I could
gain Admittance. In a Moment I was ask’d a Multitude of impertinent
Questions. One said, Where do you come from? Where are you going to?
How long do you stay here? Another said, Will you dine alone, or with
Company? If the latter, what Room will you dine in, the red, the
green, the white, or the black Room? Or will you dine above Stairs,
or below? with a thousand Impertinences of this Kind. My Host, who
was a Clerk of one of the inferior Courts of Justice here, went away
to Dinner, but soon return’d, and then gave me a long tedious Account
of a Law-Suit that had been depending these ten Years, the Hearing of
which was now coming on before the fourteenth Court. He told me, he
hop’d it would be ended within two Years, since there were but two
Courts remaining, beyond which there was no Appeal. He left me in great
Astonishment, and convinc’d me, that this Nation was extremely busy in
doing nothing. When my Landlord was gone, I walk’d about the House, and
by Chance dropt upon a Library. It was large and well stock’d, with
respect to the Number of Books, but a very indifferent one with respect
to the Contents. Among those Books, which to Appearance were in best
Condition, I observ’d the following,
1. Description of the Cathedral 24 Vols.
2. Relation of the Siege of _Pehunc_ 36 Vols.
3. Of the Use of the Herb _Slac_ 13 Vols.
4. Funeral Oration upon the Death of Senator _Jacksi_ 18 Vols.
My Landlord, at his Return to me, entertain’d me with a Description
of the State of the City; and from what he said, I concluded that
more Business was transacted by the sleepy _Mikrokians_, than by the
waking _Makrokians_; that these play’d with the Shell, while the other
eat the Kernel. The People here too are all Cypresses, and as to the
outward Make of their Bodies, differ very little from the _Mikrokians_,
excepting the Wens upon their Foreheads. They have not the same Blood
or Juice in their Bodies which other Trees of this Globe have, but
instead of Blood, they have a thicker Juice in their Veins, which is of