A journey to the world under-ground
went so far as to strive which should write the most fulsome
Panegyricks upon me, in which they kindly gave me a great many Virtues
I never had. Some, though they knew I was a Native of an unknown
World, yet reckon’d up for me a long List of Ancestors, and drew out
Genealogies in a direct Line from Heroes of the earliest Ages. These
Computations could not be very agreeable to me, nor was it possible for
me to think it an Honour to be descended from Monkeys. Moreover, as it
is usual with the _Martinians_ to celebrate the Tails of the Quality,
as our Poets sing the Beauties of their Mistresses, accordingly some of
the _Martinian_ Poets celebrated my Tail in Verse, though I never had
any. In short, to such a Height did their Flattery rise, that a certain
Person of no mean Extraction, and whose Name I spare upon Account
of his Family, actually offer’d me the Enjoyment of his Wife, if in
Return I would use all my Interest for him with the Syndick. This vile
Propensity to Flattery, to which all the _Martinians_ are extremely
subject, makes it not worth one’s while to read their Histories, which
are little more than a Heap of extravagant Encomiums, though the
Language of them is every where polite and elegant. Hence this Country
produces better Poets than Historians, which is owing to the fine
Imagination of the _Martinians_.
I enjoy’d a tolerable good Share of Health while I was in this Country,
tho’ the Heat, occasion’d by the continual Presence of the Sun, was
not a little troublesome. Once I was seiz’d with a Diarrhea, attended
with a high Fever; but it was of no great Continuance: But during my
Illness, the Physician I made use of was ten Times more troublesome
than my Disorder, by reason of his Impertinence and Loquacity, which
are so peculiar to this People. Having Occasion for a Physician in
that ill State of Health, a Doctor of Physick came a Voluntier, and
offer’d me his Assistance: I could not forbear laughing at the Sight
of him, because who should this be but my very Barber? I question’d
him, how it happen’d that from a Barber he was so soon metamorphos’d
into a Doctor? He reply’d, he exercis’d both Professions. Upon this I
was a little dubious, whether I ought to trust the Care of my Health
to such a general Trader, and frankly told him, that I had rather
have a Physician who profess’d the Art of Physick alone; but he vow’d
and protested to me, that there was not one such throughout the whole
City. I was therefore oblig’d to venture myself with him. The Haste
the Doctor was in increas’d my Wonder; for having prescrib’d for me a
Potion, he abruptly took his Leave, declaring he could not possibly
stay longer, because he was oblig’d to attend upon some other Affairs,
in which he was engag’d, at that very Time. And when I ask’d him what
those Affairs could be which requir’d such violent Haste, he told me,
he was under a Necessity of being at a Market-Town in the Neighbourhood
by such an Hour, to act as a Notary-Publick, which was another of his
Employments. This Multiplicity of Business is in great Vogue here,
and every body is very ready to undertake any the most opposite and
contradictory Offices. This Confidence is occasion’d by that wonderful
Liveliness of Genius, which dispatches Business in a Trice. Yet from
the various Mistakes and Blunders they daily commit, I concluded that
these Geniuses, which are so full of Fire, are rather an Ornament to
the Commonwealth, than of any real Use to it.
After I had spent two Years in this Territory, partly as a Chairman,
and partly as a Nobleman, I fell into an Adventure which had like to
have been fatal to me. In his Excellency’s Palace, I had met with the
highest Civilities; I had also the Honour to be extremely in the good
Graces of his Lady, insomuch that I seem’d to have the first Place in
her Friendship. She often favour’d me with _tete a tete_ Conversations;
and tho’ she seem’d highly pleas’d with my Company, yet all she said
was with so much Modesty and Delicacy, that it was impossible to put
a sinister Interpretation upon her Conduct in this Respect, nor could
I with all my Penetration guess, that the Source of all this wondrous
Goodness was an impure Passion, more especially as she was a Lady of
Quality, and as eminent for her Virtue, as for her Birth and Family.
But, in Process of Time, from some equivocal Speeches of hers, I could
not but entertain a few Suspicions, which were considerably increas’d
by several evident Symptoms,
The wan Complexion, and the dying Eye,
The stedfast Gaze, th’ involuntary Sigh.
At length the Mystery was clear’d up, a young Virgin, her Confidante,
bringing me the following Billet.
_Lovely_ +Kikidorian+,
“My Birth, and the natural Modesty of my Sex, have now conceal’d
those Sparks of Love, which lurk’d within my Bosom, and with-held
them from bursting into an open Flame. But now, sinking under the
Oppression, I can no longer resist the Violence of my Wishes.”
Let this soft Secret all thy Pity move,
Extorted from my Soul by raging Love.
_I am Yours_,
+Ptarnusa+.
Words cannot utter the Confusion this passionate Declaration threw
me into. But as I thought it better to be expos’d to the Vengeance
of disappointed Love, than to disturb the Laws of Nature by mixing
my Blood with a Creature not of the human Species, I return’d the
following Answer.
+Madam+,
The repeated Favours I have receiv’d from his Excellency the
Syndick, the Benefits he has heap’d upon an undeserving Stranger,
the moral Impossibility of complying with your Request, together
with innumerable other Reasons which I forbear to recount; all
this, Madam, determines me to hazard your Ladyship’s Resentment,
rather than consent to an Action which would render me of all
two-footed Creatures the most vile and abominable. Not Death itself
is half so terrible. The Crime too would bring an indelible Stain
upon a most illustrious Family, and she who commands it must be
the greatest Sufferer. Let me conjure you, therefore, to pardon
this Refusal, and be satisfy’d, that in every other Respect I shall
always pay the profoundest Obedience to your Ladyship’s Commands. I
am,
_Madam_,
_Your most humble_,
_And most obedient Servant_,
+Kikidorian+.
This Answer I seal’d up, and gave it to the Bearer to deliver to
her Mistress. It had the Effect I suspected. Her Love was chang’d
into the strongest Aversion. However, she deferr’d her Revenge till
she had recover’d that Letter she sent to me. She then suborn’d
false Witnesses, who swore that I attempted to violate the Syndick’s
Bed. This Story was cook’d up with so much Art, and such an Air of
Probability, that the Syndick, not making the least Doubt about it,
threw me into Prison. In this Extremity, there was but one Thing to be
done, and that was, to make Confession of the Crime, and implore his
Excellency’s Mercy. By these Means, I hop’d to divert or soften his
Anger, and procure a Mitigation of my Punishment. For it was ridiculous
to think of contesting the Matter with a powerful Family, especially in
a Country, where not the Merits of the Cause, but the sole Quality of
the Person is regarded. Therefore omitting all Sort of Defence, I had
Recourse to the most abject Supplications and Tears, imploring not a
total Remission of my Punishment, but only to have it moderated.
Thus by the Confession of a Crime I never dreamt of, I chang’d the
Punishment of Death for a perpetual Captivity. My Diploma of Nobility
was taken from me, and torn in Pieces by the Hands of the common
Hangman, and I myself was condemn’d to be a Galley-Slave all my
Days. The Galley, or Vessel, I was sent to work in, belong’d to the
Government, and lay in Readiness for its Voyage to the _Mezendores_,
or Land of Wonders. This Voyage is undertaken at a stated Time of the
Year, namely, in the Month _Radir_. They sail to these Parts in Quest
of such Commodities as are not to be had in their own Country, so that
the _Mezendores_ are a Kind of _Indies_ to the _Martinians_. A Body
of Merchants, as well Nobles as Citizens, are erected into a Society
called the _Mezendorian Company_, among whom the Merchandise of the
returning Vessel is divided, according to their several Subscriptions
and Shares. The Vessel moves both by Sails and Oars, and to every
Oar two Slaves or Captives are assign’d: And to this Drudgery was I
condemn’d during this Voyage. With what Reluctance I enter’d upon it,
it is easy to guess, especially as I had done nothing to deserve being
thus expos’d to servile Labour, and to the Lash, among Wretches and
Slaves. Various were the Sentiments of the _Martinians_ concerning my
Misfortune. Some were of Opinion I was culpable, and therefore deserv’d
the Punishment; but then the Sight of me in that miserable Condition
drew Compassion from them. Others thought some Regard ought to have
been had to my former Services, and that therefore my Punishment need
not have been so severe. But some of the honester Monkeys mutter’d
among themselves that I was accus’d falsely, though no one dar’d
openly undertake my Defence, through Fear of my powerful Accusers. I
determin’d, however, to bear my Calamity with Patience. My greatest
Comfort was the approaching Voyage; for as I had always a strong
Passion for Novelty, I was in Hopes of meeting with something new and
wonderful, though I could not give Credit to all the Sailors told me,
nor bring myself to think that there were such Prodigies in Nature,
as I afterwards met with. There were several Interpreters in our
Vessel, whose Assistance the _Mezendorian Company_ made use of in these
Expeditions; for all Contracts, as to Buying and Selling, were made by
them.
CHAP. XI.
_The Author’s Voyage to the_ +Land+ of
WONDERS.
Before I proceed to the Description of this Voyage, I must caution
the rigid and censorious Critick not to be too much out of Humour at
the Relation of some Things which perhaps may appear not to deserve
any Credit, as being contrary to the usual Course of Nature. I shall
here recount Things very incredible, but very true, and of which I
myself was an Eye-Witness. The Vulgar and Illiterate, who never have
set a Foot beyond the Limits of their own native Country, are apt to
look upon all such Things as fabulous to which they have not been
accustom’d from their Infancy. But the Learned, and especially such
of them as are conversant in physical Enquiries, who know how fertile
Nature is in her Productions, will look with a more favourable Eye upon
the wonderful Parts of this Narration.
_Quis tumidum guttur miratur in Alpibus? aut quis
In Meröe crasso majorem infante mamillam_, &c.
It is now well known, that there were a People formerly in _Scythia_,
called _Arimaspians_, who had only a single Eye apiece in the Middle of
their Foreheads; and others in the same Parts of the World, whose Feet
were set on the contrary Way to ours. We read of People in _Albania_,
who were grey-headed from their Childhood. The _Sauromatians_ us’d to
make a Meal but once in three Days, and to fast the intermediate ones.
Mention is made of certain Families in _Africa_, who had the Art of
fascinating or bewitching People with the Sound of their Voices. The
Inhabitants of _Illyrium_ were remarkable for having two Pupils in
each Eye, and us’d, when they were provok’d, to stare their Enemies to
Death. In the Mountains of _India_, there are some Men with Dogs Heads,