A journey to the world under-ground
Opinions, which does a Man Credit as a Philosopher, is an Imperfection
in the other Character, since Fickleness and Inconstancy are cardinal
Virtues at Court, and he that would rise there must regard not so much
what is true, as what is safe, and must assume a different Aspect just
as the Face of Affairs happens to change. What is there a Vice, is a
Virtue in the Schools; where Positiveness, and a determin’d Resolution
to adhere, at all Events, to the Point you have undertaken to defend,
is a Token of a very great Man. In short, the Subjects in general,
even such as were remarkable for very extraordinary Abilities, were by
this Alteration in the Constitution render’d useless to their Country,
and the Republick of course began to totter. In this State of Affairs,
when every Thing was running to Ruin, an Elephant of great Prudence,
named _Baccari_, at that Time a Senator, laid this Grievance before the
Emperor in very pathetick Terms. That Prince, being convinc’d of the
Truth of what was told him, determin’d to put an immediate Stop to the
growing Evil. The Manner in which a Reformation was brought about was
this. Such as were in Employment were not immediately turn’d out, for
by that Means the Remedy would have been worse than the Disease; but
as fast as Offices became vacant, such as already were in Employments,
for which they were unfit, were remov’d to others better adapted to
their Capacities. The good Effects of this Change soon became visible;
and _Baccari_, for the great Service he had done his Country, had a
Statue erected for him, which is to be seen in the great Square in
_Mezendoria_ at this Day. Ever since that Time the ancient Laws have
been religiously observ’d. Our Interpreter affirm’d, that he had this
Relation from a certain Goose, with whom he was very intimate, and who
was reckon’d one of the most eminent Lawyers in the whole City.
Many unusual, and even stupendous Phænomena, are daily offering
themselves to View in this Country, and attracting the Eyes of
Strangers and Travellers. The Sight alone of so many Kinds of Animals,
to wit, Bears, Wolves, Geese, Magpyes, _&c._ walking up and down the
different Streets and Quarters of the City, and conversing familiarly
with each other, cannot fail of exciting Admiration and Delight in
those who are unaccustom’d to such Kind of Sights. The first Person
who came on board us was a meagre Wolf, or Custom-House Officer; he
was attended by four Kites, or Under-Officers, such as in _Europe_ are
call’d Searchers. They seiz’d whatever they had a Mind to of our Cargo,
and by that Means made it appear that they had learnt their Lesson
perfectly, and were very far from being Novices in their Trade. The
Captain, according to his usual Civility, always took me along with
him when he went ashore. We were met at our Landing by a Cock, who
having ask’d the usual Questions, namely, what our Business was, and
from whence we came, gave Notice of our Arrival to the chief Officer
of the Customs. We met with a very civil Reception, and were invited
to sup with him. His Wife, who, as we were told, was a celebrated
Beauty among the Wolves, did not make her Appearance at Table. The
Reason of her Absence, we heard afterward, was her Husband’s Jealousy,
who did not think it proper to expose a Person of her Beauty to the
View of Strangers, and especially of Sailors, who by reason of their
long Abstinence, being generally very loving when they come on Shore,
use little or no Distinction in their Addresses. Divers other marry’d
Females sat down to Supper with us. One of our Company, a white Cow
with black Spots, was the Wife of a Sea-Officer. Next to her sat a
black Cat, who was Wife to one of the King’s Huntsmen, and was just
come up out of the Country. The Person that sat next to me at Table
was a particolour’d Sow, Wife to a Gold-finder, all Offices of this
Kind being fill’d up by such as are of Hoggish Extraction. She was very
sluttish, and sat down to Table without washing her Hands, which is a
common Thing amongst those of her Tribe; but then she was extremely
officious, and help’d me several Times with her own Hands. Every body
was surpriz’d at her unusual Civility, especially as these Creatures
are by no Means remarkable for Politeness. For my Part, I wish’d she
had not been quite so well-bred, since the being help’d by such Hands
was not in the least agreeable to me. I must here observe, that though
the Inhabitants of _Mezendoria_ resemble Brutes, as to their Shapes,
yet they have Hands and Fingers which grow out of their Forefeet,
in which Respect alone they differ from our Quadrupeds. They have no
Occasion for Cloaths, as their Bodies are cover’d over with Hair or
Feathers. The Rich are distinguish’d from the Poor only by certain
Ornaments, as Collars of Gold, or Pearls, or Garlands wound in a
spiral Manner round about their Horns. The Sea-Officer’s Lady was so
set off with Ornaments of this Kind, that one could scarce see any
Horns she had. She excus’d her Husband’s Absence, by saying he was
detained at home by a Law-Suit, a Hearing of which was to come on the
Day following. After Supper was over, the particolour’d Sow, whom I
have been speaking of, took our Interpreter aside, and had a long
Conference with him, the Purport of which, was, that she had conceiv’d
a violent Passion for me. He comforted all he could, and promising her
a mutual Passion on my Part, he next began to make his Attack on me.
But as he found his Words made no Impression upon me, he advis’d me
to make my Escape as soon as possible, since he knew the Lady would
leave no Stone unturn’d to gratify her Wishes. From that Time forward
I kept close on board, especially after I heard that a former Admirer
of her Ladyship’s, a Student in Philosophy, who was grown jealous of
me, had form’d a Design against my Life. I was scarce secure even on
board against the repeated Attacks of this _Inamorata_, who sometimes
by Messages, and at other Times by Billet-doux and Love-Verses,
endeavour’d to soften my obdurate Heart. Had not I unfortunately lost
these Letters, when I afterwards suffer’d Shipwreck, I could here have
presented the Reader with a Specimen of Piggish Poetry. But they are
now slipt out of Memory, and all that I can at present recollect of
them are the following Lines, in which she thus sets off her Beauties.
’Tis true, in dread Array my Bristles rise;
But let me not for this be hateful to thee.
What is the Steed, without his flowing Mane?
What are the feather’d Race, without their Plumes?
What is a Tree, stript of its leafy Honours?
What is a mortal Man without his Beard?
And what, ye Gods! a Sow without her Bristles?
We made an End of our Market with such Expedition, that we were in a
Condition to set Sail from thence in a few Days. Our Voyage, however,
was retarded some Time, by a Quarrel which happen’d betwixt our
Sailors, and some of the Inhabitants of the Country. The Occasion of
the Quarrel was this. As one of our Men was passing through the City,
a Cuckoo, who had a Mind to be arch upon him, call’d him in Derision
_Peripom_, which signifies the same as a Stage-Player amongst us. For
as Monkeys in this Country are commonly Rope-Dancers and Comedians,
the Cuckoo took our _Martinian_ for a Player. The Sailor, resenting the
Affront, fell upon him with a Cudgel, and repeating his Blow, almost
maim’d him. The Cuckoo calling out for Help, desir’d the By-Standers
to bear Witness of the Assault, and summon’d them the next Day to give
Evidence in a Court of Justice. The Witnesses having been examin’d, the
Matter was laid before the Senate. The Sailor being ignorant both of
the Laws and Language of the _Mezendorians_, was forc’d to see a Pye,
or Lawyer, to be Counsel for him. The Cause was thus brought before
the Senate, and after a Hearing, which lasted about an Hour, Sentence
was given to the following Purpose: That the Cuckoo, as being the
Aggressor, should undergo the Punishment in that Case provided, and pay
the Costs of the Suit. However, the Lawyer’s Fees had swallow’d up all
his Cash already. The Judges who determin’d this Affair were Horses,
two of which were Consuls, and the other four Senators. An equal
Number of Colts were likewise present, who had a Right of giving their
Opinions, but not of voting, and were admitted into the Court as Pupils
and Candidates to fill up Vacancies upon the Bench.
Having finish’d our Affairs to our Satisfaction, and got our Loading
which was very valuable on board, we thought of returning home. Soon
after we were out at Sea, a sudden Calm at once put a Stop to our
Course. Upon which we fell to our Diversions, some to spearing of
Fishes as they leapt above the Surface, others to angling for them. By
and by we had a Gale of Wind, and proceeded in our Voyage.
Having long plough’d the Ocean with a prosperous Gale, we at length
came in Sight of other Syrens, who by Intervals would set up a most
hideous and dismal Yell. This struck an uncommon Terror into the
Sailors, who knew, by woful Experience, that such mournful Musick
portended Storms and Shipwrecks. Hereupon we immediately took in our
Sails, and every Man was order’d to his Post. We had scarce made an End
of our Work before we saw the Heavens cover’d with black Clouds. The
Waves began to swell, and such a Storm follow’d, that the Pilot, who
had us’d the Subterranean Seas for almost forty Years, declar’d he had
never known so terrible a one. Every Thing that happen’d to be upon
Deck was immediately wash’d overboard, partly by Means of the Waves,
which were every Moment breaking over it, and partly by the violent
Rain’s which fell at the same Time, attended with dreadful Lightning
and loud Claps of Thunder. So that all the Elements seem’d to conspire
together for our Destruction. Our Main-Mast was presently broke short
off and carry’d away, and the rest soon follow’d it. We had nothing
now but Death before our Eyes. One was calling out upon his Wife and
Children, another upon his Friends and Relations, and the whole Vessel
resounded with their mournful Cries. The Pilot, though without Hope
himself, was nevertheless oblig’d to sooth the rest with Hopes, and to
advise them not to give Way to unavailing Sorrows. Whilst he was in the
Midst of this Discourse, a sudden Gust of Wind hurry’d him overboard,
and he was quickly swallow’d up by the Waves. Three others underwent
the same Fate, namely, the Purser, and two Sailors. I was the only
one who bore the general Calamity without repining. Life was grown a
Burden to me, and I had no Inclination to return to _Martinia_, where I
had forfeited my Liberty and good Name. All the Compassion I had left
was for the Captain, who had treated me with so much Kindness during
our whole Voyage. I strove with all the Eloquence I was Master of, to
raise his drooping Spirits; but in vain; he persisted in his Sighs and
womanish Complaints, till a Wave came rolling over us, and carry’d him
away with it into the Ocean.
The Storm increasing still, no farther Care was taken about the Ship.
Not a Mast, not a Rudder, or even so much as a Rope or Oar was left;
and our Vessel floated at Random on the Waves. We were toss’d about in
this Condition near three whole Days, half dead with Fear and Hunger.
The Sky appear’d serene by Intervals, but nevertheless the Storm
continued with its usual Violence. At length we discovered Land, the
Sight of which, though it appear’d to be nothing but craggy Rocks and
Precipices, was some Comfort to those of the Crew who were still left
alive. As the Wind blew towards the Shore, we were in Hopes that we
should soon be driven thither. But this could not happen without our
suffering Shipwreck, by reason of the Cragginess of the Coast. It
seem’d however probable, that some of us, if not all, by the Help of