A journey to the world under-ground
Point they do not so much regard the Matter they contain, as they do
the Form and Neatness of them. The Booksellers, who are well aware of
this, and know that their learned Customers had rather feast their Eyes
than their Minds, are perpetually reprinting their Books in a different
Size and Letter, and with new Decorations; by which Means they make
an infinite Advantage. For in this Country the liberal Arts are made
a Trade of, and some Authors are reckon’d as sharp and cunning as any
Trader at all.
The Universities in _Europe_ are Shops, where Degrees, Promotions,
Dignities, and various Kinds of Titles, and other learned Wares, are
set to Sale at reasonable Rates: All which are not to be acquir’d in
our Subterranean World without indefatigable Pains and Study for Years
together. Those who have reach’d the Summit of all Erudition, or (in
the _European_ Phrase) have got to the Top of a certain Mountain,
call’d _Parnassus_, inhabited by nine Virgins, are styl’d Doctors.
The next to these are Masters of Arts, who come at their Titles at
somewhat a less Expence, and are therefore thought to be less learned.
The Good-will which these Superterranean Schools bear to Mankind is
evident, from their thus rendring the Way to Learning smooth and easy.
The Northern Seminaries were a little more rigid in this Respect,
since the highest Honours are not there conferr’d without a previous
Examination.
The Learned are distinguish’d from the Illiterate by their Dress and
Manners, but chiefly by their Religion; for the latter worship only
one God, but the former pay their Devotions to several. The principal
Deities of the Learned are _Apollo_, _Minerva_, the Nine Muses, and
others of an inferior Rank, which Writers, and especially Poets, are
wont to invoke at such Times as they fall into Raptures, or a Kind of
Raving.
The Learned, according to the Diversity of their Studies, are
distinguish’d into various Classes; for Instance, Philosophers, Poets,
Grammarians, Naturalists, Metaphysicians, _&c._
A Philosopher is a literary Merchant, who sets to Sale Precepts
concerning Self-Denial, Temperance, and Poverty, at a stated Price, and
spends his Time in writing and declaiming against Riches till he grows
rich himself. The Father of these Philosophers was one _Seneca_, who,
by this Method, amass’d together a princely Fortune.
A Poet is a Person who acquires Renown by being thought to be out of
his Senses. Hence it is usual to speak of all great Poets, as possess’d
with a divine Fury or Distraction; and all who express their Thoughts
with Simplicity and Perspicuity, are judg’d unworthy of the Laurel.
The Grammarians are a Sort of Militia, whose only Business is to
disturb the publick Peace. They differ from the other Soldiery in
this Respect, that instead of a Coat of Mail, they wear a Gown, and
fight with their Pens instead of Swords. They contend as obstinately
for Letters and Syllables, as the others do for their Liberties and
Properties. The Reason why they are kept up, I believe, is this, that
the _European_ Princes are afraid lest People in a Time of Peace should
grow dull, and lose their Spirits for want of somewhat like a War.
Sometimes, however, when these Differences begin to threaten Bloodshed,
the Senate interposes its Authority. An Accident of this Kind happen’d
not long ago at _Paris_, as I was told. For a Dispute concerning the
Letters Q and K growing to a Height among the Doctors, the Senate
wisely put an End to it, by allowing every one to use the Letter he
lik’d best.
A Naturalist, or Natural Philosopher, is a Person who diligently
enquires into the Nature of Quadrupeds, Reptiles, and Insects of all
Kinds, and who is acquainted with every Thing, except himself.
A Metaphysician is one who alone knows those Things which are conceal’d
from others, and who can describe and define the Essence of Spirits
and of Souls, of Entities and Non-Entities; and who being very
sharp-sighted in spying out Things at a Distance, overlooks such as are
almost under his Nose.
Such is the State of Learning in _Europe_. I could say more upon this
Head, but it is sufficient to have touch’d upon the principal Points.
The Reader will easily judge from hence, whether the _Europeans_ are
right or wrong, in thinking no People have any Knowledge but themselves.
It must be confess’d, however, that the Doctors and Masters in
_Europe_, are much more dextrous in instructing Youth, than our
Subterraneans are. For they have Masters of Arts, and of Languages,
among them, who teach others not only what they have learnt themselves,
but even what they are utterly unacquainted with. If it is an arduous
Task, to communicate clearly to others what we know ourselves, surely
it is much more so to teach them what we are intirely ignorant of.
Amongst the Men of Learning, there are some who apply themselves,
with equal Diligence, both to Philosophy and Divinity. These Men, as
Divines, dare not deny, what as Philosophers they very much doubt of.
The _Europeans_ apply themselves to Letters with as much Industry as we
do; but they become learned in much less Time, by Means of a certain
extraordinary magical Invention, by the Help whereof they can read over
a hundred Volumes in a Day.
The Superterraneans are very religious, and constant at Divine Service;
but their Times of Worship are not regulated by the Motions of the
Heart, but by the Ringing of Bells, by Clocks, or Sun-Dials; so that
this Devotion seems to be purely mechanical, and to depend upon
Externals, upon Custom, or upon stated Times, rather than to flow from
the Dictates of the Heart.
Their Taste for religious Duties appears from their Custom of singing
Hymns or Psalms, while they are cleaving Wood, washing Dishes, or
employ’d in any other manual Labour.
When I arriv’d in _Italy_, I look’d upon myself to be Lord of the whole
Country, for every one I met profess’d himself my Slave. Having a Mind
to try how far this Servility, which they made such a Shew of, would
extend, I order’d my Landlord’s Wife to be brought to me one Night:
But he immediately fell into a Passion, and commanded me to pack up my
Baggage and be gone; and as I did not make haste enough, he fairly
turn’d me out of Doors,
In the Northern Countries, People are very fond of Titles, though
they have not the Possessions which belong to them. They are likewise
extremely ambitious of the upper Hand. Moreover * * *
Thus far I patiently attended, but my Indignation was now rais’d,
and I would hear no more, declaring, that these were Fictions of a
partial Writer, and one who was over-run with Spleen. But when my Heat
a little abated, I began to form a more favourable Judgment of this
Itinerary, as I saw that the Author, though he appear’d in many Places
to be partial, and not to have had the best Regard to Truth, was not,
however, mistaken in his Judgment, but had often hit the Nail, as we
say, on the Head.
I now determin’d with myself, to take the Advice of _Tomopoloko_, and
cherish the Error of the _Quamites_ concerning my Origin; since I
thought it more for my Interest to pass for an Embassador Extraordinary
from the Sun, than for a Citizen of _Europe_.
Our Neighbours had now continued quiet for a long Time, and I had
taken the Advantage of this wish’d for Peace, to settle the Republick
to my Satisfaction. News at length arriv’d, that three very powerful
Nations had enter’d into an Alliance to invade the _Quamites_. These
were the _Arctonians_, the _Kispucians_, and the _Alectorians_. The
_Arctonians_ were a Nation of Bears, who were endued with Speech and
Reason, and were reckon’d very fierce and warlike. The _Kispucians_
were Cats of an extraordinary Size, and were in great Repute among the
Subterraneans, for their Sagacity and Judgment: For this Reason they
kept some very powerful Enemies in Awe, not so much by their superior
Strength, as by their Artifice and Stratagems. The _Alectorians_
fought in the Air, as well as upon Land, and by that Means gave their
Enemies infinite Vexation: These were Game-Cocks, arm’d with Bows and
Arrows dipt in Poison, which they manag’d with wonderful Dexterity, and
thereby did great Execution.
These three Nations, alarm’d at the unusual Success of the _Quamites_,
enter’d into a League or Alliance, by which it was agreed to check
the growing Power of the _Quamites_ with their united Force, before
it spread any further. However, before they declar’d War, they
sent Embassadors to _Quama_, to demand that the Liberties of the
_Tanachites_ might be restor’d, and to threaten War, in case such
Demands were not comply’d with.
The Embassadors deliver’d their Commission, and receiv’d the following
Answer, which was given them by my Advice: That the _Tanachites_
having broken the Peace, and violated the Faith of Treaties, ought to
impute the Misfortune they were fallen into, to their own Folly and
Presumption; that the Emperor was resolv’d, with all his Might, to
defend the Territories he had acquir’d by Right of War; and lastly,
that he was not to be aw’d by the Threats of the Confederate Nations.
The Heralds were dismiss’d with this Answer, and we turn’d our Thoughts
towards making Preparations for the impending War. In a short Time I
got together an Army of forty thousand Men, among which eight thousand
Horse, and two thousand Musketeers. The Emperor, though he was grown
decrepid through Age, resolv’d to be present in this Expedition, and
was inflam’d with such a Thirst of Glory, that neither I myself,
nor the Empress and her Children, who join’d with me in striving to
overcome his Obstinacy, could divert him from his Purpose. What gave me
the most Disturbance at that Time, was my Jealousy of the _Tanachites_;
for I was afraid lest they should grow weary of their Servitude, and
lay hold of that Occasion to shake off the Yoke, and join the Enemy.
Nor was I deceiv’d in my Conjecture; for a little while after War had
been proclaim’d, News was brought us, that twelve thousand _Tanachites_
had taken Arms, and were gone over to the Enemy. Hence I saw, that we
should have four powerful Enemies to Struggle with at one and the same
Time.
All necessary Preparations being made, the Army was commanded to
begin their March towards the Enemy in the Beginning of the Month
_Kilian_. As we were upon the Road, Intelligence was brought us, that
the Confederate Forces had enter’d the Country of the _Tanachites_, and
laid Siege to the Castle of _Sibol_, which was situated on the Borders
of the _Kispucian_ Territories. The Place was attack’d with so great a
Force, and with so much Violence, that the Governor was just going to
surrender it. But as soon as the Enemy were inform’d of our Approach,
they broke up the Siege, and march’d against us. The Battle was fought
upon a Plain, not far from the Fortress which had been besieg’d, from
whence it was call’d the Battle of _Sibol_. The _Arctonians_, which
compos’d the Enemies left Wing, falling upon our Horse, made great
Slaughter of them; and, as this Attack was supported by the Rebel
_Tanachites_, it was very near proving fatal to us. But the Musketeers
going in to their Assistance, and having thrown the Enemy into Disorder
by two Discharges of their Artillery, the Face of the Battle was quite
chang’d; so that they who but just now had borne down our Horse,
and were almost Conquerors, being now borne down themselves, began
to give Way, and at last to turn their Backs. In the mean Time the
_Kispucians_ briskly attack’d our Foot, and shot their Arrows with so
much Art, and with such Success, that six hundred _Quamites_ were, in
a very little Time, either shot dead, or desperately wounded. But
the Horse, together with the Musketeers, coming to their Assistance,
the Enemy were oblig’d to save themselves by Flight; which they did,