A Pickle for the Knowing Ones
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A PICKLE FOR THE KNOWING ONES,
BY LORD TIMOTHY DEXTER,
WITH AN
Introductory Preface,
BY A DISTINGUISHED CITIZEN OF "OULD NEWBERRY."
FOURTH EDITION.
NEWBURYPORT:
BLANCHARD & SARGENT.
1848.
PREFACE.
Timothy Dexter, the author of the following curious and unique production,
entitled "_A Pickle for the Knowing Ones_," which is here re-printed
verbatim et spellatim from the original edition, was born in Malden,
January 22, 1747. Having served an apprenticeship with a leather dresser,
he commenced business in Newburyport shortly after he was one and
twenty, and being industrious and economical, he soon found himself
in good circumstances. In the year 1770 he married, and receiving a
considerable amount of money with his wife, he was thus put in possession
of a moderate fortune. In 1776 he had for one of his apprentices the
no less eccentric, and afterwards the no less noted Jonathan Plumer,
jun., "travelling preacher, physician and poet," as he was accustomed
to style himself, and of whom we shall hereafter speak. In addition to
his regular business of selling leather breeches, gloves "soutabel for
wimen's ware," &c. he engaged in commercial speculations, and in various
kinds of business, and was unusually successful. He traded with merchants
and speculators in the then Province of Maine, was engaged to some extent
in the West India trade. He also purchased a large amount of what were
called State securities, which were eventually redeemed at prices far
exceeding their original cost. Some of his speculations in whalebone
and warming pans are mentioned by himself on page 23 of this work. Thus
in various ways he added to his property, and in a few years he became
a wealthy man. With wealth came the desire of distinction, and as his
vanity was inordinate he spared no expence in obtaining the notoriety he
sought. In the first place he purchased an elegant house in High Street,
Newburyport, and embellished it in his peculiar way. Minarets surmounted
with golden balls were placed on the roof, a large gilt eagle was placed
on the top, and a great variety of other ornaments. In front of his house
and land he caused to be erected between forty and fifty wooden statues,
full length and larger than life. The principal arch stood directly in
front of his door, and on this stood the figures of Washington, Adams
and Jefferson. There were also the statues of William Pitt, Franklin,
Bonaparte, George IV, Lord Nelson, Gen. Morgan, Cornplanter, an Indian
Chief, Jack Tar, Traveling Preacher, Maternal Affection, Two Grenadiers,
Four Lions and one Lamb, and conspicuous among them were two images of
Dexter himself, one of which held a label with the inscription "_I am the
first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher
in the Western world_." In order that the interior of his house should
correspond with the exterior, the most costly furniture was imported from
France, and the walls hung with paintings, brought from Holland and other
parts of Europe. A library was also provided, but how large or valuable
we are not able to say. An elegant coach with a span of beautiful cream
colored horses was procured, on which was painted his coat of arms,
with the baronial supporters, after the manner of the English nobility.
With this equipage he took the title of Lord Dexter, because, as he said,
it was "the voice of the people at Large." He was sometimes called
the Marquis of Newburyport. Having completed the embelishments of his
house and gardens, Lord Dexter busied himself in receiving the visits of
the crowds, who were drawn by curiosity to his house. His gardens were
thrown open to their inspection, and he was liberal to all. The fame of
his hospitality attracted as many visitors as the fame of his images. To
gratify his vanity he selected in imitation of European princes, a poet
laureate. This was no other than his former apprentice, Jonathan Plumer,
jun., a native of Newbury. They had once been associated as master and
apprentice, but now stood in the relation of patron and poet. From the
auto-biography of Plumer a very curious and scarce production of 244
pages, the following extract is taken, which may serve to give some idea
of the versatility of his genius.--"I had," says he, "some practice as
a physician, and earned something with my pen, but for several years
was obliged chiefly to follow various kinds of business accounted
less honorable, viz: Farming, repeating select passages from authors,
selling halibut, sawing wood, selling books and ballads in the streets,
serving as post boy, filling beds with straw and wheeling them to the
owners thereof, collecting rags, &c." He had previously served one or two
campaigns as a soldier, and on his return from the wars he taught school
for some time in New Hampshire. The ballads, which he hawked about, were
generally his own composition. Every horrid accident, bloody murder, a
shipwreck, or any other dreadful catastrophe, was sure to be followed by
a statement of the facts, a sermon and a poem. In the capacity of ballad
maker and monger he attracted the notice of Dexter, in whose service he
entered for a small salary as poet laureate. He wore a livery, consisting
of a black frock coat, adorned with stars and fringes, a cocked hat
and black breeches. He was crowned in the garden of his patron with a
wreath of parsley, instead of laurel, but the ceremony was interrupted
before its completion by a mob of boys, and both patron and poet put to
flight. One specimen of his laudatory verses may be seen on page 29 of
this work, which will give the reader some idea of his qualifications
for the office to which he was elected. How well he was satisfied with
the praises of the poet we are not informed, but feeling probably that
no person but himself could do justice to the ideas, which he wished
to present to the public, he commenced writing for the press. Several
of these effusions were printed in the newspapers.--The larger part
of them written at different times are embodied in the present work, a
large edition of which was published by himself and given away. In this
edition not a stop or a mark was used in any line of his writings, but
in the second edition one entire page was filled with stops and marks,
with a recommendation from the author to his readers, to use them where
they were wanted in the work, or in his own language, "to peper and
soolt it as they pleased." Dexter had two children, Samuel and Nancy,
neither of whom was distinguished for strength of intellect. The son was
a dissipated prodigal and died young. The daughter, of whom mention is
made by the father in the following pages, was married to Abraham Bishop
of New Haven, who we are informed treated her with neglect and cruelty.
A divorce followed and she became intemperate, lost what little reason
she had, and is still living, a wretched object. Lord Dexter himself,
if we may judge from his own writings and from what we have heard, was
not happy in his domestic relations. He complains much of his wife,
whom he calls the "gost," and charges the cause of his separation
from her for thirteen years to his son Bishop. His own temper was
irascible, and several stories are told of the excesses, into which
it would sometimes lead him. He ordered his painter, Mr. Babson, to
place the word "Constitution" on the scroll in the hand of the figure of
Jefferson, which the latter, knowing the artist designed it to represent
the Declaration of Independence, refused to do. Dexter was so incensed
by this refusal, that he went into the house, and brought out a pistol,
which he deliberately fired at the painter; but he was a poor shot, and
the ball missing its object, entered the side of the house. At another
time, seeing a countryman, as he thought, rather impudently viewing his
premises, he ordered his son to fire at the stranger. He refused to do so,
when the father threatened to shoot him unless he complied. His son then
obeyed. The stranger escaped unhurt, but entered a complaint, and Lord
Timothy was, in consequence, sentenced to the house of correction for
several months. He went thither in his own coach, priding himself
on being the first man who had been to the county house in his own
carriage, drawn by two splendid horses. He soon grew tired, however, of
his confinement, and procured a release, which it was said, cost him a
thousand dollars. The individual, who exercised most influence over Dexter
was a negro woman, named Lucy Lancaster, or as she was commonly called
"Black Luce," a woman of uncommon strength of mind, great shrewdness
and remarkable for her powers of memory and knowledge of human nature,
but as wicked as she was sagacious. She thought him an honest man, and
not so deficient in intellect as many people supposed, and attributed
his eccentricities to an excess of animal spirits.--This was probably to
some extent true, though it is certain that other spirits contributed in
no small degree to the excesses of his temper and the peculiarities of
his taste. He was addicted to drunkenness, and with his son and other
companions, kept up his revels in the best apartments of his house,
by which in a very short time, all his costly furniture was ruined,
or very much injured.
"Not insensible that he must share the common lot, Dexter, many years
before his death, prepared himself a tomb. It was the basement story of
his summer-house, magnificently fitted, and open to the light of day. His
coffin, made of the best mahogany which he could find, superbly lined,
and adorned with silver handles, he kept in a room of the house, and
took great pleasure in exhibiting it to visitors--at other times it was
locked up. Soon after his death apparatus was prepared, Dexter got up a
mock funeral, which with all but his family and a few associates was to
pass as real. Various people in the town were invited by card, who came
and found the family clad in mourning, and preparations for the funeral
going forward. The burial service was read by a wag, who then pronounced
a bombastic eulogy upon the deceased. The mourners moved in procession to
the tomb in the garden, the coffin was deposited, and they returned to
the large hall, where a sumptuous entertainment was provided. While the
feast was going on, a loud noise attracted the guests to the kitchen,
where they beheld the arisen Lord caning his wife for not having shed
a tear during the ceremony! He entered the hall with the astonished
mourners, in high spirits, joined in the rout, threw money from the
window to the crowd of boys, and expressed his satisfaction with every
thing except the indifference of his wife, and the silence of the bells."
Lord Dexter died at his house, on the 26th of October, 1806, in his 60th
year, and by direction of the Board of Health, his remains were interred
in the common burying place. His grave is marked by a simple stone.
The Dexter mansion, is yet standing, and is a very fine tenement, but
retains few traces of the whims of its late proprietor. Of the images,
upwards of forty in number, only the three Presidents now remain, the
others having been cast down by the resistless hand of time. Some of
them were blown down in the great gale of September, 1815, and were sold
at auction.
The cut fronting the Biography gives a very excellent and faithful
representation of Lord Dexter in his walking habits, and the likeness of
the dog is equally perfect. The dog was perfectly black and the skin as
entirely free from hair as that of an elephant. He differed as much from
other dogs as did his master and his friend, the poet, differ from other
people. The likenesses of all three were drawn with great accuracy by