An ideal husband
MABEL CHILTERN. [_Takes up roses and begins to arrange them in a bowl on
the table_.] People who don’t keep their appointments in the Park are
horrid.
LORD GORING. Detestable.
MABEL CHILTERN. I am glad you admit it. But I wish you wouldn’t look so
pleased about it.
LORD GORING. I can’t help it. I always look pleased when I am with you.
MABEL CHILTERN. [_Sadly_.] Then I suppose it is my duty to remain with
you?
LORD GORING. Of course it is.
MABEL CHILTERN. Well, my duty is a thing I never do, on principle. It
always depresses me. So I am afraid I must leave you.
LORD GORING. Please don’t, Miss Mabel. I have something very particular
to say to you.
MABEL CHILTERN. [_Rapturously_.] Oh! is it a proposal?
LORD GORING. [_Somewhat taken aback_.] Well, yes, it is—I am bound to
say it is.
MABEL CHILTERN. [_With a sigh of pleasure_.] I am so glad. That makes
the second to-day.
LORD GORING. [_Indignantly_.] The second to-day? What conceited ass
has been impertinent enough to dare to propose to you before I had
proposed to you?
MABEL CHILTERN. Tommy Trafford, of course. It is one of Tommy’s days
for proposing. He always proposes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, during the
Season.
LORD GORING. You didn’t accept him, I hope?
MABEL CHILTERN. I make it a rule never to accept Tommy. That is why he
goes on proposing. Of course, as you didn’t turn up this morning, I very
nearly said yes. It would have been an excellent lesson both for him and
for you if I had. It would have taught you both better manners.
LORD GORING. Oh! bother Tommy Trafford. Tommy is a silly little ass. I
love you.
MABEL CHILTERN. I know. And I think you might have mentioned it before.
I am sure I have given you heaps of opportunities.
LORD GORING. Mabel, do be serious. Please be serious.
MABEL CHILTERN. Ah! that is the sort of thing a man always says to a
girl before he has been married to her. He never says it afterwards.
LORD GORING. [_Taking hold of her hand_.] Mabel, I have told you that I
love you. Can’t you love me a little in return?
MABEL CHILTERN. You silly Arthur! If you knew anything about . . .
anything, which you don’t, you would know that I adore you. Every one in
London knows it except you. It is a public scandal the way I adore you.
I have been going about for the last six months telling the whole of
society that I adore you. I wonder you consent to have anything to say
to me. I have no character left at all. At least, I feel so happy that
I am quite sure I have no character left at all.
LORD GORING. [_Catches her in his arms and kisses her_. _Then there is
a pause of bliss_.] Dear! Do you know I was awfully afraid of being
refused!
MABEL CHILTERN. [_Looking up at him_.] But you never have been refused
yet by anybody, have you, Arthur? I can’t imagine any one refusing you.
LORD GORING. [_After kissing her again_.] Of course I’m not nearly good
enough for you, Mabel.
MABEL CHILTERN. [_Nestling close to him_.] I am so glad, darling. I
was afraid you were.
LORD GORING. [_After some hesitation_.] And I’m . . . I’m a little over
thirty.
MABEL CHILTERN. Dear, you look weeks younger than that.
LORD GORING. [_Enthusiastically_.] How sweet of you to say so! . . .
And it is only fair to tell you frankly that I am fearfully extravagant.
MABEL CHILTERN. But so am I, Arthur. So we’re sure to agree. And now I
must go and see Gertrude.
LORD GORING. Must you really? [_Kisses her_.]
MABEL CHILTERN. Yes.
LORD GORING. Then do tell her I want to talk to her particularly. I
have been waiting here all the morning to see either her or Robert.
MABEL CHILTERN. Do you mean to say you didn’t come here expressly to
propose to me?
LORD GORING. [_Triumphantly_.] No; that was a flash of genius.
MABEL CHILTERN. Your first.
LORD GORING. [_With determination_.] My last.
MABEL CHILTERN. I am delighted to hear it. Now don’t stir. I’ll be
back in five minutes. And don’t fall into any temptations while I am
away.
LORD GORING. Dear Mabel, while you are away, there are none. It makes
me horribly dependent on you.
[_Enter_ LADY CHILTERN.]
LADY CHILTERN. Good morning, dear! How pretty you are looking!
MABEL CHILTERN. How pale you are looking, Gertrude! It is most
becoming!
LADY CHILTERN. Good morning, Lord Goring!
LORD GORING. [_Bowing_.] Good morning, Lady Chiltern!
MABEL CHILTERN. [_Aside to_ LORD GORING.] I shall be in the
conservatory under the second palm tree on the left.
LORD GORING. Second on the left?
MABEL CHILTERN. [_With a look of mock surprise_.] Yes; the usual palm
tree.
[_Blows a kiss to him_, _unobserved by_ LADY CHILTERN, _and goes out_.]
LORD GORING. Lady Chiltern, I have a certain amount of very good news to
tell you. Mrs. Cheveley gave me up Robert’s letter last night, and I
burned it. Robert is safe.
LADY CHILTERN. [_Sinking on the sofa_.] Safe! Oh! I am so glad of
that. What a good friend you are to him—to us!
LORD GORING. There is only one person now that could be said to be in
any danger.
LADY CHILTERN. Who is that?
LORD GORING. [_Sitting down beside her_.] Yourself.
LADY CHILTERN. I? In danger? What do you mean?
LORD GORING. Danger is too great a word. It is a word I should not have
used. But I admit I have something to tell you that may distress you,
that terribly distresses me. Yesterday evening you wrote me a very
beautiful, womanly letter, asking me for my help. You wrote to me as one
of your oldest friends, one of your husband’s oldest friends. Mrs.
Cheveley stole that letter from my rooms.
LADY CHILTERN. Well, what use is it to her? Why should she not have it?
LORD GORING. [_Rising_.] Lady Chiltern, I will be quite frank with you.
Mrs. Cheveley puts a certain construction on that letter and proposes to
send it to your husband.
LADY CHILTERN. But what construction could she put on it? . . . Oh! not
that! not that! If I in—in trouble, and wanting your help, trusting you,
propose to come to you . . . that you may advise me . . . assist me . . .
Oh! are there women so horrible as that . . .? And she proposes to send
it to my husband? Tell me what happened. Tell me all that happened.
LORD GORING. Mrs. Cheveley was concealed in a room adjoining my library,
without my knowledge. I thought that the person who was waiting in that
room to see me was yourself. Robert came in unexpectedly. A chair or
something fell in the room. He forced his way in, and he discovered her.
We had a terrible scene. I still thought it was you. He left me in
anger. At the end of everything Mrs. Cheveley got possession of your
letter—she stole it, when or how, I don’t know.
LADY CHILTERN. At what hour did this happen?
LORD GORING. At half-past ten. And now I propose that we tell Robert
the whole thing at once.
LADY CHILTERN. [_Looking at him with amazement that is almost terror_.]
You want me to tell Robert that the woman you expected was not Mrs.
Cheveley, but myself? That it was I whom you thought was concealed in a
room in your house, at half-past ten o’clock at night? You want me to
tell him that?
LORD GORING. I think it is better that he should know the exact truth.
LADY CHILTERN. [_Rising_.] Oh, I couldn’t, I couldn’t!
LORD GORING. May I do it?
LADY CHILTERN. No.
LORD GORING. [_Gravely_.] You are wrong, Lady Chiltern.
LADY CHILTERN. No. The letter must be intercepted. That is all. But
how can I do it? Letters arrive for him every moment of the day. His
secretaries open them and hand them to him. I dare not ask the servants
to bring me his letters. It would be impossible. Oh! why don’t you tell
me what to do?
LORD GORING. Pray be calm, Lady Chiltern, and answer the questions I am
going to put to you. You said his secretaries open his letters.
LADY CHILTERN. Yes.
LORD GORING. Who is with him to-day? Mr. Trafford, isn’t it?
LADY CHILTERN. No. Mr. Montford, I think.
LORD GORING. You can trust him?
LADY CHILTERN. [_With a gesture of despair_.] Oh! how do I know?
LORD GORING. He would do what you asked him, wouldn’t he?
LADY CHILTERN. I think so.
LORD GORING. Your letter was on pink paper. He could recognise it
without reading it, couldn’t he? By the colour?
LADY CHILTERN. I suppose so.
LORD GORING. Is he in the house now?
LADY CHILTERN. Yes.
LORD GORING. Then I will go and see him myself, and tell him that a
certain letter, written on pink paper, is to be forwarded to Robert
to-day, and that at all costs it must not reach him. [_Goes to the
door_, _and opens it_.] Oh! Robert is coming upstairs with the letter in
his hand. It has reached him already.
LADY CHILTERN. [_With a cry of pain_.] Oh! you have saved his life;
what have you done with mine?
[_Enter_ SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. _He has the letter in his hand_, _and is
reading it_. _He comes towards his wife_, _not noticing_ LORD GORING’S
_presence_.]
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. ‘I want you. I trust you. I am coming to you.
Gertrude.’ Oh, my love! Is this true? Do you indeed trust me, and want
me? If so, it was for me to come to you, not for you to write of coming
to me. This letter of yours, Gertrude, makes me feel that nothing that
the world may do can hurt me now. You want me, Gertrude?
[LORD GORING, _unseen by_ SIR ROBERT CHILTERN, _makes an imploring sign
to_ LADY CHILTERN _to accept the situation and_ SIR ROBERT’S _error_.]
LADY CHILTERN. Yes.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. You trust me, Gertrude?
LADY CHILTERN. Yes.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Ah! why did you not add you loved me?
LADY CHILTERN. [_Taking his hand_.] Because I loved you.
[LORD GORING _passes into the conservatory_.]
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. [_Kisses her_.] Gertrude, you don’t know what I
feel. When Montford passed me your letter across the table—he had opened
it by mistake, I suppose, without looking at the handwriting on the
envelope—and I read it—oh! I did not care what disgrace or punishment was
in store for me, I only thought you loved me still.
LADY CHILTERN. There is no disgrace in store for you, nor any public
shame. Mrs. Cheveley has handed over to Lord Goring the document that
was in her possession, and he has destroyed it.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Are you sure of this, Gertrude?
LADY CHILTERN. Yes; Lord Goring has just told me.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. Then I am safe! Oh! what a wonderful thing to be
safe! For two days I have been in terror. I am safe now. How did
Arthur destroy my letter? Tell me.
LADY CHILTERN. He burned it.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I wish I had seen that one sin of my youth burning
to ashes. How many men there are in modern life who would like to see
their past burning to white ashes before them! Is Arthur still here?
LADY CHILTERN. Yes; he is in the conservatory.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I am so glad now I made that speech last night in
the House, so glad. I made it thinking that public disgrace might be the
result. But it has not been so.
LADY CHILTERN. Public honour has been the result.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. I think so. I fear so, almost. For although I am
safe from detection, although every proof against me is destroyed, I
suppose, Gertrude . . . I suppose I should retire from public life? [_He
looks anxiously at his wife_.]
LADY CHILTERN. [_Eagerly_.] Oh yes, Robert, you should do that. It is
your duty to do that.
SIR ROBERT CHILTERN. It is much to surrender.
LADY CHILTERN. No; it will be much to gain.
[SIR ROBERT CHILTERN _walks up and down the room with a troubled
expression_. _Then comes over to his wife_, _and puts his hand on her
shoulder_.]