Autobiography of a Yogi
adjoining the courtyard. In the distance, villagers were singing
to the loud accompaniment of MRIDANGAS {FN13-1} and cymbals. Sleep
was inconsiderable that night; I prayed deeply to be directed to
the secret yogi, Ram Gopal.
As the first streaks of dawn penetrated the fissures of my dark
room, I set out for Ranbajpur. Crossing rough paddy fields, I trudged
over sickled stumps of the prickly plant and mounds of dried clay.
An occasionally-met peasant would inform me, invariably, that my
destination was “only a KROSHA (two miles).” In six hours the sun
traveled victoriously from horizon to meridian, but I began to feel
that I would ever be distant from Ranbajpur by one KROSHA.
At midafternoon my world was still an endless paddy field. Heat
pouring from the avoidless sky was bringing me to near-collapse. As
a man approached at leisurely pace, I hardly dared utter my usual
question, lest it summon the monotonous: “Just a KROSHA.”
The stranger halted beside me. Short and slight, he was physically
unimpressive save for an extraordinary pair of piercing dark eyes.
“I was planning to leave Ranbajpur, but your purpose was good, so
I awaited you.” He shook his finger in my astounded face. “Aren’t
you clever to think that, unannounced, you could pounce on me? That
professor Behari had no right to give you my address.”
Considering that introduction of myself would be mere verbosity in
the presence of this master, I stood speechless, somewhat hurt at
my reception. His next remark was abruptly put.
“Tell me; where do you think God is?”
“Why, He is within me and everywhere.” I doubtless looked as
bewildered as I felt.
“All-pervading, eh?” The saint chuckled. “Then why, young sir,
did you fail to bow before the Infinite in the stone symbol at the
Tarakeswar temple yesterday? {FN13-2} Your pride caused you the
punishment of being misdirected by the passer-by who was not bothered
by fine distinctions of left and right. Today, too, you have had
a fairly uncomfortable time of it!”
I agreed wholeheartedly, wonder-struck that an omniscient eye hid
within the unremarkable body before me. Healing strength emanated
from the yogi; I was instantly refreshed in the scorching field.
“The devotee inclines to think his path to God is the only way,” he
said. “Yoga, through which divinity is found within, is doubtless
the highest road: so Lahiri Mahasaya has told us. But discovering
the Lord within, we soon perceive Him without. Holy shrines at
Tarakeswar and elsewhere are rightly venerated as nuclear centers
of spiritual power.”
The saint’s censorious attitude vanished; his eyes became
compassionately soft. He patted my shoulder.
“Young yogi, I see you are running away from your master. He
has everything you need; you must return to him. Mountains cannot
be your guru.” Ram Gopal was repeating the same thought which Sri
Yukteswar had expressed at our last meeting.
“Masters are under no cosmic compulsion to limit their residence.”
My companion glanced at me quizzically. “The Himalayas in India
and Tibet have no monopoly on saints. What one does not trouble to
find within will not be discovered by transporting the body hither
and yon. As soon as the devotee is WILLING to go even to the ends
of the earth for spiritual enlightenment, his guru appears near-by.”
I silently agreed, recalling my prayer in the Benares hermitage,
followed by the meeting with Sri Yukteswar in a crowded lane.
“Are you able to have a little room where you can close the door
and be alone?”
“Yes.” I reflected that this saint descended from the general to
the particular with disconcerting speed.
“That is your cave.” The yogi bestowed on me a gaze of illumination
which I have never forgotten. “That is your sacred mountain. That
is where you will find the kingdom of God.”
His simple words instantaneously banished my lifelong obsession for
the Himalayas. In a burning paddy field I awoke from the monticolous
dreams of eternal snows.
“Young sir, your divine thirst is laudable. I feel great love for
you.” Ram Gopal took my hand and led me to a quaint hamlet. The
adobe houses were covered with coconut leaves and adorned with
rustic entrances.
The saint seated me on the umbrageous bamboo platform of his small
cottage. After giving me sweetened lime juice and a piece of rock
candy, he entered his patio and assumed the lotus posture. In about
four hours I opened my meditative eyes and saw that the moonlit
figure of the yogi was still motionless. As I was sternly reminding
my stomach that man does not live by bread alone, Ram Gopal approached
me.
“I see you are famished; food will be ready soon.”
A fire was kindled under a clay oven on the patio; rice and DHAL
were quickly served on large banana leaves. My host courteously
refused my aid in all cooking chores. “The guest is God,” a Hindu
proverb, has commanded devout observance from time immemorial. In
my later world travels, I was charmed to see that a similar respect
for visitors is manifested in rural sections of many countries.
The city dweller finds the keen edge of hospitality blunted by
superabundance of strange faces.
The marts of men seemed remotely dim as I squatted by the yogi
in the isolation of the tiny jungle village. The cottage room
was mysterious with a mellow light. Ram Gopal arranged some torn
blankets on the floor for my bed, and seated himself on a straw
mat. Overwhelmed by his spiritual magnetism, I ventured a request.
“Sir, why don’t you grant me a SAMADHI?”
“Dear one, I would be glad to convey the divine contact, but it
is not my place to do so.” The saint looked at me with half-closed
eyes. “Your master will bestow that experience shortly. Your body
is not tuned just yet. As a small lamp cannot withstand excessive
electrical voltage, so your nerves are unready for the cosmic
current. If I gave you the infinite ecstasy right now, you would
burn as if every cell were on fire.
“You are asking illumination from me,” the yogi continued musingly,
“while I am wondering-inconsiderable as I am, and with the little
meditation I have done-if I have succeeded in pleasing God, and
what worth I may find in His eyes at the final reckoning.”
“Sir, have you not been singleheartedly seeking God for a long
time?”
“I have not done much. Behari must have told you something of
my life. For twenty years I occupied a secret grotto, meditating
eighteen hours a day. Then I moved to a more inaccessible cave
and remained there for twenty-five years, entering the yoga union
for twenty hours daily. I did not need sleep, for I was ever
with God. My body was more rested in the complete calmness of the
superconsciousness than it could be by the partial peace of the
ordinary subconscious state.
“The muscles relax during sleep, but the heart, lungs, and
circulatory system are constantly at work; they get no rest. In
superconsciousness, the internal organs remain in a state of suspended
animation, electrified by the cosmic energy. By such means I have
found it unnecessary to sleep for years. The time will come when
you too will dispense with sleep.”
“My goodness, you have meditated for so long and yet are unsure
of the Lord’s favor!” I gazed at him in astonishment. “Then what
about us poor mortals?”
“Well, don’t you see, my dear boy, that God is Eternity Itself? To
assume that one can fully know Him by forty-five years of meditation
is rather a preposterous expectation. Babaji assures us, however,
that even a little meditation saves one from the dire fear of death
and after-death states. Do not fix your spiritual ideal on a small
mountain, but hitch it to the star of unqualified divine attainment.
If you work hard, you will get there.”
Enthralled by the prospect, I asked him for further enlightening
words. He related a wondrous story of his first meeting with Lahiri
Mahasaya’s guru, Babaji. {FN13-3} Around midnight Ram Gopal fell
into silence, and I lay down on my blankets. Closing my eyes, I
saw flashes of lightning; the vast space within me was a chamber
of molten light. I opened my eyes and observed the same dazzling
radiance. The room became a part of that infinite vault which I
beheld with interior vision.
“Why don’t you go to sleep?”
“Sir, how can I sleep in the presence of lightning, blazing whether
my eyes are shut or open?”
“You are blessed to have this experience; the spiritual radiations
are not easily seen.” The saint added a few words of affection.
At dawn Ram Gopal gave me rock candies and said I must depart. I
felt such reluctance to bid him farewell that tears coursed down
my cheeks.
“I will not let you go empty-handed.” The yogi spoke tenderly. “I
will do something for you.”
He smiled and looked at me steadfastly. I stood rooted to the
ground, peace rushing like a mighty flood through the gates of my
eyes. I was instantaneously healed of a pain in my back, which had
troubled me intermittently for years. Renewed, bathed in a sea of
luminous joy, I wept no more. After touching the saint’s feet, I
sauntered into the jungle, making my way through its tropical tangle
until I reached Tarakeswar.
There I made a second pilgrimage to the famous shrine, and prostrated
myself fully before the altar. The round stone enlarged before
my inner vision until it became the cosmical spheres, ring within
ring, zone after zone, all dowered with divinity.
I entrained happily an hour later for Calcutta. My travels ended,
not in the lofty mountains, but in the Himalayan presence of my
Master.
{FN13-1} Hand-played drums, used only for devotional music.
{FN13-2} One is reminded here of Dostoevski’s observation: “A man
who bows down to nothing can never bear the burden of himself.”
{FN13-3} See chapter 35.
CHAPTER: 14
AN EXPERIENCE IN COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS
“I am here, Guruji.” My shamefacedness spoke more eloquently for
me.
“Let us go to the kitchen and find something to eat.” Sri Yukteswar’s
manner was as natural as if hours and not days had separated us.
“Master, I must have disappointed you by my abrupt departure from
my duties here; I thought you might be angry with me.”
“No, of course not! Wrath springs only from thwarted desires. I
do not expect anything from others, so their actions cannot be in
opposition to wishes of mine. I would not use you for my own ends;
I am happy only in your own true happiness.”
“Sir, one hears of divine love in a vague way, but for the first
time I am having a concrete example in your angelic self! In the
world, even a father does not easily forgive his son if he leaves
his parent’s business without warning. But you show not the slightest
vexation, though you must have been put to great inconvenience by
the many unfinished tasks I left behind.”
We looked into each other’s eyes, where tears were shining. A
blissful wave engulfed me; I was conscious that the Lord, in the
form of my guru, was expanding the small ardors of my heart into
the incompressible reaches of cosmic love.
A few mornings later I made my way to Master’s empty sitting room.
I planned to meditate, but my laudable purpose was unshared by
disobedient thoughts. They scattered like birds before the hunter.
“Mukunda!” Sri Yukteswar’s voice sounded from a distant inner
balcony.
I felt as rebellious as my thoughts. “Master always urges me to
meditate,” I muttered to myself. “He should not disturb me when he
knows why I came to his room.”
He summoned me again; I remained obstinately silent. The third time
his tone held rebuke.
“Sir, I am meditating,” I shouted protestingly.
“I know how you are meditating,” my guru called out, “with your
mind distributed like leaves in a storm! Come here to me.”
Snubbed and exposed, I made my way sadly to his side.