Bleak House
Richard. The number of little acts of thoughtless expenditure which
Richard justified by the recovery of his ten pounds, and the number
of times he talked to me as if he had saved or realized that amount,
would form a sum in simple addition.
“My prudent Mother Hubbard, why not?” he said to me when he wanted,
without the least consideration, to bestow five pounds on the
brickmaker. “I made ten pounds, clear, out of Coavinses’ business.”
“How was that?” said I.
“Why, I got rid of ten pounds which I was quite content to get rid of
and never expected to see any more. You don’t deny that?”
“No,” said I.
“Very well! Then I came into possession of ten pounds—”
“The same ten pounds,” I hinted.
“That has nothing to do with it!” returned Richard. “I have got ten
pounds more than I expected to have, and consequently I can afford to
spend it without being particular.”
In exactly the same way, when he was persuaded out of the sacrifice
of these five pounds by being convinced that it would do no good, he
carried that sum to his credit and drew upon it.
“Let me see!” he would say. “I saved five pounds out of the
brickmaker’s affair, so if I have a good rattle to London and back in
a post-chaise and put that down at four pounds, I shall have saved
one. And it’s a very good thing to save one, let me tell you: a penny
saved is a penny got!”
I believe Richard’s was as frank and generous a nature as there
possibly can be. He was ardent and brave, and in the midst of all his
wild restlessness, was so gentle that I knew him like a brother in a
few weeks. His gentleness was natural to him and would have shown
itself abundantly even without Ada’s influence; but with it, he
became one of the most winning of companions, always so ready to be
interested and always so happy, sanguine, and light-hearted. I am
sure that I, sitting with them, and walking with them, and talking
with them, and noticing from day to day how they went on, falling
deeper and deeper in love, and saying nothing about it, and each
shyly thinking that this love was the greatest of secrets, perhaps
not yet suspected even by the other—I am sure that I was scarcely
less enchanted than they were and scarcely less pleased with the
pretty dream.
We were going on in this way, when one morning at breakfast Mr.
Jarndyce received a letter, and looking at the superscription, said,
“From Boythorn? Aye, aye!” and opened and read it with evident
pleasure, announcing to us in a parenthesis when he was about
half-way through, that Boythorn was “coming down” on a visit. Now who
was Boythorn, we all thought. And I dare say we all thought too—I am
sure I did, for one—would Boythorn at all interfere with what was
going forward?
“I went to school with this fellow, Lawrence Boythorn,” said Mr.
Jarndyce, tapping the letter as he laid it on the table, “more than
five and forty years ago. He was then the most impetuous boy in the
world, and he is now the most impetuous man. He was then the loudest
boy in the world, and he is now the loudest man. He was then the
heartiest and sturdiest boy in the world, and he is now the heartiest
and sturdiest man. He is a tremendous fellow.”
“In stature, sir?” asked Richard.
“Pretty well, Rick, in that respect,” said Mr. Jarndyce; “being some
ten years older than I and a couple of inches taller, with his head
thrown back like an old soldier, his stalwart chest squared, his
hands like a clean blacksmith’s, and his lungs! There’s no simile for
his lungs. Talking, laughing, or snoring, they make the beams of the
house shake.”
As Mr. Jarndyce sat enjoying the image of his friend Boythorn, we
observed the favourable omen that there was not the least indication
of any change in the wind.
“But it’s the inside of the man, the warm heart of the man, the
passion of the man, the fresh blood of the man, Rick—and Ada, and
little Cobweb too, for you are all interested in a visitor—that I
speak of,” he pursued. “His language is as sounding as his voice. He
is always in extremes, perpetually in the superlative degree. In his
condemnation he is all ferocity. You might suppose him to be an ogre
from what he says, and I believe he has the reputation of one with
some people. There! I tell you no more of him beforehand. You must
not be surprised to see him take me under his protection, for he has
never forgotten that I was a low boy at school and that our
friendship began in his knocking two of my head tyrant’s teeth out
(he says six) before breakfast. Boythorn and his man,” to me, “will
be here this afternoon, my dear.”
I took care that the necessary preparations were made for Mr.
Boythorn’s reception, and we looked forward to his arrival with some
curiosity. The afternoon wore away, however, and he did not appear.
The dinner-hour arrived, and still he did not appear. The dinner was
put back an hour, and we were sitting round the fire with no light
but the blaze when the hall-door suddenly burst open and the hall
resounded with these words, uttered with the greatest vehemence and
in a stentorian tone: “We have been misdirected, Jarndyce, by a most
abandoned ruffian, who told us to take the turning to the right
instead of to the left. He is the most intolerable scoundrel on the
face of the earth. His father must have been a most consummate
villain, ever to have such a son. I would have had that fellow shot
without the least remorse!”
“Did he do it on purpose?” Mr. Jarndyce inquired.
“I have not the slightest doubt that the scoundrel has passed his
whole existence in misdirecting travellers!” returned the other. “By
my soul, I thought him the worst-looking dog I had ever beheld when
he was telling me to take the turning to the right. And yet I stood
before that fellow face to face and didn’t knock his brains out!”
“Teeth, you mean?” said Mr. Jarndyce.
“Ha, ha, ha!” laughed Mr. Lawrence Boythorn, really making the whole
house vibrate. “What, you have not forgotten it yet! Ha, ha, ha! And
that was another most consummate vagabond! By my soul, the
countenance of that fellow when he was a boy was the blackest image
of perfidy, cowardice, and cruelty ever set up as a scarecrow in a
field of scoundrels. If I were to meet that most unparalleled despot
in the streets to-morrow, I would fell him like a rotten tree!”
“I have no doubt of it,” said Mr. Jarndyce. “Now, will you come
upstairs?”
“By my soul, Jarndyce,” returned his guest, who seemed to refer to
his watch, “if you had been married, I would have turned back at the
garden-gate and gone away to the remotest summits of the Himalaya
Mountains sooner than I would have presented myself at this
unseasonable hour.”
“Not quite so far, I hope?” said Mr. Jarndyce.
“By my life and honour, yes!” cried the visitor. “I wouldn’t be
guilty of the audacious insolence of keeping a lady of the house
waiting all this time for any earthly consideration. I would
infinitely rather destroy myself—infinitely rather!”
Talking thus, they went upstairs, and presently we heard him in his
bedroom thundering “Ha, ha, ha!” and again “Ha, ha, ha!” until the
flattest echo in the neighbourhood seemed to catch the contagion and
to laugh as enjoyingly as he did or as we did when we heard him
laugh.
We all conceived a prepossession in his favour, for there was a
sterling quality in this laugh, and in his vigorous, healthy voice,
and in the roundness and fullness with which he uttered every word he
spoke, and in the very fury of his superlatives, which seemed to go
off like blank cannons and hurt nothing. But we were hardly prepared
to have it so confirmed by his appearance when Mr. Jarndyce presented
him. He was not only a very handsome old gentleman—upright and
stalwart as he had been described to us—with a massive grey head, a
fine composure of face when silent, a figure that might have become
corpulent but for his being so continually in earnest that he gave it
no rest, and a chin that might have subsided into a double chin but
for the vehement emphasis in which it was constantly required to
assist; but he was such a true gentleman in his manner, so
chivalrously polite, his face was lighted by a smile of so much
sweetness and tenderness, and it seemed so plain that he had nothing
to hide, but showed himself exactly as he was—incapable, as Richard
said, of anything on a limited scale, and firing away with those
blank great guns because he carried no small arms whatever—that
really I could not help looking at him with equal pleasure as he sat
at dinner, whether he smilingly conversed with Ada and me, or was led
by Mr. Jarndyce into some great volley of superlatives, or threw up
his head like a bloodhound and gave out that tremendous “Ha, ha, ha!”
“You have brought your bird with you, I suppose?” said Mr. Jarndyce.
“By heaven, he is the most astonishing bird in Europe!” replied the
other. “He IS the most wonderful creature! I wouldn’t take ten
thousand guineas for that bird. I have left an annuity for his sole
support in case he should outlive me. He is, in sense and attachment,
a phenomenon. And his father before him was one of the most
astonishing birds that ever lived!”
The subject of this laudation was a very little canary, who was so
tame that he was brought down by Mr. Boythorn’s man, on his
forefinger, and after taking a gentle flight round the room, alighted
on his master’s head. To hear Mr. Boythorn presently expressing the
most implacable and passionate sentiments, with this fragile mite of
a creature quietly perched on his forehead, was to have a good
illustration of his character, I thought.
“By my soul, Jarndyce,” he said, very gently holding up a bit of
bread to the canary to peck at, “if I were in your place I would
seize every master in Chancery by the throat to-morrow morning and
shake him until his money rolled out of his pockets and his bones
rattled in his skin. I would have a settlement out of somebody, by
fair means or by foul. If you would empower me to do it, I would do
it for you with the greatest satisfaction!” (All this time the very
small canary was eating out of his hand.)
“I thank you, Lawrence, but the suit is hardly at such a point at
present,” returned Mr. Jarndyce, laughing, “that it would be greatly
advanced even by the legal process of shaking the bench and the whole
bar.”
“There never was such an infernal cauldron as that Chancery on the
face of the earth!” said Mr. Boythorn. “Nothing but a mine below it
on a busy day in term time, with all its records, rules, and
precedents collected in it and every functionary belonging to it
also, high and low, upward and downward, from its son the
Accountant-General to its father the Devil, and the whole blown to
atoms with ten thousand hundredweight of gunpowder, would reform it
in the least!”
It was impossible not to laugh at the energetic gravity with which he
recommended this strong measure of reform. When we laughed, he threw
up his head and shook his broad chest, and again the whole country
seemed to echo to his “Ha, ha, ha!” It had not the least effect in
disturbing the bird, whose sense of security was complete and who
hopped about the table with its quick head now on this side and now
on that, turning its bright sudden eye on its master as if he were no
more than another bird.
“But how do you and your neighbour get on about the disputed right of
way?” said Mr. Jarndyce. “You are not free from the toils of the law
yourself!”
“The fellow has brought actions against ME for trespass, and I have
brought actions against HIM for trespass,” returned Mr. Boythorn. “By
heaven, he is the proudest fellow breathing. It is morally impossible
that his name can be Sir Leicester. It must be Sir Lucifer.”
“Complimentary to our distant relation!” said my guardian laughingly
to Ada and Richard.