Bleak House
But it would seem as easy to wake a bundle of old clothes with a
spirituous heat smouldering in it. “Did you ever see such a stupor as
he falls into, between drink and sleep?” says Mr. Guppy.
“If this is his regular sleep,” returns Jobling, rather alarmed,
“it’ll last a long time one of these days, I am thinking.”
“It’s always more like a fit than a nap,” says Mr. Guppy, shaking him
again. “Halloa, your lordship! Why, he might be robbed fifty times
over! Open your eyes!”
After much ado, he opens them, but without appearing to see his
visitors or any other objects. Though he crosses one leg on another,
and folds his hands, and several times closes and opens his parched
lips, he seems to all intents and purposes as insensible as before.
“He is alive, at any rate,” says Mr. Guppy. “How are you, my Lord
Chancellor. I have brought a friend of mine, sir, on a little matter
of business.”
The old man still sits, often smacking his dry lips without the least
consciousness. After some minutes he makes an attempt to rise. They
help him up, and he staggers against the wall and stares at them.
“How do you do, Mr. Krook?” says Mr. Guppy in some discomfiture. “How
do you do, sir? You are looking charming, Mr. Krook. I hope you are
pretty well?”
The old man, in aiming a purposeless blow at Mr. Guppy, or at
nothing, feebly swings himself round and comes with his face against
the wall. So he remains for a minute or two, heaped up against it,
and then staggers down the shop to the front door. The air, the
movement in the court, the lapse of time, or the combination of these
things recovers him. He comes back pretty steadily, adjusting his fur
cap on his head and looking keenly at them.
“Your servant, gentlemen; I’ve been dozing. Hi! I am hard to wake,
odd times.”
“Rather so, indeed, sir,” responds Mr. Guppy.
“What? You’ve been a-trying to do it, have you?” says the suspicious
Krook.
“Only a little,” Mr. Guppy explains.
The old man’s eye resting on the empty bottle, he takes it up,
examines it, and slowly tilts it upside down.
“I say!” he cries like the hobgoblin in the story. “Somebody’s been
making free here!”
“I assure you we found it so,” says Mr. Guppy. “Would you allow me to
get it filled for you?”
“Yes, certainly I would!” cries Krook in high glee. “Certainly I
would! Don’t mention it! Get it filled next door—Sol’s Arms—the
Lord Chancellor’s fourteenpenny. Bless you, they know ME!”
He so presses the empty bottle upon Mr. Guppy that that gentleman,
with a nod to his friend, accepts the trust and hurries out and
hurries in again with the bottle filled. The old man receives it in
his arms like a beloved grandchild and pats it tenderly.
“But, I say,” he whispers, with his eyes screwed up, after tasting
it, “this ain’t the Lord Chancellor’s fourteenpenny. This is
eighteenpenny!”
“I thought you might like that better,” says Mr. Guppy.
“You’re a nobleman, sir,” returns Krook with another taste, and his
hot breath seems to come towards them like a flame. “You’re a baron
of the land.”
Taking advantage of this auspicious moment, Mr. Guppy presents his
friend under the impromptu name of Mr. Weevle and states the object
of their visit. Krook, with his bottle under his arm (he never gets
beyond a certain point of either drunkenness or sobriety), takes time
to survey his proposed lodger and seems to approve of him. “You’d
like to see the room, young man?” he says. “Ah! It’s a good room!
Been whitewashed. Been cleaned down with soft soap and soda. Hi! It’s
worth twice the rent, letting alone my company when you want it and
such a cat to keep the mice away.”
Commending the room after this manner, the old man takes them
upstairs, where indeed they do find it cleaner than it used to be and
also containing some old articles of furniture which he has dug up
from his inexhaustible stores. The terms are easily concluded—for
the Lord Chancellor cannot be hard on Mr. Guppy, associated as he is
with Kenge and Carboy, Jarndyce and Jarndyce, and other famous claims
on his professional consideration—and it is agreed that Mr. Weevle
shall take possession on the morrow. Mr. Weevle and Mr. Guppy then
repair to Cook’s Court, Cursitor Street, where the personal
introduction of the former to Mr. Snagsby is effected and (more
important) the vote and interest of Mrs. Snagsby are secured. They
then report progress to the eminent Smallweed, waiting at the office
in his tall hat for that purpose, and separate, Mr. Guppy explaining
that he would terminate his little entertainment by standing treat at
the play but that there are chords in the human mind which would
render it a hollow mockery.
On the morrow, in the dusk of evening, Mr. Weevle modestly appears at
Krook’s, by no means incommoded with luggage, and establishes himself
in his new lodging, where the two eyes in the shutters stare at him
in his sleep, as if they were full of wonder. On the following day
Mr. Weevle, who is a handy good-for-nothing kind of young fellow,
borrows a needle and thread of Miss Flite and a hammer of his
landlord and goes to work devising apologies for window-curtains, and
knocking up apologies for shelves, and hanging up his two teacups,
milkpot, and crockery sundries on a pennyworth of little hooks, like
a shipwrecked sailor making the best of it.
But what Mr. Weevle prizes most of all his few possessions (next
after his light whiskers, for which he has an attachment that only
whiskers can awaken in the breast of man) is a choice collection of
copper-plate impressions from that truly national work The Divinities
of Albion, or Galaxy Gallery of British Beauty, representing ladies
of title and fashion in every variety of smirk that art, combined
with capital, is capable of producing. With these magnificent
portraits, unworthily confined in a band-box during his seclusion
among the market-gardens, he decorates his apartment; and as the
Galaxy Gallery of British Beauty wears every variety of fancy dress,
plays every variety of musical instrument, fondles every variety of
dog, ogles every variety of prospect, and is backed up by every
variety of flower-pot and balustrade, the result is very imposing.
But fashion is Mr. Weevle’s, as it was Tony Jobling’s, weakness. To
borrow yesterday’s paper from the Sol’s Arms of an evening and read
about the brilliant and distinguished meteors that are shooting
across the fashionable sky in every direction is unspeakable
consolation to him. To know what member of what brilliant and
distinguished circle accomplished the brilliant and distinguished
feat of joining it yesterday or contemplates the no less brilliant
and distinguished feat of leaving it to-morrow gives him a thrill of
joy. To be informed what the Galaxy Gallery of British Beauty is
about, and means to be about, and what Galaxy marriages are on the
tapis, and what Galaxy rumours are in circulation, is to become
acquainted with the most glorious destinies of mankind. Mr. Weevle
reverts from this intelligence to the Galaxy portraits implicated,
and seems to know the originals, and to be known of them.
For the rest he is a quiet lodger, full of handy shifts and devices
as before mentioned, able to cook and clean for himself as well as to
carpenter, and developing social inclinations after the shades of
evening have fallen on the court. At those times, when he is not
visited by Mr. Guppy or by a small light in his likeness quenched in
a dark hat, he comes out of his dull room—where he has inherited the
deal wilderness of desk bespattered with a rain of ink—and talks to
Krook or is “very free,” as they call it in the court, commendingly,
with any one disposed for conversation. Wherefore, Mrs. Piper, who
leads the court, is impelled to offer two remarks to Mrs. Perkins:
firstly, that if her Johnny was to have whiskers, she could wish ’em
to be identically like that young man’s; and secondly, “Mark my
words, Mrs. Perkins, ma’am, and don’t you be surprised, Lord bless
you, if that young man comes in at last for old Krook’s money!”
CHAPTER XXI
The Smallweed Family
In a rather ill-favoured and ill-savoured neighbourhood, though one
of its rising grounds bears the name of Mount Pleasant, the Elfin
Smallweed, christened Bartholomew and known on the domestic hearth as
Bart, passes that limited portion of his time on which the office and
its contingencies have no claim. He dwells in a little narrow street,
always solitary, shady, and sad, closely bricked in on all sides like
a tomb, but where there yet lingers the stump of an old forest tree
whose flavour is about as fresh and natural as the Smallweed smack of
youth.
There has been only one child in the Smallweed family for several
generations. Little old men and women there have been, but no child,
until Mr. Smallweed’s grandmother, now living, became weak in her
intellect and fell (for the first time) into a childish state. With
such infantine graces as a total want of observation, memory,
understanding, and interest, and an eternal disposition to fall
asleep over the fire and into it, Mr. Smallweed’s grandmother has
undoubtedly brightened the family.
Mr. Smallweed’s grandfather is likewise of the party. He is in a
helpless condition as to his lower, and nearly so as to his upper,
limbs, but his mind is unimpaired. It holds, as well as it ever held,
the first four rules of arithmetic and a certain small collection of
the hardest facts. In respect of ideality, reverence, wonder, and
other such phrenological attributes, it is no worse off than it used
to be. Everything that Mr. Smallweed’s grandfather ever put away in
his mind was a grub at first, and is a grub at last. In all his life
he has never bred a single butterfly.
The father of this pleasant grandfather, of the neighbourhood of
Mount Pleasant, was a horny-skinned, two-legged, money-getting
species of spider who spun webs to catch unwary flies and retired
into holes until they were entrapped. The name of this old pagan’s
god was Compound Interest. He lived for it, married it, died of it.
Meeting with a heavy loss in an honest little enterprise in which all
the loss was intended to have been on the other side, he broke
something—something necessary to his existence, therefore it
couldn’t have been his heart—and made an end of his career. As his
character was not good, and he had been bred at a charity school in a
complete course, according to question and answer, of those ancient
people the Amorites and Hittites, he was frequently quoted as an
example of the failure of education.
His spirit shone through his son, to whom he had always preached of
“going out” early in life and whom he made a clerk in a sharp
scrivener’s office at twelve years old. There the young gentleman
improved his mind, which was of a lean and anxious character, and
developing the family gifts, gradually elevated himself into the
discounting profession. Going out early in life and marrying late, as
his father had done before him, he too begat a lean and
anxious-minded son, who in his turn, going out early in life and
marrying late, became the father of Bartholomew and Judith Smallweed,
twins. During the whole time consumed in the slow growth of this
family tree, the house of Smallweed, always early to go out and late
to marry, has strengthened itself in its practical character, has
discarded all amusements, discountenanced all story-books,
fairy-tales, fictions, and fables, and banished all levities
whatsoever. Hence the gratifying fact that it has had no child born
to it and that the complete little men and women whom it has produced
have been observed to bear a likeness to old monkeys with something
depressing on their minds.
At the present time, in the dark little parlour certain feet below