Bleak House
like a tom cat and to come to see you as a doctor? That ain’t like
being worn out. I should think not! Now I tell you what you want. You
want excitement, you know, to keep YOU up; that’s what YOU want.
You’re used to it, and you can’t do without it. I couldn’t myself.
Very well, then; here’s this warrant got by Mr. Tulkinghorn of
Lincoln’s Inn Fields, and backed into half-a-dozen counties since.
What do you say to coming along with me, upon this warrant, and
having a good angry argument before the magistrates? It’ll do you
good; it’ll freshen you up and get you into training for another turn
at the Chancellor. Give in? Why, I am surprised to hear a man of your
energy talk of giving in. You mustn’t do that. You’re half the fun of
the fair in the Court of Chancery. George, you lend Mr. Gridley a
hand, and let’s see now whether he won’t be better up than down.”
“He is very weak,” said the trooper in a low voice.
“Is he?” returned Bucket anxiously. “I only want to rouse him. I
don’t like to see an old acquaintance giving in like this. It would
cheer him up more than anything if I could make him a little waxy
with me. He’s welcome to drop into me, right and left, if he likes. I
shall never take advantage of it.”
The roof rang with a scream from Miss Flite, which still rings in my
ears.
“Oh, no, Gridley!” she cried as he fell heavily and calmly back from
before her. “Not without my blessing. After so many years!”
The sun was down, the light had gradually stolen from the roof, and
the shadow had crept upward. But to me the shadow of that pair, one
living and one dead, fell heavier on Richard’s departure than the
darkness of the darkest night. And through Richard’s farewell words I
heard it echoed: “Of all my old associations, of all my old pursuits
and hopes, of all the living and the dead world, this one poor soul
alone comes natural to me, and I am fit for. There is a tie of many
suffering years between us two, and it is the only tie I ever had on
earth that Chancery has not broken!”
CHAPTER XXV
Mrs. Snagsby Sees It All
There is disquietude in Cook’s Court, Cursitor Street. Black
suspicion hides in that peaceful region. The mass of Cook’s Courtiers
are in their usual state of mind, no better and no worse; but Mr.
Snagsby is changed, and his little woman knows it.
For Tom-all-Alone’s and Lincoln’s Inn Fields persist in harnessing
themselves, a pair of ungovernable coursers, to the chariot of Mr.
Snagsby’s imagination; and Mr. Bucket drives; and the passengers are
Jo and Mr. Tulkinghorn; and the complete equipage whirls though the
law-stationery business at wild speed all round the clock. Even in
the little front kitchen where the family meals are taken, it rattles
away at a smoking pace from the dinner-table, when Mr. Snagsby pauses
in carving the first slice of the leg of mutton baked with potatoes
and stares at the kitchen wall.
Mr. Snagsby cannot make out what it is that he has had to do with.
Something is wrong somewhere, but what something, what may come of
it, to whom, when, and from which unthought of and unheard of quarter
is the puzzle of his life. His remote impressions of the robes and
coronets, the stars and garters, that sparkle through the
surface-dust of Mr. Tulkinghorn’s chambers; his veneration for the
mysteries presided over by that best and closest of his customers,
whom all the Inns of Court, all Chancery Lane, and all the legal
neighbourhood agree to hold in awe; his remembrance of Detective Mr.
Bucket with his forefinger and his confidential manner, impossible to
be evaded or declined, persuade him that he is a party to some
dangerous secret without knowing what it is. And it is the fearful
peculiarity of this condition that, at any hour of his daily life, at
any opening of the shop-door, at any pull of the bell, at any
entrance of a messenger, or any delivery of a letter, the secret may
take air and fire, explode, and blow up—Mr. Bucket only knows whom.
For which reason, whenever a man unknown comes into the shop (as many
men unknown do) and says, “Is Mr. Snagsby in?” or words to that
innocent effect, Mr. Snagsby’s heart knocks hard at his guilty
breast. He undergoes so much from such inquiries that when they are
made by boys he revenges himself by flipping at their ears over the
counter and asking the young dogs what they mean by it and why they
can’t speak out at once? More impracticable men and boys persist in
walking into Mr. Snagsby’s sleep and terrifying him with
unaccountable questions, so that often when the cock at the little
dairy in Cursitor Street breaks out in his usual absurd way about the
morning, Mr. Snagsby finds himself in a crisis of nightmare, with his
little woman shaking him and saying “What’s the matter with the man!”
The little woman herself is not the least item in his difficulty. To
know that he is always keeping a secret from her, that he has under
all circumstances to conceal and hold fast a tender double tooth,
which her sharpness is ever ready to twist out of his head, gives Mr.
Snagsby, in her dentistical presence, much of the air of a dog who
has a reservation from his master and will look anywhere rather than
meet his eye.
These various signs and tokens, marked by the little woman, are not
lost upon her. They impel her to say, “Snagsby has something on his
mind!” And thus suspicion gets into Cook’s Court, Cursitor Street.
From suspicion to jealousy, Mrs. Snagsby finds the road as natural
and short as from Cook’s Court to Chancery Lane. And thus jealousy
gets into Cook’s Court, Cursitor Street. Once there (and it was
always lurking thereabout), it is very active and nimble in Mrs.
Snagsby’s breast, prompting her to nocturnal examinations of Mr.
Snagsby’s pockets; to secret perusals of Mr. Snagsby’s letters; to
private researches in the day book and ledger, till, cash-box, and
iron safe; to watchings at windows, listenings behind doors, and a
general putting of this and that together by the wrong end.
Mrs. Snagsby is so perpetually on the alert that the house becomes
ghostly with creaking boards and rustling garments. The ’prentices
think somebody may have been murdered there in bygone times. Guster
holds certain loose atoms of an idea (picked up at Tooting, where
they were found floating among the orphans) that there is buried
money underneath the cellar, guarded by an old man with a white
beard, who cannot get out for seven thousand years because he said
the Lord’s Prayer backwards.
“Who was Nimrod?” Mrs. Snagsby repeatedly inquires of herself. “Who
was that lady—that creature? And who is that boy?” Now, Nimrod being
as dead as the mighty hunter whose name Mrs. Snagsby has
appropriated, and the lady being unproducible, she directs her mental
eye, for the present, with redoubled vigilance to the boy. “And who,”
quoth Mrs. Snagsby for the thousand and first time, “is that boy? Who
is that—!” And there Mrs. Snagsby is seized with an inspiration.
He has no respect for Mr. Chadband. No, to be sure, and he wouldn’t
have, of course. Naturally he wouldn’t, under those contagious
circumstances. He was invited and appointed by Mr. Chadband—why,
Mrs. Snagsby heard it herself with her own ears!—to come back, and
be told where he was to go, to be addressed by Mr. Chadband; and he
never came! Why did he never come? Because he was told not to come.
Who told him not to come? Who? Ha, ha! Mrs. Snagsby sees it all.
But happily (and Mrs. Snagsby tightly shakes her head and tightly
smiles) that boy was met by Mr. Chadband yesterday in the streets;
and that boy, as affording a subject which Mr. Chadband desires to
improve for the spiritual delight of a select congregation, was
seized by Mr. Chadband and threatened with being delivered over to
the police unless he showed the reverend gentleman where he lived and
unless he entered into, and fulfilled, an undertaking to appear in
Cook’s Court to-morrow night, “to—mor—row—night,” Mrs. Snagsby
repeats for mere emphasis with another tight smile and another tight
shake of her head; and to-morrow night that boy will be here, and
to-morrow night Mrs. Snagsby will have her eye upon him and upon some
one else; and oh, you may walk a long while in your secret ways (says
Mrs. Snagsby with haughtiness and scorn), but you can’t blind ME!
Mrs. Snagsby sounds no timbrel in anybody’s ears, but holds her
purpose quietly, and keeps her counsel. To-morrow comes, the savoury
preparations for the Oil Trade come, the evening comes. Comes Mr.
Snagsby in his black coat; come the Chadbands; come (when the gorging
vessel is replete) the ’prentices and Guster, to be edified; comes at
last, with his slouching head, and his shuffle backward, and his
shuffle forward, and his shuffle to the right, and his shuffle to the
left, and his bit of fur cap in his muddy hand, which he picks as if
it were some mangy bird he had caught and was plucking before eating
raw, Jo, the very, very tough subject Mr. Chadband is to improve.
Mrs. Snagsby screws a watchful glance on Jo as he is brought into the
little drawing-room by Guster. He looks at Mr. Snagsby the moment he
comes in. Aha! Why does he look at Mr. Snagsby? Mr. Snagsby looks at
him. Why should he do that, but that Mrs. Snagsby sees it all? Why
else should that look pass between them, why else should Mr. Snagsby
be confused and cough a signal cough behind his hand? It is as clear
as crystal that Mr. Snagsby is that boy’s father.
“Peace, my friends,” says Chadband, rising and wiping the oily
exudations from his reverend visage. “Peace be with us! My friends,
why with us? Because,” with his fat smile, “it cannot be against us,
because it must be for us; because it is not hardening, because it is
softening; because it does not make war like the hawk, but comes home
unto us like the dove. Therefore, my friends, peace be with us! My
human boy, come forward!”
Stretching forth his flabby paw, Mr. Chadband lays the same on Jo’s
arm and considers where to station him. Jo, very doubtful of his
reverend friend’s intentions and not at all clear but that something
practical and painful is going to be done to him, mutters, “You let
me alone. I never said nothink to you. You let me alone.”
“No, my young friend,” says Chadband smoothly, “I will not let you
alone. And why? Because I am a harvest-labourer, because I am a
toiler and a moiler, because you are delivered over unto me and are
become as a precious instrument in my hands. My friends, may I so
employ this instrument as to use it to your advantage, to your
profit, to your gain, to your welfare, to your enrichment! My young
friend, sit upon this stool.”
Jo, apparently possessed by an impression that the reverend gentleman
wants to cut his hair, shields his head with both arms and is got
into the required position with great difficulty and every possible
manifestation of reluctance.
When he is at last adjusted like a lay-figure, Mr. Chadband, retiring
behind the table, holds up his bear’s-paw and says, “My friends!”
This is the signal for a general settlement of the audience. The
’prentices giggle internally and nudge each other. Guster falls into
a staring and vacant state, compounded of a stunned admiration of Mr.
Chadband and pity for the friendless outcast whose condition touches
her nearly. Mrs. Snagsby silently lays trains of gunpowder. Mrs.
Chadband composes herself grimly by the fire and warms her knees,
finding that sensation favourable to the reception of eloquence.
It happens that Mr. Chadband has a pulpit habit of fixing some member
of his congregation with his eye and fatly arguing his points with
that particular person, who is understood to be expected to be moved
to an occasional grunt, groan, gasp, or other audible expression of