Cameron of Lochiel
scattered by handfuls the gold which I despised.
"I do not accuse others in order to palliate my own follies. But one
thing is sure, I had more than enough for all my own expenses, though
not for those of my friends and my friends' friends, who rushed upon
me like hungry wolves. I bear them no grudge; they but acted according
to their nature. As for me, my hand was never shut. Not only my purse,
but my signature was at everybody's disposal. There was my greatest
mistake; for I may say in all sincerity that ninety-nine times out
of a hundred, in my times of greatest embarrassment, I had to meet
their liabilities with my own cash in order to save my credit. A great
English poet has said:
"Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry,
And loan oft loses both itself and friend.
"Give, my dear boy, with both hands; but be chary of your signature.
"My private affairs were so mingled with those of my office that it
was long before I discovered how deeply I was involved. The revelation
came upon me like a thunderbolt. Not only was I ruined, but I was on
the verge of a serious defalcation. At last I said to myself, 'what
matters the loss of the gold, so long as I pay my debts? I am young,
and not afraid to work, and I shall always have enough. Moreover, my
friends owe me considerable sums. When they see my difficulties, not
only will they hasten to give back what they owe, but they will do for
me as I have so often done for them.' What a fool I was to judge others
by myself! For me, I would have moved heaven and earth to save a friend
from ruin. How innocent and credulous I was! They had good reason, the
wretches, to laugh at me.
"I took account of what was owed me and of the value of my property,
and then perceived that with these affairs settled up there would
remain but a small balance, which I could cover with the help of
my relations. The load rolled off my heart. How little I knew of
men! I told my debtors, in confidence, how I was situated. I found
them strangely cold. Several to whom I had lent without written
acknowledgment had even forgotten that they owed me anything. Those
whose notes I held, declared it was ungenerous of me to take them
unawares. The greater number, who had had business at my office,
claimed boldly that I was in debt to them. I did, indeed, owe them
a trifle, while they owed me considerable sums. I asked them for a
settlement, but they put me off with promises; and meanwhile undermined
my credit by whispering it about that I was on the verge of ruin.
They even turned me into ridicule as a spendthrift fool. One wag of a
fellow, whom but eighteen months before I had saved not only from ruin
but from disgrace (his secret shall die with me), was hugely witty at
my expense. His pleasantries had a great success among my old friends.
Such measureless ingratitude as this completely crushed me. One only,
and he a mere acquaintance, hearing that I was in difficulties,
hastened to me with these words:
"'We have had some little transactions together; I think you will find
here the correct balance in your favor. Please look up the matter in
your books and see if I am right.'
"He is dead long since. Honor to his memory, and may the blessings of
an old man descend upon his children!
"The inevitable day was close at hand, and even had I had the heart to
make further struggle nothing could save me. My friends and enemies
alike were intriguing for the spoils. I lowered my head before the
storm and resigned.
"I will not sadden you with the story of all I suffered; suffice to
say that, fallen into the claws of pitiless creditors, I drank the cup
of bitterness to the dregs. Apart from the ingratitude of my friends,
I was not the sort of man to grieve greatly over my mere personal
misfortunes. Even within the walls of the Bastille my gayety would not
have deserted me; I might have danced to the grim music of the grating
of my bolts. But my family! my family! Oh, the gnawing remorse which
harasses the day, which haunts the long sleepless night, which suffers
you neither forgetfulness nor rest, which wrenches the nerves of one's
heart as with pincers of steel!
"I believe, my boy, that with a few exceptions every man who can do so
pays his debts; the torments he endures at the sight of his creditor
would constrain him to this, even without the terrors of the law.
Glance through the ancient and modern codes, and you will be struck
with the barbarous egotism which has dictated them all alike. Can one
imagine, indeed, any punishment more humiliating than that of a debtor
kept face to face with his creditor, who is often a skinflint to whom
he must cringe with fearful deference? Can anything be more degrading
than to be obliged to keep dodging a creditor?
"It has always struck me that civilization warps men's judgment, and
makes them inferior to primitive races in mere common sense and simple
equity. Let me give you an amusing instance. Some years ago, in New
York, an Iroquois was gazing intently at a great, forbidding structure.
Its lofty walls and iron-bound windows interested him profoundly. It
was a prison. A magistrate came up.
"'Will the pale face tell his brother what this great wigwam is for?'
asked the Indian. The citizen swelled out his chest and answered with
an air of importance:
"'It is there we shut up the red-skins who refuse to pay the furs which
they owe our merchants.'
"The Iroquois examined the structure with ever-increasing interest,
walked around it, and asked to see the inside of this marvelous
wigwam. The magistrate, who was himself a merchant, was glad to grant
his request, in the hope of inspiring with wholesome dread the other
savages, to whom this one would not fail to recount the effective and
ingenious methods employed by the pale faces to make the red-skins pay
their debts.
"The Iroquois went over the whole building with the minutest care,
descended into the dungeons, tried the depth of the wells, listened
attentively to the smallest sounds, and at last burst out laughing.
"'Why,' exclaimed he, 'no Indian could catch any beaver here.'
"In five minutes the Indian had found the solution of a problem which
civilized man has not had the common sense to solve in centuries of
study. This simple and unlearned man, unable to comprehend such folly
on the part of a civilized race, had naturally concluded that the
prison had subterranean canals communicating with streams and lakes
where beaver were abundant, and that the savages were shut up therein
in order to facilitate their hunting of the precious animals, and the
more prompt satisfaction of their creditors' claims. These walls and
iron gratings seemed to him intended for the guarding of the treasure
within.
"You understand, Jules, that I am speaking to you now on behalf of the
creditor, who gets all the sympathy and pity, and not on behalf of the
debtor who, with his dread and suspicion ever before his eyes, gnaws
his pillow in despair after watering it with his tears.
"I was young, only thirty-three years of age. I had ability, energy,
and a sturdy faith in myself. I said to my creditors, take all I have
but leave me free, and I will devote every energy to meeting your
claims. If you imprison me you wrong yourselves. Simple as was this
reasoning, it was incomprehensible to civilized man. My Iroquois would
have understood it well enough. He would have said: 'My brother can
take no beaver if the pale face ties his hands.' My creditors, however,
took no account of such simple logic as this, and have held the sword
of Damocles over my head for thirty years, the limit allowed them by
the laws of France."
"What adorable stupidity!" cried Jules.
"One of them, however," continued M. d'Egmont, "with a delightful
ingenuity of torture, obtained a warrant for my arrest, and with a
refinement of cruelty worthy of Caligula himself, did not put it in
execution till eighteen months later. Picture me for those eighteen
months, surrounded by my family, who had to see me trembling at every
noise, shuddering at the sight of every stranger who might prove to be
the bearer of the order for my imprisonment.
"So unbearable was my suspense that twice I sought out my creditor and
besought him to execute his warrant without delay. At last he did so,
at his leisure. I could have thanked him on my knees. From behind my
bars I could defy the malice of men.
"During the first month of his captivity the prisoner experiences a
feverish restlessness, a need of continual movement. He is like a caged
lion. After this time of trial, this feverish disquiet, I attained in
my cell the calm of one who after being tossed violently by a storm
at sea, feels no longer anything more than the throb of the subsiding
waves; for apart from the innumerable humiliations of imprisonment,
apart from my grief for my family, I was certainly less wretched. I
believed that I had drunk the last drop of gall from the cup which
man holds to his brother's fevered lips. I was reckoning without the
hand of God, which was being made heavy for the insensate fool who
had wrought his own misfortune. Two of my children, at two different
periods, fell so dangerously ill that the doctors gave them up and
daily announced to me that the end was near. It was then I felt the
weight of my chains. It was then I learned to cry, like the mother of
Christ, 'Approach and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow.'
I was separated from my children only by the breadth of a street.
During the long night watches I could perceive the stir about their
couch, the lights moving from one room to another; and I trembled
every moment lest the stillness should fall which would proclaim them
no longer in need of a mother's care. I blush to confess that I was
sometimes tempted to dash my life out against the bars.
"Meanwhile my persecutor knew as well as I what was passing in my
family. But pity is fled from the breast of man to take refuge in brute
beasts that have no understanding. The lamb bleats sadly when one of
his companions is slaughtered, the ox bellows with rage and pain when
he smells the blood of his kind, the horse snorts sharply and utters
his doleful and piercing cry at the sight of his fellow struggling in
the final agony, the dog howls with grief when his master is sick; but
with whisperings and gossip and furtive pleasantry man follows his
brother to the grave.
"Lift up your head in your pride, lord of creation! You have the right
to do so. Lift your haughty head to heaven, O man whose heart is as
cold as the gold you grasp at day and night! Heap your slanders with
both hands on the man of eager heart, of ardent passions, of blood
burning like fire, who has fallen in his youth! Hold high your head,
proud Pharisee, and say, 'As for me, I have never fallen!'" "The
good gentleman" pressed his hands to his heart, kept silent for some
minutes, and at length resumed:
"Pardon me, my son, that, carried away by the memory of my sufferings,
I have spoken the whole bitterness of my heart. It was but seven days
after the coming of his friends when the great Arabian poet Job, the
singer of so many sorrows, broke out with this heart-rending cry,
'_Pereat dies in quâ natus sum!_' As for me, these fifty years have I
buried my lamentations in my heart, and you will pardon me if I have
spoken now with bitterness, if I have calumniated mankind.
"As I had long ago given up to my creditors all that I possessed, and
had sold my real estate and personal property for their benefit, after
four years' imprisonment I petitioned the King for my release. The
Government was of the opinion that I had suffered enough, but there
remained one great difficulty--when a debtor has given up everything,