Cole's Funny Picture Book No. 1
Holding down it's head.
One sleepy little duck,
It has gone to bed!
One little what duck
Running to its mother,
Look among the water-reeds,
May be there's another.
One hungry little duck
Going out to dine,
Two dainty little ducks,
Snowy-white and fine.
Merry little brown eyes
O'er the picture linger,
Point all the ducks out,
Chubby little finger;
Make the picture musical,
Merry little shout;
Now where's that other duck?
What is he about?
I thank that other duck
Is the nicest duck of all,
He hasn't any feathers,
And his mouth is sweet and small;
He runs with a light step
And jumps upon my knee,
And though he cannot swim
He is very dear to me.
One white lady-duck,
Motherly and trim,
Eight little baby ducks
Bound for a swim;
One sleepy little duck
Taking quite a nap,
One precious little duck
Here on mother's lap.
A. L.
The Squirrel
The pretty red squirrel
Lives up in a tree,
A little blithe creature
As ever can be;
He dwells in the boughs
Where the stock-dove broods,
Far in the shades
Of the green summer woods;
His food is the young
Juicy cones of the pine,
And the milky beech-nut
Is his bread and his wine.
In the joy of his nature
He frisks with a bound
To the topmost twigs,
And then down to the ground.
Then up again like
A winged thing,
And from tree to tree
With a vaulting spring;
Then he sits up aloft,
And looks ragged and queer,
As if he would say:
"Ay, follow me here!"
And then he grows pettish,
And stamps his foot;
And then with a chatter,
He cracks his nut;
And thus he lives
All the long summer through,
Without either a care
Or a thought of rue.
The Mountain and the Squirrel
The mountain and the squirrel
Had a quarrel,
And the former called the latter "Little Prig;"
Bun replied,
"You are doubtless very big,
But all sorts of things and weather
Must be taken together
To make up a year,
And a sphere.
And I think it no disgrace
To occupy my place.
If I'm not so large as you,
You are not so small as I.
And not half so spry;
I'll not deny you make
A very pretty squirrel track.
Talents differ; all is well and wisely put;
If I cannot carry forests on my back,
Neither can you crack an nut!"
R. W. Emerson
[Page 189--Wonderful Bird Nests]
Wonderful Birds' Nests
[Page 190--Cole's Poems On Books]
What Books Do For Mankind
1.
Books should be found in every house,
To form and feed the mind;
They are the best of luxuries
To happify mankind.
2.
For all good books throughout the world
Are man's most precious treasure;
They make him wise, and bring him
His best, his choicest pleasure.
3.
Books make his time pass happily,
Relieve his weary hours;
Amuse, compose, instruct his mind;
Enlarge his mental powers.
4.
Books teach the boys and girls of earth
In quite ten million schools;
Books make the difference between
Earth's learned and its fools.
5.
Books teach earth's teeming artisans
The proper way to take,
To find, to plan, to build, to mix,
And every product make.
6.
Books teach schoolmasters, clergymen,
Of every rank and grade;
And doctors, lawyers, judges, too--
Books are their tools of trade.
-----
128.
Books thus, by print, and pictures, bring
The whole world into view,
And show what all men think about,
And everything they do.
129.
Books give to man the history
Of each and every land;
Books show him human actions past,
The bad, the good, the grand.
130.
Books show him human arts and laws
Of every time and place;
Books show the learnings and the faiths
Of all the human race.
131.
Books give the best and greatest thoughts
Of all the good and wise;
Books treasure human knowledge up,
And thus it never dies.
132.
Books show men all that men have done,
Have thought, have sung, have said,
Books show the deeds and wisdom of
The living and the dead.
133.
Books show that mankind's leading faiths,
In morals are the same;
That in their main essentials
They differ but in name.
134.
Books show that virtue, goodness, love,
Exist in every land;
That some with kindly sympathies
Are found on every strand.
135.
Books show the joys, griefs, hopes and fears,
Of every race and clan;
Books show, by unity of thought,
The brotherhood of man.
136.
Books thus will cause the flag of peace
Through earth to be unfurled--
Produce "the parliament of man,"
And federate the world.
137.
Books give the reader vast delight,
The bookless never know;
Books give him pleasure, day and night,
Wherever he may go.
138.
Books show narcotics, toxicants,
Of each and every kind;
Insidious destroyers all,
Of body and of mind.
139.
Books, like strong drink, will drowns man's cares
But do not waste his wealth;
Books leave him better, drink the worse,
In character and health.
140.
Books teach and please him when a child,
In youth and in his prime;
Books give him soothing pleasure when
His health and strength decline.
141.
Books teach, from their beginning, of
Higher beings than man;
That One Almighty Goodness was
Before the world began.
142.
Books give us hope beyond the grave,
Of an immortal life;
Books teach that right, and truth, and love,
Shall banish every strife.
143.
Books therefore are, of all we own,
The choicest things on earth;
Books have, of all our worldly goods,
The most intrinsic worth.
144.
Books are the greatest blessing brought,
The grandest thing we sell;
Books bring more joy,
Books do more good,
Than mortal tongue can tell.
[Page 191--Comic Advertiser]
Cole's Comic Advertiser
(Or Fun Doctor's Assistant)
Laughter as a Medicine.
"The physician tells us of the physical benefits of laughing. There
is not the remotest corner or little inlet of the minute
blood-vessels of the human body that does not feel some wavelet from
the convulsion occasioned by good hearty laughter. The life
principle, or the central man, is shaken to the innermost depths,
sending new tided of life and strength to the surface, thus
materially tending to insure good health to persons who indulge
therein. The blood moves more rapidly, and conveys a different
impression to all the organs of the body, as it visits them on that
particular mystic journey when the man is laughing, from what it does
at other times. For this reason every good, hearty laugh in which a
person indulges lengthens his life, conveying as it does a new and
distinct stimulus to the vital forces."
"Fun is worth more than
physic, and whoever
invents or discovers a new
supply deserves the name
of public benefactor."
Man Made to Laugh, not to Morn.
Man warnt made tew mourn, man waz made tew laff. He iz the onla
creeter or thing that God made tew laff out loud. It iz true he knows
how to mourn, do duz animills know how, the birds kan tell their
sorrows, and the flowers kan hang their pretty heds. Man was made tew
smile, tew laff, to haw! tew throw up his hat, and sing halleluger.
Man was made tew praze God, and he can't dew it by mourning. Awl the
mourning there iz in this wurld was introduced bi man; man warnt made
tew mourn any more than he was made to crawl. Tharfore i sa tew awl
men and women, stop crying and go tew laffing, you will last longer,
and git fatter, and stand just as good a chanse tew git tew heaven
with a smile on your countenance as yu will with yure face leaking at
every pore.--_Josh Billings_
Josh Billing's Prayer.
"From a wife who don't
luv us, from fluky mutton,
and tite butes, and from
folks who won't laff, good
Lord deliver us."
[Page 192--Comic Advertiser]
Testimonials to the astonishing Curing Power of Cole's Fun Doctor.
Most Astonishing Cure of the Age
Dear Sir--Many years ago it was my misfortune to be jilted in love
by a cruel-hearted woman. I pined away, and fell into a bad state of
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took a single dose except somebody told me that it was exactly what
I wanted to make me well--but it all did me no good. I only got
worse until I came across the right thing, which I will presently
describe. I find, in looking over my paid bills, the following are
the kinds and quantities of physic I have used during my illness:--
Holloway's Pills, 227 boxes; Cockle's Pills, 121 boxes, Beecham's
Pills, 80 boxes; Parr's Life Pills, 76 boxes, Blue Pills, 849 boxes.
One friend advised me to give up Pills and take some good
old-fashioned physic. I took of Jalap, 37 pounds; Caster Oil; 180
bottles, Salts and Senna, 800 doses; Rhubarb and Magnesia, 300 doses;
Brimstone and Treacle, 800 doses--but this did me no good. Another
friend advised me to take some world-fames patent medicines, so I
took of Eno's Fruit Salt 190 bottles, Warner's Safe Cure, 200
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bottles; Dandelion Ale, two hogsheads. I took Hayter's Nerve Tonic,
Hayter's Blood purifier, Hayter's Invigorator, and Hayter's
Pick-Me-Up, of each 100 bottles; and Wolfe's Schnapps, 630 bottles--
but I felt no better. Another friend came along, and said for my
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Davis's Pain Killer, 70 bottles; Moulton's Pain Paint, 60 bottles;
St. Jacob's oil, Weston's Wizard Oil, and Croton Oil, of each 100
bottles: and of Eucalyptus Oil, 900 quart bottles--but I felt no
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decoctions of Chamomile, Pennyroyal, Peppermint, Rue, Tansy, Quassia,
Horehound, Wormwood, Aconite, Belladonna, Hemlock, Nux Vomica,
Lungwort, Liverwort, Moonwort, Sneezewort, and Snakeweed--altogether
I took about 1700 quarts of these horrid decoctions--but I felt no
better. Another friend told me my stomach was out of order, and
required cleansing, so I took of Ipecacuanha Wine 139 quarts--but
this did not cure me. Another friend said all diseases come from
insects, and I had insects in me, and must take special medicine for
them, so I took of Keating's insecticide 730 packets--but got no
better. Another friend advised me to try Homoeopathy. I took 111
tubes of pilules and 80 bottles of tinctures--but they did me no
good. Another friend advised me to try the water cure. I took cold
baths, warm baths, tepid baths, and Turkish baths in hundreds, and
drank about twenty hogsheads of mineral waters--but it did me no
good. Another friend advised the Acid Cure, so I took Acetic Acid,
Muriatic Acid, Nitric Acid, Sulphuric Acid, Oxalic Acid, and Prussic
Acid, of each about twenty quarts--but got no better. Another friend
advised Soothing Medicines, so I took over 400 of Steedman's Soothing