Confessions of an English Opium-Eater
occasional cause, as having left the body weaker and more crazy, and
thus predisposed to any mal-influence whatever—I willingly spare my
reader all description of it; let it perish to him, and would that I
could as easily say let it perish to my own remembrances, that any
future hours of tranquillity may not be disturbed by too vivid an ideal
of possible human misery!
So much for the sequel of my experiment. As to the former stage, in
which probably lies the experiment and its application to other cases,
I must request my reader not to forget the reasons for which I have
recorded it. These were two: First, a belief that I might add some
trifle to the history of opium as a medical agent. In this I am aware
that I have not at all fulfilled my own intentions, in consequence of
the torpor of mind, pain of body, and extreme disgust to the subject
which besieged me whilst writing that part of my paper; which part
being immediately sent off to the press (distant about five degrees of
latitude), cannot be corrected or improved. But from this account,
rambling as it may be, it is evident that thus much of benefit may
arise to the persons most interested in such a history of opium, viz.,
to opium-eaters in general, that it establishes, for their consolation
and encouragement, the fact that opium may be renounced, and without
greater sufferings than an ordinary resolution may support, and by a
pretty rapid course {22} of descent.
To communicate this result of my experiment was my foremost purpose.
Secondly, as a purpose collateral to this, I wished to explain how it
had become impossible for me to compose a Third Part in time to
accompany this republication; for during the time of this experiment
the proof-sheets of this reprint were sent to me from London, and such
was my inability to expand or to improve them, that I could not even
bear to read them over with attention enough to notice the press errors
or to correct any verbal inaccuracies. These were my reasons for
troubling my reader with any record, long or short, of experiments
relating to so truly base a subject as my own body; and I am earnest
with the reader that he will not forget them, or so far misapprehend me
as to believe it possible that I would condescend to so rascally a
subject for its own sake, or indeed for any less object than that of
general benefit to others. Such an animal as the self-observing
valetudinarian I know there is; I have met him myself occasionally, and
I know that he is the worst imaginable _heautontimoroumenos_;
aggravating and sustaining, by calling into distinct consciousness,
every symptom that would else perhaps, under a different direction
given to the thoughts, become evanescent. But as to myself, so profound
is my contempt for this undignified and selfish habit, that I could as
little condescend to it as I could to spend my time in watching a poor
servant girl, to whom at this moment I hear some lad or other making
love at the back of my house. Is it for a Transcendental Philosopher to
feel any curiosity on such an occasion? Or can I, whose life is worth
only eight and a half years’ purchase, be supposed to have leisure for
such trivial employments? However, to put this out of question, I shall
say one thing, which will perhaps shock some readers, but I am sure it
ought not to do so, considering the motives on which I say it. No man,
I suppose, employs much of his time on the phenomena of his own body
without some regard for it; whereas the reader sees that, so far from
looking upon mine with any complacency or regard, I hate it, and make
it the object of my bitter ridicule and contempt; and I should not be
displeased to know that the last indignities which the law inflicts
upon the bodies of the worst malefactors might hereafter fall upon it.
And, in testification of my sincerity in saying this, I shall make the
following offer. Like other men, I have particular fancies about the
place of my burial; having lived chiefly in a mountainous region, I
rather cleave to the conceit, that a grave in a green churchyard
amongst the ancient and solitary hills will be a sublimer and more
tranquil place of repose for a philosopher than any in the hideous
Golgothas of London. Yet if the gentlemen of Surgeons’ Hall think that
any benefit can redound to their science from inspecting the
appearances in the body of an opium-eater, let them speak but a word,
and I will take care that mine shall be legally secured to them—i.e.,
as soon as I have done with it myself. Let them not hesitate to express
their wishes upon any scruples of false delicacy and consideration for
my feelings; I assure them they will do me too much honour by
“demonstrating” on such a crazy body as mine, and it will give me
pleasure to anticipate this posthumous revenge and insult inflicted
upon that which has caused me so much suffering in this life. Such
bequests are not common; reversionary benefits contingent upon the
death of the testator are indeed dangerous to announce in many cases:
of this we have a remarkable instance in the habits of a Roman prince,
who used, upon any notification made to him by rich persons that they
had left him a handsome estate in their wills, to express his entire
satisfaction at such arrangements and his gracious acceptance of those
loyal legacies; but then, if the testators neglected to give him
immediate possession of the property, if they traitorously “persisted
in living” (_si vivere perseverarent_, as Suetonius expresses it), he
was highly provoked, and took his measures accordingly. In those times,
and from one of the worst of the Cæsars, we might expect such conduct;
but I am sure that from English surgeons at this day I need look for no
expressions of impatience, or of any other feelings but such as are
answerable to that pure love of science and all its interests which
induces me to make such an offer.
Sept 30, 1822
FOOTNOTES
{1} “Not yet _recorded_,” I say; for there is one celebrated man of the
present day, who, if all be true which is reported of him, has greatly
exceeded me in quantity.
{2} A third exception might perhaps have been added; and my reason for
not adding that exception is chiefly because it was only in his
juvenile efforts that the writer whom I allude to expressly addressed
hints to philosophical themes; his riper powers having been all
dedicated (on very excusable and very intelligible grounds, under the
present direction of the popular mind in England) to criticism and the
Fine Arts. This reason apart, however, I doubt whether he is not rather
to be considered an acute thinker than a subtle one. It is, besides, a
great drawback on his mastery over philosophical subjects that he has
obviously not had the advantage of a regular scholastic education: he
has not read Plato in his youth (which most likely was only his
misfortune), but neither has he read Kant in his manhood (which is his
fault).
{3} I disclaim any allusion to _existing_ professors, of whom indeed I
know only one.
{4} To this same Jew, by the way, some eighteen months afterwards, I
applied again on the same business; and, dating at that time from a
respectable college, I was fortunate enough to gain his serious
attention to my proposals. My necessities had not arisen from any
extravagance or youthful levities (these my habits and the nature of my
pleasures raised me far above), but simply from the vindictive malice
of my guardian, who, when he found himself no longer able to prevent me
from going to the university, had, as a parting token of his good
nature, refused to sign an order for granting me a shilling beyond the
allowance made to me at school—viz., £100 per annum. Upon this sum it
was in my time barely possible to have lived in college, and not
possible to a man who, though above the paltry affectation of
ostentatious disregard for money, and without any expensive tastes,
confided nevertheless rather too much in servants, and did not delight
in the petty details of minute economy. I soon, therefore, became
embarrassed, and at length, after a most voluminous negotiation with
the Jew (some parts of which, if I had leisure to rehearse them, would
greatly amuse my readers), I was put in possession of the sum I asked
for, on the “regular” terms of paying the Jew seventeen and a half per
cent. by way of annuity on all the money furnished; Israel, on his
part, graciously resuming no more than about ninety guineas of the said
money, on account of an attorney’s bill (for what services, to whom
rendered, and when, whether at the siege of Jerusalem, at the building
of the second Temple, or on some earlier occasion, I have not yet been
able to discover). How many perches this bill measured I really forget;
but I still keep it in a cabinet of natural curiosities, and some time
or other I believe I shall present it to the British Museum.
{5} The Bristol mail is the best appointed in the Kingdom, owing to the
double advantages of an unusually good road and of an extra sum for the
expenses subscribed by the Bristol merchants.
{6} It will be objected that many men, of the highest rank and wealth,
have in our own day, as well as throughout our history, been amongst
the foremost in courting danger in battle. True; but this is not the
case supposed; long familiarity with power has to them deadened its
effect and its attractions.
{7} Φιλον υπνη θελyητρον επικουρον νοσον.
{8} ηδυ δουλευμα. EURIP. Orest.
{9} αναξανδρων ’Αyαμεμνων.
{10} ομμα θεισ’ ειτω πεπλων. The scholar will know that throughout this
passage I refer to the early scenes of the Orestes; one of the most
beautiful exhibitions of the domestic affections which even the dramas
of Euripides can furnish. To the English reader it may be necessary to
say that the situation at the opening of the drama is that of a brother
attended only by his sister during the demoniacal possession of a
suffering conscience (or, in the mythology of the play, haunted by the
Furies), and in circumstances of immediate danger from enemies, and of
desertion or cold regard from nominal friends.
{11} _Evanesced_: this way of going off the stage of life appears to
have been well known in the 17th century, but at that time to have been
considered a peculiar privilege of blood-royal, and by no means to be
allowed to druggists. For about the year 1686 a poet of rather ominous
name (and who, by-the-bye, did ample justice to his name), viz., Mr.
_Flat-man_, in speaking of the death of Charles II. expresses his
surprise that any prince should commit so absurd an act as dying,
because, says he,
“Kings should disdain to die, and only _disappear_.”
They should _abscond_, that is, into the other world.
{12} Of this, however, the learned appear latterly to have doubted; for
in a pirated edition of Buchan’s _Domestic Medicine_, which I once saw
in the hands of a farmer’s wife, who was studying it for the benefit of
her health, the Doctor was made to say—“Be particularly careful never
to take above five-and-twenty _ounces_ of laudanum at once;” the true
reading being probably five-and-twenty _drops_, which are held equal to
about one grain of crude opium.
{13} Amongst the great herd of travellers, &c., who show sufficiently
by their stupidity that they never held any intercourse with opium, I
must caution my readers specially against the brilliant author of
_Anastasius_. This gentleman, whose wit would lead one to presume him
an opium-eater, has made it impossible to consider him in that
character, from the grievous misrepresentation which he gives of its
effects at pp. 215-17 of vol. i. Upon consideration it must appear such
to the author himself, for, waiving the errors I have insisted on in
the text, which (and others) are adopted in the fullest manner, he will