Dead Souls
And he sounded a bell; whereupon there presented himself a man whom,
addressing as “Secretary,” the Colonel instructed to summon the
“Commissioner.” The latter, on appearing, was seen to have the air, half
of a peasant, half of an official.
“This man,” the Colonel said to Chichikov, “will act as your escort.”
What could be done with a lunatic like Koshkarev? In the end, curiosity
moved Chichikov to accompany the Commissioner. The Committee for the
Reception of Reports and Returns was discovered to have put up its
shutters, and to have locked its doors, for the reason that the Director
of the Committee had been transferred to the newly-formed Committee
of Estate Management, and his successor had been annexed by the same
Committee. Next, Chichikov and his escort rapped at the doors of the
Department of Estate Affairs; but that Department’s quarters happened to
be in a state of repair, and no one could be made to answer the
summons save a drunken peasant from whom not a word of sense was to be
extracted. At length the escort felt himself moved to remark:
“There is a deal of foolishness going on here. Fellows like that
drunkard lead the barin by the nose, and everything is ruled by the
Committee of Management, which takes men from their proper work, and
sets them to do any other it likes. Indeed, only through the Committee
does ANYTHING get done.”
By this time Chichikov felt that he had seen enough; wherefore he
returned to the Colonel, and informed him that the Office for the
Reception of Reports and Returns had ceased to exist. At once the
Colonel flamed to noble rage. Pressing Chichikov’s hand in token of
gratitude for the information which the guest had furnished, he took
paper and pen, and noted eight searching questions under three separate
headings: (1) “Why has the Committee of Management presumed to issue
orders to officials not under its jurisdiction?” (2) “Why has the Chief
Manager permitted his predecessor, though still in retention of his
post, to follow him to another Department?” and (3) “Why has the
Committee of Estate Affairs suffered the Office for the Reception of
Reports and Returns to lapse?”
“Now for a row!” thought Chichikov to himself, and turned to depart; but
his host stopped him, saying:
“I cannot let you go, for, in addition to my honour having become
involved, it behoves me to show my people how the regular, the
organised, administration of an estate may be conducted. Herewith I will
hand over the conduct of your affair to a man who is worth all the rest
of the staff put together, and has had a university education. Also, the
better to lose no time, may I humbly beg you to step into my library,
where you will find notebooks, paper, pens, and everything else that
you may require. Of these articles pray make full use, for you are
a gentleman of letters, and it is your and my joint duty to bring
enlightenment to all.”
So saying, he ushered his guest into a large room lined from floor to
ceiling with books and stuffed specimens. The books in question
were divided into sections--a section on forestry, a section on
cattle-breeding, a section on the raising of swine, and a section on
horticulture, together with special journals of the type circulated
merely for the purposes of reference, and not for general reading.
Perceiving that these works were scarcely of a kind calculated to while
away an idle hour, Chichikov turned to a second bookcase. But to do so
was to fall out of the frying-pan into the fire, for the contents of the
second bookcase proved to be works on philosophy, while, in particular,
six huge volumes confronted him under a label inscribed “A Preparatory
Course to the Province of Thought, with the Theory of Community of
Effort, Co-operation, and Subsistence, in its Application to a Right
Understanding of the Organic Principles of a Mutual Division of
Social Productivity.” Indeed, wheresoever Chichikov looked, every page
presented to his vision some such words as “phenomenon,” “development,”
“abstract,” “contents,” and “synopsis.” “This is not the sort of thing
for me,” he murmured, and turned his attention to a third bookcase,
which contained books on the Arts. Extracting a huge tome in which some
by no means reticent mythological illustrations were contained, he set
himself to examine these pictures. They were of the kind which pleases
mostly middle-aged bachelors and old men who are accustomed to seek
in the ballet and similar frivolities a further spur to their waning
passions. Having concluded his examination, Chichikov had just extracted
another volume of the same species when Colonel Koshkarev returned with
a document of some sort and a radiant countenance.
“Everything has been carried through in due form!” he cried. “The man
whom I mentioned is a genius indeed, and I intend not only to promote
him over the rest, but also to create for him a special Department.
Herewith shall you hear what a splendid intellect is his, and how in a
few minutes he has put the whole affair in order.”
“May the Lord be thanked for that!” thought Chichikov. Then he settled
himself while the Colonel read aloud:
“‘After giving full consideration to the Reference which your Excellency
has entrusted to me, I have the honour to report as follows:
“‘(1) In the Statement of Plea presented by one Paul Ivanovitch
Chichikov, Gentleman, Chevalier, and Collegiate Councillor, there
lurks an error, in that an oversight has led the Petitioner to apply to
Revisional Souls the term “Dead.” Now, from the context it would appear
that by this term the Petitioner desires to signify Souls Approaching
Death rather than Souls Actually Deceased: wherefore the term employed
betrays such an empirical instruction in letters as must, beyond doubt,
have been confined to the Village School, seeing that in truth the Soul
is Deathless.’
“The rascal!” Koshkarev broke off to exclaim delightedly. “He has
got you there, Monsieur Chichikov. And you will admit that he has a
sufficiently incisive pen?
“‘(2) On this Estate there exist no Unmortgaged Souls whatsoever,
whether Approaching Death or Otherwise; for the reason that all Souls
thereon have been pledged not only under a First Deed of Mortgage, but
also (for the sum of One Hundred and Fifty Roubles per Soul) under
a Second,--the village of Gurmailovka alone excepted, in that,
in consequence of a Suit having been brought against Landowner
Priadistchev, and of a caveat having been pronounced by the Land Court,
and of such caveat having been published in No. 42 of the Gazette of
Moscow, the said Village has come within the Jurisdiction of the Court
Above-Mentioned.”
“Why did you not tell me all this before?” cried Chichikov furiously.
“Why you have kept me dancing about for nothing?”
“Because it was absolutely necessary that you should view the matter
through forms of documentary process. This is no jest on my part. The
inexperienced may see things subconsciously, yet it is imperative that
he should also see them CONSCIOUSLY.”
But to Chichikov’s patience an end had come. Seizing his cap, and
casting all ceremony to the winds, he fled from the house, and rushed
through the courtyard. As it happened, the man who had driven him
thither had, warned by experience, not troubled even to take out the
horses, since he knew that such a proceeding would have entailed not
only the presentation of a Statement of Plea for fodder, but also a
delay of twenty-four hours until the Resolution granting the same should
have been passed. Nevertheless the Colonel pursued his guest to the
gates, and pressed his hand warmly as he thanked him for having enabled
him (the Colonel) thus to exhibit in operation the proper management of
an estate. Also, he begged to state that, under the circumstances, it
was absolutely necessary to keep things moving and circulating, since,
otherwise, slackness was apt to supervene, and the working of the
machine to grow rusty and feeble; but that, in spite of all, the
present occasion had inspired him with a happy idea--namely, the idea
of instituting a Committee which should be entitled “The Committee of
Supervision of the Committee of Management,” and which should have
for its function the detection of backsliders among the body first
mentioned.
It was late when, tired and dissatisfied, Chichikov regained
Kostanzhoglo’s mansion. Indeed, the candles had long been lit.
“What has delayed you?” asked the master of the house as Chichikov
entered the drawing-room.
“Yes, what has kept you and the Colonel so long in conversation
together?” added Platon.
“This--the fact that never in my life have I come across such an
imbecile,” was Chichikov’s reply.
“Never mind,” said Kostanzhoglo. “Koshkarev is a most reassuring
phenomenon. He is necessary in that in him we see expressed in
caricature all the more crying follies of our intellectuals--of the
intellectuals who, without first troubling to make themselves acquainted
with their own country, borrow silliness from abroad. Yet that is
how certain of our landowners are now carrying on. They have set up
‘offices’ and factories and schools and ‘commissions,’ and the devil
knows what else besides. A fine lot of wiseacres! After the French War
in 1812 they had to reconstruct their affairs: and see how they have
done it! Yet so much worse have they done it than a Frenchman would have
done that any fool of a Peter Petrovitch Pietukh now ranks as a good
landowner!”
“But he has mortgaged the whole of his estate?” remarked Chichikov.
“Yes, nowadays everything is being mortgaged, or is going to be.” This
said, Kostanzhoglo’s temper rose still further. “Out upon your factories
of hats and candles!” he cried. “Out upon procuring candle-makers
from London, and then turning landowners into hucksters! To think of
a Russian pomiestchik [49], a member of the noblest of callings,
conducting workshops and cotton mills! Why, it is for the wenches of
towns to handle looms for muslin and lace.”
“But you yourself maintain workshops?” remarked Platon.
“I do; but who established them? They established themselves. For
instance, wool had accumulated, and since I had nowhere to store it, I
began to weave it into cloth--but, mark you, only into good, plain cloth
of which I can dispose at a cheap rate in the local markets, and which
is needed by peasants, including my own. Again, for six years on end
did the fish factories keep dumping their offal on my bank of the river;
wherefore, at last, as there was nothing to be done with it, I took
to boiling it into glue, and cleared forty thousand roubles by the
process.”
“The devil!” thought Chichikov to himself as he stared at his host.
“What a fist this man has for making money!”
“Another reason why I started those factories,” continued Kostanzhoglo,
“is that they might give employment to many peasants who would otherwise
have starved. You see, the year happened to have been a lean one--thanks
to those same industry-mongering landowners, in that they had neglected
to sow their crops; and now my factories keep growing at the rate of
a factory a year, owing to the circumstance that such quantities
of remnants and cuttings become so accumulated that, if a man looks
carefully to his management, he will find every sort of rubbish to be
capable of bringing in a return--yes, to the point of his having to
reject money on the plea that he has no need of it. Yet I do not find
that to do all this I require to build a mansion with facades and
pillars!”
“Marvellous!” exclaimed Chichikov. “Beyond all things does it surprise
me that refuse can be so utilised.”
“Yes, and that is what can be done by SIMPLE methods. But nowadays every
one is a mechanic, and wants to open that money chest with an instrument