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Gargantua and Pantagruel

François Rabelais

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MASTER FRANCIS RABELAIS FIVE BOOKS OF THE LIVES, HEROIC DEEDS AND SAYINGS OF GARGANTUA AND HIS SON PANTAGRUEL Translated into English by Sir Thomas Urquhart of Cromarty and Peter Antony Motteux The text of the first Two Books of Rabelais has been reprinted from the first edition (1653) of Urquhart’s translation. Footnotes initialled ‘M.’ are drawn from the Maitland Club edition (1838); other footnotes are by the translator. Urquhart’s translation of Book III. appeared posthumously in 1693, with a new edition of Books I. and II., under Motteux’s editorship. Motteux’s rendering of Books IV. and V. followed in 1708. Occasionally (as the footnotes indicate) passages omitted by Motteux have been restored from the 1738 copy edited by Ozell. CONTENTS. Introduction THE FIRST BOOK. J. De la Salle, to the Honoured, Noble Translator of Rabelais. Rablophila The Author’s Prologue to the First Book Rabelais to the Reader Chapter 1.I.--Of the Genealogy and Antiquity of Gargantua Chapter 1.II.--The Antidoted Fanfreluches: or, a Galimatia of extravagant Conceits found in an ancient Monument Chapter 1.III.--How Gargantua was carried eleven months in his mother’s belly Chapter 1.IV.--How Gargamelle, being great with Gargantua, did eat a huge deal of tripes Chapter 1.V.--The Discourse of the Drinkers Chapter 1.VI.--How Gargantua was born in a strange manner Chapter 1.VII.--After what manner Gargantua had his name given him, and how he tippled, bibbed, and curried the can Chapter 1.VIII.--How they apparelled Gargantua Chapter 1.IX.--The colours and liveries of Gargantua Chapter 1.X.--Of that which is signified by the colours white and blue Chapter 1.XI.--Of the youthful age of Gargantua Chapter 1.XII.--Of Gargantua’s wooden horses Chapter 1.XIII.--How Gargantua’s wonderful understanding became known to his father Grangousier, by the invention of a torchecul or wipebreech Chapter 1.XIV.--How Gargantua was taught Latin by a Sophister Chapter 1.XV.--How Gargantua was put under other schoolmasters Chapter 1.XVI.--How Gargantua was sent to Paris, and of the huge great mare that he rode on; how she destroyed the oxflies of the Beauce Chapter 1.XVII.--How Gargantua paid his welcome to the Parisians, and how he took away the great bells of Our Lady’s Church Chapter 1.XVIII.--How Janotus de Bragmardo was sent to Gargantua to recover the great bells Chapter 1.XIX.--The oration of Master Janotus de Bragmardo for recovery of the bells Chapter 1.XX.--How the Sophister carried away his cloth, and how he had a suit in law against the other masters Chapter 1.XXI.--The study of Gargantua, according to the discipline of his schoolmasters the Sophisters Chapter 1.XXII.--The games of Gargantua Chapter 1.XXIII.--How Gargantua was instructed by Ponocrates, and in such sort disciplinated, that he lost not one hour of the day Chapter 1.XXIV.--How Gargantua spent his time in rainy weather Chapter 1.XXV.--How there was great strife and debate raised betwixt the cake-bakers of Lerne, and those of Gargantua’s country, whereupon were waged great wars Chapter 1.XXVI.--How the inhabitants of Lerne, by the commandment of Picrochole their king, assaulted the shepherds of Gargantua unexpectedly and on a sudden Chapter 1.XXVII.--How a monk of Seville saved the close of the abbey from being ransacked by the enemy Chapter 1.XXVIII.--How Picrochole stormed and took by assault the rock Clermond, and of Grangousier’s unwillingness and aversion from the undertaking of war Chapter 1.XXIX.--The tenour of the letter which Grangousier wrote to his son Gargantua Chapter 1.XXX.--How Ulric Gallet was sent unto Picrochole Chapter 1.XXXI.--The speech made by Gallet to Picrochole Chapter 1.XXXII.--How Grangousier, to buy peace, caused the cakes to be restored Chapter 1.XXXIII.--How some statesmen of Picrochole, by hairbrained counsel, put him in extreme danger Chapter 1.XXXIV.--How Gargantua left the city of Paris to succour his country, and how Gymnast encountered with the enemy Chapter 1.XXXV.--How Gymnast very souply and cunningly killed Captain Tripet and others of Picrochole’s men Chapter 1.XXXVI.--How Gargantua demolished the castle at the ford of Vede, and how they passed the ford Chapter 1.XXXVII.--How Gargantua, in combing his head, made the great cannon-balls fall out of his hair Chapter 1.XXXVIII.--How Gargantua did eat up six pilgrims in a salad Chapter 1.XXXIX.--How the Monk was feasted by Gargantua, and of the jovial discourse they had at supper Chapter 1.XL.--Why monks are the outcasts of the world; and wherefore some have bigger noses than others Chapter 1.XLI.--How the Monk made Gargantua sleep, and of his hours and breviaries Chapter 1.XLII.--How the Monk encouraged his fellow-champions, and how he hanged upon a tree Chapter 1.XLIII.--How the scouts and fore-party of Picrochole were met with by Gargantua, and how the Monk slew Captain Drawforth, and then was taken prisoner by his enemies Chapter 1.XLIV.--How the Monk rid himself of his keepers, and how Picrochole’s forlorn hope was defeated Chapter 1.XLV.--How the Monk carried along with him the Pilgrims, and of the good words that Grangousier gave them Chapter 1.XLVI.--How Grangousier did very kindly entertain Touchfaucet his prisoner Chapter 1.XLVII.--How Grangousier sent for his legions, and how Touchfaucet slew Rashcalf, and was afterwards executed by the command of Picrochole Chapter 1.XLVIII.--How Gargantua set upon Picrochole within the rock Clermond, and utterly defeated the army of the said Picrochole Chapter 1.XLIX.--How Picrochole in his flight fell into great misfortunes, and what Gargantua did after the battle Chapter 1.L.--Gargantua’s speech to the vanquished Chapter 1.LI.--How the victorious Gargantuists were recompensed after the battle Chapter 1.LII.--How Gargantua caused to be built for the Monk the Abbey of Theleme Chapter 1.LIII.--How the abbey of the Thelemites was built and endowed Chapter 1.LIV.--The inscription set upon the great gate of Theleme Chapter 1.LV.--What manner of dwelling the Thelemites had Chapter 1.LVI.--How the men and women of the religious order of Theleme were apparelled Chapter 1.LVII.--How the Thelemites were governed, and of their manner of living Chapter 1.LVIII.--A prophetical Riddle THE SECOND BOOK. For the Reader Mr. Hugh Salel to Rabelais The Author’s Prologue Chapter 2.I.--Of the original and antiquity of the great Pantagruel Chapter 2.II.--Of the nativity of the most dread and redoubted Pantagruel Chapter 2.III.--Of the grief wherewith Gargantua was moved at the decease of his wife Badebec Chapter 2.IV.--Of the infancy of Pantagruel Chapter 2.V.--Of the acts of the noble Pantagruel in his youthful age Chapter 2.VI.--How Pantagruel met with a Limousin, who too affectedly did counterfeit the French language Chapter 2.VII.--How Pantagruel came to Paris, and of the choice books of the Library of St. Victor Chapter 2.VIII.--How Pantagruel, being at Paris, received letters from his father Gargantua, and the copy of them Chapter 2.IX.--How Pantagruel found Panurge, whom he loved all his lifetime Chapter 2.X.--How Pantagruel judged so equitably of a controversy, which was wonderfully obscure and difficult, that, by reason of his just decree therein, he was reputed to have a most admirable judgment Chapter 2.XI.--How the Lords of Kissbreech and Suckfist did plead before Pantagruel without an attorney Chapter 2.XII.--How the Lord of Suckfist pleaded before Pantagruel Chapter 2.XIII.--How Pantagruel gave judgment upon the difference of the two lords Chapter 2.XIV.--How Panurge related the manner how he escaped out of the hands of the Turks Chapter 2.XV.--How Panurge showed a very new way to build the walls of Paris Chapter 2.XVI.--Of the qualities and conditions of Panurge Chapter 2.XVII.--How Panurge gained the pardons, and married the old women, and of the suit in law which he had at Paris Chapter 2.XVIII.--How a great scholar of England would have argued against Pantagruel, and was overcome by Panurge Chapter 2.XIX.--How Panurge put to a nonplus the Englishman that argued by signs Chapter 2.XX.--How Thaumast relateth the virtues and knowledge of Panurge Chapter 2.XXI.--How Panurge was in love with a lady of Paris Chapter 2.XXII.--How Panurge served a Parisian lady a trick that pleased her not very well Chapter 2.XXIII.--How Pantagruel departed from Paris, hearing news that the Dipsodes had invaded the land of the Amaurots; and the cause wherefore the leagues are so short in France Chapter 2.XXIV.--A letter which a messenger brought to Pantagruel from a lady of Paris, together with the exposition of a posy written in a gold ring Chapter 2.XXV.--How Panurge, Carpalin, Eusthenes, and Epistemon, the gentlemen attendants of Pantagruel, vanquished and discomfited six hundred and threescore horsemen very cunningly Chapter 2.XXVI.--How Pantagruel and his company were weary in eating still salt meats; and how Carpalin went a-hunting to have some venison Chapter 2.XXVII.--How Pantagruel set up one trophy in memorial of their valour, and Panurge another in remembrance of the hares. How Pantagruel likewise with his farts begat little men, and with his fisgs little women; and how Panurge broke a great staff over two glasses Chapter 2.XXVIII.--How Pantagruel got the victory very strangely over the Dipsodes and the Giants Chapter 2.XXIX.--How Pantagruel discomfited the three hundred giants armed with free-stone, and Loupgarou their captain Chapter 2.XXX.--How Epistemon, who had his head cut off, was finely healed by Panurge, and of the news which he brought from the devils, and of the damned people in hell Chapter 2.XXXI.--How Pantagruel entered into the city of the Amaurots, and how Panurge married King Anarchus to an old lantern-carrying hag, and made him a crier of green sauce Chapter 2.XXXII.--How Pantagruel with his tongue covered a whole army, and what the author saw in his mouth Chapter 2.XXXIII.--How Pantagruel became sick, and the manner how he was recovered Chapter 2.XXXIV.--The conclusion of this present book, and the excuse of the author THE THIRD BOOK. Francois Rabelais to the Soul of the Deceased Queen of Navarre The Author’s Prologue Chapter 3.I.--How Pantagruel transported a colony of Utopians into Dipsody Chapter 3.II.--How Panurge was made Laird of Salmigondin in Dipsody, and did waste his revenue before it came in Chapter 3.III.--How Panurge praiseth the debtors and borrowers Chapter 3.IV.--Panurge continueth his discourse in the praise of borrowers and lenders Chapter 3.V.--How Pantagruel altogether abhorreth the debtors and borrowers Chapter 3.VI.--Why new married men were privileged from going to the wars Chapter 3.VII.--How Panurge had a flea in his ear, and forbore to wear any longer his magnificent codpiece Chapter 3.VIII.--Why the codpiece is held to be the chief piece of armour amongst warriors Chapter 3.IX.--How Panurge asketh counsel of Pantagruel whether he should marry, yea, or no Chapter 3.X.--How Pantagruel representeth unto Panurge the difficulty of giving advice in the matter of marriage; and to that purpose mentioneth somewhat of the Homeric and Virgilian lotteries Chapter 3.XI.--How Pantagruel showeth the trial of one’s fortune by the throwing of dice to be unlawful Chapter 3.XII.--How Pantagruel doth explore by the Virgilian lottery what fortune Panurge shall have in his marriage Chapter 3.XIII.--How Pantagruel adviseth Panurge to try the future good or bad luck of his marriage by dreams