Gargantua and Pantagruel
and asked him, Good fellow, the lady that sent thee hither, did she not give
thee a staff to bring with thee? thinking that it had been according to the
conceit whereof Aulus Gellius maketh mention. And the messenger answered
him, No, sir. Then Panurge would have caused his head to be shaven, to see
whether the lady had written upon his bald pate, with the hard lye whereof
soap is made, that which she meant; but, perceiving that his hair was very
long, he forbore, considering that it could not have grown to so great a
length in so short a time.
Then he said to Pantagruel, Master, by the virtue of G--, I cannot tell
what to do nor say in it. For, to know whether there be anything written
upon this or no, I have made use of a good part of that which Master
Francisco di Nianto, the Tuscan, sets down, who hath written the manner of
reading letters that do not appear; that which Zoroastes published, Peri
grammaton acriton; and Calphurnius Bassus, De literis illegibilibus. But I
can see nothing, nor do I believe that there is anything else in it than
the ring. Let us, therefore, look upon it. Which when they had done, they
found this in Hebrew written within, Lamach saba(ch)thani; whereupon they
called Epistemon, and asked him what that meant. To which he answered that
they were Hebrew words, signifying, Wherefore hast thou forsaken me? Upon
that Panurge suddenly replied, I know the mystery. Do you see this
diamond? It is a false one. This, then, is the exposition of that which
the lady means, Diamant faux, that is, false lover, why hast thou forsaken
me? Which interpretation Pantagruel presently understood, and withal
remembering that at his departure he had not bid the lady farewell, he was
very sorry, and would fain have returned to Paris to make his peace with
her. But Epistemon put him in mind of Aeneas’s departure from Dido, and
the saying of Heraclitus of Tarentum, That the ship being at anchor, when
need requireth we must cut the cable rather than lose time about untying of
it,--and that he should lay aside all other thoughts to succour the city of
his nativity, which was then in danger. And, indeed, within an hour after
that the wind arose at the north-north-west, wherewith they hoist sail, and
put out, even into the main sea, so that within few days, passing by Porto
Sancto and by the Madeiras, they went ashore in the Canary Islands.
Parting from thence, they passed by Capobianco, by Senege, by Capoverde, by
Gambre, by Sagres, by Melli, by the Cap di Buona Speranza, and set ashore
again in the kingdom of Melinda. Parting from thence, they sailed away
with a tramontane or northerly wind, passing by Meden, by Uti, by Uden, by
Gelasim, by the Isles of the Fairies, and alongst the kingdom of Achorie,
till at last they arrived at the port of Utopia, distant from the city of
the Amaurots three leagues and somewhat more.
When they were ashore, and pretty well refreshed, Pantagruel said,
Gentlemen, the city is not far from hence; therefore, were it not amiss,
before we set forward, to advise well what is to be done, that we be not
like the Athenians, who never took counsel until after the fact? Are you
resolved to live and die with me? Yes, sir, said they all, and be as
confident of us as of your own fingers. Well, said he, there is but one
thing that keeps my mind in great doubt and suspense, which is this, that I
know not in what order nor of what number the enemy is that layeth siege to
the city; for, if I were certain of that, I should go forward and set on
with the better assurance. Let us therefore consult together, and bethink
ourselves by what means we may come to this intelligence. Whereunto they
all said, Let us go thither and see, and stay you here for us; for this
very day, without further respite, do we make account to bring you a
certain report thereof.
Myself, said Panurge, will undertake to enter into their camp, within the
very midst of their guards, unespied by their watch, and merrily feast and
lecher it at their cost, without being known of any, to see the artillery
and the tents of all the captains, and thrust myself in with a grave and
magnific carriage amongst all their troops and companies, without being
discovered. The devil would not be able to peck me out with all his
circumventions, for I am of the race of Zopyrus.
And I, said Epistemon, know all the plots and strategems of the valiant
captains and warlike champions of former ages, together with all the tricks
and subtleties of the art of war. I will go, and, though I be detected and
revealed, I will escape by making them believe of you whatever I please,
for I am of the race of Sinon.
I, said Eusthenes, will enter and set upon them in their trenches, in spite
of their sentries and all their guards; for I will tread upon their bellies
and break their legs and arms, yea, though they were every whit as strong
as the devil himself, for I am of the race of Hercules.
And I, said Carpalin, will get in there if the birds can enter, for I am so
nimble of body, and light withal, that I shall have leaped over their
trenches, and ran clean through all their camp, before that they perceive
me; neither do I fear shot, nor arrow, nor horse, how swift soever, were he
the Pegasus of Perseus or Pacolet, being assured that I shall be able to
make a safe and sound escape before them all without any hurt. I will
undertake to walk upon the ears of corn or grass in the meadows, without
making either of them do so much as bow under me, for I am of the race of
Camilla the Amazon.
Chapter 2.XXV.
How Panurge, Carpalin, Eusthenes, and Epistemon, the gentlemen attendants
of Pantagruel, vanquished and discomfited six hundred and threescore
horsemen very cunningly.
As he was speaking this, they perceived six hundred and threescore light
horsemen, gallantly mounted, who made an outroad thither to see what ship
it was that was newly arrived in the harbour, and came in a full gallop to
take them if they had been able. Then said Pantagruel, My lads, retire
yourselves unto the ship; here are some of our enemies coming apace, but I
will kill them here before you like beasts, although they were ten times so
many; in the meantime, withdraw yourselves, and take your sport at it.
Then answered Panurge, No, sir; there is no reason that you should do so,
but, on the contrary, retire you unto the ship, both you and the rest, for
I alone will here discomfit them; but we must not linger; come, set
forward. Whereunto the others said, It is well advised, sir; withdraw
yourself, and we will help Panurge here, so shall you know what we are able
to do. Then said Pantagruel, Well, I am content; but, if that you be too
weak, I will not fail to come to your assistance. With this Panurge took
two great cables of the ship and tied them to the kemstock or capstan which
was on the deck towards the hatches, and fastened them in the ground,
making a long circuit, the one further off, the other within that. Then
said he to Epistemon, Go aboard the ship, and, when I give you a call, turn
about the capstan upon the orlop diligently, drawing unto you the two
cable-ropes; and said to Eusthenes and to Carpalin, My bullies, stay you
here, and offer yourselves freely to your enemies. Do as they bid you, and
make as if you would yield unto them, but take heed you come not within the
compass of the ropes--be sure to keep yourselves free of them. And
presently he went aboard the ship, and took a bundle of straw and a barrel
of gunpowder, strewed it round about the compass of the cords, and stood by
with a brand of fire or match lighted in his hand. Presently came the
horsemen with great fury, and the foremost ran almost home to the ship,
and, by reason of the slipperiness of the bank, they fell, they and their
horses, to the number of four and forty; which the rest seeing, came on,
thinking that resistance had been made them at their arrival. But Panurge
said unto them, My masters, I believe that you have hurt yourselves; I pray
you pardon us, for it is not our fault, but the slipperiness of the
sea-water that is always flowing; we submit ourselves to your good pleasure.
So said likewise his two other fellows, and Epistemon that was upon the
deck. In the meantime Panurge withdrew himself, and seeing that they were
all within the compass of the cables, and that his two companions were
retired, making room for all those horses which came in a crowd, thronging
upon the neck of one another to see the ship and such as were in it, cried
out on a sudden to Epistemon, Draw, draw! Then began Epistemon to wind
about the capstan, by doing whereof the two cables so entangled and
empestered the legs of the horses, that they were all of them thrown down
to the ground easily, together with their riders. But they, seeing that,
drew their swords, and would have cut them; whereupon Panurge set fire to
the train, and there burnt them up all like damned souls, both men and
horses, not one escaping save one alone, who being mounted on a fleet
Turkey courser, by mere speed in flight got himself out of the circle of
the ropes. But when Carpalin perceived him, he ran after him with such
nimbleness and celerity that he overtook him in less than a hundred paces;
then, leaping close behind him upon the crupper of his horse, clasped him
in his arms, and brought him back to the ship.
This exploit being ended, Pantagruel was very jovial, and wondrously
commended the industry of these gentlemen, whom he called his
fellow-soldiers, and made them refresh themselves and feed well and merrily
upon the seashore, and drink heartily with their bellies upon the ground,
and their prisoner with them, whom they admitted to that familiarity; only
that the poor devil was somewhat afraid that Pantagruel would have eaten him
up whole, which, considering the wideness of his mouth and capacity of his
throat was no great matter for him to have done; for he could have done it
as easily as you would eat a small comfit, he showing no more in his throat
than would a grain of millet-seed in the mouth of an ass.
Chapter 2.XXVI.
How Pantagruel and his company were weary in eating still salt meats; and
how Carpalin went a-hunting to have some venison.
Thus as they talked and chatted together, Carpalin said, And, by the belly
of St. Quenet, shall we never eat any venison? This salt meat makes me
horribly dry. I will go fetch you a quarter of one of those horses which
we have burnt; it is well roasted already. As he was rising up to go about
it, he perceived under the side of a wood a fair great roebuck, which was
come out of his fort, as I conceive, at the sight of Panurge’s fire. Him
did he pursue and run after with as much vigour and swiftness as if it had
been a bolt out of a crossbow, and caught him in a moment; and whilst he
was in his course he with his hands took in the air four great bustards,
seven bitterns, six and twenty grey partridges, two and thirty red-legged
ones, sixteen pheasants, nine woodcocks, nineteen herons, two and thirty
cushats and ringdoves; and with his feet killed ten or twelve hares and
rabbits, which were then at relief and pretty big withal, eighteen rails in
a knot together, with fifteen young wild-boars, two little beavers, and
three great foxes. So, striking the kid with his falchion athwart the
head, he killed him, and, bearing him on his back, he in his return took up
his hares, rails, and young wild-boars, and, as far off as he could be
heard, cried out and said, Panurge, my friend, vinegar, vinegar! Then the
good Pantagruel, thinking he had fainted, commanded them to provide him
some vinegar; but Panurge knew well that there was some good prey in hands,
and forthwith showed unto noble Pantagruel how he was bearing upon his back