Great Expectations
very early in life, he had impaired his prospects and taken up the
calling of a Grinder. After grinding a number of dull blades,—of whom
it was remarkable that their fathers, when influential, were always
going to help him to preferment, but always forgot to do it when the
blades had left the Grindstone,—he had wearied of that poor work and
had come to London. Here, after gradually failing in loftier hopes, he
had “read” with divers who had lacked opportunities or neglected them,
and had refurbished divers others for special occasions, and had turned
his acquirements to the account of literary compilation and correction,
and on such means, added to some very moderate private resources, still
maintained the house I saw.
Mr. and Mrs. Pocket had a toady neighbour; a widow lady of that highly
sympathetic nature that she agreed with everybody, blessed everybody,
and shed smiles and tears on everybody, according to circumstances.
This lady’s name was Mrs. Coiler, and I had the honour of taking her
down to dinner on the day of my installation. She gave me to understand
on the stairs, that it was a blow to dear Mrs. Pocket that dear Mr.
Pocket should be under the necessity of receiving gentlemen to read
with him. That did not extend to me, she told me in a gush of love and
confidence (at that time, I had known her something less than five
minutes); if they were all like Me, it would be quite another thing.
“But dear Mrs. Pocket,” said Mrs. Coiler, “after her early
disappointment (not that dear Mr. Pocket was to blame in that),
requires so much luxury and elegance—”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said, to stop her, for I was afraid she was going to
cry.
“And she is of so aristocratic a disposition—”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said again, with the same object as before.
“—That it _is_ hard,” said Mrs. Coiler, “to have dear Mr. Pocket’s time
and attention diverted from dear Mrs. Pocket.”
I could not help thinking that it might be harder if the butcher’s time
and attention were diverted from dear Mrs. Pocket; but I said nothing,
and indeed had enough to do in keeping a bashful watch upon my company
manners.
It came to my knowledge, through what passed between Mrs. Pocket and
Drummle while I was attentive to my knife and fork, spoon, glasses, and
other instruments of self-destruction, that Drummle, whose Christian
name was Bentley, was actually the next heir but one to a baronetcy. It
further appeared that the book I had seen Mrs. Pocket reading in the
garden was all about titles, and that she knew the exact date at which
her grandpapa would have come into the book, if he ever had come at
all. Drummle didn’t say much, but in his limited way (he struck me as a
sulky kind of fellow) he spoke as one of the elect, and recognised Mrs.
Pocket as a woman and a sister. No one but themselves and Mrs. Coiler
the toady neighbour showed any interest in this part of the
conversation, and it appeared to me that it was painful to Herbert; but
it promised to last a long time, when the page came in with the
announcement of a domestic affliction. It was, in effect, that the cook
had mislaid the beef. To my unutterable amazement, I now, for the first
time, saw Mr. Pocket relieve his mind by going through a performance
that struck me as very extraordinary, but which made no impression on
anybody else, and with which I soon became as familiar as the rest. He
laid down the carving-knife and fork,—being engaged in carving, at the
moment,—put his two hands into his disturbed hair, and appeared to make
an extraordinary effort to lift himself up by it. When he had done
this, and had not lifted himself up at all, he quietly went on with
what he was about.
Mrs. Coiler then changed the subject and began to flatter me. I liked
it for a few moments, but she flattered me so very grossly that the
pleasure was soon over. She had a serpentine way of coming close at me
when she pretended to be vitally interested in the friends and
localities I had left, which was altogether snaky and fork-tongued; and
when she made an occasional bounce upon Startop (who said very little
to her), or upon Drummle (who said less), I rather envied them for
being on the opposite side of the table.
After dinner the children were introduced, and Mrs. Coiler made
admiring comments on their eyes, noses, and legs,—a sagacious way of
improving their minds. There were four little girls, and two little
boys, besides the baby who might have been either, and the baby’s next
successor who was as yet neither. They were brought in by Flopson and
Millers, much as though those two non-commissioned officers had been
recruiting somewhere for children and had enlisted these, while Mrs.
Pocket looked at the young Nobles that ought to have been as if she
rather thought she had had the pleasure of inspecting them before, but
didn’t quite know what to make of them.
“Here! Give me your fork, Mum, and take the baby,” said Flopson. “Don’t
take it that way, or you’ll get its head under the table.”
Thus advised, Mrs. Pocket took it the other way, and got its head upon
the table; which was announced to all present by a prodigious
concussion.
“Dear, dear! Give it me back, Mum,” said Flopson; “and Miss Jane, come
and dance to baby, do!”
One of the little girls, a mere mite who seemed to have prematurely
taken upon herself some charge of the others, stepped out of her place
by me, and danced to and from the baby until it left off crying, and
laughed. Then, all the children laughed, and Mr. Pocket (who in the
meantime had twice endeavoured to lift himself up by the hair) laughed,
and we all laughed and were glad.
Flopson, by dint of doubling the baby at the joints like a Dutch doll,
then got it safely into Mrs. Pocket’s lap, and gave it the nut-crackers
to play with; at the same time recommending Mrs. Pocket to take notice
that the handles of that instrument were not likely to agree with its
eyes, and sharply charging Miss Jane to look after the same. Then, the
two nurses left the room, and had a lively scuffle on the staircase
with a dissipated page who had waited at dinner, and who had clearly
lost half his buttons at the gaming-table.
I was made very uneasy in my mind by Mrs. Pocket’s falling into a
discussion with Drummle respecting two baronetcies, while she ate a
sliced orange steeped in sugar and wine, and, forgetting all about the
baby on her lap, who did most appalling things with the nut-crackers.
At length little Jane, perceiving its young brains to be imperilled,
softly left her place, and with many small artifices coaxed the
dangerous weapon away. Mrs. Pocket finishing her orange at about the
same time, and not approving of this, said to Jane,—
“You naughty child, how dare you? Go and sit down this instant!”
“Mamma dear,” lisped the little girl, “baby ood have put hith eyeth
out.”
“How dare you tell me so?” retorted Mrs. Pocket. “Go and sit down in
your chair this moment!”
Mrs. Pocket’s dignity was so crushing, that I felt quite abashed, as if
I myself had done something to rouse it.
“Belinda,” remonstrated Mr. Pocket, from the other end of the table,
“how can you be so unreasonable? Jane only interfered for the
protection of baby.”
“I will not allow anybody to interfere,” said Mrs. Pocket. “I am
surprised, Matthew, that you should expose me to the affront of
interference.”
“Good God!” cried Mr. Pocket, in an outbreak of desolate desperation.
“Are infants to be nut-crackered into their tombs, and is nobody to
save them?”
“I will not be interfered with by Jane,” said Mrs. Pocket, with a
majestic glance at that innocent little offender. “I hope I know my
poor grandpapa’s position. Jane, indeed!”
Mr. Pocket got his hands in his hair again, and this time really did
lift himself some inches out of his chair. “Hear this!” he helplessly
exclaimed to the elements. “Babies are to be nut-crackered dead, for
people’s poor grandpapa’s positions!” Then he let himself down again,
and became silent.
We all looked awkwardly at the tablecloth while this was going on. A
pause succeeded, during which the honest and irrepressible baby made a
series of leaps and crows at little Jane, who appeared to me to be the
only member of the family (irrespective of servants) with whom it had
any decided acquaintance.
“Mr. Drummle,” said Mrs. Pocket, “will you ring for Flopson? Jane, you
undutiful little thing, go and lie down. Now, baby darling, come with
ma!”
The baby was the soul of honour, and protested with all its might. It
doubled itself up the wrong way over Mrs. Pocket’s arm, exhibited a
pair of knitted shoes and dimpled ankles to the company in lieu of its
soft face, and was carried out in the highest state of mutiny. And it
gained its point after all, for I saw it through the window within a
few minutes, being nursed by little Jane.
It happened that the other five children were left behind at the
dinner-table, through Flopson’s having some private engagement, and
their not being anybody else’s business. I thus became aware of the
mutual relations between them and Mr. Pocket, which were exemplified in
the following manner. Mr. Pocket, with the normal perplexity of his
face heightened and his hair rumpled, looked at them for some minutes,
as if he couldn’t make out how they came to be boarding and lodging in
that establishment, and why they hadn’t been billeted by Nature on
somebody else. Then, in a distant Missionary way he asked them certain
questions,—as why little Joe had that hole in his frill, who said, Pa,
Flopson was going to mend it when she had time,—and how little Fanny
came by that whitlow, who said, Pa, Millers was going to poultice it
when she didn’t forget. Then, he melted into parental tenderness, and
gave them a shilling apiece and told them to go and play; and then as
they went out, with one very strong effort to lift himself up by the
hair he dismissed the hopeless subject.
In the evening there was rowing on the river. As Drummle and Startop
had each a boat, I resolved to set up mine, and to cut them both out. I
was pretty good at most exercises in which country boys are adepts, but
as I was conscious of wanting elegance of style for the Thames,—not to
say for other waters,—I at once engaged to place myself under the
tuition of the winner of a prize-wherry who plied at our stairs, and to
whom I was introduced by my new allies. This practical authority
confused me very much by saying I had the arm of a blacksmith. If he
could have known how nearly the compliment lost him his pupil, I doubt
if he would have paid it.
There was a supper-tray after we got home at night, and I think we
should all have enjoyed ourselves, but for a rather disagreeable
domestic occurrence. Mr. Pocket was in good spirits, when a housemaid
came in, and said, “If you please, sir, I should wish to speak to you.”
“Speak to your master?” said Mrs. Pocket, whose dignity was roused
again. “How can you think of such a thing? Go and speak to Flopson. Or
speak to me—at some other time.”
“Begging your pardon, ma’am,” returned the housemaid, “I should wish to
speak at once, and to speak to master.”
Hereupon, Mr. Pocket went out of the room, and we made the best of
ourselves until he came back.
“This is a pretty thing, Belinda!” said Mr. Pocket, returning with a
countenance expressive of grief and despair. “Here’s the cook lying
insensibly drunk on the kitchen floor, with a large bundle of fresh
butter made up in the cupboard ready to sell for grease!”
Mrs. Pocket instantly showed much amiable emotion, and said, “This is
that odious Sophia’s doing!”
“What do you mean, Belinda?” demanded Mr. Pocket.
“Sophia has told you,” said Mrs. Pocket. “Did I not see her with my own
eyes and hear her with my own ears, come into the room just now and ask
to speak to you?”