I am a woman
Inside the door, standing in the little court, the urgency left Laura.
She stood gasping for breath, leaning against the brick wall by the
door. She was where she wanted to be, next to a fascinating woman whom
she wanted to make love to. It was a huge physical need, an emotional
hypnotism, that drew her to Beebo. After the wild race she had just come
through Laura wanted suddenly to slow down. To tease, to tantalize. She
felt like somebody entirely different. Not the tightly controlled Laura
who lived anxiously with Marcie, with an uncertain job, with the spectre
of a hated father. Not the nerve-tortured cautious girl her roommate
knew, but a warm excited woman on the verge of the ultimate intimacy.
She wanted it, she asked for it, she accepted it. She stood watching
Beebo, her eyes enormous with it, her nostrils flared, her lips parted.
Beebo came toward her, smiling, but Laura slipped away.
She moved, almost glided, to a circle of benches in the center of the
court. Beebo followed her. And again when she reached for her, Laura
slipped around the benches. Beebo reached again, and Laura faded out of
her grasp. And suddenly Beebo was on fire.
“Come here, come here, baby. Pretty baby. Pretty Laura,” she chanted
like a spell. But Laura eluded her, moving just a little faster each
time, until they were running again, and Laura felt the laughter coming
out of her, soft and light at first, but growing wilder, uncontrollable.
She fled, inches from Beebo’s hands, into the dark hallway, and
scrambled up the stairs, losing her footing, and nearly losing her
freedom, twice. Beebo was so close behind her near the top that she
could hear her breath. With a little shriek of unbearable excitement,
she fell against Beebo’s door, and felt within a second Beebo’s weight
come hard against her. The laughter burst out of her again until Beebo
got the door open and they almost fell into the living room.
Nix was all over them instantly, but Beebo, dragging Laura by the neck
and Nix by his collar, locked him in the bathroom. Then she turned on
Laura. Laura, seeing her, suddenly stopped laughing. Beebo looked
unearthly. Her black hair was tumbled, her cheeks were crimson, her
chest heaved. But it was her eyes that almost frightened Laura.
Laura let her jacket drop from her shoulders slowly, provocatively, and
Beebo approached her. They stood motionless, so close that just the tips
of Laura’s breasts touched Beebo, and they stood that way, without
moving, until Laura shut her eyes, letting her head rock back on her
shoulders, and groaned.
“Do it, Beebo,” she said. “Do it. I can’t stand it, do it to me.”
“Beg me. Beg me, baby.”
Laura’s eyes opened. She didn’t know how hard her breath was coming, how
strange and wonderful she looked with all her inhibitions burning up in
her own flame of desire. “Beebo, Beebo, take me,” she groaned.
Still Beebo didn’t move. Her breath was hot and pure on Laura’s face
when she spoke. “When I start, Laura,” she said slowly, “I’m never going
to stop.” She put her hands against the wall over Laura’s head and
leaned on them, her eyes boring into Laura’s, her body closing gently in
on Laura’s, pressing. “Never,” she whispered.
“Do it, Beebo. God! Do it!”
“I’ll never stop. Never.” Her lips grazed Laura’s brow.
Laura shook all over. She couldn’t talk, except to repeat Beebo’s name
over and over and over, as if she were in a trance. Beebo’s hands came
slowly over her hair, her face, her breasts, her waist, her hips. And
then one strong arm went around her and Laura groaned. They sank to the
floor, wracked with passion, kissing each other ravenously, tearing at
each other’s clothes.
* * * * *
They never heard Nix’s indignant barking from the bathroom, or the phone
when it rang a half hour later. They never felt the chill of the rainy
night nor the hard discomfort of the floor where they lay. Or the phone
when it rang again. And later, yet again. It was not until late morning
and brilliant sunshine invaded the room that they were aware of anything
but themselves.
Once again it was Laura who woke up first. She was too bewildered to
think straight at first, and the sight of Beebo, turning over slowly and
opening her eyes, did nothing to straighten her out. Physically she felt
wonderful. For a few moments she luxuriated in her body, letting her
mind go blank.
She rubbed her hands gently over herself and discovered a bruise on her
thigh. The little ache gave her a sudden hard thrill and she remembered
how Beebo made the bruise with her mouth. She had to fight hard against
the need to roll over on Beebo and start loving her all over again. She
touched the small bruise once more and felt the same shameless pleasure.
She stretched, more for Beebo’s benefit than her own.
Beebo caught her and pulled her down and rubbed her black hair against
Laura’s breasts. Laura laughed and struggled with her.
“Beebo, I’ve got to get up. I have to get to work.”
“To hell with work. This is love.”
“Don’t keep me, Beebo. This job means the world to me. I don’t want to
be late.” She spoke the truth, yet she had no idea of how she was going
to get up and get out.
“What time do you think it is, baby?”
“I don’t know.”
Beebo peered over her head at the dresser clock. “Eleven-thirty,” she
said.
Laura gasped and tried to get off the floor, the surprise giving her
impetus, but Beebo held her. “You’re going nowhere, Bo-peep,” she said.
Her tone, her self-assurance, brought out the fight in Laura.
“I’ve got to get there. You don’t know how far behind we are. I could
lose my job. And if my father ever—” She stopped, still squirming to get
up. She got as far as her knees but Beebo grasped her wrists and held
her there.
“I said, you’re not going anywhere, baby,” she said, and she wasn’t
kidding.
“Beebo, be reasonable. Please. You can’t know how important it is to
me.” It was suddenly important in a new way, too; it meant distance
between her and Beebo. She was vaguely afraid that Beebo was strong
enough to overwhelm her, to dominate her life. She needed something else
to keep her perspective, her independence.
“You don’t know how important _you_ are to _me_,” Beebo returned. “What
the hell, you’re half a day late already. Call ’em and tell ’em you’re
sick.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t lie worth a damn, Beebo.”
“You can say ‘I’m sick’ can’t you? It’s a cinch, I do it all the time.
Come on, let me hear you say it.”
“I can’t. I turn bright red when I lie.”
Beebo released her and turned over on her stomach, laughing. “Jesus,
Laur, you could turn bright green. Who’s going to see you over the
phone? Do your damn radiologists have X-ray eyes?”
Laura was on her feet and heading for the phone in Beebo’s kitchen. She
dialed the office, while Beebo got up and followed her to listen.
“Sarah?” Laura said.
“Laura! Are you all right?”
“Yes. I’m all right. I’ll be down as fast as I can get there. I’m
terribly sorry. Is Dr. Hollingsworth mad?”
“No. You know him. He’s awfully nice about these things. He did ask if
you called in, though. He asked twice. Are you sick?”
She looked at Beebo, who grinned at her. “Yes, I’m sick,” she said,
setting her chin.
“Well, gee, maybe you’d better not come in, then.”
“No, I’ll be all right.” She glared at Beebo who was laughing at her red
cheeks. “I’ll be in right away.” She hung up and brushed past Beebo
haughtily without looking at her.
“Laura,” said Beebo, coming after her, her arms crossed over her chest.
“You’re not going to work.”
Laura picked up her wrinkled clothes and said, “Do you have an iron?”
“You won’t need it.”
“I can’t go out like this.” Laura held up her rumpled dress, trying to
shake it out.
“Then you just can’t go out.” Beebo stretched out on the bed and made a
clucking noise at her. “Poor baby,” she said.
“Why is it you’re such an angel in bed and a bitch out of bed?” Laura
snapped.
For answer, Beebo only lay on her back and laughed at her. Laura looked
at her lithe body and after a moment she had to turn away to keep from
lying down beside her. “I don’t even like you, Beebo,” she said harshly,
hoping it would hurt. “I don’t know why I can’t keep away from you.”
“It’s because I’m such an angel in bed, Bo-peep,” Beebo said. “That’s
all you care about. That’s all you want from me.”
Laura whirled and threw one of her shoes at her. “Bitch!” she exploded.
The hurt had backfired. Beebo spoke the truth. And then Laura turned
away to hide the surprise she always felt when the passion in her burst
to the surface. In silent embarrassment she slipped into her panty
girdle, burningly aware of Beebo’s amused stare while she pulled it over
her hips.
“I wouldn’t bother, baby,” Beebo said lazily.
“Why not?” Laura wouldn’t look at her.
“Number one, I hate the damn things. Number two, you don’t need one.
Number three, you can’t go to work in a girdle. Period. And that’s all
the clothes you’re going to get.”
“What?” Laura turned around.
Beebo had gotten off the bed and with two or three sweeping gestures she
grabbed Laura’s clothes and headed for the bathroom.
“Beebo, what are you doing? What’s the matter with you? Give me those
things! Beebo!” Laura tugged at her but Beebo, laughing, was too much
for her. Nix burst out of the bathroom as Beebo shouldered in. She
turned on the shower full force and threw the clothes over Laura’s head
into the drink. And while Laura was still spluttering at her she threw
Laura in, too, gently, dumping her on the clothes. Everything,
everybody, was soaked.
“Beebo, you animal! You’re impossible!” Laura said furiously. She turned
off the water angrily and snatched up her clothes, wringing them out
into the tub. She was trembling with anger. She faced Beebo with a
crimson face and threw the clothes at her.
“Take the girdle off, Bo-peep,” said Beebo with unconcern. She threw the
clothes over a wooden drying rack. “It doesn’t do a thing for you.”
Outraged, Laura tried to scratch her, but Beebo pinned her back against
the bathroom door and kissed her. Laura bit her and only made her laugh.
With a feeling of excitement so strong it almost made her sick, Laura
knew what was coming.
“No!” she exclaimed, suddenly sobbing. “No, I won’t! No!” But it was
submissive, helpless. Beebo forced her to her knees. Standing
spreadlegged beside her, she put her strong hands behind Laura’s neck
and pressed Laura’s face into her belly. “I said I’d never stop,
Bo-peep. I said never, remember?”
“Please, Beebo ...” Frustration and desire were both so strong in Laura
now that she was nearly out of her mind. Her weakness had got her again,
and Beebo would make the most of it.
* * * * *
It was late afternoon before she called Marcie. She had left under such
peculiar circumstances that she was afraid of what Marcie must be
thinking. She didn’t want to call. Marcie was angry with her, to Laura’s
surprise.
“You told me you were coming right back,” she said.
Laura was bewildered. “I meant to,” she said. “I swear, Marcie.”
“You lied to me.”
“No, I didn’t, I just didn’t know—I mean—”
“Don’t lie to me any more, Laura. It makes me sick. I thought we were
finally getting close to each other. I thought we were finally going to
be friends.” She sounded upset.
“But Marcie, we are.”
“I know where you went, Laura.”
Laura went white, and Beebo, who was lounging around the kitchen making
dinner, turned to watch her with a frown. “What do you mean, Marcie?”
Laura said.
“I nearly lost my mind,” she said. “I would have called the police and
made a fool of myself. But I called Jack first, thank God. Laura, why
won’t you tell me the truth? Why won’t you just admit that I make you