I am a woman
“I don’t mind it. Not enough to make me give her up again.”
“You talk like a kid, Burr,” she said, wondering what authority gave her
the right to pronounce judgments. And then she reasoned that Burr
himself gave her the right. He asked for it. Okay, he’d get it. “If you
want to win Marcie back, find out what’s the trouble and change it. If
you want my opinion—and I guess that’s why you’re here—I don’t think you
should go back together. I think Jack’s right; you were never meant for
each other. It’s purely physical.”
These were hard words, but even so Laura wasn’t prepared for the effect
they produced. Burr went pale and his mouth dropped open. Suddenly he
stood up. “Jack said that?” he said incredulously. “_Jack?_”
And Laura went a little sick. She had violated a confidence, without
even meaning to. The one person she couldn’t bear to hurt, to alienate
right now, was Jack. “Maybe I’m mistaken,” she said quickly. But who
else could it be? “It was me, Burr, I don’t know why I said that. It
wasn’t Jack.”
“Oh, it was _you_!” He had been surprised into a fury. He had been
nursing his grievance, trying to talk calmly to Laura. Now his feelings
got out of control. “Well, I’ll tell you something, Laura. I don’t
believe you. It was Jack or you wouldn’t have said so. You’re a lousy
liar. Now suppose you explain something to me.” He leaned with his fists
on her desk.
Laura leaned away from him, frightened now. “Calm down, Burr,” she said,
but he ignored her.
“You and Jack can both go to hell!” he said. “You’ve been
psychoanalyzing the situation over a couple of beers in your spare time.
A couple of cocktail-hour psychologists. Oh, don’t think I can’t see it.
Well, I don’t give a damn for what you think. I love Marcie!” He was
shouting. “I love her! And I’d like to know why the hell she doesn’t
love _me_ any more. _Why_, Laura? _You_ tell me. Why would she rather
stay home with you at night than go out with me? Why does she talk about
Laura, Laura, Laura all the time? Laura reads this, Laura does that,
Laura says! God, I’m sick of it!” His ugly suspicions exploded in her
face.
“She doesn’t, Burr, you’re mistaken.”
“Mistaken!” he roared, his face turning scarlet. “Mistaken! Oh, you’re a
bitch, Laura! Mistaken! And she won’t make love to me any more. She
won’t see me. You’re the only one she gives a damn about. She can’t get
enough of you at home, she’s got to get you a job in her own office.
Yes, she told me about it,” he interrupted himself, when Laura gave a
little gasp.
“Burr, you fool, you’re making things up,” Laura said. She looked cold
and controlled, but there was a terror inside her that he couldn’t see.
She rose in her seat and faced him, their faces not a foot apart. “Now
get out of here.” It had worked before with other men. It had to work
now with Burr. She would give him no satisfaction.
“Don’t tell me you’re not up to some God-damn funny business,” he
growled.
“I’m not up to any God-damn funny business,” she replied quietly.
“Then what’s all this crap about touching tongues? In the dark? In bed?
Why does Marcie follow you around like you were Svengali?”
“She doesn’t.”
“Don’t tell me she doesn’t!” he shouted in a fury, bringing his fist
down with a huge thump on her desk. “I know she does. I know!”
“Burr, you’re insane with jealousy.”
“What’s going on between you two?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’m a bad liar, you said it yourself. If I
had ever touched Marcie I couldn’t lie about it.” She glared at him, her
face a mask, almost white; her eyes brilliant and her body tense.
“You want her. Admit it.” He was quiet now, but it was the quiet of
hatred.
“I won’t admit anything. Who the hell are you? I don’t owe you any
explanations.”
“She’s my wife.”
“So she’s your wife. She’s _my_ roommate. She prefers to live with me.”
Laura was dangerously near throwing her advantage in his face.
“You _are_ queer! By God, I knew it!”
“How dare you!” And the hot blood came to Laura’s face. “Get out of
here! You bastard!”
“All right, deny it, then!”
“I’m not accountable to you, Burr. I won’t admit or deny anything. I
don’t have to. I’ll call the police if you don’t get out of here. I’ll
sue you for libel if you make that accusation in public. I never laid a
hand on Marcie.”
“That’s not what Marcie said.”
For a shocked second Laura was unable to move or respond. Then she
gasped and staggered a little. There was a terrible silence, heavy with
the awful meaning of his words.
Laura sat down shaking. She began to cry.
Burr watched her in silent fury for a moment. Then he said, “I thought
that’d get you, you bitch.” His voice was low and dry. “I came here to
talk to you like a human being, to give you a chance. But you act like a
God-damn queen. You act like I was in the wrong, not you! Like I was an
animal. Well, you’re no better. You’re a pervert, Laura. And I’m going
to get Marcie away from you if I have to call out the cops to do it.
You’re not going to touch her again.” He turned sharply and started out.
“Burr! Burr! My God, wait! What did she say? What did she tell you?”
“Can’t you guess?”
“She made it up, Burr, believe me. Please believe me.” She was begging
him now. “You know how she is.”
“Yeah, I know how she is. She didn’t make this up.”
“She did! She’s lying.”
“She’s telling the truth. You’re perverting her. It’s obvious, even I
can see it. Perverting her! My Marcie!” He almost wept when he said it,
and Laura instinctively put a hand to her throat as if to protect
herself.
“Burr,” she said and her voice was deeply intense and quiet, “I swear to
you by God and Heaven and everything I hold sacred, I never—”
“You hold nothing sacred! You’re a walking profanity! You’re a mockery
of womanhood. You’re queer. _Queer!_ And you’re infecting Marcie. I’m
going to get her away from you. Now. Tonight!” And he turned on his heel
and walked out.
Laura called after him until he walked into the last operating elevator
and disappeared. She sobbed wildly for a minute, collapsed in her chair.
Then, as if electrified, she picked up the phone and dialed the
penthouse, as fast as her trembling fingers would let her. She almost
died of impatience before Marcie answered. “Hello?” Marcie said.
“Marcie! Marcie, what have you done to me? Answer me!”
“Laur?” Marcie’s voice sounded small and frightened. “What’s the matter,
honey?”
“Burr just left me. I thought he was going to kill me. Marcie, what did
you tell him?”
“Oh, Laura.” Marcie’s voice was only the faintest whisper. “I had no
idea he’d—I didn’t think he’d bother you. I didn’t think he’d even
mention it.”
“What did you tell him, Marcie?” Laura’s voice sounded almost
hysterical.
“I—we quarreled.” Marcie was crying quietly while she talked. “We
quarreled, for the first time in weeks. It was terrible. As if to make
up for all those weeks when we didn’t fight at all. He accused me
of—forgive me, Laura, I’m ashamed to say these words—of falling in love
with you.”
Laura groaned despairingly.
“Laur, I’m so sorry. I guess I talked about you all the time. I get
interested in somebody, or something and I just don’t talk about
anything else for a while. I talked about you because I admire you so
much. I—well, you know. He got the wrong idea, that’s all. But I didn’t
realize it, I swear I didn’t, Laur. I would have stopped him if I had.
And then we had this quarrel tonight and I said some things I shouldn’t
have.”
“What things? _What things_, Marcie?”
Marcie sobbed. “He accused me of trying to tempt you, of egging you on.
Oh, Laura, this is too horrible, I can’t go on.”
“Tell me!”
“And I got so furious. It was so unfair. You know we haven’t done
anything! He was just determined to believe it. He can’t believe I just
don’t want to see him any more, that’s too hard on his damned pride. So
he was just waiting for somebody to blame, and there you were. And I was
so damn mad at him. It was hopeless, there was no talking to him. He was
losing me because somebody else was winning me, that’s the only way he
could see it. So I finally just shouted at him, ‘All right, have it your
way, you big fool. Believe what you want to believe, I can’t stop you!’”
She was interrupted by her own sobs.
“Marcie,” Laura said, making a huge effort to control herself, “Did you
tell him that I ...” She could hardly get the words out. “... made love
to you?”
“No! No, Laura!” Marcie cried.
“Did you tell him anything specific?”
“Absolutely not, I swear!”
Laura gave a sigh of relief. She began to cry again herself. After a
moment she said softly, “Marcie, he’s on his way to the penthouse. He
says he’s not going to let you spend another night in the same apartment
with me. I’m infecting you.”
“Oh, Laura, honey. God!”
“So you’d better lock the door.”
“We don’t have a key!”
“Get one from the janitor.”
“I’m afraid of him. He’s down in the basement. It’s so dark down there
and he always tries to make a pass at me.”
“I shouldn’t think that would bother you.” Laura couldn’t help the dig;
it made her feel better.
“Laura, he’s nuts. He’s a meatball.”
“Well, damn it, do _something_!” Laura cried, exasperated. Then she
forced herself to speak quietly. “All right, call the police,” she said.
“Say your former husband is threatening you. Say you’re afraid of him,
you think he wants to kill you. Say anything! Tell them he’s on his way
over right now and you want protection.”
“Laura, I’ve never done such a thing in my life! Poor Burr! I’ve known
him since I was a kid, I worshipped him.”
“You stopped worshipping him in a hurry when you had to live with him.
Listen to me, there’s not much time. If you don’t want him to do
something violent you’d better get some protection. I can’t fight him
off for you. Unless you want to go with him tonight.”
“Go with him! That bastard! After what he did tonight? He can go to
hell. Without me.”
“That’s where he’d like to see _me_,” Laura said. “I’d better not show
up. I’ll stay down here for another hour or so. I’ll call you before I
come home, to be sure the coast is clear.”
“Laura? I hate to call the police, Laur. It makes me sick.” She sounded
miserable.
“Marcie for God’s sake, you’re a taxpayer. You’re entitled to
protection. Burr was in a fit when he left here.”
Marcie began to weep again. “Laura, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she
said softly over the phone.
Laura’s heart softened too. “Oh Marcie,” she moaned. “I guess it really
isn’t anybody’s fault. Burr’s still in love with you. None of us
realized how much. He had to be jealous of somebody, and he knew you
weren’t dating anybody else. We’ve all been pretty stupid about the
whole thing. I just hope to God it blows over.” All of a sudden she felt
powerfully tired.
“It’s all my fault,” Marcie said. “Everything’s my fault. I’ll make it
up to you, Laura, I promise.”
“Never mind, honey. Just keep out of trouble tonight. I’ll be home about
ten. I’ll call you first.”
“Okay.” Marcie was still crying when she hung up.
* * * * *
For a long time Laura sat at her desk, staring into space. The windows
were black, gold-spangled with the city night, and everything was still.
She got up, feeling weak and tired, and yet not desperate or frightened
any more. Burr had no proof of anything. Marcie would deny everything.
And if things went as it seemed they must, Burr would act like a crazy
man and convince the police he was bent on violence. Marcie would be
genuinely frightened and it would show. There ought not to be any
difficulty about it. She got her things together and turned out the
office light.
The hall to the elevator was bare and echoing as she walked down it. The
elevator boy was silent, as if he too had been touched by the vast quiet