I am a woman
you’re queer and you’re perverting Marcie, and you two are lovers, and
Marcie sicked the cops on him last night, and God knows what else. Would
you care to explain to me what the hell is going on? Just so I won’t put
my foot in my mouth? You know how it is.” There was the forgiveness in
his bitter humor and it made her miserable.
“Jack, I’m so terribly sorry,” she said. “I blurted out something about
the way you felt about Burr and Marcie. I was trying to calm him down. I
should have known better. He was out of his mind.”
“Since when are you and Marcie lovers?”
“We’re not! I would have told you, you _know_ that.” She glanced
surreptitiously across the office at Sarah, but Sarah had her eyes on
her work. “Burr got it into his head we were because Marcie talked about
me so much. Because she stayed home and wouldn’t go out with him. When
he accused her, it made her so mad she just told him, ‘Okay, believe
it.’ And he did. I thought he was going to kill me last night.”
At this Sarah did look up, but Laura didn’t notice.
“Well, that’s a hell of a story,” Jack said.
“It’s the truth, Jack! I swear.”
“Never mind the truth. You’ve got me in a lovely mess. Burr thinks I
promoted the whole affair.”
“My God! Jack, what’ll we do?”
“What _can_ we do? Have you done anything with Marcie you wouldn’t want
to write home about?”
“Nothing! I wish to God now I had. As long as he’s going to believe it
anyway.”
“Oh, no! Christ! Whatever you do, Laura, don’t touch Marcie. Not till
Burr straightens out. Never, if you have any sense.”
Laura wouldn’t answer him. She felt closer to winning Marcie, in spite
of their awkwardness with each other this morning, than she ever had.
She wouldn’t make any promises to Jack.
“You hear me, Mother?”
“Yes.”
He apparently took that for a promise. “And one more thing.”
“I can’t take any more right now.”
“This won’t hurt. What have you done to Beebo?”
“_Done_ to her? Nothing. Ask her what she’s done to me,” she said, and
her voice was hard. Sarah watched her with considerable interest now.
“Keep your voice down, Mother,” Jack said. “Beebo’s goofy for you. And
when she gets a girl on her mind, that girl had better watch out. She’s
a stubborn bitch.”
“So am I,” Laura snapped.
“She’s in love with you, Laura. Don’t cross her.”
“I’d walk all over her if I could. She treats me like a slave.”
“Christ, keep your voice down,” Jack said, and Laura was surprised at
her own lack of caution. Usually she was meticulously careful. Today,
nothing seemed to matter. “She’s in love with you,” Jack said. “That
explains a lot of things.”
“It doesn’t excuse them. Besides, she isn’t. How do you know she is?”
“She said so.”
“When?”
“Last night.”
Laura couldn’t help being flattered. The pleasure in her was warm and
sudden and overwhelmed her bad conscience briefly. “I’m not going to see
her again,” she told Jack. This time she almost whispered, which
intrigued Sarah still more.
Jack laughed. “Have it your way,” he said. “Only don’t drag me into your
messes any more, Mother. I’ve got enough of my own.”
“Is everything all right between—I mean—” She looked over at Sarah for
the first time and surprised Sarah staring at her. Sarah went quickly
back to work and Laura felt suddenly nervous. “Jack, I’d better hang up.
We’ll talk tonight.”
“Okay. See you at five-thirty.”
Laura spent the rest of the day reassuring herself, _I’ll never go back
to that hotel. He’ll be gone tomorrow. Or Sunday at the latest._ The
thought gave her considerable relief.
Chapter Thirteen
Carl Jensen was a clean cut young man, very fair with freckled skin. He
engaged Sarah in conversation right away; it was a part of what he
considered good technique to get a girl talking, and he wasted no time.
Jack and Laura had dinner with them, but Jack was obviously chafing to
get away. They hadn’t even finished their after-dinner coffee before he
was whispering in Laura’s ear, “Let’s get the hell out of here.” Laura,
who was almost wordless through dinner, agreed.
Jack did the dirty work. He told them a joke, he made them laugh, and
then he said he had a meeting the next day up in Albany. Very
unexpected. Would they mind, etc.
They were a little startled, Jensen especially, for he had expected Jack
and Laura to stick with him and lend moral support through the
evening—but they replied, almost together, “No, go ahead. We don’t
mind.”
As soon as they were in the street Jack sighed, “God. I couldn’t have
stood another minute of it. Straight people are so depressing.”
Laura smiled at him and noticed for the first time that evening how
tired and worried he looked. She was so wound up in Laura Landon that
nobody’s troubles counted for her but her own. But now she saw Jack’s
anxiety and she was afraid she had caused it. She started to apologize.
“Jack, I want you to know ...” she began.
“Skip it.”
“Please.”
“I said skip it.” And his voice was harsh enough to hurt her.
They walked along in silence for a minute and finally Laura said, “Jack,
I have to talk. I feel awful about it. I saw my father last night. He
saw me, too. I don’t know what came over me. I’ve never been so
terrified in my life, as if he were the devil and I had to get away from
him. I ran all the way to the subway. I think I was hysterical.”
He looked at her and then he sighed. “Everybody’s hysterical. Even me.”
“There was an old colored lady there. In the rest room. She said
something I didn’t understand then, but I’ve been thinking about it. She
said everybody is a stranger in this world until he finds a little love.
That’s the most important thing.”
“Wise lady,” Jack said.
They walked without talking for half a block. “How’s Terry?” Laura
asked.
“He needs a spanking. I act like a lovesick cow with him. I can’t help
it. I know I’m doing it, and I can’t help it. He laughs at me.” Jack
looked at the pavement as he walked, his hands shoved into his pockets.
“Mother,” he said slowly. “Do you want to get back in my good graces?”
“I do,” she said gently. “Yes. I do.”
“Well,” he said, and stopped walking. She stopped beside him and saw
that he was embarrassed. “This is a rotten thing to do. But I’d do it
for you, bear that firmly in mind.” He poked her chest between her
breasts, as if he were making a point with a fellow business man. It was
intended to lighten the atmosphere a little, but the atmosphere was too
heavy already.
“I’ll help you, Jack, you know I will. Any way I can. You’ve been so
wonderful to me. I don’t know what I would have done.”
“Okay, okay.” He stopped her abruptly and then seemed unable to speak
himself for a minute. Finally he said, quickly, “I’m losing him, Laura.”
“Oh, Jack!” She was suddenly full of sympathy, but he cut her off again.
“What the hell,” he said cynically. “I expected it. I _predicted_ it.
And I know why.”
“Why?”
“Mother, you have a short memory.” He smiled wryly. “My little friend
likes nice things. Nice things cost money. And besides,” he looked at
his shoes, scraping one toe along a crack in the pavement, “I can’t
handle him. I should shove his teeth down his throat. I should make him
behave. And I can’t. I feel more like falling on my knees and
worshipping him. He has no respect for me.” He spoke so softly that
Laura had to strain to hear him.
She put her hands on his arms. “Jack, he’s not worth your time,” she
said. “Anybody who would take advantage—”
“No, no, no, it’s normal. In this abnormal world we live in, you and I.
If I were young and beautiful, he’d settle for that. But I’m not. I’m
middle-aged and ugly. And a sap. So it takes something else ... money. I
wish I had the knack of being a millionaire.”
“Damn it, Jack, you need somebody who can appreciate you.” He laughed
bitterly, but she went on. “You make me hate Terry already without ever
having seen him.”
“No, Laura,” he said seriously. “Don’t hate him. He’s very young. He’ll
learn. It’s my fault. I can’t give him what he needs.”
“Dollar bills?”
Jack sighed. “That’s my last chance. I know it takes something else, but
I haven’t got it. And now I haven’t got the dollar bills, either.”
“If I were a boy I’d fall madly in love with you,” Laura said.
This was such a startling remark that Jack had to drop his cynicism and
take it in the spirit in which it was given. “Thanks, Mother,” he said
softly. He looked at her, his ugly intelligent face prey to a number of
strong emotions that he made no attempt to hide. It was a measure of his
regard for Laura that he could let her see him stripped of wit and
laughter like this. “How much do you have in the bank, Laura?”
Laura stared a little at him. But then she said quickly, “All I have is
yours, Jack. It’s not much, but if it’ll help....”
He smiled a little and then he leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You’re
a doll,” he said. “We both know this is a losing investment. But it’ll
give me a few more days with him. After that....” He shrugged. “Well, I
always seem to live through these things. I don’t know why.”
They stood uncertainly on the corner for a minute and suddenly he asked,
“Where are you going now?”
“Home.”
“To Marcie?”
“Yes. I hope Burr hasn’t tried to bother her.”
“He’s pretty sick about the whole thing. I think he’ll drink it off for
a day or two. You should, too. The whole thing looks screwy to me.” He
looked at her. “Come have a nightcap with me.”
“Where?”
“The Cellar. Where else?”
“I’m afraid I’ll run into Beebo.”
He shrugged. “I’ve gotten to know her better.” He gazed away from her
thoughtfully.
“You have?”
“She calls me all the time. ‘Where does Laura work, what does Laura
like, tell me all about her.’”
“She asked you that?” Laura was slightly incredulous, but once again,
she liked it. She was sorry she liked it, but she did.
“Yeah. I’m beginning to think I like her.”
“You liked her before.”
“I know.” He laughed. “I’m not making sense. I guess I mean I feel
sympathetic toward her. We’re both unlucky in love. At the moment.” He
looked hard at her then and said, “Please come with me, Laura. I don’t
want to go home.”
“Why not?”
Again he laughed, not so pleasantly this time. “I’m afraid of what I’ll
find.”
“Like what?”
“Like somebody else in my bed with Terry.”
After a moment of shocked silence, Laura put her arm in his. “Okay,” she
said. “Let’s go somewhere and flatter the hell out of each other.”
He chuckled at her. “Mother, damn it, sometimes I suspect you of having
a sense of humor.”
They went down to The Cellar, in spite of Laura’s misgivings. Jack
seemed so unhappy that she wanted to indulge him. It was crowded as
always on Friday nights, but Beebo wasn’t in sight.
“She’ll be in,” Jack observed. “She’s late on Fridays.”
They stood at the bar until a couple of stools were vacated and then sat
down.
“What does she do?” Laura asked rather shyly.
“Who? Beebo?”
“She must get money somewhere. She has to pay the rent like everybody
else.”
“She runs an elevator. In the Grubb Building. They think she’s a boy.”
“My God—an _elevator_.” It seemed wrong, even ludicrous. Beebo had too
much between her ears to fritter her youth away running an elevator.
“What does she do _that_ for?”
“She doesn’t have to wear a skirt.”
Laura was stunned. It was pathetic, even shameful. For the first time
she saw Beebo not as an overwhelming, handsome, self-assured individual,
but as a very human being with a little more pride and fear and weakness
than she ever permitted to show.
Laura didn’t know how long they had been there when Beebo walked in. She
only knew she had had plenty to drink and it was time to go home. Beebo
walked up to her, and Laura saw her face first in the mirror. She turned