In Praise of Folly
spots are more apparently visible, and their eclipses, or other defects,
influential on all that is inferior to them. Kings are baited with so
many temptations and opportunities to vice and immorality, such as are
high feeding, liberty, flattery, luxury, and the like, that they must
stand perpetually on their guard, to fence off those assaults that are
always ready to be made upon them. In fine, abating from treachery,
hatred, dangers, fear, and a thousand other mischiefs impending on
crowned heads, however uncontrollable they are this side heaven, yet
after their reign here they must appear before a supremer judge, and
there be called to an exact account for the discharge of that great
stewardship which was committed to their trust If princes did but
seriously consider (and consider they would if they were but wise) these
many hardships of a royal life, they would be so perplexed in the result
of their thoughts thereupon, as scarce to eat or sleep in quiet But now
by my assistance they leave all these cares to the gods, and mind only
their own ease and pleasure, and therefore will admit none to their
attendance but who will divert them with sport and mirth, lest they
should otherwise be seized and damped with the surprisal of sober
thoughts. They think they have sufficiently acquitted themselves in the
duty of governing, if they do but ride constantly a hunting, breed up
good race-horses, sell places and offices to those of the courtiers that
will give most for them, and find out new ways for invading of their
people's property, and hooking in a larger revenue to their own
exchequer; for the procurement whereof they will always have some
pretended claim and title; that though it be manifest extortion, yet
it may bear the show of law and justice: and then they daub over their
oppression with a submissive, flattering carriage, that they may so far
insinuate into the affections of the vulgar, as they may not tumult nor
rebel, but patiently crouch to burdens and exactions. Let us feign now a
person ignorant of the laws and constitutions of that realm he lives in,
an enemy to the public good, studious only for his own private interest,
addicted wholly to pleasures and delights, a hater of learning, a
professed enemy to liberty and truth, careless and unmindful of the
common concerns, taking all the measures of justice and honesty from
the false beam of self-interest and advantage, after this hang about his
neck a gold chain, for an intimation that he ought to have all virtues
linked together; then set a crown of gold and jewels on his head, for
a token that he ought to overtop and outshine others in all commendable
qualifications; next, put into his hand a royal sceptre for a symbol
of justice and integrity; lastly, clothe him with purple, for an
hieroglyphic of a tender love and affection to the commonwealth. If a
prince should look upon this portraiture, and draw a comparison between
that and himself, certainly he would be ashamed of his ensigns of
majesty, and be afraid of being laughed out of them.
Next to kings themselves may come their courtiers, who, though they
are for the most part a base, servile, cringing, low-spirited sort of
flatterers, yet they look big, swell great, and have high thoughts of
their honour and grandeur. Their confidence appears upon all occasions;
yet in this one thing they are very modest, in that they are content to
adorn their bodies with gold, jewels, purple, and other glorious ensigns
of virtue and wisdom, but leave their minds empty and unfraught; and
taking the resemblance of goodness to themselves, turn over the truth
and reality of it to others. They think themselves mighty happy in that
they can call the king master, and be allowed the familiarity of talking
with him; that they can volubly rehearse his several tides of august
highness, supereminent excellence, and most serene majesty, that they
can boldly usher in any discourse, and that they have the complete knack
of insinuation and flattery; for these are the arts that make them truly
genteel and noble. If you make a stricter enquiry after their other
endowments, you shall find them mere sots and dolts. They will sleep
generally till noon, and then their mercenary chaplains shall come to
their bed-side, and entertain them perhaps with a short morning prayer.
As soon as they are drest they must go to breakfast, and when that
is done, immediately to dinner. When the cloth is taken away, then to
cards, dice, tables, or some such like diversion. After this they must
have one or two afternoon banquets, and so in the evening to supper.
When they have supped then begins the game of drinking; the bottles are
marshalled, the glasses ranked, and round go the healths and bumpers
till they are carried to bed. And this is the constant method of passing
away their hours, days, months, years, and ages. I have many times took
great satisfaction by standing in the court, and seeing how the tawdry
butterflies vie upon one another: the ladies shall measure the height of
their humours by the length of their trails, which must be borne up by a
page behind. The nobles justle one another to get nearest to the king's
elbow, and wear gold chains of that weight and bigness as require no
less strength to carry than they do wealth to purchase.
And now for some reflections upon popes, cardinals, and bishops, who in
pomp and splendour have almost equalled if not outgone secular princes.
Now if any one consider that their upper crotchet of white linen is to
signify their unspotted purity and innocence; that their forked mitres,
with both divisions tied together by the same knot, are to denote the
joint knowledge of the Old and New Testament; that their always wearing
gloves, represents their keeping their hands clean and undented from
lucre and covetousness; that the pastoral staff implies the care of
a flock committed to their charge; that the cross carried before them
expresses their victory over all carnal affections; he (I say) that
considers this, and much more of the like nature, must needs conclude
they are entrusted with a very weighty and difficult office. But alas,
they think it sufficient if they can but feed themselves; and as to
their flock, either commend them to the care of Christ himself, or
commit them to the guidance of some inferior vicars and curates; not so
much as remembering what their name of bishop imports, to wit, labour,
pains, and diligence, but by base simoniacal contracts, they are in a
profane sense _Episcopi, i.e_., overseers of their own gain and income.
So cardinals, in like manner, if they did but consider that the church
supposes them to succeed in the room of the apostles; that therefore
they must behave themselves as their predecessors, and so not be lords,
but dispensers of spiritual gifts, of the disposal whereof they must one
day render a strict account: or if they would but reflect a little on
their habit, and thus reason with themselves, what means this white
upper garment, but only an unspotted innocence? What signifies my
inner purple, but only an ardent love and zeal to God? What imports my
outermost pall, so wide and long that it covers the whole mule when I
ride, nay, should be big enough to cover a camel, but only a diffusive
charity, that should spread itself for a succour and protection to all,
by teaching, exhorting, comforting, reproving, admonishing, composing of
differences, courageously withstanding wicked princes, and sacrificing
for the safety of our flock our life and blood, as well as our wealth
and riches; though indeed riches ought not to be at all possessed by
such as boast themselves successors to the apostles, who were poor,
needy, and destitute: I say, if they did but lay these considerations to
heart they would never be so ambitious of being created to this honour,
they would willingly resign it when conferred upon them, or at least
would be as industrious, watchful and laborious, as the primitive
apostles were. Now as to the popes of Rome, who pretend themselves
Christ's vicars, if they would but imitate his exemplary life, in the
being employed in an unintermitted course of preaching; in the being
attended with poverty, nakedness, hunger, and a contempt of this world;
if they did but consider the import of the word pope, which signifies
a father; or if they did but practice their surname of most holy, what
order or degrees of men would be in a worse condition? There would be
then no such vigorous making of parties, and buying of votes, in the
conclave upon a vacancy of that see: and those who by bribery, or other
indirect courses, should get themselves elected, would never secure
their sitting firm in the chair by pistol, poison, force, and violence.
How much of their pleasure would be abated if they were but endowed with
one dram of wisdom? Wisdom, did I say? Nay, with one grain of that salt
which our Saviour bid them not lose the savour of. All their riches,
all their honour, their jurisdictions, their Peter's patrimony, their
offices, their dispensations, their licences, their indulgences, their
long train and attendants (see in how short a compass I have abbreviated
all their marketing of religion); in a word, all their perquisites
would be forfeited and lost; and in their room would succeed watchings,
fastings, tears, prayers, sermons, hard studies, repenting sighs, and a
thousand such like severe penalties: nay, what's yet more deplorable,
it would then follow, that all their clerks, amanuenses, notaries,
advocates, proctors, secretaries, the offices of grooms, ostlers,
serving-men, pimps (and somewhat else, which for modesty's sake I shall
not mention); in short, all these troops of attendants, which depend on
his holiness, would all lose their several employments.
This indeed would be hard, but what yet remains would be more dreadful:
the very Head of the Church, the spiritual prince, would then be brought
from all his splendour to the poor equipage of a scrip and staff.
But all this is upon the supposition only that they understood what
circumstances they are placed in; whereas now, by a wholesome neglect
of thinking, they live as well as heart can wish: whatever of toil and
drudgery belongs to their office that they assign over to St. Peter, or
St. Paul, who have time enough to mind it; but if there be any thing of
pleasure and grandeur, that they assume to themselves, as being hereunto
called: so that by my influence no sort of people live more to their
own ease and content. They think to satisfy that Master they pretend to
serve, our Lord and Saviour, with their great state and magnificence,
with the ceremonies of instalments, with the tides of reverence and
holiness, and with exercising their episcopal function only in blessing
and cursing. The working of miracles is old and out-dated; to teach
the people is too laborious; to interpret scripture is to invade the
prerogative of the schoolmen; to pray is too idle; to shed tears is
cowardly and unmanly; to fast is too mean and sordid; to be easy and
familiar is beneath the grandeur of him, who, without being sued to
and intreated, will scarce give princes the honour of kissing his toe;
finally, to die for religion is too self-denying; and to be crucified as
their Lord of Life, is base and ignominious. Their only weapons ought to
be those of the Spirit; and of these indeed they are mighty liberal,
as of their interdicts, their suspensions, their denunciations, their
aggravations, their greater and lesser excommunications, and their
roaring bulls, that fright whomever they are thundered against; and
these most holy fathers never issue them out more frequently than