Jude the Obscure
There was another peculiarity—this a modern one—which Shaston appeared
to owe to its site. It was the resting-place and headquarters of the
proprietors of wandering vans, shows, shooting-galleries, and other
itinerant concerns, whose business lay largely at fairs and markets. As
strange wild birds are seen assembled on some lofty promontory,
meditatively pausing for longer flights, or to return by the course
they followed thither, so here, in this cliff-town, stood in stultified
silence the yellow and green caravans bearing names not local, as if
surprised by a change in the landscape so violent as to hinder their
further progress; and here they usually remained all the winter till
they turned to seek again their old tracks in the following spring.
It was to this breezy and whimsical spot that Jude ascended from the
nearest station for the first time in his life about four o’clock one
afternoon, and entering on the summit of the peak after a toilsome
climb, passed the first houses of the aerial town; and drew towards the
school-house. The hour was too early; the pupils were still in school,
humming small, like a swarm of gnats; and he withdrew a few steps along
Abbey Walk, whence he regarded the spot which fate had made the home of
all he loved best in the world. In front of the schools, which were
extensive and stone-built, grew two enormous beeches with smooth
mouse-coloured trunks, as such trees will only grow on chalk uplands.
Within the mullioned and transomed windows he could see the black,
brown, and flaxen crowns of the scholars over the sills, and to pass
the time away he walked down to the level terrace where the abbey
gardens once had spread, his heart throbbing in spite of him.
Unwilling to enter till the children were dismissed he remained here
till young voices could be heard in the open air, and girls in white
pinafores over red and blue frocks appeared dancing along the paths
which the abbess, prioress, subprioress, and fifty nuns had demurely
paced three centuries earlier. Retracing his steps he found that he had
waited too long, and that Sue had gone out into the town at the heels
of the last scholar, Mr. Phillotson having been absent all the
afternoon at a teachers’ meeting at Shottsford.
Jude went into the empty schoolroom and sat down, the girl who was
sweeping the floor having informed him that Mrs. Phillotson would be
back again in a few minutes. A piano stood near—actually the old piano
that Phillotson had possessed at Marygreen—and though the dark
afternoon almost prevented him seeing the notes Jude touched them in
his humble way, and could not help modulating into the hymn which had
so affected him in the previous week.
A figure moved behind him, and thinking it was still the girl with the
broom Jude took no notice, till the person came close and laid her
fingers lightly upon his bass hand. The imposed hand was a little one
he seemed to know, and he turned.
“Don’t stop,” said Sue. “I like it. I learnt it before I left
Melchester. They used to play it in the training school.”
“I can’t strum before you! Play it for me.”
“Oh well—I don’t mind.”
Sue sat down, and her rendering of the piece, though not remarkable,
seemed divine as compared with his own. She, like him, was evidently
touched—to her own surprise—by the recalled air; and when she had
finished, and he moved his hand towards hers, it met his own half-way.
Jude grasped it—just as he had done before her marriage.
“It is odd,” she said, in a voice quite changed, “that I should care
about that air; because—”
“Because what?”
“I am not that sort—quite.”
“Not easily moved?”
“I didn’t quite mean that.”
“Oh, but you _are_ one of that sort, for you are just like me at
heart!”
“But not at head.”
She played on and suddenly turned round; and by an unpremeditated
instinct each clasped the other’s hand again.
She uttered a forced little laugh as she relinquished his quickly. “How
funny!” she said. “I wonder what we both did that for?”
“I suppose because we are both alike, as I said before.”
“Not in our thoughts! Perhaps a little in our feelings.”
“And they rule thoughts… Isn’t it enough to make one blaspheme that the
composer of that hymn is one of the most commonplace men I ever met!”
“What—you know him?”
“I went to see him.”
“Oh, you goose—to do just what I should have done! Why did you?”
“Because we are not alike,” he said drily.
“Now we’ll have some tea,” said Sue. “Shall we have it here instead of
in my house? It is no trouble to get the kettle and things brought in.
We don’t live at the school you know, but in that ancient dwelling
across the way called Old-Grove Place. It is so antique and dismal that
it depresses me dreadfully. Such houses are very well to visit, but not
to live in—I feel crushed into the earth by the weight of so many
previous lives there spent. In a new place like these schools there is
only your own life to support. Sit down, and I’ll tell Ada to bring the
tea-things across.”
He waited in the light of the stove, the door of which she flung open
before going out, and when she returned, followed by the maiden with
tea, they sat down by the same light, assisted by the blue rays of a
spirit-lamp under the brass kettle on the stand.
“This is one of your wedding-presents to me,” she said, signifying the
latter.
“Yes,” said Jude.
The kettle of his gift sang with some satire in its note, to his mind;
and to change the subject he said, “Do you know of any good readable
edition of the uncanonical books of the New Testament? You don’t read
them in the school I suppose?”
“Oh dear no!—’twould alarm the neighbourhood… Yes, there is one. I am
not familiar with it now, though I was interested in it when my former
friend was alive. Cowper’s _Apocryphal Gospels_.”
“That sounds like what I want.” His thoughts, however reverted with a
twinge to the “former friend”—by whom she meant, as he knew, the
university comrade of her earlier days. He wondered if she talked of
him to Phillotson.
“The Gospel of Nicodemus is very nice,” she went on to keep him from
his jealous thoughts, which she read clearly, as she always did. Indeed
when they talked on an indifferent subject, as now, there was ever a
second silent conversation passing between their emotions, so perfect
was the reciprocity between them. “It is quite like the genuine
article. All cut up into verses, too; so that it is like one of the
other evangelists read in a dream, when things are the same, yet not
the same. But, Jude, do you take an interest in those questions still?
Are you getting up _Apologetica_?”
“Yes. I am reading Divinity harder than ever.”
She regarded him curiously.
“Why do you look at me like that?” said Jude.
“Oh—why do you want to know?”
“I am sure you can tell me anything I may be ignorant of in that
subject. You must have learnt a lot of everything from your dear dead
friend!”
“We won’t get on to that now!” she coaxed. “Will you be carving out at
that church again next week, where you learnt the pretty hymn?”
“Yes, perhaps.”
“That will be very nice. Shall I come and see you there? It is in this
direction, and I could come any afternoon by train for half an hour?”
“No. Don’t come!”
“What—aren’t we going to be friends, then, any longer, as we used to
be?”
“No.”
“I didn’t know that. I thought you were always going to be kind to me!”
“No, I am not.”
“What have I done, then? I am sure I thought we two—” The _tremolo_ in
her voice caused her to break off.
“Sue, I sometimes think you are a flirt,” said he abruptly.
There was a momentary pause, till she suddenly jumped up; and to his
surprise he saw by the kettle-flame that her face was flushed.
“I can’t talk to you any longer, Jude!” she said, the tragic contralto
note having come back as of old. “It is getting too dark to stay
together like this, after playing morbid Good Friday tunes that make
one feel what one shouldn’t! … We mustn’t sit and talk in this way any
more. Yes—you must go away, for you mistake me! I am very much the
reverse of what you say so cruelly—Oh, Jude, it _was_ cruel to say
that! Yet I can’t tell you the truth—I should shock you by letting you
know how I give way to my impulses, and how much I feel that I
shouldn’t have been provided with attractiveness unless it were meant
to be exercised! Some women’s love of being loved is insatiable; and
so, often, is their love of loving; and in the last case they may find
that they can’t give it continuously to the chamber-officer appointed
by the bishop’s licence to receive it. But you are so straightforward,
Jude, that you can’t understand me! … Now you must go. I am sorry my
husband is not at home.”
“Are you?”
“I perceive I have said that in mere convention! Honestly I don’t think
I am sorry. It does not matter, either way, sad to say!”
As they had overdone the grasp of hands some time sooner, she touched
his fingers but lightly when he went out now. He had hardly gone from
the door when, with a dissatisfied look, she jumped on a form and
opened the iron casement of a window beneath which he was passing in
the path without. “When do you leave here to catch your train, Jude?”
she asked.
He looked up in some surprise. “The coach that runs to meet it goes in
three-quarters of an hour or so.”
“What will you do with yourself for the time?”
“Oh—wander about, I suppose. Perhaps I shall go and sit in the old
church.”
“It does seem hard of me to pack you off so! You have thought enough of
churches, Heaven knows, without going into one in the dark. Stay
there.”
“Where?”
“Where you are. I can talk to you better like this than when you were
inside… It was so kind and tender of you to give up half a day’s work
to come to see me! … You are Joseph the dreamer of dreams, dear Jude.
And a tragic Don Quixote. And sometimes you are St. Stephen, who, while
they were stoning him, could see Heaven opened. Oh, my poor friend and
comrade, you’ll suffer yet!”
Now that the high window-sill was between them, so that he could not
get at her, she seemed not to mind indulging in a frankness she had
feared at close quarters.
“I have been thinking,” she continued, still in the tone of one brimful
of feeling, “that the social moulds civilization fits us into have no
more relation to our actual shapes than the conventional shapes of the
constellations have to the real star-patterns. I am called Mrs. Richard
Phillotson, living a calm wedded life with my counterpart of that name.
But I am not really Mrs. Richard Phillotson, but a woman tossed about,
all alone, with aberrant passions, and unaccountable antipathies… Now
you mustn’t wait longer, or you will lose the coach. Come and see me
again. You must come to the house then.”
“Yes!” said Jude. “When shall it be?”
“To-morrow week. Good-bye—good-bye!” She stretched out her hand and
stroked his forehead pitifully—just once. Jude said good-bye, and went
away into the darkness.
Passing along Bimport Street he thought he heard the wheels of the
coach departing, and, truly enough, when he reached the Duke’s Arms in
the Market Place the coach had gone. It was impossible for him to get
to the station on foot in time for this train, and he settled himself
perforce to wait for the next—the last to Melchester that night.
He wandered about awhile, obtained something to eat; and then, having
another half-hour on his hands, his feet involuntarily took him through
the venerable graveyard of Trinity Church, with its avenues of limes,
in the direction of the schools again. They were entirely in darkness.
She had said she lived over the way at Old-Grove Place, a house which
he soon discovered from her description of its antiquity.