Little Dorrit
into it when the fire fell, were sufficient witnesses of his making
himself so easy. They were even more than sufficient, if his
uncomfortable glances at them might be taken to mean anything.
Mr Merdle’s right hand was filled with the evening paper, and the
evening paper was full of Mr Merdle. His wonderful enterprise, his
wonderful wealth, his wonderful Bank, were the fattening food of the
evening paper that night. The wonderful Bank, of which he was the chief
projector, establisher, and manager, was the latest of the many Merdle
wonders. So modest was Mr Merdle withal, in the midst of these splendid
achievements, that he looked far more like a man in possession of his
house under a distraint, than a commercial Colossus bestriding his own
hearthrug, while the little ships were sailing into dinner.
Behold the vessels coming into port! The engaging young Barnacle was the
first arrival; but Bar overtook him on the staircase. Bar, strengthened
as usual with his double eye-glass and his little jury droop, was
overjoyed to see the engaging young Barnacle; and opined that we were
going to sit in Banco, as we lawyers called it, to take a special
argument?
‘Indeed,’ said the sprightly young Barnacle, whose name was Ferdinand;
‘how so?’
‘Nay,’ smiled Bar. ‘If you don’t know, how can I know? You are in the
innermost sanctuary of the temple; I am one of the admiring concourse on
the plain without.’
Bar could be light in hand, or heavy in hand, according to the customer
he had to deal with. With Ferdinand Barnacle he was gossamer. Bar was
likewise always modest and self-depreciatory--in his way. Bar was a man
of great variety; but one leading thread ran through the woof of all his
patterns. Every man with whom he had to do was in his eyes a jury-man;
and he must get that jury-man over, if he could.
‘Our illustrious host and friend,’ said Bar; ‘our shining mercantile
star;--going into politics?’
‘Going? He has been in Parliament some time, you know,’ returned the
engaging young Barnacle.
‘True,’ said Bar, with his light-comedy laugh for special jury-men,
which was a very different thing from his low-comedy laugh for comic
tradesmen on common juries: ‘he has been in Parliament for some time.
Yet hitherto our star has been a vacillating and wavering star? Humph?’
An average witness would have been seduced by the Humph? into an
affirmative answer, But Ferdinand Barnacle looked knowingly at Bar as he
strolled up-stairs, and gave him no answer at all.
‘Just so, just so,’ said Bar, nodding his head, for he was not to be put
off in that way, ‘and therefore I spoke of our sitting _in Banco_ to take
a special argument--meaning this to be a high and solemn occasion, when,
as Captain Macheath says, “the judges are met: a terrible show!” We
lawyers are sufficiently liberal, you see, to quote the Captain, though
the Captain is severe upon us. Nevertheless, I think I could put in
evidence an admission of the Captain’s,’ said Bar, with a little jocose
roll of his head; for, in his legal current of speech, he always assumed
the air of rallying himself with the best grace in the world; ‘an
admission of the Captain’s that Law, in the gross, is at least
intended to be impartial. For what says the Captain, if I quote
him correctly--and if not,’ with a light-comedy touch of his double
eye-glass on his companion’s shoulder, ‘my learned friend will set me
right:
“Since laws were made for every degree,
To curb vice in others as well as in me,
I wonder we ha’n’t better company
Upon Tyburn Tree!”’
These words brought them to the drawing-room, where Mr Merdle stood
before the fire. So immensely astounded was Mr Merdle by the entrance
of Bar with such a reference in his mouth, that Bar explained himself
to have been quoting Gay. ‘Assuredly not one of our Westminster Hall
authorities,’ said he, ‘but still no despicable one to a man possessing
the largely-practical Mr Merdle’s knowledge of the world.’
Mr Merdle looked as if he thought he would say something, but
subsequently looked as if he thought he wouldn’t. The interval afforded
time for Bishop to be announced.
Bishop came in with meekness, and yet with a strong and rapid step as if
he wanted to get his seven-league dress-shoes on, and go round the world
to see that everybody was in a satisfactory state. Bishop had no idea
that there was anything significant in the occasion. That was the most
remarkable trait in his demeanour. He was crisp, fresh, cheerful,
affable, bland; but so surprisingly innocent.
Bar sidled up to prefer his politest inquiries in reference to the
health of Mrs Bishop. Mrs Bishop had been a little unfortunate in the
article of taking cold at a Confirmation, but otherwise was well. Young
Mr Bishop was also well. He was down, with his young wife and little
family, at his Cure of Souls.
The representatives of the Barnacle Chorus dropped in next, and Mr
Merdle’s physician dropped in next. Bar, who had a bit of one eye and a
bit of his double eye-glass for every one who came in at the door, no
matter with whom he was conversing or what he was talking about, got
among them all by some skilful means, without being seen to get at them,
and touched each individual gentleman of the jury on his own individual
favourite spot. With some of the Chorus, he laughed about the sleepy
member who had gone out into the lobby the other night, and voted the
wrong way: with others, he deplored that innovating spirit in the time
which could not even be prevented from taking an unnatural interest in
the public service and the public money: with the physician he had a
word to say about the general health; he had also a little information
to ask him for, concerning a professional man of unquestioned erudition
and polished manners--but those credentials in their highest development
he believed were the possession of other professors of the healing art
(jury droop)--whom he had happened to have in the witness-box the day
before yesterday, and from whom he had elicited in cross-examination
that he claimed to be one of the exponents of this new mode of treatment
which appeared to Bar to--eh?--well, Bar thought so; Bar had thought,
and hoped, Physician would tell him so. Without presuming to decide
where doctors disagreed, it did appear to Bar, viewing it as a question
of common sense and not of so-called legal penetration, that this new
system was--might be, in the presence of so great an authority--say,
Humbug? Ah! Fortified by such encouragement, he could venture to say
Humbug; and now Bar’s mind was relieved.
Mr Tite Barnacle, who, like Dr Johnson’s celebrated acquaintance, had
only one idea in his head and that was a wrong one, had appeared by this
time. This eminent gentleman and Mr Merdle, seated diverse ways and with
ruminating aspects on a yellow ottoman in the light of the fire,
holding no verbal communication with each other, bore a strong general
resemblance to the two cows in the Cuyp picture over against them.
But now, Lord Decimus arrived. The Chief Butler, who up to this time
had limited himself to a branch of his usual function by looking at the
company as they entered (and that, with more of defiance than favour),
put himself so far out of his way as to come up-stairs with him and
announce him. Lord Decimus being an overpowering peer, a bashful young
member of the Lower House who was the last fish but one caught by the
Barnacles, and who had been invited on this occasion to commemorate his
capture, shut his eyes when his Lordship came in.
Lord Decimus, nevertheless, was glad to see the Member. He was also
glad to see Mr Merdle, glad to see Bishop, glad to see Bar, glad to see
Physician, glad to see Tite Barnacle, glad to see Chorus, glad to
see Ferdinand his private secretary. Lord Decimus, though one of the
greatest of the earth, was not remarkable for ingratiatory manners, and
Ferdinand had coached him up to the point of noticing all the fellows
he might find there, and saying he was glad to see them. When he had
achieved this rush of vivacity and condescension, his Lordship composed
himself into the picture after Cuyp, and made a third cow in the group.
Bar, who felt that he had got all the rest of the jury and must now lay
hold of the Foreman, soon came sidling up, double eye-glass in hand. Bar
tendered the weather, as a subject neatly aloof from official reserve,
for the Foreman’s consideration. Bar said that he was told (as everybody
always is told, though who tells them, and why, will ever remain a
mystery), that there was to be no wall-fruit this year. Lord Decimus
had not heard anything amiss of his peaches, but rather believed, if his
people were correct, he was to have no apples. No apples? Bar was lost
in astonishment and concern. It would have been all one to him, in
reality, if there had not been a pippin on the surface of the earth, but
his show of interest in this apple question was positively painful.
Now, to what, Lord Decimus--for we troublesome lawyers loved to gather
information, and could never tell how useful it might prove to us--to
what, Lord Decimus, was this to be attributed? Lord Decimus could not
undertake to propound any theory about it. This might have stopped
another man; but Bar, sticking to him fresh as ever, said, ‘As to pears,
now?’
Long after Bar got made Attorney-General, this was told of him as
a master-stroke. Lord Decimus had a reminiscence about a pear-tree
formerly growing in a garden near the back of his dame’s house at Eton,
upon which pear-tree the only joke of his life perennially bloomed. It
was a joke of a compact and portable nature, turning on the difference
between Eton pears and Parliamentary pairs; but it was a joke, a refined
relish of which would seem to have appeared to Lord Decimus impossible
to be had without a thorough and intimate acquaintance with the tree.
Therefore, the story at first had no idea of such a tree, sir, then
gradually found it in winter, carried it through the changing season,
saw it bud, saw it blossom, saw it bear fruit, saw the fruit ripen; in
short, cultivated the tree in that diligent and minute manner before it
got out of the bed-room window to steal the fruit, that many thanks had
been offered up by belated listeners for the trees having been planted
and grafted prior to Lord Decimus’s time. Bar’s interest in apples was
so overtopped by the wrapt suspense in which he pursued the changes
of these pears, from the moment when Lord Decimus solemnly opened with
‘Your mentioning pears recalls to my remembrance a pear-tree,’ down to
the rich conclusion, ‘And so we pass, through the various changes
of life, from Eton pears to Parliamentary pairs,’ that he had to go
down-stairs with Lord Decimus, and even then to be seated next to him
at table in order that he might hear the anecdote out. By that time, Bar
felt that he had secured the Foreman, and might go to dinner with a good
appetite.
It was a dinner to provoke an appetite, though he had not had one. The
rarest dishes, sumptuously cooked and sumptuously served; the choicest
fruits; the most exquisite wines; marvels of workmanship in gold and
silver, china and glass; innumerable things delicious to the senses of
taste, smell, and sight, were insinuated into its composition. O, what
a wonderful man this Merdle, what a great man, what a master man, how
blessedly and enviably endowed--in one word, what a rich man!
He took his usual poor eighteenpennyworth of food in his usual
indigestive way, and had as little to say for himself as ever a
wonderful man had. Fortunately Lord Decimus was one of those sublimities
who have no occasion to be talked to, for they can be at any time
sufficiently occupied with the contemplation of their own greatness.