Little Dorrit
it changed at all, would have been its peculiar impression upon most
observers. It was dressed and trimmed into no ceremony of expression.
Although not an open face, there was no pretence in it. ‘I am
self-contained and self-reliant; your opinion is nothing to me; I have
no interest in you, care nothing for you, and see and hear you with
indifference’--this it said plainly. It said so in the proud eyes, in
the lifted nostril, in the handsome but compressed and even cruel mouth.
Cover either two of those channels of expression, and the third would
have said so still. Mask them all, and the mere turn of the head would
have shown an unsubduable nature.
Pet had moved up to her (she had been the subject of remark among her
family and Mr Clennam, who were now the only other occupants of the
room), and was standing at her side.
‘Are you’--she turned her eyes, and Pet faltered--‘expecting any one to
meet you here, Miss Wade?’
‘I? No.’
‘Father is sending to the Poste Restante. Shall he have the pleasure of
directing the messenger to ask if there are any letters for you?’
‘I thank him, but I know there can be none.’
‘We are afraid,’ said Pet, sitting down beside her, shyly and half
tenderly, ‘that you will feel quite deserted when we are all gone.’
‘Indeed!’
‘Not,’ said Pet, apologetically and embarrassed by her eyes, ‘not, of
course, that we are any company to you, or that we have been able to be
so, or that we thought you wished it.’
‘I have not intended to make it understood that I did wish it.’
‘No. Of course. But--in short,’ said Pet, timidly touching her hand as
it lay impassive on the sofa between them, ‘will you not allow Father to
tender you any slight assistance or service? He will be very glad.’
‘Very glad,’ said Mr Meagles, coming forward with his wife and Clennam.
‘Anything short of speaking the language, I shall be delighted to
undertake, I am sure.’
‘I am obliged to you,’ she returned, ‘but my arrangements are made, and
I prefer to go my own way in my own manner.’
‘_Do_ you?’ said Mr Meagles to himself, as he surveyed her with a puzzled
look. ‘Well! There’s character in that, too.’
‘I am not much used to the society of young ladies, and I am afraid I
may not show my appreciation of it as others might. A pleasant journey
to you. Good-bye!’
She would not have put out her hand, it seemed, but that Mr Meagles put
out his so straight before her that she could not pass it. She put hers
in it, and it lay there just as it had lain upon the couch.
‘Good-bye!’ said Mr Meagles. ‘This is the last good-bye upon the list,
for Mother and I have just said it to Mr Clennam here, and he only waits
to say it to Pet. Good-bye! We may never meet again.’
‘In our course through life we shall meet the people who are coming to
meet _us_, from many strange places and by many strange roads,’ was the
composed reply; ‘and what it is set to us to do to them, and what it is
set to them to do to us, will all be done.’
There was something in the manner of these words that jarred upon Pet’s
ear. It implied that what was to be done was necessarily evil, and it
caused her to say in a whisper, ‘O Father!’ and to shrink childishly, in
her spoilt way, a little closer to him. This was not lost on the
speaker.
‘Your pretty daughter,’ she said, ‘starts to think of such things. Yet,’
looking full upon her, ‘you may be sure that there are men and women
already on their road, who have their business to do with _you_, and who
will do it. Of a certainty they will do it. They may be coming hundreds,
thousands, of miles over the sea there; they may be close at hand now;
they may be coming, for anything you know or anything you can do to
prevent it, from the vilest sweepings of this very town.’
With the coldest of farewells, and with a certain worn expression on her
beauty that gave it, though scarcely yet in its prime, a wasted look,
she left the room.
Now, there were many stairs and passages that she had to traverse in
passing from that part of the spacious house to the chamber she had
secured for her own occupation. When she had almost completed the
journey, and was passing along the gallery in which her room was, she
heard an angry sound of muttering and sobbing. A door stood open, and
within she saw the attendant upon the girl she had just left; the maid
with the curious name.
She stood still, to look at this maid. A sullen, passionate girl! Her
rich black hair was all about her face, her face was flushed and hot,
and as she sobbed and raged, she plucked at her lips with an unsparing
hand.
‘Selfish brutes!’ said the girl, sobbing and heaving between whiles.
‘Not caring what becomes of me! Leaving me here hungry and thirsty and
tired, to starve, for anything they care! Beasts! Devils! Wretches!’
‘My poor girl, what is the matter?’
She looked up suddenly, with reddened eyes, and with her hands
suspended, in the act of pinching her neck, freshly disfigured with
great scarlet blots. ‘It’s nothing to you what’s the matter. It don’t
signify to any one.’
‘O yes it does; I am sorry to see you so.’
‘You are not sorry,’ said the girl. ‘You are glad. You know you are
glad. I never was like this but twice over in the quarantine yonder; and
both times you found me. I am afraid of you.’
‘Afraid of me?’
‘Yes. You seem to come like my own anger, my own malice, my
own--whatever it is--I don’t know what it is. But I am ill-used, I am
ill-used, I am ill-used!’ Here the sobs and the tears, and the tearing
hand, which had all been suspended together since the first surprise,
went on together anew.
The visitor stood looking at her with a strange attentive smile. It was
wonderful to see the fury of the contest in the girl, and the bodily
struggle she made as if she were rent by the Demons of old.
‘I am younger than she is by two or three years, and yet it’s me that
looks after her, as if I was old, and it’s she that’s always petted and
called Baby! I detest the name. I hate her! They make a fool of her,
they spoil her. She thinks of nothing but herself, she thinks no more of
me than if I was a stock and a stone!’ So the girl went on.
‘You must have patience.’
‘I _won’t_ have patience!’
‘If they take much care of themselves, and little or none of you, you
must not mind it.’
I _will_ mind it.’
‘Hush! Be more prudent. You forget your dependent position.’
‘I don’t care for that. I’ll run away. I’ll do some mischief. I won’t
bear it; I can’t bear it; I shall die if I try to bear it!’
The observer stood with her hand upon her own bosom, looking at the
girl, as one afflicted with a diseased part might curiously watch the
dissection and exposition of an analogous case.
The girl raged and battled with all the force of her youth and fulness
of life, until by little and little her passionate exclamations trailed
off into broken murmurs as if she were in pain. By corresponding degrees
she sank into a chair, then upon her knees, then upon the ground beside
the bed, drawing the coverlet with her, half to hide her shamed head and
wet hair in it, and half, as it seemed, to embrace it, rather than have
nothing to take to her repentant breast.
‘Go away from me, go away from me! When my temper comes upon me, I
am mad. I know I might keep it off if I only tried hard enough, and
sometimes I do try hard enough, and at other times I don’t and won’t.
What have I said! I knew when I said it, it was all lies. They think I
am being taken care of somewhere, and have all I want. They are nothing
but good to me. I love them dearly; no people could ever be kinder to a
thankless creature than they always are to me. Do, do go away, for I am
afraid of you. I am afraid of myself when I feel my temper coming, and I
am as much afraid of you. Go away from me, and let me pray and cry
myself better!’
The day passed on; and again the wide stare stared itself out; and the
hot night was on Marseilles; and through it the caravan of the morning,
all dispersed, went their appointed ways. And thus ever by day and
night, under the sun and under the stars, climbing the dusty hills and
toiling along the weary plains, journeying by land and journeying by
sea, coming and going so strangely, to meet and to act and react on one
another, move all we restless travellers through the pilgrimage of life.
CHAPTER 3. Home
It was a Sunday evening in London, gloomy, close, and stale. Maddening
church bells of all degrees of dissonance, sharp and flat, cracked
and clear, fast and slow, made the brick-and-mortar echoes hideous.
Melancholy streets, in a penitential garb of soot, steeped the souls of
the people who were condemned to look at them out of windows, in dire
despondency. In every thoroughfare, up almost every alley, and down
almost every turning, some doleful bell was throbbing, jerking, tolling,
as if the Plague were in the city and the dead-carts were going round.
Everything was bolted and barred that could by possibility furnish
relief to an overworked people. No pictures, no unfamiliar animals, no
rare plants or flowers, no natural or artificial wonders of the ancient
world--all _taboo_ with that enlightened strictness, that the ugly South
Sea gods in the British Museum might have supposed themselves at home
again. Nothing to see but streets, streets, streets. Nothing to breathe
but streets, streets, streets. Nothing to change the brooding mind,
or raise it up. Nothing for the spent toiler to do, but to compare the
monotony of his seventh day with the monotony of his six days, think
what a weary life he led, and make the best of it--or the worst,
according to the probabilities.
At such a happy time, so propitious to the interests of religion and
morality, Mr Arthur Clennam, newly arrived from Marseilles by way of
Dover, and by Dover coach the Blue-eyed Maid, sat in the window of a
coffee-house on Ludgate Hill. Ten thousand responsible houses surrounded
him, frowning as heavily on the streets they composed, as if they were
every one inhabited by the ten young men of the Calender’s story, who
blackened their faces and bemoaned their miseries every night. Fifty
thousand lairs surrounded him where people lived so unwholesomely that
fair water put into their crowded rooms on Saturday night, would be
corrupt on Sunday morning; albeit my lord, their county member, was
amazed that they failed to sleep in company with their butcher’s meat.
Miles of close wells and pits of houses, where the inhabitants gasped
for air, stretched far away towards every point of the compass. Through
the heart of the town a deadly sewer ebbed and flowed, in the place of
a fine fresh river. What secular want could the million or so of
human beings whose daily labour, six days in the week, lay among these
Arcadian objects, from the sweet sameness of which they had no escape
between the cradle and the grave--what secular want could they possibly
have upon their seventh day? Clearly they could want nothing but a
stringent policeman.
Mr Arthur Clennam sat in the window of the coffee-house on Ludgate Hill,
counting one of the neighbouring bells, making sentences and burdens of
songs out of it in spite of himself, and wondering how many sick
people it might be the death of in the course of the year. As the hour
approached, its changes of measure made it more and more exasperating.
At the quarter, it went off into a condition of deadly-lively
importunity, urging the populace in a voluble manner to Come to church,
Come to church, Come to church! At the ten minutes, it became aware
that the congregation would be scanty, and slowly hammered out in low
spirits, They _won’t_ come, they _won’t_ come, they _won’t_ come! At the
five minutes, it abandoned hope, and shook every house in the