Lorna Doone: A Romance of Exmoor
myself was giddy at; and which all my friends resented greatly (save
those of my own family), and even now are sometimes bitter, in spite of
all my humility. Now this is a matter of history, because the King was
concerned in it; and being so strongly misunderstood, (especially in
my own neighbourhood, I will overcome so far as I can) my diffidence in
telling it.
The good Earl Brandir was a man of the noblest charity. True charity
begins at home, and so did his; and was afraid of losing the way, if it
went abroad. So this good nobleman kept his money in a handsome
pewter box, with his coat of arms upon it, and a double lid and locks.
Moreover, there was a heavy chain, fixed to a staple in the wall, so
that none might carry off the pewter with the gold inside of it. Lorna
told me the box was full, for she had seen him go to it, and she often
thought that it would be nice for us to begin the world with. I told
her that she must not allow her mind to dwell upon things of this sort;
being wholly against the last commandment set up in our church at Oare.
Now one evening towards September, when the days were drawing in,
looking back at the house to see whether Lorna were looking after me,
I espied (by a little glimpse, as it were) a pair of villainous fellows
(about whom there could be no mistake) watching from the thicket-corner,
some hundred yards or so behind the good Earl's dwelling. “There is
mischief afoot,” thought I to myself, being thoroughly conversant with
theft, from my knowledge of the Doones; “how will be the moon to-night,
and when may we expect the watch?”
I found that neither moon nor watch could be looked for until the
morning; the moon, of course, before the watch, and more likely to be
punctual. Therefore I resolved to wait, and see what those two villains
did, and save (if it were possible) the Earl of Brandir's pewter box.
But inasmuch as those bad men were almost sure to have seen me leaving
the house and looking back, and striking out on the London road, I
marched along at a merry pace, until they could not discern me; and
then I fetched a compass round, and refreshed myself at a certain inn,
entitled The Cross-bones and Buttons.
Here I remained until it was very nearly as dark as pitch; and the house
being full of footpads and cutthroats, I thought it right to leave them.
One or two came after me, in the hope of designing a stratagem; but I
dropped them in the darkness; and knowing all the neighbourhood well, I
took up my position, two hours before midnight, among the shrubs at the
eastern end of Lord Brandir's mansion. Hence, although I might not see,
I could scarcely fail to hear, if any unlawful entrance either at back
or front were made.
From my own observation, I thought it likely that the attack would be
in the rear; and so indeed it came to pass. For when all the lights were
quenched, and all the house was quiet, I heard a low and wily whistle
from a clump of trees close by; and then three figures passed between me
and a whitewashed wall, and came to a window which opened into a part
of the servants' basement. This window was carefully raised by some one
inside the house; and after a little whispering, and something which
sounded like a kiss, all the three men entered.
“Oh, you villains!” I said to myself, “this is worse than any Doone job;
because there is treachery in it.” But without waiting to consider the
subject from a moral point of view, I crept along the wall, and entered
very quietly after them; being rather uneasy about my life, because I
bore no fire-arms, and had nothing more than my holly staff, for even a
violent combat.
To me this was matter of deep regret, as I followed these vile men
inward. Nevertheless I was resolved that my Lorna should not be robbed
again. Through us (or at least through our Annie) she had lost that
brilliant necklace; which then was her only birthright: therefore it
behoved me doubly, to preserve the pewter box; which must belong to her
in the end, unless the thieves got hold of it.
I went along very delicately (as a man who has learned to wrestle can
do, although he may weigh twenty stone), following carefully the light,
brought by the traitorous maid, and shaking in her loose dishonest hand.
I saw her lead the men into a little place called a pantry; and there
she gave them cordials, and I could hear them boasting.
Not to be too long over it--which they were much inclined to be--I
followed them from this drinking-bout, by the aid of the light they
bore, as far as Earl Brandir's bedroom, which I knew, because Lorna had
shown it to me that I might admire the tapestry. But I had said that no
horse could ever be shod as the horses were shod therein, unless he had
the foot of a frog, as well as a frog to his foot. And Lorna had been
vexed at this (as taste and high art always are, at any small accurate
knowledge), and so she had brought me out again, before I had time to
admire things.
Now, keeping well away in the dark, yet nearer than was necessary to my
own dear Lorna's room, I saw these fellows try the door of the good Earl
Brandir, knowing from the maid, of course, that his lordship could hear
nothing, except the name of Alan. They tried the lock, and pushed at it,
and even set their knees upright; but a Scottish nobleman may be trusted
to secure his door at night. So they were forced to break it open; and
at this the guilty maid, or woman, ran away. These three rogues--for
rogues they were, and no charity may deny it--burst into Earl Brandir's
room, with a light, and a crowbar, and fire-arms. I thought to myself
that this was hard upon an honest nobleman; and if further mischief
could be saved, I would try to save it.
When I came to the door of the room, being myself in shadow, I beheld
two bad men trying vainly to break open the pewter box, and the third
with a pistol-muzzle laid to the night-cap of his lordship. With foul
face and yet fouler words, this man was demanding the key of the box,
which the other men could by no means open, neither drag it from the
chain.
“I tell you,” said this aged Earl, beginning to understand at last what
these rogues were up for; “I will give no key to you. It all belongs to
my boy, Alan. No one else shall have a farthing.”
“Then you may count your moments, lord. The key is in your old cramped
hand. One, two, and at three, I shoot you.”
I saw that the old man was abroad; not with fear, but with great wonder,
and the regrets of deafness. And I saw that rather would he be shot
than let these men go rob his son, buried now, or laid to bleach in the
tangles of the wood, three, or it might be four years agone, but still
alive to his father. Hereupon my heart was moved; and I resolved to
interfere. The thief with the pistol began to count, as I crossed the
floor very quietly, while the old Earl fearfully gazed at the muzzle,
but clenched still tighter his wrinkled hand. The villain, with hair all
over his eyes, and the great horse-pistol levelled, cried “three,” and
pulled the trigger; but luckily, at that very moment, I struck up the
barrel with my staff, so that the shot pierced the tester, and then
with a spin and a thwack I brought the good holly down upon the rascal's
head, in a manner which stretched him upon the floor.
Meanwhile the other two robbers had taken the alarm, and rushed at me,
one with a pistol and one with a hanger; which forced me to be very
lively. Fearing the pistol most, I flung the heavy velvet curtain of the
bed across, that he might not see where to aim at me, and then stooping
very quickly I caught up the senseless robber, and set him up for a
shield and target; whereupon he was shot immediately, without having the
pain of knowing it; and a happy thing it was for him. Now the other two
were at my mercy, being men below the average strength; and no hanger,
except in most skilful hands, as well as firm and strong ones, has
any chance to a powerful man armed with a stout cudgel, and thoroughly
practised in single-stick.
So I took these two rogues, and bound them together; and leaving them
under charge of the butler (a worthy and shrewd Scotchman), I myself
went in search of the constables, whom, after some few hours, I found;
neither were they so drunk but what they could take roped men to prison.
In the morning, these two men were brought before the Justices of the
Peace: and now my wonderful luck appeared; for the merit of having
defeated, and caught them, would never have raised me one step in the
State, or in public consideration, if they had only been common robbers,
or even notorious murderers. But when these fellows were recognised,
by some one in the court, as Protestant witnesses out of employment,
companions and understrappers to Oates, and Bedloe, and Carstairs, and
hand in glove with Dangerfield, Turberville; and Dugdale--in a word, the
very men against whom His Majesty the King bore the bitterest rancour,
but whom he had hitherto failed to catch--when this was laid before the
public (with emphasis and admiration), at least a dozen men came
up, whom I had never seen before, and prayed me to accept their
congratulations, and to be sure to remember them; for all were of
neglected merit, and required no more than a piece of luck.
I answered them very modestly, and each according to his worth, as
stated by himself, who of course could judge the best. The magistrate
made me many compliments, ten times more than I deserved, and took good
care to have them copied, that His Majesty might see them. And ere the
case was thoroughly heard, and those poor fellows were committed, more
than a score of generous men had offered to lend me a hundred pounds,
wherewith to buy a new Court suit, when called before His Majesty.
Now this may seem very strange to us who live in a better and purer
age--or say at least that we do so--and yet who are we to condemn our
fathers for teaching us better manners, and at their own expense? With
these points any virtuous man is bound to deal quite tenderly, making
allowance for corruption, and not being too sure of himself. And to tell
the truth, although I had seen so little of the world as yet, that which
astonished me in the matter, was not so much that they paid me court, as
that they found out so soon the expediency of doing it.
In the course of that same afternoon I was sent for by His Majesty. He
had summoned first the good Earl Brandir, and received the tale from
him, not without exaggeration, although my lord was a Scotchman. But
the chief thing His Majesty cared to know was that, beyond all possible
doubt, these were the very precious fellows from perjury turned to
robbery.
Being fully assured at last of this, His Majesty had rubbed his hands,
and ordered the boots of a stricter pattern (which he himself had
invented) to be brought at once, that he might have them in the best
possible order. And he oiled them himself, and expressed his fear that
there was no man in London quite competent to work them. Nevertheless
he would try one or two, rather than wait for his pleasure, till the
torturer came from Edinburgh.
The next thing he did was to send for me; and in great alarm and flurry
I put on my best clothes, and hired a fashionable hairdresser, and drank
half a gallon of ale, because both my hands were shaking. Then forth I
set, with my holly staff, wishing myself well out of it. I was shown at
once, and before I desired it, into His Majesty's presence, and there I
stood most humbly, and made the best bow I could think of.
As I could not advance any farther--for I saw that the Queen was
present, which frightened me tenfold--His Majesty, in the most gracious
manner, came down the room to encourage me. And as I remained with my