Lorna Doone: A Romance of Exmoor
suppose it was not, and led me through a little passage to a door with a
curtain across it.
“Now, if my Lord cross-question you,” the gentleman whispered to me,
“answer him straight out truth at once, for he will have it out of
thee. And mind, he loves not to be contradicted, neither can he bear a
hang-dog look. Take little heed of the other two; but note every word of
the middle one; and never make him speak twice.”
I thanked him for his good advice, as he moved the curtain and thrust me
in, but instead of entering withdrew, and left me to bear the brunt of
it.
The chamber was not very large, though lofty to my eyes, and dark, with
wooden panels round it. At the further end were some raised seats, such
as I have seen in churches, lined with velvet, and having broad elbows,
and a canopy over the middle seat. There were only three men sitting
here, one in the centre, and one on each side; and all three were done
up wonderfully with fur, and robes of state, and curls of thick gray
horsehair, crimped and gathered, and plaited down to their shoulders.
Each man had an oak desk before him, set at a little distance, and
spread with pens and papers. Instead of writing, however, they seemed
to be laughing and talking, or rather the one in the middle seemed to
be telling some good story, which the others received with approval. By
reason of their great perukes it was hard to tell how old they were; but
the one who was speaking seemed the youngest, although he was the chief
of them. A thick-set, burly, and bulky man, with a blotchy broad face,
and great square jaws, and fierce eyes full of blazes; he was one to be
dreaded by gentle souls, and to be abhorred by the noble.
Between me and the three lord judges, some few lawyers were gathering up
bags and papers and pens and so forth, from a narrow table in the middle
of the room, as if a case had been disposed of, and no other were called
on. But before I had time to look round twice, the stout fierce man
espied me, and shouted out with a flashing stare--
“How now, countryman, who art thou?”
“May it please your worship,” I answered him loudly, “I am John Ridd, of
Oare parish, in the shire of Somerset, brought to this London, some two
months back by a special messenger, whose name is Jeremy Stickles;
and then bound over to be at hand and ready, when called upon to give
evidence, in a matter unknown to me, but touching the peace of our lord
the King, and the well-being of his subjects. Three times I have met our
lord the King, but he hath said nothing about his peace, and only held
it towards me, and every day, save Sunday, I have walked up and down the
great hall of Westminster, all the business part of the day, expecting
to be called upon, yet no one hath called upon me. And now I desire to
ask your worship, whether I may go home again?”
“Well, done, John,” replied his lordship, while I was panting with all
this speech; “I will go bail for thee, John, thou hast never made such
a long speech before; and thou art a spunky Briton, or thou couldst not
have made it now. I remember the matter well, and I myself will attend
to it, although it arose before my time”--he was but newly Chief
Justice--“but I cannot take it now, John. There is no fear of losing
thee, John, any more than the Tower of London. I grieve for His
Majesty's exchequer, after keeping thee two months or more.”
“Nay, my lord, I crave your pardon. My mother hath been keeping me. Not
a groat have I received.”
“Spank, is it so?” his lordship cried, in a voice that shook the
cobwebs, and the frown on his brow shook the hearts of men, and mine as
much as the rest of them,--“Spank, is His Majesty come to this, that he
starves his own approvers?”
“My lord, my lord,” whispered Mr. Spank, the chief-officer of evidence,
“the thing hath been overlooked, my lord, among such grave matters of
treason.”
“I will overlook thy head, foul Spank, on a spike from Temple Bar, if
ever I hear of the like again. Vile varlet, what art thou paid for? Thou
hast swindled the money thyself, foul Spank; I know thee, though thou
art new to me. Bitter is the day for thee that ever I came across thee.
Answer me not--one word more and I will have thee on a hurdle.” And he
swung himself to and fro on his bench, with both hands on his knees; and
every man waited to let it pass, knowing better than to speak to him.
“John Ridd,” said the Lord Chief Justice, at last recovering a sort of
dignity, yet daring Spank from the corners of his eyes to do so much as
look at him, “thou hast been shamefully used, John Ridd. Answer me not
boy; not a word; but go to Master Spank, and let me know how he behaves
to thee;” here he made a glance at Spank, which was worth at least ten
pounds to me; “be thou here again to-morrow, and before any other case
is taken, I will see justice done to thee. Now be off boy; thy name is
Ridd, and we are well rid of thee.”
I was only too glad to go, after all this tempest; as you may well
suppose. For if ever I saw a man's eyes become two holes for the devil
to glare from, I saw it that day; and the eyes were those of the Lord
Chief Justice Jeffreys.
Mr. Spank was in the lobby before me, and before I had recovered
myself--for I was vexed with my own terror--he came up sidling and
fawning to me, with a heavy bag of yellow leather.
“Good Master Ridd, take it all, take it all, and say a good word for me
to his lordship. He hath taken a strange fancy to thee; and thou must
make the most of it. We never saw man meet him eye to eye so, and yet
not contradict him, and that is just what he loveth. Abide in London,
Master Ridd, and he will make thy fortune. His joke upon thy name proves
that. And I pray you remember, Master Ridd, that the Spanks are sixteen
in family.”
But I would not take the bag from him, regarding it as a sort of bribe
to pay me such a lump of money, without so much as asking how great had
been my expenses. Therefore I only told him that if he would kindly keep
the cash for me until the morrow, I would spend the rest of the day in
counting (which always is sore work with me) how much it had stood me in
board and lodging, since Master Stickles had rendered me up; for until
that time he had borne my expenses. In the morning I would give Mr.
Spank a memorandum, duly signed, and attested by my landlord, including
the breakfast of that day, and in exchange for this I would take the
exact amount from the yellow bag, and be very thankful for it.
“If that is thy way of using opportunity,” said Spank, looking at me
with some contempt, “thou wilt never thrive in these times, my lad. Even
the Lord Chief Justice can be little help to thee; unless thou knowest
better than that how to help thyself.”
It mattered not to me. The word “approver” stuck in my gorge, as used
by the Lord Chief Justice; for we looked upon an approver as a very low
thing indeed. I would rather pay for every breakfast, and even every
dinner, eaten by me since here I came, than take money as an approver.
And indeed I was much disappointed at being taken in that light, having
understood that I was sent for as a trusty subject, and humble friend of
His Majesty.
In the morning I met Mr. Spank waiting for me at the entrance, and very
desirous to see me. I showed him my bill, made out in fair copy, and
he laughed at it, and said, “Take it twice over, Master Ridd; once for
thine own sake, and once for His Majesty's; as all his loyal tradesmen
do, when they can get any. His Majesty knows and is proud of it, for
it shows their love of his countenance; and he says, '_bis dat qui cito
dat_,' then how can I grumble at giving twice, when I give so slowly?”
“Nay, I will take it but once,” I said; “if His Majesty loves to be
robbed, he need not lack of his desire, while the Spanks are sixteen in
family.”
The clerk smiled cheerfully at this, being proud of his children's
ability; and then having paid my account, he whispered,--
“He is all alone this morning, John, and in rare good humour. He hath
been promised the handling of poor Master Algernon Sidney, and he
says he will soon make republic of him; for his state shall shortly be
headless. He is chuckling over his joke, like a pig with a nut; and that
always makes him pleasant. John Ridd, my lord!” With that he swung up
the curtain bravely, and according to special orders, I stood, face to
face, and alone with Judge Jeffreys.
CHAPTER XXVI
JOHN IS DRAINED AND CAST ASIDE
His lordship was busy with some letters, and did not look up for a
minute or two, although he knew that I was there. Meanwhile I stood
waiting to make my bow; afraid to begin upon him, and wondering at his
great bull-head. Then he closed his letters, well-pleased with their
import, and fixed his bold broad stare on me, as if I were an oyster
opened, and he would know how fresh I was.
“May it please your worship,” I said, “here I am according to order,
awaiting your good pleasure.”
“Thou art made to weight, John, more than order. How much dost thou tip
the scales to?”
“Only twelvescore pounds, my lord, when I be in wrestling trim. And sure
I must have lost weight here, fretting so long in London.”
“Ha, ha! Much fret is there in thee! Hath His Majesty seen thee?”
“Yes, my lord, twice or even thrice; and he made some jest concerning
me.”
“A very bad one, I doubt not. His humour is not so dainty as mine, but
apt to be coarse and unmannerly. Now John, or Jack, by the look of thee,
thou art more used to be called.”
“Yes, your worship, when I am with old Molly and Betty Muxworthy.”
“Peace, thou forward varlet! There is a deal too much of thee. We shall
have to try short commons with thee, and thou art a very long common.
Ha, ha! Where is that rogue Spank? Spank must hear that by-and-by. It is
beyond thy great thick head, Jack.”
“Not so, my lord; I have been at school, and had very bad jokes made
upon me.”
“Ha, ha! It hath hit thee hard. And faith, it would be hard to miss
thee, even with harpoon. And thou lookest like to blubber, now. Capital,
in faith! I have thee on every side, Jack, and thy sides are manifold;
many-folded at any rate. Thou shalt have double expenses, Jack, for the
wit thou hast provoked in me.”
“Heavy goods lack heavy payment, is a proverb down our way, my lord.”
“Ah, I hurt thee, I hurt thee, Jack. The harpoon hath no tickle for
thee. Now, Jack Whale, having hauled thee hard, we will proceed to
examine thee.” Here all his manner was changed, and he looked with his
heavy brows bent upon me, as if he had never laughed in his life, and
would allow none else to do so.
“I am ready to answer, my lord,” I replied, “if he asks me nought beyond
my knowledge, or beyond my honour.”
“Hadst better answer me everything, lump. What hast thou to do with
honour? Now is there in thy neighbourhood a certain nest of robbers,
miscreants, and outlaws, whom all men fear to handle?”
“Yes, my lord. At least, I believe some of them be robbers, and all of
them are outlaws.”
“And what is your high sheriff about, that he doth not hang them all? Or
send them up for me to hang, without more to do about them?”
“I reckon that he is afraid, my lord; it is not safe to meddle with
them. They are of good birth, and reckless; and their place is very
strong.”
“Good birth! What was Lord Russell of, Lord Essex, and this Sidney? 'Tis
the surest heirship to the block to be the chip of a good one. What is
the name of this pestilent race, and how many of them are there?”
“They are the Doones of Bagworthy forest, may it please your worship.
And we reckon there be about forty of them, beside the women and
children.”
“Forty Doones, all forty thieves! and women and children! Thunder of