Manon Lescaut
I left the inn, with the intention, as I told Manon and the landlord,
of going in a hired carriage, but this was a mere flourish; necessity
obliged me to travel on foot: I walked very fast as far as
Cours-la-Reine, where I intended to rest. A moment of solitude and
tranquillity was requisite to compose myself, and to consider what was
to be done in Paris.
"I sat down upon the grass. I plunged into a sea of thoughts and
considerations, which at length resolved themselves into three
principal heads. I had pressing want of an infinite number of absolute
necessaries; I had to seek some mode of at least raising a hope for the
future; and, though last, not least in importance, I had to gain
information, and adopt measures, to secure Manon's safety and my own.
After having exhausted myself in devising projects upon these three
chief points, I was obliged to put out of view for the moment the two
last. We were not ill sheltered from observation in the inn at
Chaillot; and as to future wants, I thought it would be time enough to
think about them when those of the moment were satisfied.
"The main object now was to replenish my purse. M. de T---- had once
offered me his, but I had an extreme repugnance to mention the subject
to him again. What a degradation to expose one's misery to a stranger,
and to ask for charity: it must be either a man of low mind who would
thus demean himself, and that from a baseness which must render him
insensible to the degradation, or a humble Christian, from a
consciousness of generosity in himself, which must put him above the
sense of shame. I would have sacrificed half my life to be spared the
humiliation.
"'Tiberge,' said I, 'kind Tiberge, will he refuse me what he has it in
his power to grant? No, he will assuredly sympathise in my misery; but
he will also torture me with his lectures! One must endure his
reproaches, his exhortations, his threats: I shall have to purchase his
assistance so dearly, that I would rather make any sacrifice than
encounter this distressing scene, which cannot fail to leave me full of
sorrow and remorse. Well,' thought I again, 'all hope must be
relinquished, since no other course presents itself: so far am I from
adopting either of these, that I would sooner shed half my blood than
face one of these evils, or the last drop rather than encounter both.
Yes, the very last drop,' I repeated after a moment's reflection, 'I
would sacrifice willingly rather than submit to such base supplication!
"'But it is not in reality a question of my existence! Manon's life
and maintenance, her love and her fidelity, are at stake! What
consideration can outweigh that? In her are centred all my glory,
happiness, and future fortune! There are doubtless many things that I
would gladly give up my life to obtain, or to avoid; but to estimate a
thing merely beyond the value of my own life, is not putting it on a
par with that of Manon.' This idea soon decided me: I went on my way,
resolved to go first to Tiberge, and afterwards to M. de T----.
"On entering Paris I took a hackney-coach, though I had not wherewithal
to pay for it; I calculated on the loan I was going to solicit. I
drove to the Luxembourg, whence I sent word to Tiberge that I was
waiting for him. I had not to stay many minutes. I told him without
hesitation the extremity of my wants. He asked if the fifty pounds
which I had returned to him would suffice, and he at once went to fetch
it with that generous air, that pleasure in bestowing which 'blesseth
him that gives, and him that takes,' and which can only be known to
love or to true friendship.
"Although I had never entertained a doubt of Tiberge's readiness to
grant my request, yet I was surprised at having obtained it on such
easy terms, that is to say, without a word of reprimand for my
impenitence; but I was premature in fancying myself safe from his
reproaches, for when he had counted out the money, and I was on the
point of going away, he begged of me to take a walk with him in the
garden. I had not mentioned Manon's name; he knew nothing of her
escape; so that his lecture was merely upon my own rash flight from St.
Lazare, and upon his apprehensions lest, instead of profiting by the
lessons of morality which I had received there, I should again relapse
into dissipation.
"He told me, that having gone to pay me a visit at St. Lazare, the day
after my escape, he had been astonished beyond expression at hearing
the mode in which I had effected it; that he had afterwards a
conversation with the Superior; that the good Father had not quite
recovered the shock; that he had, however, the generosity to conceal
the real circumstances from the lieutenant-general of police, and that
he had prevented the death of the porter from becoming known outside
the walls; that I had, therefore, upon that score, no ground for alarm,
but that, if I retained one grain of prudence, I should profit by this
happy turn which Providence had given to my affairs, and begin by
writing to my father, and reconciling myself to his favour; and finally
that, if I would be guided by his advice, I should at once quit Paris,
and return to the bosom of my family.
"I listened to him attentively till he had finished. There was much in
what he said to gratify me. In the first place, I was delighted to
learn that I had nothing to fear on account of St. Lazare--the streets
of Paris at least were again open to me. Then I rejoiced to find that
Tiberge had no suspicion of Manon's escape, and her return to my arms.
I even remarked that he had not mentioned her name, probably from the
idea that, by my seeming indifference to her, she had become less dear
to my heart. I resolved, if not to return home, at least to write to
my father, as he advised me, and to assure him that I was disposed to
return to my duty, and consult his wishes. My intention was to urge
him to send me money for the purpose of pursuing my ordinary studies at
the University, for I should have found it difficult to persuade him
that I had any inclination to resume my ecclesiastical habit. I was in
truth not at all averse to what I was now going to promise him. On the
contrary, I was ready to apply myself to some creditable and rational
pursuit, so far as the occupation would be compatible with my love. I
reckoned upon being able to live with my mistress, and at the same time
continuing my studies. I saw no inconsistency in this plan.
"These thoughts were so satisfactory to my mind, that I promised
Tiberge to dispatch a letter by that day's post to my father: in fact,
on leaving him, I went into a scrivener's, and wrote in such a
submissive and dutiful tone, that, on reading over my own letter, I
anticipated the triumph I was going to achieve over my father's heart.
"Although I had money enough to pay for a hackney-coach after my
interview with Tiberge, I felt a pleasure in walking independently
through the streets to M. de T----'s house. There was great comfort in
this unaccustomed exercise of my liberty, as to which my friend had
assured me I had nothing now to apprehend. However, it suddenly
occurred to me, that he had been only referring to St. Lazare, and that
I had the other affair of the Hospital on my hands; being implicated,
if not as an accomplice, at all events as a witness. This thought
alarmed me so much, that I slipped down the first narrow street, and
called a coach. I went at once to M. de T----'s, and he laughed at my
apprehensions. I myself thought them ridiculous enough, when he
informed me that there was no more danger from Lescaut's affray, than
from the Hospital adventure. He told me that, from the fear of their
suspecting that he had a hand in Manon's escape, he had gone that
morning to the Hospital and asked to see her, pretending not to know
anything of what had happened; that they were so far from entertaining
the least suspicion of either of us, that they lost no time in relating
the adventure as a piece of news to him; and that they wondered how so
pretty a girl as Manon Lescaut could have thought of eloping with a
servant: that he replied with seeming indifference, that it by no means
astonished him, for people would do anything for the sake of liberty.
"He continued to tell me how he then went to Lescaut's apartments, in
the hope of finding me there with my dear mistress; that the master of
the house, who was a coachmaker, protested he had seen neither me nor
Manon; but that it was no wonder that we had not appeared there, if our
object was to see Lescaut, for that we must have doubtless heard of his
having been assassinated about the very same time; upon which, he
related all that he knew of the cause and circumstances of the murder.
"About two hours previously, a guardsman of Lescaut's acquaintance had
come to see him, and proposed play. Lescaut had such a rapid and
extravagant run of luck, that in an hour the young man was minus twelve
hundred francs--all the money he had. Finding himself without a sou, he
begged of Lescaut to lend him half the sum he had lost; and there being
some difficulty on this point, an angry quarrel arose between them.
Lescaut had refused to give him the required satisfaction, and the
other swore, on quitting him, that he would take his life; a threat
which he carried into execution the same night. M. de T---- was kind
enough to add, that he had felt the utmost anxiety on our account, and
that, such as they were, he should gladly continue to us his services.
I at once told him the place of our retreat. He begged of me to allow
him to sup with us.
"As I had nothing more to do than to procure the linen and clothes for
Manon, I told him that we might start almost immediately, if he would
be so good as to wait for me a moment while I went into one or two
shops. I know not whether he suspected that I made this proposition
with the view of calling his generosity into play, or whether it was by
the mere impulse of a kind heart; but, having consented to start
immediately, he took me to a shopkeeper, who had lately furnished his
house. He there made me select several articles of a much higher price
than I had proposed to myself; and when I was about paying the bill, he
desired the man not to take a sou from me. This he did so gracefully,
that I felt no shame in accepting his present. We then took the road
to Chaillot together, where I arrived much more easy in mind than when
I had left it that morning.
"My return and the polite attentions of M. de T---- dispelled all
Manon's melancholy. 'Let us forget our past annoyances, my dear soul,'
said I to her, 'and endeavour to live a still happier life than before.
After all, there are worse masters than love: fate cannot subject us to
as much sorrow as love enables us to taste of happiness.' Our supper
was a true scene of joy.
"In possession of Manon and of twelve hundred and fifty francs, I was
prouder and more contented than the richest voluptuary of Paris with
untold treasures. Wealth should be measured by the means it affords us
of satisfying our desires. There did not remain to me at this moment a
single wish unaccomplished. Even the future gave me little concern. I
felt a hope, amounting almost to certainty, that my father would allow
me the means of living respectably in Paris, because I had become
entitled, on entering upon my twentieth year, to a share of my mother's
fortune. I did not conceal from Manon what was the extent of my
present wealth; but I added, that it might suffice to support us until
our fortune was bettered, either by the inheritance I have just alluded
to, or by the resources of the hazard-table."
VIII
This Passion hath its floods in the very times of weakness, which are