Manon Lescaut
redoubled fury. I must confess that I was not an accomplished
swordsman, having had but three months' tuition in Paris. Love,
however, guided my weapon. Synnelet pierced me through and through the
left arm; but I caught him whilst thus engaged, and made so vigorous a
thrust that I stretched him senseless at my feet.
"In spite of the triumphant feeling that victory, after a mortal
conflict, inspires, I was immediately horrified by the certain
consequences of his death. There could not be the slightest hope of
either pardon or respite from the vengeance I had thus incurred.
Aware, as I was, of the affection of the governor for his nephew, I
felt perfectly sure that my death would not be delayed a single hour
after his should become known. 'Urgent as this apprehension was, it
still was by no means the principal source of my uneasiness. Manon,
the welfare of Manon, the peril that impended over her, and the
certainty of my being now at length separated from her, afflicted me to
such a degree, that I was incapable of recognising the place in which I
stood. I regretted Synnelet's death: instant suicide seemed the only
remedy for my woes.
"However, it was this very thought that quickly restored me to my
reason, and enabled me to form a resolution. 'What,' said I to myself,
'die, in order to end my pain! Then there is something I dread more
than the loss of all I love! No, let me suffer the cruellest
extremities in order to aid her; and when these prove of no avail, fly
to death as a last resource!'
"I returned towards the town; on my arrival at home, I found Manon half
dead with fright and anxiety: my presence restored her. I could not
conceal from her the terrible accident that had happened. On my
mentioning the death of Synnelet and my own wound, she fell in a state
of insensibility into my arms. It was a quarter of an hour before I
could bring her again to her senses.
"I was myself in a most deplorable state of mind; I could not discern
the slightest prospect of safety for either of us. 'Manon,' said I to
her, when she had recovered a little, 'what shall we do? Alas, what
hope remains to us? I must necessarily fly. Will you remain in the
town? Yes dearest Manon, do remain; you may possibly still be happy
here; while I, far away from you, may seek death and find it amongst
the savages, or the wild beasts.'
"She raised herself in spite of her weakness, and taking hold of my
hand to lead me towards the door: 'Let us,' said she, 'fly together,
we have not a moment to lose; Synnelet's body may be found by chance,
and we shall then have no time to escape.' 'But, dear Manon,' replied
I, 'to what place can we fly? Do you perceive any resource? Would it
not be better that you should endeavour to live on without me; and that
I should go and voluntarily place my life in the governor's hands?'
"This proposal had only the effect of making her more impatient for our
departure. I had presence of mind enough, on going out, to take with
me some strong liquors which I had in my chamber, and as much food as I
could carry in my pockets. We told our servants, who were in the
adjoining room, that we were going to take our evening walk, as was our
invariable habit; and we left the town behind us more rapidly than I
had thought possible from Manon's delicate state of health.
"Although I had not formed any resolve as to our future destination, I
still cherished a hope, without which I should have infinitely
preferred death to my suspense about Manon's safety. I had acquired a
sufficient knowledge of the country, during nearly ten months which I
had now passed in America, to know in what manner the natives should be
approached. Death was not the necessary consequence of falling into
their hands. I had learned a few words of their language, and some of
their customs, having had many opportunities of seeing them.
"Besides this sad resource, I derived some hopes from the fact, that
the English had, like ourselves, established colonies in this part of
the New World. But the distance was terrific. In order to reach them,
we should have to traverse deserts of many days' journey, and more than
one range of mountains so steep and vast as to seem almost impassable
to the strongest man. I nevertheless flattered myself that we might
derive partial relief from one or other of these sources: the savages
might serve us as guides, and the English receive us in their
settlements.
"We journeyed on as long as Manon's strength would permit, that is to
say, about six miles; for this incomparable creature, with her usual
absence of selfishness, refused my repeated entreaties to stop.
Overpowered at length by fatigue, she acknowledged the utter
impossibility of proceeding farther. It was already night: we sat down
in the midst of an extensive plain, where we could not even find a tree
to shelter us. Her first care was to dress my wound, which she had
bandaged before our departure. I, in vain, entreated her to desist from
exertion: it would have only added to her distress if I had refused her
the satisfaction of seeing me at ease and out of danger, before her own
wants were attended to. I allowed her therefore to gratify herself,
and in shame and silence submitted to her delicate attentions.
"But when she had completed her tender task, with what ardour did I not
enter upon mine! I took off my clothes and stretched them under her,
to render more endurable the hard and rugged ground on which she lay.
I protected her delicate hands from the cold by my burning kisses and
the warmth of my sighs. I passed the livelong night in watching over
her as she slept, and praying Heaven to refresh her with soft and
undisturbed repose. 'You can bear witness, just and all-seeing God! to
the fervour and sincerity of those prayers, and Thou alone knowest with
what awful rigour they were rejected.'
"You will excuse me, if I now cut short a story which it distresses me
beyond endurance to relate. It is, I believe, a calamity without
parallel. I can never cease to deplore it. But although it continues,
of course, deeply and indelibly impressed on my memory, yet my heart
seems to shrink within me each time that I attempt the recital.
"We had thus tranquilly passed the night. I had fondly imagined that
my beloved mistress was in a profound sleep, and I hardly dared to
breathe lest I should disturb her. As day broke, I observed that her
hands were cold and trembling; I pressed them to my bosom in the hope
of restoring animation. This movement roused her attention, and making
an effort to grasp my hand, she said, in a feeble voice, that she
thought her last moments had arrived.
"I, at first, took this for a passing weakness, or the ordinary
language of distress; and I answered with the usual consolations that
love prompted. But her incessant sighs, her silence, and inattention
to my enquiries, the convulsed grasp of her hands, in which she
retained mine, soon convinced me that the crowning end of all my
miseries was approaching.
"Do not now expect me to attempt a description of my feelings, or to
repeat her dying expressions. I lost her--I received the purest
assurances of her love even at the very instant that her spirit fled.
I have not nerve to say more upon this fatal and disastrous event.
"My spirit was not destined to accompany Manon's. Doubtless, Heaven
did not as yet consider me sufficiently punished, and therefore
ordained that I should continue to drag on a languid and joyless
existence. I willingly renounced every hope of leading a happy one.
"I remained for twenty-four hours without taking my lips from the still
beauteous countenance and hands of my adored Manon. My intention was
to await my own death in that position; but at the beginning of the
second day, I reflected that, after I was gone, she must of necessity
become the prey of wild beasts. I then determined to bury her, and
wait my own doom upon her grave. I was already, indeed, so near my end
from the combined effect of long fasting and grief, that it was with
the greatest difficulty I could support myself standing. I was obliged
to have recourse to the liquors which I had brought with me, and these
restored sufficient strength to enable me to set about my last sad
office. From the sandy nature of the soil there was little trouble in
opening the ground. I broke my sword and used it for the purpose; but
my bare hands were of greater service. I dug a deep grave, and there
deposited the idol of my heart, after having wrapt around her my
clothes to prevent the sand from touching her. I kissed her ten
thousand times with all the ardour of the most glowing love, before I
laid her in this melancholy bed. I sat for some time upon the bank
intently gazing on her, and could not command fortitude enough to close
the grave over her. At length, feeling that my strength was giving
way, and apprehensive of its being entirely exhausted before the
completion of my task, I committed to the earth all that it had ever
contained most perfect and peerless. I then lay myself with my face
down upon the grave, and closing my eyes with the determination never
again to open them, I invoked the mercy of Heaven, and ardently prayed
for death.
"You will find it difficult to believe that, during the whole time of
this protracted and distressing ceremony, not a tear or a sigh escaped
to relieve my agony. The state of profound affliction in which I was,
and the deep settled resolution I had taken to die, had silenced the
sighs of despair, and effectually dried up the ordinary channels of
grief. It was thus impossible for me, in this posture upon the grave,
to continue for any time in possession of my faculties.
"After what you have listened to, the remainder of my own history would
ill repay the attention you seem inclined to bestow upon it. Synnelet
having been carried into the town and skilfully examined, it was found
that, so far from being dead, he was not even dangerously wounded. He
informed his uncle of the manner in which the affray had occurred
between us, and he generously did justice to my conduct on the
occasion. I was sent for; and as neither of us could be found, our
flight was immediately suspected. It was then too late to attempt to
trace me, but the next day and the following one were employed in the
pursuit.
"I was found, without any appearance of life, upon the grave of Manon:
and the persons who discovered me in this situation, seeing that I was
almost naked and bleeding from my wounds, naturally supposed that I had
been robbed and assassinated. They carried me into the town. The
motion restored me to my senses. The sighs I heaved on opening my eyes
and finding myself still amongst the living, showed that I was not
beyond the reach of art: they were but too successful in its
application.
"I was immediately confined as a close prisoner. My trial was ordered;
and as Manon was not forthcoming, I was accused of having murdered her
from rage and jealousy. I naturally related all that had occurred.
Synnelet, though bitterly grieved and disappointed by what he heard,
had the generosity to solicit my pardon: he obtained it.
"I was so reduced, that they were obliged to carry me from the prison
to my bed, and there I suffered for three long months under severe
illness. My aversion from life knew no diminution. I continually
prayed for death, and obstinately for some time refused every remedy.
But Providence, after having punished me with atoning rigour, saw fit
to turn to my own use its chastisements and the memory of my multiplied
sorrows. It at length deigned to shed upon me its redeeming light, and
revived in my mind ideas worthy of my birth and my early education.