Memoirs of Fanny Hill
her, and returned her the kiss and embrace, with all the fervour that
perfect innocence knew.
Encouraged by this, her hands became extremely free, and wandered over
my whole body, with touches, squeezes, pressures, that rather warmed
and surprised me with their novelty, than they either shocked or
alarmed me.
The flattering praises she intermingled with these invasions,
contributed also not a little to bribe my passiveness; and, knowing no
ill, I feared none, especially from one who had prevented all doubts of
her womanhood, by conducting my hands to a pair of breasts that hung
loosely down, in a size and volume that full sufficiently distinguished
her sex, to me at least, who had never made any other comparison.
I lay then all tame and passive as she could wish, whilst her freedom
raised no other emotion but those of a strange, and, till then, unfelt
pleasure. Every part of me was open and exposed to the licentious
courses of her hands, which, like a lambent fire, ran over my whole
body, and thawed all coldness as they went.
My breasts, if it is not too bold a figure to call so two hard, firm,
rising hillocks, that just began to shew themselves, or signify
anything to the touch, employed and amused her hands awhile, till,
slipping down lower, over a smooth track, she could just feel the soft
silky down that had but a few months before put forth and garnished the
mount-pleasant of those parts, and promised to spread a grateful
shelter over the sweet seat of the most exquisite sensation, and which
had been, till that instant, the seat of the most insensible innocence.
Her fingers played and strove to twine in the young tendrils of that
moss, which nature has contrived at once for use and ornament.
But, not contented with these outer posts, she now attempts the main
spot, and began to twitch, to insinuate, and at length to force an
introduction of a finger into the quick itself, in such a manner, that
had she not proceeded by insensible gradations that inflamed me beyond
the power of modesty to oppose its resistance to their progress, I
should have jumped out of bed and cried for help against such strange
assaults.
Instead of which, her lascivious touches had lighted up a new fire that
wantoned through all my veins, but fixed with violence in that center
appointed them by nature, where the first strange hands were now busied
in feeling, squeezing, compressing the lips, then opening them again,
with a finger between, till an “Oh!” expressed her hurting me, where
the narrowness of the unbroken passage refused it entrance to any
depth.
In the meantime, the extension of my limbs, languid stretching, sighs,
short heavings, all conspired to assure that experienced wanton that I
was more pleased than offended at her proceedings, which she seasoned
with repeated kisses and exclamations, such as “Oh! what a charming
creature thou art! What a happy man will he be that first makes a woman
of you! Oh! that I were a man for your sake!” with the like broken
expressions, interrupted by kisses as fierce and salacious as ever I
received from the other sex.
For my part, I was transported, confused, and out of myself; feelings
so new were too much for me. My heated and alarmed senses were in a
tumult that robbed me of all liberty of thought; tears of pleasure
gushed from my eyes, and somewhat assuaged the fire that raged all over
me.
Phœbe, herself, the hackneyed, thorough-bred Phœbe, to whom all modes
and devices of pleasure were known and familiar, found, it seems, in
this exercise her those arbitrary tastes, for which there is no
accounting. Not that she hated men, or did not even prefer them to her
own sex; but when she met with such occasions as this was, a satiety of
enjoyments in the common road, perhaps, too a great secret bias,
inclined her to make the most of pleasure, wherever she could find it,
without distinction of sexes. In this view, now well assured that she
had, by her touches, sufficiently inflamed me for her purpose, she
rolled down the bed clothes gently, and I saw myself stretched naked,
my shift being turned up to my neck, whilst I had no power or sense to
oppose it. Even my growing blushes expressed more desire than modesty,
whilst the candle, left (to be sure not undesignedly) burning, threw a
full light on my whole body.
“No!” says Phœbe, “you must not, my sweet girl, think to hide all these
treasures from me. My sight must be feasted as my touch. I must devour
with my eyes this springing bosom. Suffer me to kiss it. I have not
seen it enough. Let me kiss it once more. What firm, smooth, white
flesh is here! How delicately shaped! Then this delicious down! Oh! let
me view the small, dear, tender cleft! This is too much, I cannot bear
it! I must! I must!” Here she took my hand, and in a transport carried
it where you will easily guess. But what a difference in the state of
the same thing! A spreading thicket of bushy curls marked the full
grown, complete woman. Then the cavity to which she guided my hand
easily received it; and as soon as she felt it within her, she moved
herself to and fro, with so rapid a friction, that I presently withdrew
it, wet and clammy, when instantly Phœbe grew more composed, after two
or three sighs, and heart-fetched Oh’s! and giving me a kiss that
seemed to exhale her soul through her lips, she replaced the
bed-clothes over us. What pleasure she had found I will not say; but
this I know, that the first sparks of kindling nature, the first ideas
of pollution, were caught by me that night; and that the acquaintance
and communication with the bad of our sex, is often as fatal to
innocence as all the seductions of the other. But to go on. When Phœbe
was restored to that calm, which I was far from the enjoyment of
myself, she artfully sounded me on all the points necessary to govern
the designs of my virtuous mistress on me, and by my answers, drawn
from pure undissembled nature, she had no reason but to promise herself
all imaginable success, so far as it depended on my ignorance, easiness
and warmth of constitution.
After a sufficient length of dialogue, my bedfellow left me to my rest,
and I fell asleep, through pure weariness, from the violent emotions I
had been led into, when nature which had been too warmly stirred and
fermented to subside without allaying by some means or other relieved
me by one of those luscious dreams, the transports of which are scarce
inferior to those of waking real action.
In the morning I awoke about ten, perfectly gay and refreshed. Phœbe
was up before me, and asked me in the kindest manner how I did, how I
had rested, and if I was ready for breakfast? carefully, at the same
time, avoiding to increase the confusion she saw I was in, at looking
her in the face, by any hint of the night’s bed scene. I told her if
she pleased I would get up, and begin any work she would be pleased to
set me about. She smiled; presently the maid brought in the tea
equipage, and I just huddled my clothes on, when in waddled my
mistress. I expected no less than to be told of, if not chid for, my
late rising, when I was most agreeably disappointed by her compliments
on my pure and fresh looks. I was “a bud of beauty” (this was her
style), “and how vastly all the fine men would admire me!” to all which
my answers did not, I can assure you, wrong my breeding; they were as
simple and silly as they could wish, and, no doubt, flattered them
infinitely more than had they proved me enlightened by education and a
knowledge of the world.
We breakfasted, and the tea things were scarce removed, when in were
brought two bundles of linen and wearing apparel: in short, all the
necessaries for rigging me out, as they termed it, completely.
Imagine to yourself, Madam, how my little coquet heart fluttered with
joy at the sight of a white lutestring, flowered with silver, scoured
indeed, but passed on me for spick and span new, a Brussels lace cap,
braited shoes, and the rest in proportion, all second-hand finery, and
procured instantly for the occasion, by the diligence and industry of
the good Mrs. Brown, who had already a chapman for me in the house,
before whom my charms were to pass in review; for he had not only, in
course, insisted on a previous sight of the premises, but also on
immediate surrendering to him, in case of his agreeing for me;
concluding very wisely, that such a place as I was in, was of the
hottest to trust the keeping of such a perishable commodity in, as a
maidenhead.
The care of dressing and tricking me out for the market, was then left
to Phœbe, who acquitted herself, if not well, at least perfectly to the
satisfaction of everything but my impatience of seeing myself dressed.
When it was over, and I viewed myself in the glass, I was no doubt, too
natural, too artless, to hide my childish joy at the change: a change,
in the real truth, for much the worse, since I must have much better
become the neat easy simplicity of my rustic dress than the awkward,
untoward, tawdry finery that I could not conceal my strangeness to.
Phœbe’s compliments, however, in which her own share in dressing me was
not forgot, did not a little confirm me in the first notions I had ever
entertained concerning my person; which, be it said without vanity, was
then tolerable to justify a taste for me, and of which it may not be
out of place here to sketch you an unflattered picture.
I was tall, yet not too tall for my age, which, as I before remarked,
was barely turned of fifteen; my shape perfectly straight, thin
waisted, and light and free without owing anything to stays; my hair
was a glossy auburn, and as soft as silk, flowing down my neck in
natural curls, and did not a little to set off the whiteness of a
smooth skin; my face was rather too ruddy, though its features were
delicate, and the shape was a roundish oval, except where a pit on my
chin had far from a disagreeable effect; my eyes were as black as can
be imagined, and rather languishing than sparkling, except on certain
occasions, when I have been told they struck fire fast enough; my
teeth, which I ever carefully preserved, were small, even and white; my
bosom was finely raised, and one might then discern rather the promise
than the actual growth of the round, firm breast, that in a little time
made that promise good. In short, all the points of beauty that are
most universally in request, I had, or at least my vanity forbid me to
appeal from the decision of our sovereign judges the men, who all, that
I ever knew at last, gave it thus highly in my favour; and I met with,
even in my own sex, some that were above denying me that justice,
whilst others praised me yet more unsuspectedly, by endeavouring to
detract from me, in points of person and figure that I obviously
excelled in. This is, I own, too strong of self praise; but I should be
ungrateful to nature, and to a form to which I owe such singular
blessings of pleasure and fortune, were I to suppress, through an
affectation of modesty, the mention of such valuable gifts.
Well then, dressed I was, and little did it then enter into my head
that all this gay attire was no more than decking the victim out for
sacrifice, whilst I innocently attributed all to mere friendship and
kindness in the sweet good Mrs. Brown; who, I was forgetting to
mention, had, under pretence of keeping my money safe, got from me,
without the least hesitation, the driblet (so I now call it) which
remained to me after the expenses of my journey.
After some little time most agreebly spent before the glass, in scarce
self-admiration, since my new dress had by much the greatest share in
it, I was sent for down to the parlour, where the old lady saluted me,
and wished me joy of my new clothes, which she was not ashamed to say,