Memoirs of Fanny Hill
now all my whole spirits of life and sensation rushing, impetuously to
the cock-pit, where the prize of pleasure was hotly in dispute and
clustering to a point there, I soon received the dear relief of nature
from these over-violent strains and provocations of it; harmonizing
with which, my gallant spouted into me such a potent overflow of the
balsamic injection, as softened and unedged all those irritating stings
of a new species of titillation, which I had been so intolerably
maddened with, and restored the ferment of my senses to some degree of
composure.
I had now achieved this rare adventure ultimately much more to my
satisfaction than I had bespoken the nature of it to turn out; nor was
it much lessened, you may think, by spark’s lavish praises of my
constancy and complaisance, which he gave weight to by a present that
greatly surpassed my utmost expectation, besides his gratification to
Mrs. Cole.
I was not, however, at any time re-enticed to renew with him, or resort
again to the violent expedient of lashing nature into more haste than
good speed: which, by the way, I conceive acts somewhat in the manner
of a dose of Spanish flies; with more pain perhaps, but less danger;
and might be necessary to him, but was nothing less so than to me,
whose appetite wanted the bridle more than the spur.
Mrs. Cole, to whom this adventurous exploit had more and more endeared
me, looked on me now as a girl after her own heart, afraid of nothing,
and, on a good account, hardly enough to fight all the weapons of
pleasure through. Attentive then, in consequence of these favourable
conceptions, to promote either my profit or pleasure, she had special
regard for the first, in a new gallant of a very singular turn, that
she procured for and introduced to me.
This was a grave staid, solemn, elderly gentleman, whose peculiar
humour was a delight in combing fine tresses of hair; and as I was
perfectly headed to his taste, he used to come constantly at my toilet
hours, when I let down my hair as loose as nature, and abandoned it to
him to do what he pleased with it; and accordingly he would keep me an
hour or more in play with it, drawing the comb through it, winding the
curls round his fingers, even kissing it as he smoothed it; and all
this led to no other use of my person, or any other liberties whatever,
any more than if a distinction of sexes had not existed.
Another peculiarity of taste he had, which was to present me with a
dozen pairs of the whitest kid gloves at a time: these he would divert
himself with drawing on me, and then biting off their finger ends; all
which fooleries of a silly appetite, the old gentleman paid more
liberally for, than most others did for more essential favours. This
lasted till a violent cough, seizing and laying him up, delivered me
from this most innocent and insipid trifler, for I never heard more of
him after his first retreat.
You may be sure a by-job of this sort interfered with no other pursuit,
or plan of life; which I led, in truth, with a modesty and reserve that
was less the work of virtue than of exhausted novelty, a glut of
pleasure, and easy circumstances, that made me indifferent to any
engagements in which pleasure and profit were not eminently united; and
such I could, with the less impatience, wait for at the hands of time
and fortune, as I was satisfied I could never mend my pennyworths,
having evidently been served at the top of the market, and even been
pampered with dainties: besides that, in the sacrifice of a few
momentary impulses, I found a secret satisfaction in respecting myself,
as well as preserving the life and freshness of my complexion. Louisa
and Emily did not carry indeed their reserve so high as I did; but
still they were far from cheap or abandoned, though two of their
adventures seemed to contradict this general character, which, for
their singularity, I shall give you in course, beginning first with
Emily’s:
Louisa and she went one night to a ball, the first in the habit of a
shepherdess, Emily in that of a shepherd: I saw them in their dresses
before they went, and nothing in nature could represent a prettier boy
than this last did, being so fair and well limbed. They had kept
together for some time, when Louisa, meeting an old acquaintance of
hers, very cordially gives her companion the slip, and leaves her under
the protection of her boy’s habit, which was not much, and of her
discretion, which was, it seems, still less. Emily, finding herself
deserted, sauntered thoughtless about a while, and, as much for
coolness and air as any thing else, at length pulled off her mask and
went to the sideboard; where, eyed and marked out by a gentleman in a
very handsome domino, she was accosted by, and fell into chat with him.
The domino, after a little discourse, in which Emily doubtless
distinguished her good nature and easiness more than her wit, began to
make violent love to her, and drawing her insensibly to some benches at
the lower end of the masquerade room, got her to sit by him, where he
squeezed her hands, pinched her cheeks, praised and played with her
fine hair, admired her complexion, and all in a style of courtship
dashed with a certain oddity, that not comprehending the mystery of,
poor Emily attributed to his falling in with the humour of her
disguise; and being naturally not the cruellest of her profession,
began to incline to a parley on those essentials. But here was the
stress of the joke: he took her really for what she appeared to be, a
smock-faced boy; and she, forgetting her dress, and of course ranging
quite wide of his ideas, took all those address to be paid to herself
as a woman, which she precisely owed to his not thinking her one.
However, this double error was pushed to such a height on both sides,
that Emily, who saw nothing in him but a gentleman of distinction by
those points of dress to which his disguise did not extend, warmed too
by the wine he had plyed her with, and the caresses he had lavished
upon her, suffered herself to be persuaded to go to a bagnio with him;
and thus, losing sight of Mrs. Cole’s cautions, with a blind
confidence, put herself into his hands, to be carried wherever he
pleased. For his part, equally blinded by his wishes, whilst here
gregious simplicity favoured his deception more than the most exquisite
art could have done, he supposed, no doubt, that he had lighted on some
soft simpleton, fit for his; purpose, or some kept minion broken to his
hand, who understood him perfectly well, and entered into his designs.
But, be that as it would, he led her to a coach, went into it with her,
and brought her to a very handsome apartment, with a bed in it; but
whether it was a bagnio or not, she could not tell, having spoken to
nobody but himself. But when they were alone together, and her
inamorato began to proceed to those extremities which instantly
discover the sex, she remarked, that no description could paint up to
the life, the mixture of pique, confusion and disappointment, that
appeared in his countenance, joined to the mournful exclamation: “By
heavens, a woman!” This at once opened her eyes, which had been shut in
downright stupidity. However, as if he had meant to retrieve that
escape, he still continued to toy with and fondle her, but with so
staring an alteration from extreme warmth into a chill and forced
civility, that even Emily herself could not but take notice of it, and
now began to wish she had paid more regard to Mrs. Cole’s premonitions
against ever engaging with a stranger. And now an excess of timidity
succeeded to an excess of confidence, and she thought herself so much
at his mercy and discretion, that she stood passive throughout the
whole progress of his prelude: for now, whether the impressions of so
great a beauty had even made him forgive her sex, or whether her
appearance or figure in that dress still humoured his first illusion,
he recovered by degrees a good part of his first warmth, and keeping
Emily with her breeches still unbuttoned, stript them down to her
knees, and gently impelling her to lean down, with her face against the
bed-side, placed her so, that the double way, between the double rising
behind, presented the choice fair to him, and he was so fairly set on a
mis-direction, as to give the girl no small alarms for fear of losing a
maidenhead she had not dreamt of. However, her complaints, and a
resistance, gentle, but firm, checked and brought him to himself again;
so that turning his steed’s head, he drove him at length in the right
road, in which his imagination having probably made the most of those
resemblances that flattered his taste, he got, with much ado, to his
journey’s end: after which, he led her out himself, and walking with
her two or three streets length, got her a chair, when making her a
present not any thing inferior to what she could have expected, he left
her, well recommended to the chairmen, who, on her directions, brought
her home.
This she related to Mrs. Cole and me the same morning, not without the
visible remains of the fear and confusion she had been in, still
stamped on her countenance. Mrs. Cole’s remark was, that her
indiscretion proceeding from a constitutional facility, there were
little hopes of any thing curing her of it, but repeated severe
experience. Mine was, that I could not conceive how it was possible for
mankind to run into a taste, not only universally odious, but absurd,
and impossible to gratify; since, according to the notions and
experience I had of things, it was not in nature to force such immense
disproportions. Mrs. Cole only smiled at my ignorance, and said nothing
towards my undeception, which was not affected but by ocular
demonstration, some months after, which a most singular accident
furnished me, and which I will here set down, that I may not return
again to so disagreeable a subject.
I had, on a visit intended to Harriet, who had taken lodgings at
Hampton-court, hired a chariot to go out thither, Mrs. Cole having,
promised to accompany me; but some indispensable business intervening,
to detain her, I was obliged to set out alone; and scarce had I got a
third of my way, before the axle-tree broke down, and I was well off to
get out, safe and unhurt, into a public-house, of a tolerable handsome
appearance, on the road. Here the people told me that the stage would
come by in a couple of hours at farthest, upon; which, determining to
wait for it, sooner than lose the jaunt I had got so far forward on, I
was carried into a very clean decent room, up one pair of stairs, which
I took possession of for the time I had to stay, in right of calling
for sufficient to do the house justice.
Here, whilst I was amusing myself with looking out of the window, a
single horse-chaise stopt at the door, out of which lightly leaped two
young’ gentlemen, for so they seemed, who came in only as it were to
bait and refresh a little, for they gave their horse to be held in
readiness against they came out. And presently I heard the door of the
next room, where they were let in, and called about them briskly; and
as soon as they were served, I could just hear that they shut and
fastened the door on the inside.
A spirit of curiosity, far from sudden, since I do not know when I was
without it, prompted me, without any particular suspicion, or other
drift or view, to see what they were, and examine their persons and
behaviour. The partition of our rooms was one of those moveable ones
that, when taken down, served occasionally to lay them into one, for
the conveniency of as larger company; and now, my nicest search could
not shew me the shadow of a peep-hole, a circumstance which probably
had not escaped the review of the parties on the other side, whom much