My Friend the Chauffeur
a row on the platform, waiting, when the train boomed in.
As it slowed down, car after car passing us, Mamma gave a little scream
and pointed. "Look, there's another automobile on a truck!" said she.
"My goodness, if it isn't exactly like the Prince's!"
"And if that isn't exactly like the Prince!" echoed Sir Ralph, waving
his hand at the window of a car next to the truck.
We all broke into a shout of ribald joy. Not even a saint could have
helped it, I'm sure; for Maida is pretty near to a saint, and she was as
bad as any of us.
The Prince's head popped back into the window, like a rabbit's into its
hole; but in another second he must have realized that it was no use
playing 'possum when there, within a dozen yards, was that big scarlet
runner of his, as large as life, though not running for the moment. He
quickly decided to make the best of things by turning the tables upon
us, and pointing the finger of derision at our automobile, which by
careening himself out of the window he could see on its truck.
Before the train had stopped, he was down on the platform, gallantly
helping Mamma up the high step into the compartment where he had been
sitting; so we all followed.
"You broke something, I see," His Highness remarked jovially, as if
nothing had ever happened to him.
"It was you who broke it," said I, before either of our men could speak.
"But I mean something in your motor," he explained.
"Yes, its heart! The long agony of towing you up those miles of mountain
was too much for it. But motors' hearts can be mended."
"So can young ladies', _n'est-ce pas_? Well, this is an odd meeting. I
telegraphed you, Countess, to the hotel at Cuneo, where we arranged our
rendezvous, in case you arrived before me, to say that I was on the way;
but now we will all go there together. Since we parted I have had
adventures. So, evidently, have you. Joseph's repairs were so
unsatisfactory, owing to his own inefficiency and that of the machine
shop, that I saw the best thing to do was to come on by train to Cuneo,
where proper tools could be obtained. After some difficulty I found
horses to tow me up to the railway terminus at Vievola, where I
succeeded in getting a truck, and--_voila_!"
Whereupon Mamma poured a history of our exploits into the Prince's ears,
exaggerating a little, but saying nothing detrimental to our
Chauffeulier, who would perhaps not have cared or even heard if she had,
for he was showing things to Maida through the window.
"We're in Piedmont now," he said. "How peaceful and pretty, and
characteristically Italian it is, with the vines and chestnut trees and
mulberries! Who would think, to see this richly cultivated plain, that
it was once appropriately nicknamed 'the cockpit of Europe,' because of
all the fighting that has gone on here between so many nations, ever
since the dawn of civilization? It's just as hard to realize as to
believe that the tiny rills trickling over pebbly river-beds which we
pass can turn into mighty floods when they choose. When the snows melt
on Monte Viso--that great, white, leaning tower against the sky--and on
the other snow mountains, then is the time of danger in this land that
the sun loves."
Mamma thought the train rather restful after an automobile, but I
discouraged her in that opinion by saying that it sounded very
old-fashioned, and she amended it by hurriedly remarking that, anyhow,
she would soon be tired of resting and glad to get on again.
"That must be Cuneo, now," said Mr. Barrymore, pointing to a distant
town which seemed to grow suddenly up out of the plain, very important,
full of vivid colours, and modern looking after the strange, ancient
villages we had passed on the way.
When we got out of the train Joseph was on the platform, more depressed
than ever, but visibly brightening at sight of Mr. Barrymore, for whom
he evidently cherishes a lively admiration; or else he regards him as a
professional brother.
What happened to the two automobiles, I don't know, for we didn't stop
to see. Sir Ralph had a hurried consultation with Mr. Barrymore, and
then said that he would take us up to the hotel in a cab, with all our
luggage.
There wasn't room for the Prince in our ramshackle old vehicle, and he
took another, being apparently very anxious to arrive at the hotel
before us. He spoke to his driver, who lashed the one poor nag so
furiously that Maida cried out with rage, and they flashed past us, the
horse galloping as if Black Care were on his back. But something
happened to the harness, and they were obliged to stop; so we got ahead,
and reached the wide-arcaded square of the hotel first after all.
It was quite a grand-looking town, for a middle-sized one, but Mamma
drew back hastily when she had taken a step into the hall of the hotel.
"Oh, we can't stop here!" she exclaimed. "This must be the worst instead
of the best."
With that several little men in greasy dress-coats, spotted shirts, and
collars so low that you could see down their necks, sprang forward and
bowed very humbly, like automata. "May I have the extreme honour of
asking if it is her very high grace, Madame the Countess Dalmar and
suite who felicitate our humble hotel with their presence?" inquired the
fattest and spottiest in one long French breath.
Mamma drew herself up to her full height, which must be at least five
feet three, heels included. I don't know exactly what it is to bridle,
but I'm sure she did it. She also moistened her lips and smiled with
both dimples.
"Wee, wee, jay swee Countess Dalmar," she admitted, leaving her suite to
account for itself.
"Then I have here a telegram for madame," went on the man, giving her a
folded paper which, with an air, he drew forth from an unspeakable
pocket.
Mamma looked important enough for a princess, at least, as she accepted
(I can't say took) the paper and opened it. "Oh, I might have known,"
she said, "it's that one the Prince sent this morning. But isn't it
funny he telegraphs 'Automobile in grand condition, took hills like
bird, shall make slight detour for pleasure, but will reach Cuneo
almost as soon as your party. Dalmar-Kalm.' I don't understand, do you?"
"I understand why the Prince was willing to be left behind at Tenda, and
why he wanted to get to this hotel first, anyhow," said I; and Sir Ralph
and I were laughing like mad when his belated Highness appeared on the
scene. Seeing Mamma with the telegram in her hand, he explained volubly
that it had been sent before he decided to save time and wear and tear
by coming on the train; but he was red, and stammery, and Sir Ralph
looked almost sympathetic, which made me wonder whether _all_ motor-men
sometimes tell fibs.
After being received with so much appreciation, Mamma began to think
that perhaps the hotel wasn't so dreadful after all; and when Sir Ralph
gave his opinion that it would prove as good as any other, she said that
we would stay.
"I should be sorry to hurt the people's feelings, as they seem such
_nice_ men," she sighed. "But--I suppose it will only be for coffee?"
"I'm sorely afraid it will be for dinner to-night and breakfast
to-morrow morning too," replied Sir Ralph. "It's too bad that virtue
such as ours should have such a reward. We did unto others as we would
they should do unto us; and this is the consequence. Terry intends to
work all night on the car, if he can get the mechanic to keep his shop
going, and we may hope to start as early in the morning as you like."
"Perhaps Joseph may have mine ready to-night, in which case I can take
the ladies on--" the Prince began, but Mamma was too overcome to hear
him. Trying to look like a Countess at all costs, she allowed herself
and us to be led, as lambs to the slaughter, up a flight of dirty stone
stairs, to see the bedrooms.
"You will have our best, is it not, Madame la Comtesse?" inquired the
man of the hotel, who seemed to be a cross between a manager and a
head-waiter, and who swelled with politeness behind a shirt-front that
resembled nothing so much as the ten of clubs. "Yes, I was sure of
that, gracious madame. You and your suite may assure yourselves that you
will be placed in our _chambres de luxe_."
With this announcement, he threw open a door, and stood salaaming that
we might file in before him.
Mamma pitched forward down a step, shrieked, tottered, saved herself by
clawing the air, while Maida and I both pitched after her, falling into
fits of laughter.
It could n't have been colder in the spotty man's family vault, and I
hope not as musty.
Maida flew to one of the two windows, set deep in the thickness of the
wall, and darkened by the stone arcade outside. But apparently it was
hermetically sealed, and so was the other which I attacked. The Ten of
Clubs looked shocked when we implored him to open something--anything;
and it was with reluctance that he unscrewed a window. "The ladies will
be cold," he said. "It is not the weather for letting into the house the
out of doors. We do that in the summer."
"Haven't these windows been opened since then?" gasped Maida.
"But no mademoiselle. Not to my knowledge."
"Make him show us other rooms, quick," said Mamma, who can't speak much
more French than a cat, though she had a lesson from a handsome young
gentleman every day at Cap Martin, at ten francs an hour.
"This is the only one that will accommodate the ladies," replied the Ten
of Clubs. "The other that we have unoccupied must be for the gentlemen."
The idea of our two men and the Prince as room-mates was so excruciating
that I suddenly felt equal to bearing any hardship; but Mamma hasn't the
same sense of humour I have, and she said that she knew she was
sickening for something, probably small-pox.
"Three of us in this room all night!" she wailed. "We shall never leave
the hotel alive."
At this juncture Sir Ralph appeared at the door, peeping gingerly in at
us, and looking the picture of misery.
"I'm so sorry for everything," he said. "Terry's down-stairs, and we
both feel that we're awful sweeps, though we hope you won't think we
are. He's going to interview the other hotels and see if he can find
anything better, so don't decide till he comes back."
We three female waifs stood about and smelt things and imagined that we
smelled still more things, while Sir Ralph exhausted himself in keeping
up a conversation with the Ten of Clubs, as if all four of our lives
depended upon it. The ordeal lasted only about ten minutes, though it
seemed a year, and then Mr. Barrymore's tall form loomed in the dark
doorway.
"There's nothing better," he announced desperately. "But you ladies can
go on to Alessandria by train with Dalmar-Kalm, who'll be only too happy
to take you."
"What, and desert Mr. Automobile-Micawber?" I cut in. "Never! We're none
of us _infirm old women_, are we, Mamma, that we should mind roughing
it, for once?"
"No-o," said Mamma. "It--I dare say it will be fun. And anyhow, we can
have them make a fire here, so it will be less like picnicking in one's
own grave."
The very thought of a fire was cheering, and we trooped off to the
_salle a manger_, where it was understood that the Prince had gone to
order coffee. Mr. Barrymore wouldn't stay, for he was anxious to get
back to the motor, which he had left at a machinist's, and deserted only
long enough to come and give us news. The "shop" was to keep open all
night, and he would work there, making a new cone. Joseph, it seemed,
was to work all night in another shop, and both automobiles were to be
ready in the morning.
"But you will be horribly tired, driving through the day and working
through the night," said Maida. "I for one would rather stop here
to-morrow."
"It's nothing, thanks. I shall rather like it," replied the