Of Human Bondage
“That’s a good boy. I shouldn’t like you to do that. You’ll get a
little bit of money when I pass away, but you mustn’t look forward to
it. It wouldn’t profit you if you did.”
He spoke in a low voice, and there was a curious anxiety in his tone.
It sent a pang into Philip’s heart. He wondered what strange insight
might have led the old man to surmise what strange desires were in
Philip’s mind.
“I hope you’ll live for another twenty years,” he said.
“Oh, well, I can’t expect to do that, but if I take care of myself I
don’t see why I shouldn’t last another three or four.”
He was silent for a while, and Philip found nothing to say. Then, as if
he had been thinking it all over, the old man spoke again.
“Everyone has the right to live as long as he can.”
Philip wanted to distract his mind.
“By the way, I suppose you never hear from Miss Wilkinson now?”
“Yes, I had a letter some time this year. She’s married, you know.”
“Really?”
“Yes, she married a widower. I believe they’re quite comfortable.”
CXI
Next day Philip began work again, but the end which he expected within
a few weeks did not come. The weeks passed into months. The winter wore
away, and in the parks the trees burst into bud and into leaf. A
terrible lassitude settled upon Philip. Time was passing, though it
went with such heavy feet, and he thought that his youth was going and
soon he would have lost it and nothing would have been accomplished.
His work seemed more aimless now that there was the certainty of his
leaving it. He became skilful in the designing of costumes, and though
he had no inventive faculty acquired quickness in the adaptation of
French fashions to the English market. Sometimes he was not displeased
with his drawings, but they always bungled them in the execution. He
was amused to notice that he suffered from a lively irritation when his
ideas were not adequately carried out. He had to walk warily. Whenever
he suggested something original Mr. Sampson turned it down: their
customers did not want anything outre, it was a very respectable class
of business, and when you had a connection of that sort it wasn’t worth
while taking liberties with it. Once or twice he spoke sharply to
Philip; he thought the young man was getting a bit above himself,
because Philip’s ideas did not always coincide with his own.
“You jolly well take care, my fine young fellow, or one of these days
you’ll find yourself in the street.”
Philip longed to give him a punch on the nose, but he restrained
himself. After all it could not possibly last much longer, and then he
would be done with all these people for ever. Sometimes in comic
desperation he cried out that his uncle must be made of iron. What a
constitution! The ills he suffered from would have killed any decent
person twelve months before. When at last the news came that the Vicar
was dying Philip, who had been thinking of other things, was taken by
surprise. It was in July, and in another fortnight he was to have gone
for his holiday. He received a letter from Mrs. Foster to say the
doctor did not give Mr. Carey many days to live, and if Philip wished
to see him again he must come at once. Philip went to the buyer and
told him he wanted to leave. Mr. Sampson was a decent fellow, and when
he knew the circumstances made no difficulties. Philip said good-bye to
the people in his department; the reason of his leaving had spread
among them in an exaggerated form, and they thought he had come into a
fortune. Mrs. Hodges had tears in her eyes when she shook hands with
him.
“I suppose we shan’t often see you again,” she said.
“I’m glad to get away from Lynn’s,” he answered.
It was strange, but he was actually sorry to leave these people whom he
thought he had loathed, and when he drove away from the house in
Harrington Street it was with no exultation. He had so anticipated the
emotions he would experience on this occasion that now he felt nothing:
he was as unconcerned as though he were going for a few days’ holiday.
“I’ve got a rotten nature,” he said to himself. “I look forward to
things awfully, and then when they come I’m always disappointed.”
He reached Blackstable early in the afternoon. Mrs. Foster met him at
the door, and her face told him that his uncle was not yet dead.
“He’s a little better today,” she said. “He’s got a wonderful
constitution.”
She led him into the bed-room where Mr. Carey lay on his back. He gave
Philip a slight smile, in which was a trace of satisfied cunning at
having circumvented his enemy once more.
“I thought it was all up with me yesterday,” he said, in an exhausted
voice. “They’d all given me up, hadn’t you, Mrs. Foster?”
“You’ve got a wonderful constitution, there’s no denying that.”
“There’s life in the old dog yet.”
Mrs. Foster said that the Vicar must not talk, it would tire him; she
treated him like a child, with kindly despotism; and there was
something childish in the old man’s satisfaction at having cheated all
their expectations. It struck him at once that Philip had been sent
for, and he was amused that he had been brought on a fool’s errand. If
he could only avoid another of his heart attacks he would get well
enough in a week or two; and he had had the attacks several times
before; he always felt as if he were going to die, but he never did.
They all talked of his constitution, but they none of them knew how
strong it was.
“Are you going to stay a day or two?” He asked Philip, pretending to
believe he had come down for a holiday.
“I was thinking of it,” Philip answered cheerfully.
“A breath of sea-air will do you good.”
Presently Dr. Wigram came, and after he had seen the Vicar talked with
Philip. He adopted an appropriate manner.
“I’m afraid it is the end this time, Philip,” he said. “It’ll be a
great loss to all of us. I’ve known him for five-and-thirty years.”
“He seems well enough now,” said Philip.
“I’m keeping him alive on drugs, but it can’t last. It was dreadful
these last two days, I thought he was dead half a dozen times.”
The doctor was silent for a minute or two, but at the gate he said
suddenly to Philip:
“Has Mrs. Foster said anything to you?”
“What d’you mean?”
“They’re very superstitious, these people: she’s got hold of an idea
that he’s got something on his mind, and he can’t die till he gets rid
of it; and he can’t bring himself to confess it.”
Philip did not answer, and the doctor went on.
“Of course it’s nonsense. He’s led a very good life, he’s done his
duty, he’s been a good parish priest, and I’m sure we shall all miss
him; he can’t have anything to reproach himself with. I very much doubt
whether the next vicar will suit us half so well.”
For several days Mr. Carey continued without change. His appetite which
had been excellent left him, and he could eat little. Dr. Wigram did
not hesitate now to still the pain of the neuritis which tormented him;
and that, with the constant shaking of his palsied limbs, was gradually
exhausting him. His mind remained clear. Philip and Mrs. Foster nursed
him between them. She was so tired by the many months during which she
had been attentive to all his wants that Philip insisted on sitting up
with the patient so that she might have her night’s rest. He passed the
long hours in an arm-chair so that he should not sleep soundly, and
read by the light of shaded candles The Thousand and One Nights. He had
not read them since he was a little boy, and they brought back his
childhood to him. Sometimes he sat and listened to the silence of the
night. When the effects of the opiate wore off Mr. Carey grew restless
and kept him constantly busy.
At last, early one morning, when the birds were chattering noisily in
the trees, he heard his name called. He went up to the bed. Mr. Carey
was lying on his back, with his eyes looking at the ceiling; he did not
turn them on Philip. Philip saw that sweat was on his forehead, and he
took a towel and wiped it.
“Is that you, Philip?” the old man asked.
Philip was startled because the voice was suddenly changed. It was
hoarse and low. So would a man speak if he was cold with fear.
“Yes, d’you want anything?”
There was a pause, and still the unseeing eyes stared at the ceiling.
Then a twitch passed over the face.
“I think I’m going to die,” he said.
“Oh, what nonsense!” cried Philip. “You’re not going to die for years.”
Two tears were wrung from the old man’s eyes. They moved Philip
horribly. His uncle had never betrayed any particular emotion in the
affairs of life; and it was dreadful to see them now, for they
signified a terror that was unspeakable.
“Send for Mr. Simmonds,” he said. “I want to take the Communion.”
Mr. Simmonds was the curate.
“Now?” asked Philip.
“Soon, or else it’ll be too late.”
Philip went to awake Mrs. Foster, but it was later than he thought and
she was up already. He told her to send the gardener with a message,
and he went back to his uncle’s room.
“Have you sent for Mr. Simmonds?”
“Yes.”
There was a silence. Philip sat by the bed-side, and occasionally wiped
the sweating forehead.
“Let me hold your hand, Philip,” the old man said at last.
Philip gave him his hand and he clung to it as to life, for comfort in
his extremity. Perhaps he had never really loved anyone in all his
days, but now he turned instinctively to a human being. His hand was
wet and cold. It grasped Philip’s with feeble, despairing energy. The
old man was fighting with the fear of death. And Philip thought that
all must go through that. Oh, how monstrous it was, and they could
believe in a God that allowed his creatures to suffer such a cruel
torture! He had never cared for his uncle, and for two years he had
longed every day for his death; but now he could not overcome the
compassion that filled his heart. What a price it was to pay for being
other than the beasts!
They remained in silence broken only once by a low inquiry from Mr.
Carey.
“Hasn’t he come yet?”
At last the housekeeper came in softly to say that Mr. Simmonds was
there. He carried a bag in which were his surplice and his hood. Mrs.
Foster brought the communion plate. Mr. Simmonds shook hands silently
with Philip, and then with professional gravity went to the sick man’s
side. Philip and the maid went out of the room.
Philip walked round the garden all fresh and dewy in the morning. The
birds were singing gaily. The sky was blue, but the air, salt-laden,
was sweet and cool. The roses were in full bloom. The green of the
trees, the green of the lawns, was eager and brilliant. Philip walked,
and as he walked he thought of the mystery which was proceeding in that
bedroom. It gave him a peculiar emotion. Presently Mrs. Foster came out
to him and said that his uncle wished to see him. The curate was
putting his things back into the black bag. The sick man turned his
head a little and greeted him with a smile. Philip was astonished, for
there was a change in him, an extraordinary change; his eyes had no
longer the terror-stricken look, and the pinching of his face had gone:
he looked happy and serene.
“I’m quite prepared now,” he said, and his voice had a different tone
in it. “When the Lord sees fit to call me I am ready to give my soul
into his hands.”
Philip did not speak. He could see that his uncle was sincere. It was
almost a miracle. He had taken the body and blood of his Savior, and
they had given him strength so that he no longer feared the inevitable
passage into the night. He knew he was going to die: he was resigned.
He only said one thing more:
“I shall rejoin my dear wife.”
It startled Philip. He remembered with what a callous selfishness his
uncle had treated her, how obtuse he had been to her humble, devoted