Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded
Where then, my dearest, is the obligation, if not on my side to
you?—But, to avoid these comparisons, let us talk of nothing henceforth
but equality; although, if the riches of your mind, and your
unblemished virtue, be set against my fortune, (which is but an
accidental good, as I may call it, and all I have to boast of,) the
condescension will be yours; and I shall not think I can possibly
deserve you, till, after your sweet example, my future life shall
become nearly as blameless as yours.
O, sir, said I, what comfort do you give me, that, instead of my being
in danger of being ensnared by the high condition to which your
goodness has exalted me, you make me hope, that I shall be confirmed
and approved by you; and that we may have a prospect of perpetuating
each other’s happiness, till time shall be no more!—But, sir, I will
not, as you once cautioned me, be too serious. I will resolve, with
these sweet encouragements, to be, in every thing, what you would have
me be: And I hope I shall, more and more, shew you that I have no will
but yours. He kissed me very tenderly, and thanked me for this kind
assurance, as he called it.
And so we entered the house together.
Eight o’clock at night.
Now these sweet assurances, my dear father and mother, you will say,
must be very consolatory to me; and being voluntary on his side, were
all that could be wished for on mine; and I was resolved, if possible,
to subdue my idle fears and apprehensions.
Ten o’clock at night.
As we sat at supper, he was generously kind to me, as well in his
actions, as expressions. He took notice, in the most delicate manner,
of my endeavour to conquer my foibles; and said, I see, with pleasure,
my dear girl strives to comport herself in a manner suitable to my
wishes: I see, even through the sweet tender struggles of your
over-nice modesty, how much I owe to your intentions of obliging me. As
I have once told you, that I am the conquest more of your virtue than
your beauty; so not one alarming word or look shall my beloved Pamela
hear or see, to give her reason to suspect the truth of what I aver.
You may the rather believe me, continued he, as you may see the pain I
have to behold any thing that concerns you, even though your concern be
causeless. And yet I will indulge my dear girl’s bashful weakness so
far, as to own, that so pure a mind may suffer from apprehension, on so
important a change as this; and I can therefore be only displeased with
such part of your conduct, as may make your sufferings greater than my
own; when I am resolved, through every stage of my future life, in all
events, to study to make them less.
After supper, of which, with all his sweet persuasions, I could hardly
taste, he made me drink two glasses of champaign, and, afterwards, a
glass of sack; which he kindly forced upon me, by naming your healths:
and as the time of retiring drew on, he took notice, but in a very
delicate manner, how my colour went and came, and how foolishly I
trembled. Nobody, surely, in such delightful circumstances, ever
behaved so silly!—And he said, My dearest girl, I fear you have had too
much of my company for so many hours together; and would better
recollect yourself, if you retired for half an hour to your closet.
I wished for this, but durst not say so much, lest he should be angry;
for, as the hours grew on, I found my apprehensions increase, and my
silly heart was the unquieter, every time I could lift up my eyes to
his dear face; so sweetly terrible did he appear to my apprehensions. I
said, You are all goodness, dear sir; and I boldly kissed his dear
hand, and pressed it to my lips with both mine. And saluting me very
fervently, he gave me his hand, seeing me hardly able to stand, and led
me to my chamber-door, and then most generously withdrew.
I went to my closet; and the first thing I did, on my knees, again
thanked God for the blessing of the day; and besought his divine
goodness to conduct my future life in such a manner, as should make me
a happy instrument of his glory. After this, being now left to my own
recollection, I grew a little more assured and lightsome; and the pen
and paper being before me, I amused myself with writing thus far.
Eleven o’clock Thursday night.
Mrs. Jewkes being come up with a message, desiring to know, whether her
master may attend upon me in my closet; and hinting to me, that,
however, she believed he did not expect to find me there; I have sent
word, that I beg he would indulge me one quarter of an hour.—So,
committing myself to the mercies of the Almighty, who has led me
through so many strange scenes of terror and affrightment, to this
happy, yet awful moment, I will wish you, my dear parents, a good
night; and though you will not see this in time, yet I know I have your
hourly prayers, and therefore cannot fail of them now. So, good night,
good night! God bless you, and God bless me! Amen, amen, if it be his
blessed will, subscribes
Your ever-dutiful DAUGHTER!
Friday evening.
O how this dear excellent man indulges me in every thing! Every hour he
makes me happier, by his sweet condescension, than the former. He
pities my weakness of mind, allows for all my little foibles,
endeavours to dissipate my fears; his words are so pure, his ideas so
chaste, and his whole behaviour so sweetly decent, that never, surely,
was so happy a creature as your Pamela! I never could have hoped such a
husband could have fallen to my lot: and much less, that a gentleman,
who had allowed himself in attempts, that now I will endeavour to
forget for ever, should have behaved with so very delicate and
unexceptionable a demeanour. No light frothy jests drop from his lips;
no alarming railleries; no offensive expressions, nor insulting airs,
reproach or wound the ears of your happy, thrice happy daughter. In
short, he says every thing that may embolden me to look up, with
pleasure, upon the generous author of my happiness.
At breakfast, when I knew not how to see him, he emboldened me by
talking of you, my dear parents; a subject, he generously knew, I could
talk of: and gave me assurances, that he would make you both happy. He
said, He would have me send you a letter to acquaint you with my
nuptials; and, as he could make business that way, Thomas should carry
it purposely, as to-morrow. Nor will I, said he, my dear Pamela, desire
to see your writings, because I told you I would not; for now I will,
in every thing, religiously keep my word with my dear spouse: (O the
dear delightful word!) and you may send all your papers to them, from
those they have, down to this happy moment; only let me beg they will
preserve them, and let me have them when they have read them; as also
those I have not seen; which, however, I desire not to see till then;
but then shall take it for a favour, if you will grant it.
It will be my pleasure, as well as my duty, sir, said I, to obey you in
every thing: and I will write up to the conclusion of this day, that
they may see how happy you have made me.
I know you will both join with me to bless God for his wonderful
mercies and goodness to you, as well as to me: For he was pleased to
ask me particularly after your circumstances, and said, He had taken
notice, that I had hinted, in some of my first letters, that you owed
money in the world; and he gave me fifty guineas, and bid me send them
to you in my packet, to pay your debts, as far as they would go; and
that you would quit your present business, and put yourself, and my
dear mother, into a creditable appearance; and he would find a better
place of abode for you than that you had, when he returned to
Bedfordshire. O how shall I bear all these exceeding great and generous
favours!—I send them wrapt up, five guineas in a parcel, in double
papers.
To me he gave no less than one hundred guineas more; and said, I would
have you, my dear, give Mrs. Jewkes, when you go away from hence, what
you think fit out of these, as from yourself.—Nay, good dear sir, said
I, let that be what you please. Give her, then, said he, twenty
guineas, as a compliment on your nuptials. Give Colbrand ten guineas:
give the two coachmen five guineas each; to the two maids at this house
five guineas each; give Abraham five guineas; give Thomas five guineas;
and give the gardeners, grooms, and helpers, twenty guineas among them.
And when, said he, I return with you to the other house, I will make
you a suitable present, to buy you such ornaments as are fit for my
beloved wife to appear in. For now, my Pamela, continued he, you are
not to mind, as you once proposed, what other ladies will say; but to
appear as my wife ought to do. Else it would look as if what you
thought of, as a means to avoid the envy of others of your sex, was a
wilful slight in me, which, I hope, I never shall be guilty of; and I
will shew the world, that I value you as I ought, and as if I had
married the first fortune in the kingdom: And why should it not be so,
when I know none of the first quality that matches you in excellence?
He saw I was at a loss for words, and said, I see, my dearest bride! my
spouse! my wife! my Pamela! your grateful confusion. And kissing me, as
I was going to speak, I will stop your dear mouth, said he: You shall
not so much as thank me; for when I have done ten times more than this,
I shall but poorly express my love for so much beauty of mind, and
loveliness of person; which thus, said he, and clasped me to his
generous bosom, I can proudly now call my own!—O how, my dear parents,
can I think of any thing, but redoubled love, joy, and gratitude!
And thus generously did he banish from my mind those painful
reflections, and bashful apprehensions, that made me dread to see him
for the first time this day, when I was called to attend him at
breakfast; and made me all ease, composure, and tranquillity.
He then, thinking I seemed somewhat thoughtful, proposed a little turn
in the chariot till dinner-time: And this was another sweet relief to
me; and he diverted me with twenty agreeable relations, of what
observations he had made in his travels; and gave me the characters of
the ladies and gentlemen in his other neighbourhood; telling me whose
acquaintance he would have me most cultivate. And when I mentioned Lady
Davers with apprehension, he said, To be sure I love my sister dearly,
notwithstanding her violent spirit; and I know she loves me; and I can
allow a little for her pride, because I know what my own so lately was;
and because she knows not my Pamela, and her excellencies, as I do. But
you must not, my dear, forget what belongs to your character, as my
wife, nor meanly stoop to her; though I know you will choose, by
softness, to try to move her to a proper behaviour. But it shall be my
part to see, that you do not yield too much.
However, continued he, as I would not publicly declare my marriage
here, I hope she won’t come near us till we are in Bedfordshire; and
then, when she knows we are married, she will keep away, if she is not
willing to be reconciled; for she dares not, surely, come to quarrel
with me, when she knows it is done; for that would have a hateful and
wicked appearance, as if she would try to make differences between man
and wife.—But we will have no more of this subject, nor talk of any
thing, added he, that shall give concern to my dearest. And so he
changed the talk to a more pleasing subject, and said the kindest and
most soothing things in the world.
When we came home, which was about dinner-time, he was the same
obliging, kind gentleman; and, in short, is studious to shew, on every
occasion, his generous affection to me. And, after dinner, he told me,
he had already written to his draper, in town, to provide him new