Plutarch: Lives of the noble Grecians and Romans
Crassus expressed admiration of the Stoic doctrine, that the
good man is always rich, "Do you not mean," said Cicero, "their
doctrine that all things belong to the wise?" Crassus being
generally accused of covetousness. One of Crassus's sons, who
was thought so exceedingly like a man of the name of Axius as to
throw some suspicion on his mother's honor, made a successful
speech in the senate. Cicero on being asked how he liked it,
replied with the Greek words, Axios Crassou.
When Crassus was about to go into Syria, he desired to leave
Cicero rather his friend than his enemy, and, therefore, one day
saluting him, told him he would come and sup with him, which the
other as courteously received. Within a few days after, on some
of Cicero's acquaintances interceding for Vatinius, as desirous
of reconciliation and friendship, for he was then his enemy,
"What," he replied, "does Vatinius also wish to come and sup
with me?" Such was his way with Crassus. When Vatinius, who
had swellings in his neck, was pleading a cause, he called him
the tumid orator; and having been told by someone that Vatinius
was dead, on hearing presently after that he was alive, "May the
rascal perish," said he, "for his news not being true."
Upon Caesar's bringing forward a law for the division of the
lands in Campania amongst the soldiers, many in the senate
opposed it; amongst the rest, Lucius Gellius, one of the oldest
men in the house, said it should never pass whilst he lived.
"Let us postpone it," said Cicero, "Gellius does not ask us to
wait long." There was a man of the name of Octavius, suspected
to be of African descent. He once said, when Cicero was
pleading, that he could not hear him; "Yet there are holes,"
said Cicero, "in your ears." When Metellus Nepos told him,
that he had ruined more as a witness, than he had saved as an
advocate, "I admit," said Cicero, "that I have more truth than
eloquence." To a young man who was suspected of having given a
poisoned cake to his father, and who talked largely of the
invectives he meant to deliver against Cicero, "Better these,"
replied he, "than your cakes." Publius Sextius, having amongst
others retained Cicero as his advocate in a certain cause, was
yet desirous to say all for himself, and would not allow anybody
to speak for him; when he was about to receive his acquittal
from the judges, and the ballots were passing, Cicero called to
him, "Make haste, Sextius, and use your time; tomorrow you will
be nobody." He cited Publius Cotta to bear testimony in a
certain cause, one who affected to be thought a lawyer, though
ignorant and unlearned; to whom, when he had said, "I know
nothing of the matter," he answered, "You think, perhaps, we ask
you about a point of law." To Metellus Nepos, who, in a dispute
between them, repeated several times, "Who was your father,
Cicero?" he replied, "Your mother has made the answer to such a
question in your case more difficult;" Nepos's mother having
been of ill repute. The son, also, was of a giddy, uncertain
temper. At one time, he suddenly threw up his office of
tribune, and sailed off into Syria to Pompey; and immediately
after, with as little reason, came back again. He gave his
tutor, Philagrus, a funeral with more than necessary attention,
and then set up the stone figure of a crow over his tomb.
"This," said Cicero, "is really appropriate; as he did not teach
you to speak, but to fly about." When Marcus Appius, in the
opening of some speech in a court of justice, said that his
friend had desired him to employ industry, eloquence, and
fidelity in that cause, Cicero answered, "And how have you had
the heart not to accede to any one of his requests?"
To use this sharp raillery against opponents and antagonists in
judicial pleading seems allowable rhetoric. But he excited much
ill feeling by his readiness to attack anyone for the sake of a
jest. A few anecdotes of this kind may be added. Marcus
Aquinius, who had two sons-in-law in exile, received from him
the name of king Adrastus. Lucius Cotta, an intemperate lover
of wine, was censor when Cicero stood for the consulship.
Cicero, being thirsty at the election, his friends stood round
about him while he was drinking. "You have reason to be
afraid," he said, "lest the censor should be angry with me for
drinking water." Meeting one day Voconius with his three very
ugly daughters, he quoted the verse,
He reared a race without Apollo's leave.
When Marcus Gellius, who was reputed the son of a slave, had
read several letters in the senate with a very shrill, and loud
voice, "Wonder not," said Cicero, "he comes of the criers."
When Faustus Sylla, the son of Sylla the dictator, who had,
during his dictatorship, by public bills proscribed and
condemned so many citizens, had so far wasted his estate, and
got into debt, that he was forced to publish his bills of sale,
Cicero told him that he liked these bills much better than those
of his father. By this habit he made himself odious with many
people.
But Clodius's faction conspired against him upon the following
occasion. Clodius was a member of a noble family, in the flower
of his youth, and of a bold and resolute temper. He, being in
love with Pompeia, Caesar's wife, got privately into his house
in the dress and attire of a music-girl; the women being at that
time offering there the sacrifice which must not be seen by men,
and there was no man present. Clodius, being a youth and
beardless, hoped to get to Pompeia among the women without being
taken notice of. But coming into a great house by night, he
missed his way in the passages, and a servant belonging to
Aurelia, Caesar's mother, spying him wandering up and down,
inquired his name. Thus being necessitated to speak, he told
her he was seeking for one of Pompeia's maids, Abra by name; and
she, perceiving it not to be a woman's voice, shrieked out, and
called in the women; who, shutting the gates, and searching
every place, at length found Clodius hidden in the chamber of
the maid with whom he had come in. This matter being much
talked about, Caesar put away his wife, Pompeia, and Clodius was
prosecuted for profaning the holy rites.
Cicero was at this time his friend, for he had been useful
to him in the conspiracy of Catiline, as one of his forwardest
assistants and protectors. But when Clodius rested his defense
upon this point, that he was not then at Rome, but at a distance
in the country, Cicero testified that he had come to his house
that day, and conversed with him on several matters; which thing
was indeed true, although Cicero was thought to testify it not
so much for the truth's sake as to preserve his quiet with
Terentia his wife. For she bore a grudge against Clodius on
account of his sister Clodia's wishing, as it was alleged, to
marry Cicero, and having employed for this purpose the
intervention of Tullus, a very intimate friend of Cicero's; and
his frequent visits to Clodia, who lived in their neighborhood,
and the attentions he paid to her had excited Terentia's
suspicions, and, being a woman of a violent temper, and having
the ascendant over Cicero, she urged him on to taking a part
against Clodius, and delivering his testimony. Many other good
and honest citizens also gave evidence against him, for
perjuries, disorders, bribing the people, and debauching women.
Lucullus proved, by his women-servants, that he had debauched
his youngest sister when she was Lucullus's wife; and there was
a general belief that he had done the same with his two other
sisters, Tertia, whom Marcius Rex, and Clodia, whom Metellus
Celer had married; the latter of whom was called Quadrantia,
because one of her lovers had deceived her with a purse of small
copper money instead of silver, the smallest copper coin being
called a quadrant. Upon this sister's account, in particular,
Clodius's character was attacked. Notwithstanding all this,
when the common people united against the accusers and witnesses
and the whole party, the judges were affrighted, and a guard was
placed about them for their defense; and most of them wrote
their sentences on the tablets in such a way, that they could
not well be read. It was decided, however, that there was a
majority for his acquittal, and bribery was reported to have
been employed; in reference to which Catulus remarked, when he
next met the judges, "You were very right to ask for a guard, to
prevent your money being taken from you." And when Clodius
upbraided Cicero that the judges had not believed his testimony,
"Yes," said he, "five and twenty of them trusted me, and
condemned you, and the other thirty did not trust you, for they
did not acquit you till they had got your money."
Caesar, though cited, did not give his testimony against
Clodius, and declared himself not convinced of his wife's
adultery, but that he had put her away because it was fit that
Caesar's house should not be only free of the evil fact, but of
the fame too.
Clodius, having escaped this danger, and having got himself
chosen one of the tribunes, immediately attacked Cicero, heaping
up all matters and inciting all persons against him. The common
people he gained over with popular laws; to each of the consuls
he decreed large provinces, to Piso, Macedonia, and to Gabinius,
Syria; he made a strong party among the indigent citizens, to
support him in his proceedings, and had always a body of armed
slaves about him. Of the three men then in greatest power,
Crassus was Cicero's open enemy, Pompey indifferently made
advances to both, and Caesar was going with an army into Gaul.
To him, though not his friend (what had occurred in the time of
the conspiracy having created suspicions between them), Cicero
applied, requesting an appointment as one of his lieutenants in
the province. Caesar accepted him, and Clodius, perceiving that
Cicero would thus escape his tribunician authority, professed to
be inclinable to a reconciliation, laid the greatest fault upon
Terentia, made always a favorable mention of him, and addressed
him with kind expressions, as one who felt no hatred or
ill-will, but who merely wished to urge his complaints in a
moderate and friendly way. By these artifices, he so freed
Cicero of all his fears, that he resigned his appointment to
Caesar, and betook himself again to political affairs. At which
Caesar being exasperated, joined the party of Clodius against
him, and wholly alienated Pompey from him; he also himself
declared in a public assembly of the people, that he did not
think Lentulus and Cethegus, with their accomplices, were fairly
and legally put to death without being brought to trial. And
this, indeed, was the crime charged upon Cicero, and this
impeachment he was summoned to answer. And so, as an accused
man, and in danger for the result, he changes his dress, and
went round with his hair untrimmed, in the attire of a
suppliant, to beg the people's grace. But Clodius met him in
every corner, having a band of abusive and daring fellows about
him, who derided Cicero for his change of dress and his
humiliation, and often, by throwing dirt and stones at him,
interrupted his supplication to the people.
However, first of all, almost the whole equestrian order changed
their dress with him, and no less than twenty thousand young
gentlemen followed him with their hair untrimmed, and
supplicating with him to the people. And then the senate met,
to pass a decree that the people should change their dress as in
time of public sorrow. But the consuls opposing it, and Clodius
with armed men besetting the senate-house, many of the senators
ran out, crying out and tearing their clothes. But this sight
moved neither shame nor pity; Cicero must either fly or