Plutarch's Morals
convictions. For if in such matters you are not master of yourself, what
will you do if your friend reads a poor poem, or parades a speech
stupidly and ridiculously written?[651] You will praise it of course,
and join the flatterers in loud applause. But how then will you find
fault with your friend if he makes mistakes in business? How will you be
able to correct him, if he acts improperly in reference to some office,
or marriage, or the state? For I cannot indeed assent to the remark of
Pericles to his friend, who asked him to bear false witness in his
favour even to the extent of perjury, "I am your friend as far as the
altar." He went too far. But he that has long accustomed himself never
to go against his convictions in praising a speaker, or clapping a
singer, or laughing at a dull buffoon, will never go to this length, nor
say to some impudent fellow in such matters, "Swear on my behalf, bear
false witness, pronounce an unjust verdict."
Sec. VII. So also we ought to refuse people that want to borrow money of
us, from being accustomed to say No in small and easily refused matters.
Thus Archelaus, king of the Macedonians, being asked at supper for a
gold cup by a man who thought _Receive_ the finest word in the language,
bade a boy give it to Euripides,[652] and gazing intently on the man
said to him, "You are fit to ask, and not to receive, and he is fit to
receive without asking." Thus did he make judgement and not bashfulness
the arbiter of his gifts and favours. Yet we oftentimes pass over our
friends who are both deserving and in need, and give to others who
continually and impudently importune us, not from the wish to give but
from the inability to say No. So the older Antigonus, being frequently
annoyed by Bion, said, "Give a talent to Bion and necessity." Yet he was
of all the kings most clever and ingenious at getting rid of such
importunity. For on one occasion, when a Cynic asked him for a drachma,
he replied, "That would be too little for a king to give;"[653] and when
the Cynic rejoined, "Give me then a talent," he met him with, "That
would be too much for a Cynic to receive."[654] Diogenes indeed used to
go round begging to the statues in the Ceramicus, and when people
expressed their astonishment said he was practising how to bear
refusals. And we must practise ourselves in small matters, and exercise
ourselves in little things, with a view to refusing people who importune
us, or would receive from us when inconvenient, that we may be able to
avoid great miscarriages. For no one, as Demosthenes says,[655] if he
expends his resources on unnecessary things, will have means for
necessary ones. And our disgrace is greatly increased, if we are
deficient in what is noble, and abound in what is trivial.
Sec. VIII. But bashfulness is not only a bad and inconsiderate manager of
money, but also in more important matters makes us reject expediency and
reason. For when we are ill we do not call in the experienced doctor,
because we stand in awe of the family one; and instead of the best
teachers for our boys we select those that importune us;[656] and in our
suits at law we frequently refuse the aid of some skilled advocate, to
oblige the son of some friend or relative, and give him a chance to make
a forensic display; and lastly, you will find many so-called
philosophers Epicureans or Stoics, not from deliberate choice or
conviction, but simply from bashfulness, to have the same views as their
friends and acquaintances. Since this is the case, let us accustom
ourselves betimes in small and everyday matters to employ no barber or
fuller merely from bashfulness, nor to put up at a sorry inn, when a
better is at hand, merely because the innkeeper has on several occasions
been extra civil to us, but for the benefit of the habit to select the
best even in a small matter; as the Pythagoreans were careful never to
put their left leg across the right, nor to take an even number instead
of an odd, all other matters being indifferent. We must accustom
ourselves also, at a sacrifice or marriage or any entertainment of that
kind, not to invite the person who greets us and runs up to meet us, but
the friend who is serviceable to us. For he that has thus practised and
trained himself will be difficult to catch tripping, nay even
unassailable, in greater matters.
Sec. IX. Let so much suffice for practice. And of useful considerations the
first is that which teaches and reminds us, that all passions and
maladies of the soul are accompanied by the very things which we think
we avoid through them. Thus infamy comes through too great love of fame,
and pain comes from love of pleasure, and plenty of work to the idle,
and to the contentious defeats and losses of lawsuits. And so too it is
the fate of bashfulness, in fleeing from the smoke of ill-repute, to
throw itself into the fire of it.[657] For the bashful, not venturing to
say No to those that press them hard, afterwards feel shame at just
rebuke, and, through standing in awe of slight blame, frequently in the
end incur open disgrace. For if a friend asks some money of them, and
through bashfulness they cannot refuse, a little time after they are
disgraced by the facts becoming known;[658] or if they have promised to
help friends in a lawsuit, they turn round and hide their diminished
heads, and run away from fear of the other side. Many also, who have
accepted on behalf of a daughter or sister an unprofitable offer of
marriage at the bidding of bashfulness, have afterwards been compelled
to break their word, and break off the match.
Sec. X. He that said all the dwellers in Asia were slaves to one man
because they could not say the one syllable No, spoke in jest and not in
earnest; but bashful persons, even if they say nothing, can by raising
or dropping their eyebrows decline many disagreeable and unpleasant acts
of compliance. For Euripides says, "Silence is an answer to wise
men,"[659] but we stand more in need of it to inconsiderate persons, for
we can talk over the sensible. And indeed it is well to have at hand and
frequently on our lips the sayings[660] of good and famous men to quote
to those who importune us, as that of Phocion to Antipater, "You cannot
have me both as a friend and flatterer;" or his remark to the Athenians,
when they applauded him and bade him contribute to the expenses of a
festival, "I am ashamed to contribute anything to you, till I have paid
yonder person my debts to him," pointing out his creditor Callicles.
For, as Thucydides says, "It is not disgraceful to admit one's poverty,
but it is very much so not to try to mend it."[661] But he who through
stupidity or softness is too bashful to say to anyone that importunes
him,
"Stranger, no silver white is in my caves,"
but goes bail for him as it were through his promises,
"Is bound by fetters not of brass but shame."[662]
But Persaeus,[663] when he lent a sum of money to one of his friends, had
the fact duly attested by a banker in the market-place, remembering
belike that line in Hesiod,[664]
"E'en to a brother, smiling, bring you witness."
And he wondering and saying, "Why all these legal forms, Persaeus?" he
replied, "Ay, verily, that my money may be paid back in a friendly way,
and that I may not have to use legal forms to get it back." For many, at
first too bashful to see to security, have afterwards had to go to law,
and lost their friend.[665]
Sec. XI. Plato again, giving Helicon of Cyzicus a letter for Dionysius,
praised the bearer as a man of goodness and moderation, but added at the
end of the letter, "I write you this about a man, an animal by nature
apt to change." But Xenocrates, though a man of austere character, was
prevailed upon through his bashfulness to recommend to Polysperchon by
letter, one who was no good man as the event showed; for when the
Macedonian welcomed him, and inquired if he wanted any money, he asked
for a talent, and Polysperchon gave it him, but wrote to Xenocrates
advising him for the future to be more careful in the choice of people
he recommended. But Xenocrates knew not the fellow's true character; we
on the other hand very often when we know that such and such men are
bad, yet give them testimonials and money, doing ourselves injury, and
not getting any pleasure for it, as people do get in the company of
whores and flatterers, but being vexed and disgusted at the importunity
that has upset and forced our reason. For the line
"I know that what I'm going to do is bad,"[666]
is especially applicable to people that importune us, when one is going
to perjure oneself, or deliver an unjust verdict, or vote for a measure
that is inexpedient, or borrow money for someone who will never pay it
back.
Sec. XII. And so repentance follows more closely upon bashfulness than upon
any emotion, and that not afterwards, but in the very act. For we are
vexed with ourselves when we give, and ashamed when we perjure
ourselves, and get ill-fame from our advocacies, and are put to the
blush, when we cannot fulfil our promises. For frequently, from
inability to say No, we promise impossibilities to persevering
applicants, as introductions at court, and audiences with princes, from
reluctance or want of nerve to say, "The king does not know us, others
have his regard far more." But Lysander, when he was out of favour with
Agesilaus, though he was thought to have very great influence with him
owing to his great reputation, was not ashamed to dismiss suitors, and
bid them go and pay their court to others who had more influence with
the king. For not to be able to do everything carries no disgrace with
it, but to undertake and try and force your way to what you are unable
to do, or unqualified by nature for, is in addition to the disgrace
incurred a task full of trouble.
Sec. XIII. To take another element into consideration, all seemly and
modest requests we ought readily to comply with, not bashfully but
heartily, whereas in injurious or unreasonable requests we ought ever to
remember the conduct of Zeno, who, meeting a young man he knew walking
very quietly near a wall, and learning from him that he was trying to
get out of the way of a friend who wanted him to perjure himself on his
behalf, said to him, "O stupid fellow, what do you tell me? Is he not
afraid or ashamed to press you to what is not right? And dare not you
stand up boldly against him for what is right?" For he that said
"villainy is no bad weapon against villainy"[667] taught people the bad
practice of standing on one's defence against vice by imitating it; but
to get rid of those who shamelessly and unblushingly importune us by
their own effrontery, and not to gratify the immodest in their
disgraceful desires through false modesty, is the right and proper
conduct of sensible people.
Sec. XIV. Moreover it is no great task to resist disreputable and low and
worthless fellows who importune you, but some send such off with a laugh
or a jest, as Theocritus did, who, when two fellows in the public baths,
one a stranger, the other a well-known thief, wanted to borrow his
scraper,[668] put them both off with a playful answer, "You, sir, I
don't know, and you I know too well." And Lysimache,[669] the priestess
of Athene Polias at Athens, when some muleteers that bore the sacred
vessels asked her to give them a drink, answered, "I hesitate to do so
from fear that you would make a practice of it." And when a certain
young man, the son of a distinguished officer, but himself effeminate
and far from bold, asked Antigonus for promotion, he replied, "With me,
young man, honours are given for personal prowess, not for the prowess
of ancestors."
Sec. XV. But if the person that importunes us be famous or a man of power,