About this book

R.U.R. (Rossum's Universal Robots)

Karel Čapek

feels arms, forehead of one of the ROBOTS. They come to a mechanical standstill._) There you are, as powerful as a small tractor. Guaranteed to have average intelligence. That will do, Marius. (_MARIUS exits R.C. with ROBOTS._) HELENA. They make me feel so strange. DOMIN. (_Crosses to desk. Rings_) Did you see my new typist? HELENA. I didn’t notice her. (_Enter SULLA L. She crosses and stands C., facing HELENA, who is still sitting in the couch._) DOMIN. Sulla, let Miss Glory see you. HELENA. (_Looks at DOMIN. Rising, crosses a step to C._) So pleased to meet you. (_Looks at DOMIN_) You must find it terribly dull in this out of the way spot, don’t you? SULLA. I don’t know, Miss Glory. HELENA. Where do you come from? SULLA. From the factory. HELENA. Oh, were you born there? SULLA. I was _made_ there. HELENA. What? (_Looks first at SULLA, then at DOMIN._) DOMIN. (_To SULLA, laughing_) Sulla is a Robot, best grade. HELENA. Oh, I beg your pardon. DOMIN. (_Crosses to SULLA_) Sulla isn’t angry. See, Miss Glory, the kind of skin we make. Feel her face. (_Touches SULLA’S face._) HELENA. Oh, no, no. DOMIN. (_Examining SULLA’S hand_) You wouldn’t know that she’s made of different material from us, would you? Turn ’round, Sulla. (_SULLA does so. Circles twice._) HELENA. Oh, stop, stop. DOMIN. Talk to Miss Glory, Sulla. (_Examines hair of SULLA._) SULLA. Please sit down. (_HELENA sits on couch._) Did you have a pleasant crossing? (_Fixes her hair._) HELENA. Oh, yes, certainly. SULLA. Don’t go back on the _Amelia_, Miss Glory, the barometer is falling steadily. Wait for the _Pennsylvania_. That’s a good powerful vessel. DOMIN. What’s its speed? SULLA. Forty knots an hour. Fifty thousand tons. One of the latest vessels, Miss Glory. HELENA. Thank you. SULLA. A crew of fifteen hundred, Captain Harpy, eight boilers-- DOMIN. That’ll do, Sulla. Now show us your knowledge of French. HELENA. You know French? SULLA. Oui! Madame! I know four languages. I can write: “Dear Sir, Monsieur, Geehrter Herr, Cteny pane.” HELENA. (_Jumping up, crosses to SULLA_) Oh, that’s absurd! Sulla isn’t a Robot. Sulla is a girl like me. Sulla, this is outrageous--Why do you take part in such a hoax? SULLA. I am a Robot. HELENA. No, no, you are not telling the truth. (_She catches the amused expression on DOMIN’S face_) I know they have forced you to do it for an advertisement. Sulla, you are a girl like me, aren’t you? (_Looks at him._) DOMIN. I’m sorry, Miss Glory. _Sulla is a Robot._ HELENA. It’s a lie! DOMIN. What? (_Pushes button on desk_) Well, then I must _convince_ you. (_Enter MARIUS R.C. He stands just inside the door._) Marius, take Sulla into the dissecting room, and tell them to open her up at once. (_MARIUS moves toward C._) HELENA. Where? DOMIN. Into the dissecting room. When they’ve _cut her open_, you can go and have a look. (_MARIUS makes a start toward SULLA._) HELENA. (_Stopping MARIUS_) No! No! DOMIN. Excuse me, you spoke of lies. HELENA. You wouldn’t have her killed? DOMIN. You can’t kill machines. Sulla! (_MARIUS one step forward, one arm out. SULLA makes a move toward R. door._) HELENA. (_Moves a step R._) Don’t be afraid, Sulla. I won’t let you go. Tell me, my dear-- (_Takes her hand_) --are they always so cruel to you? You mustn’t put up with it, Sulla. You mustn’t. SULLA. I am a Robot. HELENA. That doesn’t matter. Robots are just as good as we are. Sulla, you wouldn’t let yourself be cut to pieces? SULLA. Yes. (_Hand away._) HELENA. Oh, you’re not afraid of death, then? SULLA. I cannot tell, Miss Glory. HELENA. Do you know what would happen to you in there? SULLA. Yes, I should cease to move. HELENA. How dreadful! (_Looks at SULLA._) DOMIN. Marius, tell Miss Glory what you are? (_Turns to HELENA._) MARIUS. (_To HELENA_) Marius, the Robot. DOMIN. Would you take Sulla into the dissecting room? MARIUS. (_Turns to DOMIN_) Yes. DOMIN. Would you be sorry for her? MARIUS. (_Pause_) I cannot tell. DOMIN. What would happen to her? MARIUS. She would cease to move. They would put her into the stamping mill. DOMIN. That is death, Marius. Aren’t you afraid of death? MARIUS. No. DOMIN. You see, Miss Glory, the Robots have no interest in life. They have no enjoyments. They are _less_ than so much grass. HELENA. Oh, stop. Please send them away. DOMIN. (_Pushes button_) Marius, Sulla, you may go. (_MARIUS pivots and exits R. SULLA exits L._) HELENA. How terrible! (_To C._) It’s outrageous what you are doing. (_He takes her hand._) DOMIN. Why outrageous? (_His hand over hers. Laughing._) HELENA. I don’t know, but it is. Why do you call her “Sulla”? DOMIN. Isn’t it a nice name? (_Hand away._) HELENA. It’s a man’s name. Sulla was a Roman General. DOMIN. What! Oh! (_Laughs_) We thought that Marius and Sulla were lovers. HELENA. (_Indignantly_) Marius and Sulla were generals and fought against each other in the year--I’ve forgotten now. DOMIN. (_Laughing_) Come here to the window. (_He goes to window C._) HELENA. What? DOMIN. Come here. (_She goes._) Do you see anything? (_Takes her arm. She is on his R._) HELENA. Bricklayers. DOMIN. Robots. All our work people are Robots. And down there, can you see anything? HELENA. Some sort of office. DOMIN. A counting house. And in it-- HELENA. A lot of officials. DOMIN. Robots! All our officials are Robots. And when you see the factory-- (_Noon WHISTLE blows. She is scared; puts arm on DOMIN. He laughs_) If we don’t blow the whistle the Robots won’t stop working. In two hours I’ll show you the kneading trough. (_BOTH come down stage. HELENA is L.C. and DOMIN is R.C., arm in arm._) HELENA. Kneading trough? DOMIN. The pestle for beating up the paste. In each one we mix the ingredients for a thousand Robots at one operation. Then there are the vats for the preparation of liver, brains, and so on. Then you will see the bone factory. After that I’ll show you the spinning mill. HELENA. Spinning mill? DOMIN. Yes. For weaving nerves and veins. Miles and miles of digestive tubes pass through it at a time. HELENA. (_Watching his gestures_) Mayn’t we talk about something else? DOMIN. Perhaps it would be better. There’s only a _handful_ of us among a hundred thousand Robots, and _not one woman_. We talk nothing but the factory _all_ day, and _every_ day. It’s just as if we were under a curse, Miss Glory. HELENA. I’m _sorry_ I said that you were lying. (_A KNOCK at door R._) DOMIN. Come in. (_He is C._) (_From R. enter DR. GALL, DR. FABRY, ALQUIST and DR. HALLEMEIER. ALL act formal--conscious. ALL click heels as introduced._) DR. GALL. (_Noisily_) I beg your pardon. I hope we don’t intrude. DOMIN. No, no. Come in. Miss Glory, here are Gall, Fabry, Alquist, Hallemeier. This is President Glory’s daughter. (_ALL move to her and shake her hand._) HELENA. How do you do? FABRY. We had no idea-- DR. GALL. Highly honored, I’m sure-- ALQUIST. Welcome, Miss Glory. BUSMAN. (_Rushes in from R._) Hello, what’s up? DOMIN. Come in, Busman. This is President Glory’s daughter. This is Busman, Miss Glory. BUSMAN. By Jove, that’s fine. (_ALL click heels. He crowds in and shakes her hand_) Miss Glory, may we send a cablegram to the papers about your arrival? HELENA. No, no, please don’t. DOMIN. Sit down, please, Miss Glory. (_On the line, “Sit down, please,” all SIX MEN try to find her a chair at once. HELENA goes for the chair at the extreme L. DOMIN takes the chair at front of desk, places it in the C. of stage. HALLEMEIER gets chair at SULLA’S typewriter and places it to R. of chair at C. BUSMAN gets armchair from extreme R., but by now HELENA has sat in DOMIN’S preferred chair, at C. ALL sit except DOMIN. BUSMAN at R. in armchair. HALLEMEIER R. of HELENA. FABRY in swivel chair back of desk._) BUSMAN. Allow me-- DR. GALL. Please-- FABRY. Excuse me-- ALQUIST. What sort of a crossing did you have? DR. GALL. Are you going to stay long? (_MEN conscious of their appearance. ALQUIST’S trousers turned up at bottom. He turns them down. BUSMAN polishes shoes. OTHERS fix ties, collars, etc._) FABRY. What do you think of the factory, Miss Glory? HALLEMEIER. Did you come over on the _Amelia_? DOMIN. Be quiet and let _Miss Glory_ speak. (_MEN sit erect. DOMIN stands at HELENA’S L._) HELENA. (_To DOMIN_) What am I to speak to them about? (_MEN look at one another._) DOMIN. Anything you like. HELENA. (_Looks at DOMIN_) May I speak quite frankly? DOMIN. Why, of course. HELENA. (_To OTHERS. Wavering, then in desperate resolution_) Tell me, doesn’t it ever distress you the way you are treated? FABRY. By whom, may I ask? HELENA. Why, everybody. ALQUIST. Treated? DR. GALL. What makes you think-- HELENA. Don’t you feel that you might be living a better life? (_Pause. ALL confused._) DR. GALL. (_Smiling_) Well, that depends on what you mean, Miss Glory. HELENA. I mean that it’s perfectly outrageous. It’s terrible. (_Standing up_) The whole of Europe is talking about the way you’re being treated. That’s why I came here, to see for myself, and it’s a thousand times worse than could have been imagined. How _can_ you put _up_ with it? ALQUIST. Put up with what? HELENA. Good heavens, you are living creatures, just like us, like the whole of Europe, like the whole world. It’s disgraceful that you must live like this. BUSMAN. Good gracious, Miss Glory! FABRY. Well, she’s not far wrong. We live here just like red Indians. HELENA. Worse than red Indians. May I--oh, may I call you--_brothers_? (_MEN look at each other._) BUSMAN. Why not? HELENA. (_Looking at DOMIN_) Brothers, I have not come here as the President’s daughter. I have come on behalf of the Humanity League. Brothers, the Humanity League now has over two hundred thousand members. Two hundred thousand people are on your side, and offer you their help. (_Tapping back of chair._) BUSMAN. Two hundred thousand people, Miss Glory; that’s a tidy lot. Not bad. FABRY. I’m always telling you there’s nothing like good old Europe. You see they’ve not forgotten us. They’re offering us help. DR. GALL. What kind of help? A theatre, for instance? HALLEMEIER. An orchestra? HELENA. More than that. ALQUIST. Just you? HELENA. (_Glaring at DOMIN_) Oh, never mind about me. I’ll stay as long as it is necessary. (_ALL express delight._) BUSMAN. By Jove, that’s good. ALQUIST. (_Rising L._) Domin, I’m going to get the best room ready for Miss Glory. DOMIN. Just a minute. I’m afraid that Miss Glory is of the opinion she has been talking to Robots. HELEN. Of course. (_MEN laugh._) DOMIN. I’m sorry. These gentlemen are human beings just like us. HELENA. You’re not Robots? BUSMAN. Not Robots. } } HALLEMEIER. Robots indeed! } } DR. GALL. No, thanks. } (_All together_) } FABRY. Upon my honor, Miss Glory, } we aren’t Robots. } HELENA. Then why did you tell me that all your officials are Robots? DOMIN. Yes, the officials, but not the _managers_. Allow me, Miss Glory--this is Consul Busman, General Business Manager; this is Doctor Fabry, General Technical Manager; Doctor Hallemeier, head of the Institute for the Psychological Training of Robots; Doctor Gall, head of the Psychological and Experimental Department; and Alquist, head of the Building Department, R. U. R. (_As they are introduced they rise and come C. to kiss her hand, except GALL and ALQUIST, whom DOMIN pushes away. General babble._)