Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
directions, growling with as much melody as he had before snored. During
the confusion of this affray, Tom and Bob took their departure from
Charley's Crib, which they understood was a nickname given to the place,
and, throwing themselves into a rattler, soon arrived in Piccadilly,
where we shall for the present leave them to their repose.
CHAPTER V
“Since Life's but a jest, let us follow the rule,
There's nothing so pleasant as playing the fool,
In town we may practise, as well as at school.
The world turns about the same things o'er and o'er;
We fool it--our forefathers fool'd it before;
They did what we do, which our sons will encore.
Life's but a half holiday, lent us to stare;
We wander and wonder in vanity's fair,
All, baby-like, bawling for each bawble there:
We, children like, covet the glitter of gay things,
Make racket for ribbands, and such sort of play-things,
Which we cannot have tho'--without we can say things.
We take, or are in all our turns, taken in;
The world to be sure--'tis a shame and a sin,--
Might soon be much better--but who will begin?”
~67~~ “LONDON,” said the Hon. Tom Dashall to his Cousin, “abounds with
so much of munificence, that notwithstanding all its intricacies and
inconveniences, he who travels through life without visiting it, may
justly be said to know nothing; for it is all Life, its remotest corners
are full of animation, and although it is difficult to fancy how all
live, there are few but could give some satisfactory information if they
chose, though I am willing to believe many would rather wish to avoid
interrogation. We have already explored some parts of it, but be assured
there is still much to admire, much to applaud, and much to deprecate.
Our researches, after all, have been rather confined than extensive. It
is such an ever varying and never ceasing mine of observation, that it
is almost like the wishing cap of Fortunatus, with this exception, that
although every wish may be supplied, it requires something more than
putting on the cap to obtain the object desired.”
~68~~ “From what I have already seen,” replied Tallyho, “I perfectly
coincide with you in the latter part of your observation, for I have no
doubt but perseverance and integrity, with some portion of ability, is
sure to meet reward.”
“You are right,” continued Tom; “many instances could be pointed out
in proof of the justice of that remark: some of the greatest men of the
present day have rose from the lowest origin. Shop-boys and porters have
become tradesmen and merchants; shoe-blacks have become statesmen, and
servants councillors. But on the other hand, many who have been born, as
the old saying is, 'with a silver spoon in their mouths,' have 'fallen
from their high estates,' and lingered out the latter parts of their
lives in prisons or work-houses, laying the blame on fate, rather than
attributing failure to their own want of ability, prudence, or active
exertion. But come, I perceive the curricle is ready; let us take
a spank through the City, and look a little more minutely at the
mercantile world.”
This call was instantly obeyed by Tallyho, who never doubted but
his Cousin had some object in view, though he frequently started from
Piccadilly without being previously acquainted with it.
Passing out at Hyde Park Corner, Bon remarked that he thought the City
lay the other way.
“Never mind,” replied Dashall, “we shall come to the point without
doubt. Why, man, there are more ways than one, and I am not particularly
partial to being blocked up in the public streets, amidst _knowing
jarveys and cramp carmen_, sugar hogsheads, molasses, and slush carts,
which is so frequently the case, when by a slight deviation from the
direct way, we can give the tits a rattler on a good road without
obstruction, and pocket a handful of time into the bargain.”
He now turned into the road which leads directly to Vauxhall Bridge; on
arriving at which, Tallyho was much delighted with an extensive view of
the Thames.
“This,” said Dashall, “will bring us to a favourite place of amusement,
where you have already cut a conspicuous figure.”
“What do you mean?” enquired his Cousin.
“A masquerade,” replied he significantly. “Go along Bob.”
~69~~ Passing gently over the Bridge, “Do you observe,” continued he,
“that extensive building? That is called the Penitentiary. It is a
building designed for the punishment, employment, and reformation of
offenders of secondary turpitude, usually punished by transportation
for a term of years. It has been conceived since the commencement of the
disputes which terminated in the separation of the American States.
The plan of it is known to be partly that of Mr. Jeremy Bentham. The
culprits are confined in circular buildings, the windows of which are so
constructed, that the overseer from his room in the centre may be able
to view every one of their rooms. The external wall encloses no less
than eighteen acres of ground, within which are six of these circular
buildings, each capable of lodging and employing from 150 to 200
prisoners, with a chapel, infirmary, and other conveniences. Its
situation is called Millbank.”
“It looks,” said Bob, “like a castle, or tower, of impregnable
strength.”
“It is, however,” continued Tom, “a useful institution, since it
supersedes that indiscriminate transportation so long practised, and
which, as applied to definite periods, was cruel and unjust, since the
wretched objects were precluded from the power of ever returning
to their native land, however short the intended period of their
banishment. This part of the world is much improved of late years. The
Bridge we are now passing, is an admirable light and elegant structure,
but recently erected, according to the plan of Mr. J. Walker, and
connects, as you perceive, by a straight line of road with Hyde Park
Corner. The road before us leads to Newington Cross, and thence by
various ways to the City. The Bridge consists of nine arches, of equal
span, in squares of cast iron, on piers of rusticated stone formed of
fragments, united by means of Parker's cement. Its width is 809 feet,
the span of the arches 78 feet, the height 29 feet, and the clear
breadth of the road way is 36 feet. It cost above 300,000L. But we
shall shortly cross another bridge, far surpassing it in point of
magnificence.”
“It is wonderful indeed,” said Bob, “that in a country complaining of
a starving population, such serious sums of money should be expended in
the erection of splendid mansions and magnificent bridges.”
~70~~ “Not at all,” was the reply, “for perhaps it is one of the
best ways of expending, as it gives employment to thousands who would
otherwise have become beggars on private charity, or paupers on public
bounty, either of which is revolting to the mind of an Englishman:
besides, if your observation applied at all, it would cut at every
improvement of the day; and you should recollect, that, whether upon
true foundations or not, every generation think the age they live in is
the most enlightened: so it may be with respect to the preceding, and
indeed, so much so, that the succeeding will rather decline than improve
upon it, but it would be difficult to convince them of the fact. It is
certain, however, that scarcely a day passes but some new invention or
improvement is offered to public notice. The perusal of the newspapers
is an evidence of my assertion; and as London is the centre of
attraction, so it is the seat of knowledge, of science and information.”
“I should judge, that if a person who had lived some two hundred years
ago, even in this wild place, were to rise up amongst us, his surprise
and astonishment would be strongly excited,” said Bob, endeavouring to
draw forth more of his observations as they bowled along the road.
“There can be no question on that subject,” said Tom, “for how would the
high ideas he entertained of the ingenuity of the age in which he had
lived, dwindle into nothing! Nay, should he appear in the country
first, what would he think of the various implements of husbandry, for
ploughing, and preparing the land; the different machines for sowing
the corn, for threshing, grinding, and dressing it; and in numerous
instances (though perhaps not quite so much now as it has been, on
account of the present agricultural distresses) he would find something
else too which he might not consider an improvement: instead of meeting
the honest homely farmer, assisting personally in the gathering in his
crops, and his daughter following the cart with a rake, he would find
the former mounted on his Prad following the hounds, and the latter at
boarding school. Instead of the farmer's son bringing home his cows of
an evening, and his sister going out to meet him at the sound of his
well known voice, with her milk-white pail, he would find the one poring
over Latin and Greek, and the other running her fingers over the chords
of a harp or piano-forte.”
~71 “These,” said Bob, “are refinements in manners at least.”
“Then, should he take a peep at London, as we are now doing, he would be
struck dumb with admiration. But here we are on the Waterloo Road. That
building on the right is the Coburg Theatre, so named in compliment
to the Prince of Saxe Coburg, who married the unfortunate Princess
Charlotte of Wales, the much regretted daughter of our present King.
Before us is Waterloo Bridge, which leads to the Strand, and was
originally denominated the Strand Bridge; it is acknowledged to be
one of the most majestic structures of the kind, perhaps, in the known
world, and was built under the direction of the late Mr. Rennie, to
whose memory it is said a monument is intended to be erected. The Bridge
consists of nine equal arches, and like the bridges of the ancients,
is perfectly flat, which you perceive the road we are now travelling is
not, for in some instances you may look over the wall upon another world
below, as we are above the tops of the houses. Its being level is a
circumstance highly favourable to the draught of carriages across it,
and without any apparent subtraction from its beauty. We will alight
here and walk leisurely across, taking time for remark.”
The servants now took charge of the curricle, with orders to wait at the
corner of the Strand, while our heroes, having each deposited his penny
at the toll-house, strolled forward.
Tallyho appeared delighted with the views around him: In the front, a
fine prospect of one of the finest cities in the world, and behind an
equally pleasing sight over the Surrey Hills. The day being fine,
and the sun darting his refulgent beams on the bosom of the Thames,
contributed to form, altogether, one of the most enraptured sights he
had ever beheld. The passing and repassing of boats and barges
below; and carriages, horsemen, and pedestrians, crossing the bridge,
alternately attracted his attention.
“Each arch of this bridge,” said Dashall, “is 120 feet span; the piers
20 feet thick, with Tuscan columns; the width between the parapets 42
feet; these footpaths are seven feet each, and the road-way is 28
feet. The cost has been immense, and it is not likely that the original
subscribers will ever realize the capital expended.”
~72~~ At this moment the sound of music attracted the ears of Tallyho.
“What have we here?” said he, thrusting his head through the
balustrades, by which he found himself almost suffocated with smoke,
which stopped further enquiry.
“Behold,” said Tom, “another improvement of the age; that is the
Richmond Steam Boat, proceeding with a cargo of live stock to that