Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
“What now,” vociferated Tom, “I thought I gave you instructions how to
follow, and expected you was just behind me.”
“Why for the matter of that,” cried the unknown, “he was not before
you, that's sartin; and he knocked himself down in the mud before ever
I spoke to him, that's all I know about it--but he don't seem to
understand the navigation of our parts.”
“I don't wonder at that,” replied Tom; “for he was never here before in
his life--but there is no harm done, is there?”
“None,” replied Bob; “all's right again now--so proceed.”
“Nay,” replied the unknown, “all's not right yet; for if as how this
is your first appearance in the shades below, it is but fair you should
come down.”
“Down,” said Bob, “why I have been down--you knock'd me down.”
“Well, never mind, my master, I have set you on your pins again; and
besides that, I likes you very well, for you're down as a hammer, and
up again like a watch-box--but to my thinking a drap o'somut good would
revive you a little bit; and I should like to drink with you--for you
ought to pay your footing.”
“And so he shall,” continued Tom--“So come along, my lad.”
By this time Bob had an opportunity of discovering that the person he
had thus unfortunately encountered, was no other than a stout raw-boned
coalheaver, and that the noise he had heard was occasioned by his
sticking his pointed coal-shovel in the earth, with intention to help
him up after his fall. Pursuing their way, and presently turning to the
right, Bob was suddenly delighted by being brought from utter darkness
into marvellous light, presenting a view of the river, with boats and
barges passing and repassing with their usual activity.
“What place is this?” inquired Tallyho.
~207~~~ “Before you,” replied his Cousin, “is the River Thames; and
in the front you will find wharfs and warehouses for the landing and
housing of various merchandize, such as coals, fruit, timber, &c.: we
are now under the Adelphi Terrace, where many elegant and fashionable
houses are occupied by persons of some rank in society; these streets,
lanes, and subterraneous passages, have been constructed for the
convenience of conveying the various articles landed here into the main
streets of the metropolis, and form as it were a little world under
ground.”
“And no bad world neither,” replied the coalheaver, who upon inspection
proved to be no other than Bob Martlet, whom they had met with as one
of the _heavy wet_ party at Charley's Crib--“For there is many a family
lives down here, and gets a good bit of bread too; what does it signify
where a man gets his bread, if he has but an honest appetite to eat it
with: aye, and though I say it, that house in the corner there, just
down by the water's edge, can supply good stuff at all times to wash
it down with, and that you know's the time of day, my master: this warm
weather makes one _dryish_ like, don't it?”
Tom thought the hint dry enough, though Bob was declaring he was almost
wet through; however, they took their road to the Fox under the Hill,
as it is termed. On entering which a good fire presented itself, and
Tallyho placed himself in front of it, in order to dry his clothes,
while Bob Martlet was busy in inquiring of the landlord for a brush to
give the gemman a wipe down, as, he observed, he had a sort of a trip up
in these wild parts--though to be sure that there was no great wonder,
for a gentleman who was near sighted, and didn't wear spectacles;
“however,” continued he, “there an't no harm done; and so the gemman and
I are going to drink together--arn't we, Sir?”
Tallyho, who by this time had got well roasted by the fire-side, nodded
his assent, and Dashall inquired what he would like.
~~208~~~ “Why, my master, as for that, it's not much matter to me; a
drap of sky blue in a boulter of barley,{1} with a dollop of sweet,{2}
and a little saw dust,{3} is no bad thing according to my thinking; but
Lord bless you! if so be as how a gemman like you offers to treat Bill
Martlet,
1 A boulter of barley--a drink--or a pot of porter.
2 A dollop of sweet--sugar.
3 Saw-dust--a cant term for ginger or nutmeg grated.
why Bill Martlet never looks a gift horse in the mouth, you know, as the
old saying is; but our landlord knows how to make such rum stuff, as I
should like you to taste it--we call it hot, don't us, landlord?--Come,
lend us hold of the brush?” “Ave, and brush up, Mr. Landlord,” said the
Hon. Tom Dashall; “let us have a taste of this nectar he's talking of,
for we have not much time to stop.”
“Lord bless your eye sight,” replied Martlet, “there an't no occasion
whatsomdever for your honours to stay--if you'll only give the order,
and push about the possibles, the business is all done. Come, shovel up
the sensible,” continued he to the landlord, “mind you give us the real
double XX. I don't think your coat is any the worse, it would sarve me
for a Sunday swell toggery for a twelve-month to come yet; for our dirt
down here is as I may say clean dirt, and d------me if I don't think it
looks all the better for it.”
“Thank you, my friend,” said Bob; “that will do very well,” and the
landlord having by this time completed his cookery, produced the good
stuff, as Martlet termed it.
“Come, gentlemen, this is the real right sort, nothing but the bang-up
article, arn't it, my master? But as I always likes the landlord to
taste it first, by way of setting a good example, just be after telling
us what you think of it.”
“With all my heart,” said the landlord; who declared it was as prime a
pot of hot as he had made for the last fortnight. .
With this recommendation our friends tried it; and after tipping, took
their departure, under the positive assurance of Martlet, that he should
be very glad to see them again at any time.
They now pursued their way through other subterraneous passages, where
they met waggons, carts, and horses, apparently as actively and usefully
employed as those above ground.
“Come,” said Tom, “we have suffered time to steal a inarch upon us,” as
they reached the Strand; “we will therefore take the first” _rattler_
we can meet with, and make the best of our way for the City.”--This
was soon accomplished, and jumping into the coach, the old _Jarvey_
was desired to drive them as expeditiously as possible to the corner of
King-street, Cheapside.~~209~~~
CHAPTER XVI
“How wretched those who tasteless live,
And say this world no joys can give:
Why tempts yon turtle sprawling,
Why smoaks the glorious haunch,
Are these not joys still calling
To bless our mortal paunch?
O 'tis merry in the Hall
When beards wag all,
What a noise and what a din;
How they glitter round the chin;
Give me fowl and give me fish,
Now for some of that nice dish;
Cut me this, Sir, cut me that,
Send me crust, and send me fat.
Some for tit bits pulling hauling,
Legs, wings, breast, head,--some for liquor, scolding, bawling,
Hock, port, white, red, here 'tis cramming, cutting, slashing,
There the grease and gravy splashing,
Look, Sir, look, Sir, what you've done,
Zounds, you've cut off the Alderman's thumb.”
The Hon. Tom Dashall, who was fully aware that City appointments for
twelve o'clock mean one, was nevertheless anxious to arrive at their
place of destination some time before the commencement of the business
of the day; and fortunately meeting with no obstruction on the road,
they were set down at the corner of King-street, about half-past twelve.
“Come,” said he, “we shall now have time to look about us at leisure,
and observe the beauties of this place of civic festivity. The Hall you
see in front of you, is the place devoted to the entertainment usually
given by the Lord Mayor on his entrance upon the duties and dignities of
his office. It is a fine gothic building, in which the various courts
of the city are held. The citizens also meet there for the purpose of
choosing their representatives in Parliament, the Lord Mayor, Sheriffs,
&c. It was originally built in the year 1411, previous to which period
the public, or as they term it the Common Hall, was held at a small room
in Aldermanbury.
~~210~~~ The expense Of the building was defrayed by voluntary
subscription, and its erection occupied twenty years. It was seriously
damaged by the fire of 1666, since which the present edifice, with the
exception of the new gothic front, has been erected. That, however,
was not finished till the year 1789, and many internal improvements and
decorations have been introduced since. There is not much of attraction
in its outward appearance. That new building on the right has recently
been erected for the accommodation of Meetings of Bankrupts; and on the
left is the Justice-Room, where the Aldermen attend daily in rotation as
magistrates to decide petty causes; but we must not exhaust our time now
upon them.”
On entering the Hall, Tallyho appeared to be highly pleased with its
extent, and was presently attracted by the monuments which it contains.
“It is a noble room,” said he.--“Yes,” replied Tom, “this Hall is
153 feet in length, 48 in breadth, and the height to the roof is 55.”
Tallyho was, however, more engaged in examining the monument erected to
the memory of Lord Nelson, and an occasional glance at the two enormous
figures who stand at opposites, on the left of the entrance.--Having
read the tablet, and admired the workmanship of the former, he hastily
turned to the latter. “And who in the name of wonder are these?” he
inquired.
“These,” replied his communicative Cousin, “are called _Gog_ and
_Magog_. They are two ancient giants carved in wood, one holding a
long staff suspending a ball stuck with pikes, and the other a halbert,
supposed to be of great antiquity, and to represent an ancient Briton
and a Saxon. They formerly used to stand on each side of that staircase
which leads to the Chamberlain's Office, the Courts of King's Bench and
Common Pleas, the Court of Aldermen, and the Common Council Chamber. At
the other end are two fine monuments, to the memory of Lord Chatham, the
father of Mr. Pitt, and his Son. The windows are fine specimens of
the revived art of painting on glass. There is also a monument of Mr.
Beckford.”
While they were taking a view of these several objects of curiosity,
their attention was suddenly attracted by a confused noise and bustle
at the door, which announced the arrival of the Lord Mayor and his
attendants, who passed them in state, and were followed by our friends
to the Council Chamber; on entering which, they were ~~211~~~ directed
by the City Marshall, who guarded the door, to keep below the bar.
Tallyho gazed with admiration and delight on the numerous pictures with
which the Chamber is decorated, as well as the ceiling, which forms, a
dome, with a skylight in the centre. The Lord Mayor having first entered
the Court of Aldermen, the business of the day had not yet commenced.
Tom directed his Cousin's eye in the first instance to the very large
and celebrated painting by Copley, which fronts the Lord Mayor's
chair, and represents the destruction of the floating batteries before
Gibraltar, to commemorate the gallant defence of that place by General
Elliott, afterwards Lord Heath field, in 1782. The statue of the late
King George the Third; the death of David Rizzio, by Opie; the miseries
of Civil War, from Shakespeare; Domestic Happiness, exemplified in
portraits of an Alderman and his family; the death of Wat Tyler; the
representation of the Procession of the Lord Mayor to Westminster Hall,
by water; and the ceremony of swearing in the Lord Mayor at Guildhall,