Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
~~241~~~ Our two friends, in consequence of some allusions made by
the company at the Finish, on a preceding day, to a house of great
theatrical celebrity in Drury-lane, resolved on a visit the following
evening; and it may here be necessary to introduce such of our readers
as are not in the secret, to the same.
The Harp, opposite Drury-lane Theatre, is well known as the resort
of theatrical amateurs and professors; but those who have not had an
opportunity of visiting its interior, can scarcely form an idea of
the mirth, wit, and humour constantly displayed within its walls. The
circumstance here alluded to, though not exactly introduced in point of
time, is one which generally takes place once in three years; viz. the
election of a Mayor to represent the now City of Lushington, an event
which is attended with as much of bustle, interest, and whimsicality,
as a popular election for a member of Parliament. The generality of the
persons who are frequent visitors to the house are termed _Harponians_,
and by due qualification become citizens of Lushington. Although we
cannot give a true and circumstantial history of this ancient city, we
doubt not our numerous readers will discover that its title is derived
from an important article in life, commonly called Lush. The four wards
are also appropriately titled, as symbolical of the effects which are
usually produced by its improper application. On entering the room,
the first corner on the right hand is _Suicide Ward_, and derives its
appellation from a society so named, in which each member is bound by an
oath, that however he might feel inclined to lay violent hands upon his
glass, he would not lay violent hands upon his own existence.
~~242~~~ The left hand corner has also a name as appropriate as its
neighbour, being called _Poverty Ward_; so termed from its vicinity to
the door, and the ease with which a citizen, whose tanner case{1} and
toggery{2} are out of repair, may make his entree and exit, without
subjecting himself to the embarrassing gaze and scrutiny of his more
fortunate fellow-citizens. Juniper Ward, which is directly opposite to
Poverty Ward, may in a moral point of view be said to mark the natural
gradation rom the one to the other. Whether these wards are so placed
by the moral considerations of the ingenious citizens or not, we are at
present unable to learn; but we have discovered that _Juniper Ward_ is
so called in consequence of a club, consisting of seven citizens, who
bound themselves to meet every evening exactly on the spot, taking each
upon himself to defray the expense of _blue ruin_ for the whole party
on each evening alternately. In the corner directly opposite to Suicide
Ward is _Lunatic Ward_, indicative no doubt of the few steps there are
between the one and the other: hence the four corner pillars of this
ancient and honourable city are replete with moral instruction to the
wise and discriminating part of society.
1 Tanner case--a pocket.
2 Toggery--cloathing.
Each of these wards, like the wards of the City of London, has
its alderman, and no doubt can be entertained of their being ably
represented, as well as their rights and privileges being well secured
and sustained. A gentleman who is well known and highly respected for
his abilities and attentions as theatrical agent, which character he has
sustained for many years, is high bailiff, and at proper periods issues
his writ in the following form:--
“City of Lushington, (to wit.)
“The high bailiff having received a requisition to convene a meeting for
the purpose of nominating aldermen to represent the different wards, and
from them to elect a mayor for the above city for the year ensuing;
~~243~~~ “The high bailiff, in pursuance thereof, fixes Saturday the 22d
December inst. to nominate for the purpose aforesaid, and from thence
proceed to the election, which election is to continue till the
following Monday, being the 24th, when the poll is to be closed.
“Given under my hand, this 18th day of December, 1821. (Signed) “F.
SIMS, high bailiff.”
“Lushington Hall.”
“The election to commence at 7 o'clock; the poll to be closed at
half-past 10.”
After this official notice, preparations are made in due form for the
election, and in the fitting up of the hustings the most skilful
and ingenious artists are selected from the several wards, while the
candidates are employed in forming their committees, and canvassing
their friends and fellow-citizens, each of them professing an intention
to intersect the city with canals of sky blue, to reduce the price of
heavy wet, and to cultivate plantations of the weed, to be given away
for the benefit and advantage of the community, thereby to render
taxation useless, and the comforts of life comeatable by all ranks and
degrees of society. To take the burthensome load of civic state upon
themselves, in order that their friends and neighbours may be free; that
independence may become universal, and that the suffrages of the people
may be beyond controul nor can it be doubted but these professions
are made with as much sincerity in many of a similar nature in larger
cities, and in situations of much greater importance.
“For quacks profess the nation's ills to cure,
To mend small fortunes, and set up the poor;
And oft times neatly make their projects known,
By mending not the public's, but their own.
The poor indeed may prove their watchful cares,
That nicely sift and weigh their mean affairs,
From scanty earnings nibbling portions small,
As mice, by bits, steal cheese with rind and all;
But why should statesmen for mechanics carve,
What are they fit for but to work and starve.”
It is, however, proper to observe, that in the City of Lushington there
are no sinecures, no placemen and pensioners, to exhaust the treasury;
honour is the grand inducement for the acceptance of office, and highly
honour'd are those who are fortunate enough to obtain the mark s of
distinction to which they aspire.
~~244~~~ The oath administered upon such occasions is of a most serious
and solemn nature; which, however, notwithstanding the conscientious
scruples of the voters, must be taken with suitable gravity before they
can be, permitted to poll; being in substance nearly as follows:--
“I (A. B.) do swear that I have been an inhabitant of the City of
Lushington for the space of -- years; and that I have taken within its
walls -- pots of porter, -- glasses of jackey, and smoked --pipes; (the
blanks are filled in according to circumstances); that is to say, one
pot of heavy wet, one glass of juniper, and one loading of weed at
least annually; have been the cause of such acts in others, or have been
present when such acts have been performed; and that I have not polled
at this election.”
This oath is sworn with all due solemnity, by kissing the foot of a
broken glass, and the vote is then recorded.
Tom and Bob, who had so little previous intimation of this important
event, were informed as they proceeded to the scene of action, by
a friend of one of the candidates, that the election was strongly
contested between Sir William Sims, the son of the worthy high bailiff,
Sir Benjamin Rosebud, Jessamine Sweetbriar, Sir Peter Paid, and
Peregrine Foxall, the silver-toned orator, strongly supported by the Tag
Rag and Bobtail Club. Sir Frederick Atkinson introduced and proposed by
the Marquis of Huntley, a well known sporting character from the county
of Surrey, and Mr. Alderman Whetman, of Lushington notoriety. The door
of the house was well guarded by the _posse comitatis_, armed with staves,
emblematical of the renowned city to which they belonged, and decorated
with the favors of the different candidates by whom they were employed,
or whose interest they espoused. The staves, instead of the crown, were
surmounted by quartern measures, and produced a most striking and novel
effect, as they appeared to be more reverenced and respected than that
gaudy bauble which is a representative of Royalty.
At the moment of our friends entrance, large bodies of voters were
brought up by canvassing parties from the surrounding habitations, with
colours flying, and were introduced in succession to poll; and as time
was fast escaping, every one was active in support of his favourite
candidate. All was bustle and anxiety, and Tom and Bob approached the
hustings with two chimney-sweepers, a hackney-coachman, and three light
bearers, alias link-carriers, from Covent Garden Theatre. Having polled
for Sir William Sims, who very politely returned thanks for ~~245~~~
the honour conferred on him, standing room was provided for them by the
inhabitants of Lunatic Ward, who it should seem, like others under the
influence of the moon, have their lucid intervals, and who upon this
occasion displayed a more than usual portion of sanity, mingled with
good humour and humanity.
In this quarter of the city, where our friends expected to find
distracted, or at least abstracted intellect, they were very pleasingly
disappointed at discovering they were associated with reasonable and
intelligent beings; although some of them, fatigued by their exertions
during the election, were so strongly attacked by Somnus, that
notwithstanding the bustle with which they were surrounded, they
occasionally dropped into the arms of the drowsy god, and accompanied
the proceedings with a snore, till again roused to light and life by
some more wakeful inhabitant.
At the appointed time, the high bailiff announced the election closed,
and after an examination of the votes, declared the choice to have
fallen on Sir William, a circumstance which drew forth a unanimous
burst of approbation, long, loud, and deep, which in a few moments being
communicated to those without. This was as cordially and as vociferously
answered by anxious and admiring crowds.
The influx of citizens, upon the event being known, to hear the speeches
of the different candidates, choaked up every avenue to the hustings,
and beggars all description; the inimitable pencil of a Hogarth could
hardly have done justice to the scene, and a Common Hall of the City of
London might be considered a common fool to it; every voter had a right,
established that right, and enjoyed it. Here stood the well-dressed
Corinthian in his bang-up toggery, alongside of a man in armour, one
of the Braziers Company, armed with a pot-lid and a spit, and decorated
with a jack-chain round his neck. There stood a controller of the prads,
a Jarvey, in close conversation with one of the lighters of the world,
with his torch in hand. A flue faker in one corner, was endeavouring
to explain a distinction between smoke and gas to a lamplighter, who
declared it as his opinion, “that the City of Lushington,--at all times
a luminous and deservedly revered City,--had had more light thrown upon
it that election, by the introduction of the link carriers, than it ever
had before; and likewise that his dissertation on smoke and gas was not
worth one puff from his pipe.”
~~246~~~ In the midst of this bustle, noise and confusion, it was some
time before the high bailiff could obtain silence; when Sir William
made his appearance on the hustings, and in language well suited for the
occasion, declared the heartfelt gratitude he entertained for the high
and distinguished honour so handsomely conferred upon him, with
his determination never to lose sight of the invaluable rights and
privileges of his constituents, assuring them they were welcome
to indulge themselves with any thing the house afforded. He next
complimented his opponents on the very gentlemanlike way in which
the election had been conducted, and alluded most emphatically to the