Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
introduction of those voters who endeavour to lighten the darkness
of the world, the link-carriers, who by their manners and conduct had
become on that occasion as it were links of a chain, which in point of
friendship, good humour and independence, he sincerely hoped would
never be broken. Rapturous applause followed this speech, which
notwithstanding the almost overpowering load of gratitude with which the
speaker was burthened, was given with good emphasis and corresponding
effect.
The other candidates returned thanks to those of their fellow-citizens
who had supported their interest; and no one seeming inclined to call
for a scrutiny, Sir William took the official oath, and was invested
with the cloathing of magistracy, which being done, Mr. Alderman Whetman
arose to address the mayor.
The well known ability usually displayed by this gentleman, his
patriotic zeal, and undeviating integrity, commanded immediate silence,
while he informed the chief magistrate of a circumstance which had
recently occurred, and which left one of the wards unrepresented, by a
worthy alderman who in consequence of accepting an office in the
board of controul, had by the laws of Lushington vacated his seat. An
explanation being demanded, it appeared that the worthy alderman had
become a deputy manager of a country theatre, and consequently must be
considered under the board of controul; it was therefore necessary he
should at least be re-elected before he could be allowed to continue in
the distinguished station of alderman: this point being agreed to, the
situation was declared vacant, and a time appointed for the election.
~~247~~~ The official business of the election being over, harmony and
conviviality became the order of the night; foaming bowls and flowing
glasses decorated the tables; many of the citizens withdrawing to rest
after their labours, made room for those who remained, and every one
seemed desirous to
“Wreath the bowl
With flowers of soul,
The brightest wit can find us;
We'll take a flight
Towards heav'n to-night,
And leave dull earth behind us.”
The song, the toast, the sentiment, followed each other in rapid
succession; mirth and good humour prevailed, and time, while he
exhausted himself, appeared to be inexhaustible. The beams of wit,
the lively sallies of humour, and the interchange of good fellowship,
eradiated the glass in its circulation, and doubly enhanced its
contents; and in amusements so truly congenial with the disposition of
the Hon. Tom Dashall and his Cousin, they joined till after four o'clock
in the morning, thus rendering themselves true and devoted citizens of
Lushington, when they sallied forth, tolerably well primed for any lark
or spree which chance might throw in their way. It was a fine morning,
and while the shopkeepers and trades-men were taking their rest, the
market gardeners and others were directing their waggons and carts to
Covent Garden.
“Now,” said the Hon. Tom Dashall, “we will just take a turn round the
Garden, and a stroll down Drury-lane, for a walk will do us no harm
after our night's amusement, and we can hardly fail to find subjects
worthy of observation, though; in all probability we are too early to
realize all the poet's description of a market:”
“A market's the circle for frolic and glee,
Where tastes of all kinds may be suited;
The dasher, the quiz, and the “up to all”--he,
Pluck sprees from the plants in it rooted.
If the joker, or queer one, would fain learn a place,
Where they'd wish for a morning to “lark it,”
They need go no further than just shew their face,
In that region of mirth, a large market.”
~~248~~~ The streets that surround the theatres, and which of an evening
are thronged with the elegant equipage of the visitors, were now filled
with carts, waggons, and other vehicles of various denominations, for
conveyance of the marketable commodities to and from the place of sale:
here and there were groupes of Irishmen and basket-women, endeavouring
to obtain a load, and squabbling with assiduous vociferations for the
first call.
“This,” said Tom, “is the largest market for vegetables we have in the
metropolis, and supplies numerous retail dealers with their stock in
trade; who assemble here early in the morning to make their bargains,
and get them home before the more important business of the day, that
of selling, commences.” While Tom was explaining thus briefly to his
Cousin, aloud laugh attracted their attention, and drew them to a part
of the market where a crowd was collected, to witness a squabble between
a Jew orange merchant and a pork butcher.{1}
1 Although the Hon. Tom Dashall hurried his Cousin from the
scene of altercation, at the time of its occurrence, they
enjoyed a hearty laugh at the following report of the facts
which appeared in one of the morning papers shortly
afterwards:--
EFHRAIM versus STEWART.
“This was a proceeding in limine, by which the plain till'
sought reparation for violence done to his religious
scruples and bodily health by the defendant, inasmuch as he,
the plaintiff being a Jew, on Wednesday, the 12th day of
this month, in the forenoon, in the parish of St. Paul
Covent Garden, did, with malice aforethought, knock him down
with a pig's head, contrary to the statute, and against the
peace of our Sovereign Lord the King,” &c.
Both plaintiff and defendant pleaded each for himself, no
counsel being employed on either side.
Ephraim Ephraim deposed, that he is by profession an orange-
merchant, carrying on his business in Covent Garden market.
That the defendant, Richard Stewart, is a dealer in pork and
poultry in the said market; and that he the said Richard
Stewart, on the day and time then stated, did thrust a pig's
face against his cheek with such violence, as to throw him
backwards into a chest of oranges, whereby he sustained
great damage both in body, mind, and merchandize. Plaintiff
stated moreover, that he had previously and on sundry
occasions forewarned the said Richard Stewart, it was
contrary to the tenets of his religion to come in contact
with pork, and yet nevertheless he the said Richard did
frequently, and from time to time, intrude pork upon his
attention, by holding it up aloft in the market, and
exclaiming aloud, “Ephraim, will you have a mouthful?” All
this, he humbly submitted, betokened great malice and
wickedness in the said Richard, and he therefore besought
the magistrate to interpose the protection of the law in bis
behalf.
The magistrate observed, that he was astonished a person of
Mr. Stewart's appearance and respectability should be guilty
of such conduct, and having explained to him that the law
afforded equal protection to the professors of every
religion, called upon him for his defence.
“May it please your Worship,” said Mr. Richard Stewart, who
is a well fed man, of a jolly and pleasing countenance,
“May it please your Worship, I keeps a shop in Covent Garden
Market, and have done so any time these ten years, and Mr.
Ephraim's stand is next to mine. Now, your Worship, on
Wednesday morning I'd a hamper o'pork sent up out
o'Hertfordshire, and so I opened the hamper, and at the top
of it lay a nice head, and I takes it and holds it up and
says I, Heres a bootiful head, says I, did ever any body see
such a handsome un, and sure enough your Worship it was the
most bootiftd as ever was, and would a done any body's heart
good to see it. It was cut so clean of the quarter (drawing
his finger closely across his own neck), and was so short
i'the snout, and as white as a sheet,--it was, your Worship,
remarkably handsome. And so, I said, says I, look here, did
ever tiny body see such a picture, holding it up just in
this manner. With that, 'Ah, says Mr. Ephraim, says he, now
my dream's out; I dream't last night that I saw two pig's
heads together, and there they are;' meaning my head, and
the pig's head, your Worship. Well, I took no notice o'that,
but I goes me gently behind him, and slides the pig's head
by the side of his head, claps my own o' the other side all
on a row, with the pig's in the middle, your Worship; and
says I to the folks, says I, now who'll say which is the
honestest face of the three. With that, your Worship, all
the folks fell a laughing, and I goes myself quietly back
again to a stall. But poor Ephraim, he fell in such a
passion! Lord, Lord, to see what a pucker he were in, he
danced, and he capered, and he rubbed his whiskers, though I
verily believe the pig's head never touched him; and he
jumped and he fidgeted about, all as one as if he was mad,
till at last he tumbled into the orange chest, your Worship,
of his own accord, as it were, and that's the long and the
short of it, your Worship, as my neighbours here can
specify.”
His Worship, having listened attentively to those
conflicting statements, decided that the defendant had acted
indecently in insulting the religious feelings of the
plaintiff, though at the same time the affair was hardly
worth carrying to the Sessions, and therefore he would
recommend the plaintiff to be satisfied with an apology.
The defendant expressed the greatest willingness to
apologize. “For,” says he, “I have ax'd another Jew what
could make Mr. Ephraim in such a passion; and he told me,
your Worship, that if you get a rale Jew, and rub him with a
bit o'pork, it's the greatest crime as ever was.”
Plaintiff and defendant then retired, and the
matter was compromised.
~~250~~~ The Israelite appeared to be in a great rage, swore he
would have revenge of his insulting neighbour, and pull him up. The
exasperation of the Jew afforded much merriment to the spectators, who
seemed to enjoy his aggravation: our friends, however, had arrived
too late to discover the cause, and although not very particular about
discovering themselves amid the mob, conceived it most prudent to move
onward without inquiry; “for,” as Tom observed, “if we ask any questions
we are sure to be told lies: “they then passed through the Market, made
their way up James-street to Long Acre, and thence to Drury-lane.
The watchmen were just leaving their stations, with an intention to
partake of what they had all night been endeavouring to deprive others,
and the humbler ranks of society were preparing for the business of the
day; while the batter'd beau, the clean'd out buck, and the dissipated
voluptuary, were occasionally to be seen gliding from holes and corners,
and scampering home with less wisdom in their heads, and less money in
their purses, than when they left. Here was to be seen the City shopman,
hastening away from his dulcenea, to get down his master's shutters
before the gouty old gentleman should be able to crawl down stairs;
there, the dandy, half dressed, and more than half seas over, buttoning
his toggery close round him to keep out the damp air of the morning,
affecting to sing
“Be gone dull care;”
slipped along, as he supposed, unobserved, between dustmen, scavengers,
flue-fakers, gardeners, fish-fags, and brick-layer's labourers--to refit
and put himself in a situation to recount the adventures of the night.