Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
By this time the servants had arrived at the door, and were alternately
peeping in, wondering to see the two gentlemen in such a situation, and
secretly giggling and enjoying the embarrassment of the old woman,
whose wig lay on the table, and who was displaying her bald pate and
shrivelled features from the bed-curtains, enveloped in fringe and
tassels, which only served to render them still more ludicrous.
Bob affected to laugh; said it was very odd--he could not account for
it at all--stammered out something like an apology--begg'd pardon--it
was--a mistake--he really took it for his own room--he never was
so bewildered in his life--was very sorry he should cause so much
alarm--but really had no sort of intention whatever.
“Well,” said Dashall, “the best reparation you can now make for your
intrusion is a speedy retreat. Time is escaping, so come along;” and
taking him by the arm, they walked down the stairs together, and then
proceeded to re-fit without further obstruction, in order to be ready
for Sparkle, who was expected every minute.
The first day of Bob's residence in London had already been productive
of some curious adventures, in which he, unfortunately as he considered,
had sustained the principal character--a character not altogether
suitable to is inclinations or wishes, though productive of much
merriment to his ever gay and sprightly Cousin, who had witnessed the
embarrassment of his pupil upon his first entrance into Life with
ungovernable laughter. It was to him excellent sport, while it furnished
a good subject of speculation and conversation among the servants below,
but was not so well relished by the affrighted old house-keeper. Indeed,
the abrupt entrance of a man into her bed-chamber had so deranged her
ideas, that she was longer than usual in decking her person previous to
her ~65~~re-appearance. The tender frame of the old lady had been
subjected to serious agitations at the bare idea of such a visit, and
the probable imputations that might in consequence be thrown upon her
sacred and unspotted character; nor could she for some time recover her
usual serenity.
Such was the situation of the parties at the moment we are now
describing; but as our Heroes are preparing for an extensive, actual
survey of men, manners, and tilings, we shall for the present leave them
in peace and quietness, while we proceed to the next chapter.
CHAPTER VII
What shows! and what sights! what a round of delights
You'll meet in the gay scene of London;
How charming to view” amusements still new,
Twenty others you'll find soon as one's done.
At the gay scene at Court--Peers and gentry resort,
In pleasure you'll never miss one day:
There's the Opera treat, the parade in Bond Street,
And the crowd in Hyde Park on a Sunday.
~66~~TOM, whose wardrobe was extensive, found no difficulty, and lost no
time in preparing for the promenade; while, on the other hand, Tallyho
was perplexed to know how to tog himself out in a way suitable to
make his appearance in the gay world of fashion. Dashall had therefore
rapidly equipped himself, when, perceiving it was half-past eleven,
he was the more perplexed to account for the absence of Sparkle; for
although it was an early hour, yet, upon such an occasion as that of
initiating a new recruit, it was very extraordinary that he should not
have been prompt. However, he entered Tallyho's room, and found him
looking out of the window in a posture of rumination, probably revolving
in his mind the events of the morning.
“Come,” said Tom, as he entered, “'tis time to be on the move, and if
Sparkle don't show in a few minutes, we'll set sail and call in upon him
at Long's, in Bond Street. Perhaps he is not well, or something prevents
his appearance--we'll make it in our way, and we have a fine day before
us.”
“I am at your service,” replied Bob, who could not help viewing the
elegance of his Cousin's appearance: the style of his dress, and the
neatness with which his garments fitted him, were all subjects of
admiration, and formed so strong a contrast with his own as almost
to excite envy. He had however attired himself in a way that befits a
fashionable country gentleman: a green coat, white waistcoat, buckskin
breeches, and boots, over ~67~~which a pair of leggings appeared, which
extended below the calf of the leg and half up the thigh, surmounted
with a _Lily Shallow_. Such was the costume in which he was destined to
show off; and thus equipped, after a few minutes they emerged from the
house in Piccadilly on the proposed ramble, and proceeded towards Bond
Street.
The first object that took their particular attention was the Burlington
Arcade. “Come,” said Tom, “we may as well go this way,” and immediately
they passed the man in the gold-laced hat, who guards the entrance to
prevent the admission of boys and improper persons. The display of the
shops, with the sun shining through the windows above, afforded much for
observation, and attracted Bob from side to side--to look, to wonder and
admire. But Tom, who was intent upon finding his friend Sparkle, urged
the necessity of moving onward with more celerity, lest he should be
gone out, and consequently kept drawing his Cousin forward. “Another and
a better opportunity will be afforded for explanation than the present,
and as speed is the order of the day, I hope you will not prove
disorderly; we shall soon reach Long's, and when we have Sparkle with
us, we have one of the most intelligent and entertaining fellows in
the world. He is a sort of index to every thing, and every body; his
knowledge of life and character, together with a facetiousness of
whim and manner, which he has in delineating them, are what we call
in London--_Prime and bang up to the mark_. There is scarcely a Lane,
Court, Alley, or Street, in the Metropolis, but what he knows, from the
remotest corners of Rag-Fair, to the open and elegant Squares of the
West, even to Hyde Park Corner. Memory, mirth, and magic, seem at all
times to animate his tongue, and, as the Song says,
“He is the hoy for bewitching 'em,
Whether good-humour'd or coy.”
Indeed, he is the admiration of all who know him; wit, whim, frolic,
and fun, are constant companions with him, and I really believe, in a
dungeon or a palace, he would always appear the same.”
By this time they had reached Bond Street, in their way to which,
each step they had taken, the streets and avenues of every description
appeared to Bob to be crowded to an excess; the mingling cries which
were ~68~~vociferated around them produced in his mind uncommon
sensations. The rattling of the carriages, the brilliance of the shops,
and the continual hum of the passengers, contributed to heighten the
scene.
“Bond Street,” said Dashall, “is not one of the most elegant streets
in the vicinity of London, but is the resort of the most fashionable
people, and from about two o'clock till five, it is all bustle--all
life--every species of fashionable vehicle is to be seen dashing
along in gay and gallant pride. From two to five are the fashionable
shopping-hours, for which purpose the first families resort to this
well-known street--others, to shew their equipage, make an assignation,
or kill a little time; which is as much a business with some, as is the
more careful endeavours of others to seize him in his flight, and make
the most of his presence. The throng is already increasing; the variety,
richness, and gaiety of the shops in this street, will always be
attractive, and make it a popular rendezvous of both sexes. It will
shortly be as crowded as Rag Fair, or the Royal Exchange; and the magic
splendour has very peculiar properties.
“It makes the tradesman forget--while he is cheating a lovely and
smiling Duchess--that in all probability her ladyship is endeavouring to
cheat him. It makes the gay and airy, the furbelowed and painted lady of
the town, forget that she must pay a visit to her uncle,{1} in order
to raise the wind before she can make her appearance at the theatre
at half-price. It makes the dashing prisoner forget, that while “he
is sporting his figure in the bang-up style of appearance, he is only
taking his ride on a day-rule from the King's Bench. It makes the Lord
who drives four-in-hand forget his losses of the night before at some of
the fashionable gaming-houses. It makes one adventurer forget that the
clothes in which he expects to obtain respect and attention, are more
than likely to be paid for in Newgate; another for a time forgets that
_John Doe_ and _Richard Roe_ have expelled him from his
1 My Uncle is a very convenient and accommodating sort of
friend, who lives at the sign of the Three Balls, indicative
of his willingness to lend money upon good security, for the
payment of enormous interest. The original meaning of the
sign has puzzled the curious and antiquarians, and the only
probable meaning they can discover is, that it implies the
chances are two to one against any property being redeemed
after being once committed to the keeping of this tender
hearted and affectionate relative.
69~~lodgings; and a third that all his worldly possessions are not equal
to the purchase of a dinner. It is an _ignis fatuus_--a sort of magic
lantern replete with delusive appearances--of momentary duration--an
escape to the regions of noise, tumult, vanity, and frivolity, where the
realities of Life, the circumstances and the situation of the observer,
are not suffered to intrude.
“But to be seen in this street at a certain hour, is one of the
essentials to the existence of _haut-ton_--it is the point of attraction
for greetings in splendid equipages, from the haughty bend or familiar
nod of arrogance, to the humble bow of servility. Here mimicry without
money assumes the consequential air of independence: while modest merit
creeps along unheeded through the glittering crowd. Here all the senses
are tantalized with profusion, and the eye is dazzled with temptation,
for no other reason than because it is the constant business of a
fashionable life--not to live in, but out of self, to imitate the
luxuries of the affluent without a tithe of their income, and to
sacrifice morality at the altar of notoriety.”
“Your description of this celebrated street, of which I have heard so
much,” said Tallyho, “is truly lively.”
“But it is strictly true,” continued Tom.
They had now arrived at Long's, and found a barouche and four waiting at
the door. Upon entering, the first person they met was Lord Cripplegate,
whom they passed, and proceeded to the coffee-room; in one of the
boxes of which Tom immediately directed his Cousin's attention to a
well-dressed young man, who was reading the newspaper, and sipping his
coffee--“Take notice of him,” said Tom.
Bob looked at him for a moment, marked his features, and his dress,
which was in the extreme of fashion; while Tom, turning to one of the
Waiters, enquired for his friend Sparkle.
“He has not been here since yesterday morning!” said the Waiter.
“I have been waiting for him these two hours!” exclaimed the young Sprig
of Fashion, laying down the newspaper almost at the same moment, “and
must wait till he comes--Ah! Mr. Dashall, how d'ye do?---very glad to
see you--left all well in the country, I hope!--Mr. Sparkle was to have
met me this morning at eleven precisely, I should judge he is gone into
the country.”
“It must have been late last night, then,” said Dashall, ~70~~“for he
left us about half-past ten, and promised also to meet us again this
morning at eleven; I can't think what can have become of him--but come,”