Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
war of words waged quicker and faster; and from invective the heroines
seemed rapidly approximating to actual battle. Neither park-keeper nor
constable were at hand; and although the surrounding mobility “laughed
at the tumult and enjoyed the storm,” Sir Felix, much distressed at
so untoward an incident, and deeply interested in the honour of his
country, so lately the theme of elegant panegyric, dashed through the
crowd, the component parts of which he scattered aside like chaff, and
arrested the further progress of the wranglers.
“Arrah, now, for the honour of Munster, be any, ye brats of the devil's
own begetting!”
“Hear him! hear him! hear the umpire!” resounded from all quarters.
“May the devil make hell-broth of ye both, in his own caldron!”
~~267~~~ The mirth of the multitude became now still more obstreperous,
and Tom and Bob pushed forward to the assistance of their friend, who
was in the act of keeping the two viragos apart from each other, having
a hand on each, and holding them at arms length, alternately threatening
and remonstrating, while the two nymphs, with frightful grimaces,
struggled to elude his grasp, and abide the chance of war;--the scene
altogether would have afforded ample scope for the pencil of an artist;
and if not edifying, was at least to a numerous and motley assemblage
of spectators, highly entertaining. Sir Felix declined the assistance of
his friends,--
“Never mind it,” said he, “I'll settle the affair myself, my
honies:” and slipping a half-crown piece into the hand of each of
the amazons--“Now be off wid you,” he whispered,--“lave the Park
immediately;--away to the gin-shop;--shake hands wid each other in
friendship; and drink good-luck to Sir Felix O'Grady.”
With many expressions of gratitude, the contending parties obeyed the
mandate, and walked off lovingly together, cheek-by-jowl, as if no
irruption of harmony had happened!
“Long life to him!” exclaimed a son of green Erin; “wid a word in the
ear he has settled the business at once.”
“And I pray,” said a reverend looking gentleman in black, “that all
conflicting powers may meet with like able mediation.”
“Amen!” responded a fellow in the drawling nasil tone of a parish-clerk;
and the congregation dispersed.
The tumult thus happily subdued, Sir Felix, with Tom and Bob, rejoined
Miss Macgilligan and the group with whom she had been left in charge
when the two latter gentlemen came to the Baronet's relief.
The “ardent admirer of the whole of women kind” sustained the jokes of
the company with admirable equanimity of temper; and the same young lady
who had eulogized his gallantry, now said that it was unfair, and what
the Baronet could not possibly mean, to take his words in their literal
acceptation; at the same time she highly commended his benevolent
interference in the quarrel between the two women, and congratulated him
on his address in bringing it to an amicable termination.
~~268~~~ Resuming their attention to the still continued line of
company, Dashall and his friends remarked that pearls were a prominent
part of female ornament at the present levee; particularly, he said,
with the galaxy of Civic beauty from the East; for he had recognized
so decorated, several elegantes, the wives and daughters of aldermen,
bankers, merchants and others, of his City acquaintances.{1} A ponderous
state carriage, carved and gilt in all directions, and the pannels
richly emblazoned with heraldry, now came slowly up the Mall, and Sir
Felix immediately announced the approach of the Lord Mayor of the City
of London; but as the vehicle approximated nearer towards him, he became
lost in a labyrinth of conjecture, on perceiving, that the pericranium
of its principal inmate was enveloped in a wig of appalling dimensions;
he now inquired whether the profundity of wisdom was denoted by
the magnitude of a wig; and if so, why it was not worn by the Civic
Sovereign rather on the seat of justice, where it might operate _in
terrorem_ on delinquency, than on the happy occasion of his Majesty's
anniversary; when Dashall unravelled the mystery, by acquainting the
Baronet, that the personage whom he supposed to be the Lord Mayor of
London, was the Lord High Chancellor of England.
1 By what curious links and fantastical relations are
mankind connected together. At the distance of half the
globe, a Hindoo gains his support by groping at the bottom
of the sea for the morbid concretion of a shell-fish, to
decorate the throat of a London alerman's wife! It is said
that the great Linnæus had discovered the secret of
infecting oysters with this perligenous disease; what is
become of the secret we know not, as the only interest tee
take in oysters, is of a much more vulgar, though perhaps a
more humane nature. Mr. Percival, in his Account of the
Island of Ceylon, gives a very interesting account of the
fishery, and of the Sea-dogs. “This animal is as fond of
the legs of Hindoos, as Hindoos are of the pearls of
oysters; and as one appetite appears to him much more
natural and less capricious' than the other, he never fails
to indulge it.”
~~269~~~ The company still poured along, numerous and diversified,
beyond all former precedent; including all the nobility in town, their
ladies, daughters, et cetera; officers of the army and navy, grand
crosses and knights companions of the most honourable order of the Bath;
dignified sages and learned brethren of the law; and, “though last, not
least in our esteem,” the very right reverend Fathers in God, the
Lords Bishops, in the costume of sacerdotal panoply; and amidst the
fascination of female beauty, setting their affections on things
above!{1}
1 Latimer, bishop of Worcester, speaking of the gentlemen of
the black cloth, says,--“Well, I would all men would look to
their dutie, as God hath called them, and then we should
have a flourish-ing Christian common weale. And now I would
ask a strange question. Who is the most diligentest bishop
and prelate in all Englande, that passeth all the rest in
doing his office? 1 can tell, for I know him who it is; I
know him well. But now I think I see you listening and
hearkening that I should name him. There is one that passeth
all the other, and is the most diligent prelate and preacher
in all Englande. And will you know who it is? I will tell
you. It is the Devil! He is the most diligent preacher of
all other; he is never out of his diocese; he is never from
his cure; ye shall never fynde him unoccupyed; he is ever in
his parish; he keepeth residence at all times; ye shall
never fynde him out of the way; call for him when you will
he is ever at home; the diligentest preacher in all the
realme; no lording or loyteriug can hynder him; he is ever
applying his busyness; ye shall never f'ynde him idle I
warrant you.”
From noon until past four, visiters continued to arrive; when the
carriages again circumscribed the Park, each taking up at the gate of
Buckingham-house, and thence passing home by the Bird-cage Walk, and
through the Horse Guards. The arrangements were excellent; no accident
occurred. The Life Guards lined the Mall, and a numerous detachment
of police-officers were on the alert throughout the day. Their
indefatigable exertions however were not entirely available in
counteracting the industry of the light-fingered gentry, of whom there
were many on the look-out; and doubtless on this, as on every other
occasion of public resort in the metropolis, they reaped the fruits of a
plentiful harvest.
The party sauntering along the Mall, Sir Felix observed one of the group
with whom he was associated when viewing the company proceeding to the
Palace, and would have entered into familiar chit-chat with him, but for
the interposition of Dashall, who taking the Baronet aside, cautioned
him against having intercourse with a stranger, of whom he knew nothing,
but who had all the appearance of a black-leg.
Dashall was an accurate observer of men and manners; and in the present
instance his conjecture was well founded; for, in a few subsequent
moments,
~~270~~~ What was the devil's gratitude to Latimer for this eulogy
According to his biography, “for his zeal in the Protestant faith,
he was, with Ridley, bishop of London, burnt at Oxford in 1554.” this
assumed gentleman was met by a reconnoitering party of the police, who
claiming the privilege of old acquaintance, took him into custody as
a reputed thief, to the manifest surprise and dismay of Miss Judith
Macgilligan, who instinctively putting her hand into her pocket, found
that her purse had vanished through the medium of some invisible agency.
It contained, fortunately, silver only. She now mentioned her loss, and
expressed her suspicion of the gentleman in duresse; he having stood
close by her, for a considerable length of time, while she and her
friends were stationary in the Mall. The officers accordingly searched
him; but the wily adept, anticipating consequences, had disencumbered
himself of the purse; part of the silver, however, found in his
possession, tallied in description with that which had been lost,
although the lady could not identify it as her property. He was
conducted from the Park, with the view of being introduced to the
recollection of the magistrates of the Public-office in Bow-street.
During this transaction, a carriage bearing the royal arms, and attended
by two footmen only, drove rapidly along the Mall, without attracting
particular notice, and entering the garden-gate of Carlton-house, was
immediately lost to public view; nor did the numerous groups who were
in waiting to catch a transient glance of royalty, recognise in the
unassuming inmate of this vehicle, the sacred person of his most
gracious Majesty King George the Fourth, who was thus pleased modestly
to decline the congratulations of his loving subjects, by eluding,
incognita, their observation.
This was a second grievous disappointment to our venerable aunt, and
might have operated as a spell against the further enjoyment of the day;
but the gloom of vexation was dispersed by the Esquire of Belville-hall,
who observed, that the royal lineage of the lady might aspire to a more
intimate knowledge of majesty than a view _en passant_, and that at
any future levee there could not exist a doubt of the facility of Miss
Macgilligan's introduction.
A convenient and vacant bench presenting itself, the associates now
seated themselves.
“Apropos,” exclaimed Sir Felix, “talking of the King, does his Majesty
mean to honour with another visit his Hanoverian dominions this ensuing
summer?”
~~271~~~ The inquiry was directed to Dashall, whom the Baronet was
accustomed to look upon as an universal intelligencer.
Tom declared his incompetency to answer the question.
“Well,” continued Sir Felix, “were I the monarch of this empire, J would
make myself acquainted with every part of it. A tour through England,
Scotland, and Ireland, should be my primary object, and a visit to my
foreign territories a subordinate consideration, I would travel from
town to town in the land that gave me birth; like the Tudors and the
Stuarts; with confidence in the loyalty of my people, my person should
be familiar to them, and 1 should at all times be accessible to their
complaints. Elizabeth and the Second James made frequent excursions
into distant parts of the country, and every where were received with
addresses of fidelity. Were his present Majesty to follow, in this
respect, the example of his royal predecessors, who can doubt his
experiencing the most ample and unequivocal demonstrations of attachment