Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
to his person and government?”
The friendly associates indulged a hearty laugh at the expense of
the visionary, although they did him the justice to believe that his
theoretical improvements on the policy of majesty were the ebullition of
a generous heart, warm in fraternal regard for the whole of human kind.
Tom, however, reminded him that the pusillanimous James II. acquired
no popularity by his royal tours; and that the affections of the people
were not to be gained by the merely personal condescension of the
monarch.{1}
1 During the reign of King James II., and when, not unlike
the present day, the people were much oppressed and
burthened with taxes, that monarch having, in the course of
a tour through England, stopt at Winchelsea, the Corporation
resolved to address his Majesty; but as the Mayor could
neither read nor write, it was agreed that the Recorder
should prompt him on the occasion. Being introduced, the
Recorder whispered the trembling Mayor, “Hold up your head,
and look like a man.” The Mayor mis-taking this for the
beginning of the speech, addressed the King, and repeated
aloud, “Hold up your head, and look like a man.” The
Recorder, in amaze, whispered the Mayor, “What the devil do
you mean?” The Mayor in the same manner instantly repeated,
“What the devil do you mean?” The Recorder, alarmed,
whispered more earnestly, “By G-----d, Sir, you'll ruin us
all.”
The Mayor, still imagining this to be a part of his speech,
said, with all “his might, “By G-----d, Sir, you'll ruin us
all.”
~~272~~~So slow was the progress of the vehicles towards the palace for
the purpose of taking up their respective owners, that many gentlemen,
whose residences were in the vicinity, rather than wait, preferred
walking across the Park; while the unusual exhibition of a pedestrian
in full court-dress excited no little attention from the multitude.
Our party proceeding in their lounge, was presently met by one of these
gentlemen, who recognizing Dashall and Tallyho, shook them cordially
by the hand, and was introduced to Sir Felix and his Aunt, as Captain of
the Royal Navy.
The Captain, to adopt a Court phrase, was most graciously received by
the lady; who observing he had been present at the Levee, begged that he
would favour her with an account of what had passed.
The gallant Captain, retracing his steps with his friends along the
Mall, said, that little or nothing had occurred worthy of remark.
“The drawing-room,” he continued, “was crowded to such excess, that I
should have felt myself more at ease in the bilboes; however, amidst the
awkwardness of the squeeze, I frequently came into unavoidable contact
with some very fine girls, and that pleasure certainly more than
compensated all inconveniences. The King (God bless him)! perspired
most prodigiously; for the heat was intolerable; he appeared very much
fatigued; and 1 hope has retired with a superior relish to enjoy
the quietude and luxury of the royal table at Carlton Palace. The
presentations of the female sprigs of nobility were numerous, to all of
whom he paid particular attention, in duty bound, as a gallant Cavalier
and the best bred gentleman in Europe. Indeed, he seemed to gloat on the
charms of those terrestrial deities with ecstacy! The introductions
were endless, and the etiquette tiresome and monotonous. In fact,
after making my humble congée, extrication became my only object, and
I effected a retreat with difficulty. My stay was short, and as I had
neither inclination nor opportunity for minute remark, I hope, Madam,
that you will pardon my incapability of answering your inquiry in a more
particular manner.”
~~273~~~ Nothing farther could be elicited. In truth, the Captain
had left nothing untold; for his description of the Levee, although
succinct, was correct, laying aside the enumeration of the _dramatis
personæ_, too numerous, and in many instances perhaps too insignificant,
for recollection.
The gallant son of Neptune now took his leave, and the party continued
to enjoy the pleasure of the promenade.
The Park was still thronged with spectators, attracted by the retiring
visitors, of whom some it seems were no welcome guests.
Whether vice had contaminated the hallowed presence of Royalty, we
cannot take upon us to say; but it appears that the sanctum sanctorum
had been polluted by intrusion; for a notification was issued next day
by the Lord Chamberlain, prefaced with the usual Whereas, “that certain
improper persons had gained access to his Majesty's Levee, and stating,
that in future no one would be admitted unless in full Court dress,
including bag-wig, sword,” &c.{1}
1 As if these appendages were only within the reach of the
higher classes of the community, and uncomeatable by
purchase! The most depraved character may obtain the
plausible appearance of gentility, and obtrude himself into
the first circle of fashion. These opportunities abound in
the metropolis; and such is the apathy of the present age,
that the accomplished swindler, of exterior allurement,
intermixes, _sans_ inquiry, with honourable rank; and even
where inquiry is deemed necessary, all minor considerations
vanish before the talismanic influence of Wealth! “Is he
rich? Incalculably so! Then, let's have him, by all means.”
Thus the initiated of Chesterfield obtain admission into
polished society, although the Principles of Politeness
inculcated by that nobleman, contain, as a celebrated
lexicographer said of them, “the morals of a wh**e, and the
manners of a dancing-master!”
The party having lounged away another pleasant hour, made ultimately
their exit from the Park by the Stable-yard, and entering Pall Mall,
were agreeably surprised with a very interesting exhibition.
During many years of the late King's reign, it was usual on the
birth-day anniversary for the different mail coaches to pass in review
before his Majesty in front of St. James's Palace. The custom still
prevails.
On the present occasion numerous spectators had assembled opposite Carl
ton-house; and it is presumed that the Sovereign thence witnessed the
procession, although he was not within the view of public observation.
~~274~~~ Above thirty mail coaches, fresh gilt and painted, or in
the language of churchwardens, beautified, and each drawn by four
noble-spirited, yet perfectly tractable horses, elegantly caparisoned,
now made their appearance. The cavalcade moved slowly onward, the
prancing steeds impatient of restraint, and conscious of superiority.
On the box of each vehicle was seated a portly good looking man,
the knowing Jehu of the road, and behind was the guard, occasionally
“winding his bugle-horn” with melodious and scientific ability. The
reins and harness were new, so also were the royal liveries of the
coachmen and guards. Mounted conductors led the van of the procession,
while others accompanied it on either side; and the interest of the
scene was considerably heightened by each coach being occupied inside
by handsome well-dressed women and children. The rear of this imposing
spectacle was brought up by a long train of the twopenny post-boys, all
newly clothed in the royal uniform, and mounted on hardy ponies, chiefly
of the Highland and Shetland breed. The cavalcade halted in front of the
royal residence, and gave three cheers in honour of the day, which
were heartily returned by the populace. The procession then resumed its
progress by Charing-cross, the Strand, Fleet-street, Ludgate-hill, round
St. Paul's, and by Cheapside into Lombard-street,
Passing up the new street, the associates reached the mansion of
Dashall, who had previously engaged his friends to dinner.
An elegant repast was immediately served up, and highly enjoyed by the
party, after such prolonged exercise and abstinence.
The conversation turning on the recent interesting exhibition, it was
universally acknowledged, that the introduction of the mail coach into
the establishment of the General Post-office, might be classed among the
highest improvements of the age, as amazingly accelerating the
celerity of intercourse with all parts of the empire. Neither was
the well-merited meed of encomium withheld from the Twopenny-post
Institution, by which, so frequently in the course of the day, the
facility of communication is kept up within the metropolis and suburbs,
extending to all adjacencies, and bounded only by the limits of the
bills of mortality. Dashall, who seldom let slip an opportunity of
appropriate remark ~~275~~~ digressed from the procession to the
important national utility of the Post-office, and thence, by easy
transition, to the sublime powers of the human mind, as emphatically
exemplified in the invention of writing and printing; while Sir Felix,
who was well experienced in the British poets, favoured his aunt with a
quotation from Pope's Epistle of Heloisa to Abelard, subject, however,
to such whimsical interpolation as he deemed suitable to the occasion:--
Heaven first taught letters for some wretch's aid, Some antique,
lovesick, North of Ireland maid! They live, they speak, they breathe
what age inspires, Preposterous fondness and impure desires! The latent
wish without a blush impart, Reveal the frailties of a morbid heart;
Speed the neglected sigh from soul to soul, And waft a groan from Indus
to the Pole!
The reading of Miss Macgilligan, like her ideas, was rather on a
contracted scale. She suspected, however, that her nephew had aimed
against her the shafts of ridicule, and was preparing her resentment
accordingly; when the Baronet deprecating her wrath, assured her, that
he had recited the lines exactly as originally written, and that in the
present clay they had no personal application, having been composed by
a little cynical fellow many years before Miss Macgilligan came into
existence.--The lady gave credence to the assertion, and the impending
storm was happily averted.
The residence of royalty being within the precinct of St. James's, the
bells of the neighbouring church sounded a merry peal in the ears of
the party; and were responded to by those of St, Martin-in-the-Fields,
a parish of which it is remarkable that his Majesty George II. was once
church-warden, serving the office, of course, by deputy. The steeple
of this church, as well as those of many others in the metropolis,
displayed, throughout the day, the royal standard, a manifestation of
loyalty which likewise extended itself to the liquid element of old
father Thames, where many of the vessels commemorated the anniversary by
frequent salutes of artillery, under the decorative and splendid canopy
formed by the colours of all nations.
~~276~~~ The carriages of the foreign ambassadors, and those of the
friends of government, were again in requisition, and rattled along the
streets towards the several mansions of the members of administration,
who each, in conformity with ancient usage, gave a grand dinner on the
birth-day, at least on that appointed for its celebration.
“At these dinners,” said Dashall, “politics and etiquette are both laid
aside; conviviality is the order of the day; the glass, the joke,
the repartee and the 'retort courteous,' circulate freely, and all is
harmony and good humour.”
“With sometimes a sprinkling of alloy,” said the Squire, “I have heard
that during the administration of Mr. Pitt, he and the Lord Chancellor
Thurlow were frequently at variance on subjects having no reference to
politics, and even under the exhilirating influence of the grape.”
The party were all attention, and the Squire proceeded--“At a cabinet