Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
“There is always news, Sir,” was the reply, taking a plentiful supply of
snuff.
“Of one sort or other,” continued Bon.
“Why yes, have we not every day a quantity of newspapers that make their
appearance with the sun?”
“Truly,” replied Sparkle; “but you could hardly misunderstand me--I
alluded to something out of the common run of events; such, for
instance, as relates to the interests of the nation, the agricultural
distress, the distress of the Irish, the state of the American
independents, the proceedings of the Spanish cortes, and the French
chamber; the movements of the Greeks, the operations of Turkey and
Russia, or the--or--”
“Why, Sir, your inquiries are very rational; and as I perceive you have
a desire for intelligence, and I have at all times a desire to impart
such as I am in possession of for the benefit of others, the newspapers
have abundance of information; but I must say the editors, though men of
education and intelligence, are not always well informed: besides, Sir,
there is no reliance on their assertions; many valuable and important
secrets are in the hands of individuals, which never find their way into
the public journals.”
~~288~~~ Having proceeded thus far, our three friends were all
anxiety to continue what now assumed the appearance of an interesting
conversation.
“The nation is gull'd by misrepresentation, from the high to the low one
system is acted upon; but I have a document in my pocket which came into
my possession in rather an extraordinary manner, and is as extraordinary
in its contents; it was thrust into my hand on my way here by a
stranger, who instantly disappeared.”
“A curious salute,” observed Tom; “probably some state paper, some
information on foreign affairs, or a petition to be presented to the
House.”
“The fact is, Sir, as I had no conversation with the stranger, I was
ignorant of the importance of the document; but upon opening it, judge
of my astonishment, when I found it concerned a Prince well known to the
British nation, whose interests depend on its support.”
“O ho,” said Sparkle, “then perhaps it is of a delicate nature, and more
attaching to private circumstances than public affairs.”
“You shall hear, Sir.--It was an appeal to myself, amongst others, in
which Russia was stated to be in such connection with Greece, that
the heads of this kingdom could not but be conscious of the important
results; results, Sir, that were enough to make one's hair stand on end;
indeed, I have never been able to dismiss the subject from my mind since
I first cast my eye over the information.”
“Zounds, then,” cried Dashall, “there is much to be apprehended.”
“It is impossible for me,” continued the old gentleman, “to say how
far the distinguished person to whom I have alluded has already, or
may hereafter succeed in the objects he has in view; but this I think
certain, that if he can but interest the Poles on his side, his affairs
must thrive.”
The Hon. Tom Dashall by this time was puzzled with the lengthened
introduction this gentleman was giving; he sipped his coffee--looked
grave--smiled, took up the paper--pretended to read--then laid it down
again.
~~288~~~ Sparkle looked wise, and betrayed his anxiety by moving closer
to the communicant. Tallyho fixed his eyes on the old gentleman, with an
apparent desire to count the words he uttered.
“In the meantime,” continued the interesting stranger, “he is so
indefatigable in diffusing through all ranks of society, by means of the
press and private agents, a knowledge of the power he has of smoothing
the way to success, that the crown ought to receive his proffered aid
for its own benefit.”
“Then,” said Sparkle, “it really is a document of public importance: if
not too great a favour, might we be allowed a sight of the------”
“The document,--Oh certainly, Sir,” said he, hastily rising and drawing
a printed paper from his pocket; “I will leave it with you:” then
throwing it on the table, he made a precipitate retreat.
The little care which the old gentleman seemed to take of this scrap of
importance, struck them all with wonder.
“A rum old codger,” said Tom; “and I recommend his observations, as well
as the produce of his pocket, to the serious consideration of our friend
Sparkle, who will perhaps read this paper for the benefit of us all.”
Sparkle, who by this time had unfolded this mysterious paper, burst into
a hearty laugh; and as soon as he could command his risibility, he read
as follows:
“PRINCE'S RUSSIA OIL, For promoting the growth of Hair.”
“And Sparkle introduced to Greece,” said Tom.--“Well, the old buck has
paid you off for your interruption: however, he has certainly proved his
own assertion, that there is no reliance on any body.”
“A mountain in labour,” continued Tom,--“I think he had you in a line,
however.”
“I cannot help thinking,” replied Sparkle, “that there is a great
similarity between him and some of our most popular parliamentary
orators, for he has said a great deal to little purpose; but come, let
us move on, and lose no more time in the French coffee house, discussing
the merits or virtues of Russia oil.”
~~289~~~ This proposition being acceded to, our friends now took their
way along Pall Mall, where the improvements recently made struck Sparkle
with pleasure and delight; the appearance of new and elegant houses
occupying the situation of buildings of a shabby and mean exterior,
and the introduction of new streets, were subjects of considerable
admiration.
“The rapidity of alterations in London,” said Sparkle, “are almost
inconceivable.”
“That remark,” replied Tom, “only arises from your late absence from the
scene of action; for to us who frequently see their progress, there is
but little to excite wonder. Now for my part I am more astonished
in present times, when so many complaints are made of distress, that
occupiers can be found for them, and also seeing the increase of
buildings at every part of the environs of London, where tenants can be
found to occupy them.”
“I confess,” said Tallyho, “that is a subject which I have often thought
upon without being able to come to any reasonable conclusion; it appears
to me to prove a great increase of population, for although I am aware
of the continued influx of new comers from the country, the towns and
villages appear as full as ever.”
“I am not able to solve the mystery to my own satisfaction,” replied
Sparkle, “in either case, though I cannot help acknowledging the facts
alluded to. It however seems in this place to prove the correctness of
the Poet's lines, who says,
“Wherever round this restless world we range,
Nothing seems constant saving constant change.
Like some magician waving mystic wand,
Improvement metamorphoses the land,
Grubs up, pulls down, then plants and builds anew,
Till scenes once loved are banished from our view.
The draughtsman with officious eye surveys
What capabilities a site displays:
How things may be made better for the worse,
And much improve--at least the schemer's purse.”
Continuing their course along Parliament-street, they soon arrived at
Westminster-bridge, when the day proving extremely fine, it was proposed
to embrace the opportunity of making an excursion by water. The tide
served for London Bridge, and without further ceremony, Tom, Bob, and
Sparkle jumped into a wherry, and were quickly gliding along upon the
bosom of Old Father Thames. The smiling appearance of the day, and the
smooth unruffled surface of the water, excited the most cheerful and
enlivening feelings of the mind.
~~290~~~ “Nice weather for the rowing match,” said a bluff looking
sturdy built waterman, who had doffed his coat, waistcoat, and cravat,
in order to facilitate him in performing his duty.
“Rowing match,” inquired Tom. “When does it take place?”
“Why this afternoon at four o'clock, your Honour. Vauxhall will be very
full to-night,--Them ere people what's got it now are a getting plenty
of company, and they will have a bumper to-night, for the gentlemen what
belongs to the funny club gives a funny to be rowed for.”
“That's funny enough,” exclaimed Sparkle.
“And convenient too,” said Tom; “for as we have no engagement for the
evening, we can mingle with the lads on their water frolic.”
“With all my heart,” said Bob; “and as I am given to understand Vauxhall
is greatly improved, it will make an admirable wind up of the day.”
Approaching Waterloo Bridge--“What have we here,” exclaimed Tallyho.
“That,” said Tom, “is a floating fire engine, for the protection of
shipping, and sometimes very useful in cases of fire on the banks of the
river.”
“An excellent idea,” continued Bob, “because they can never be in want
of water.”
“Will you sit a little more this way, Sir, if you please? we shall trim
better.”
Bob rose hastily upon this intimation; and had not his Cousin caught him
by the coat, would have trimmed himself into the watery element.
“Zounds, man, you had nearly upset us all. You must trim the boat, and
sit steady, or we shall all go to Davey's locker. You must not attempt
to dance in such a vehicle as this.”
Bob's confusion at this circumstance created laughter to his two
friends, which however he could not exactly enjoy with the same relish;
nor did he perfectly recover himself till they were safely landed at
Tower Stairs.
“Now,” said Tom, “I propose a peep at the interior of this place, a row
down to Greenwich to dinner, and then a touch at the rowing match; what
say you--agreed on all hands.”
~~291~~~ “Then,” said the Hon. Tom Dashall, “wait for us here old boy,
and you shall be our conveyancer.”
“I don't know nothing of you, gentlemen; and you understand me, I'm
not a going to be done--I'm too old a hand to be catch'd in that there
fashion; but if so be you engages me for the day, you can take the
number of my boat--but then you must tip.”
“Right,” said Sparkle, “who knows whether we shall escape the Lions, and
then how is old rough and tough to get paid.”
“You'll excuse me, gentlemen, I don't mean no affront upon my soul; but
I have stood the nonsense before now, and been flung--but I von't
be sarved out in that there way any more. I am up to the gossip, and
expects you'll come down with the rag.”
“Certainly,” said Tom Dashall with a smile; “I am aware of the hint,
which by the way is pretty broadly conveyed, therefore be satisfied;
“and giving him a sovereign, they proceeded into the Tower.
The entrance to the Tower from the wharf is by a drawbridge, near to
which is a cut connecting the river with the ditch, having a water gate,
called Traitor's Gate; state prisoners having been formerly conveyed by
this passage from the Tower to Westminster for trial; and over this gate
is the water-works which supply the fortress.
Having passed the drawbridge, Bob looked around him, almost conceiving
himself in a new world; he saw houses and streets, of which he had
formed no conception.
“Zounds,” said he, “this Tower seems almost to contain a City.”
“Yes,” replied Dashall, “it occupies some ground. Its extent within the
walls is twelve acres and five roods. The exterior circuit of the ditch,
which entirely surrounds it, is 3156 feet. The principal buildings are
the Church, the White Tower, the Ordnance Office, the Record Office,
the Jewel Office, the Horse Armoury, the Grand Store House, the
small Armoury, the houses belonging to the Officers, barracks for the
Garrison, and two Suttling Houses for the accommodation of the military
and the inhabitants.”
~~292~~~ The White Tower, as it is called, is a large square building in
the centre of the fortress; on the top of which are four watch towers,