Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
sage predictor having received the customary douceur, now dismissed his
credulous visitant, saying that the planets must be propitiated, and
desiring him to come again at the expiration of twenty-four hours, when
he would receive further intelligence.
Tom and his Cousin having called at the lodging of Sir Felix during
the time that Thady was out on his expedition of discovery, the Baronet
apprized his friends of the amusement in reserve; and they agreed to
visit this expounder of destinies on the servant's return.
Thady at last arrived, and having reiterated his belief that this
marvellous conjurer was the devil's own relative, the party set out
to ascertain by what means they could prove the truth of the affinity
between his infernal majesty and the sage descendant of the Magi.
Gaining the sublunary domicile of this mystical unraveller, which for
the greater facility of communication with the stars he had fixed in the
loftiest apartment of the house, our trio knocked at the door, which,
after some hesitation, was opened by an ancient Sybil, who was presently
joined by her counterpart, both “so withered and so wild in their
attire,” that “they looked not like inhabitants o' th' earth, and yet
were on it.” On the party requiring to see the Doctor, the two hags
explained in a breath that the Doctor received only one visitor at a
time; and while one gentleman went up stairs, the other two must remain
below; and this arrangement being acquiesced in, Tom and Bob were shewn
into a mean looking room on the ground floor, and Sir Felix followed the
ascent of his conductor to the attic.
Entering the presence chamber,--“Welcome, sphinx,” exclaimed the Doctor.
“By the powers,” said the Baronet, “but you are right to a letter; the
Sphinx is a monster-man, and I, sure enough, am a Munster-man.”
“I know it.--What would'st thou, Sir Felix O'Grady?”
~~319~~~ The Baronet felt surprised by this familiar recognition of his
person, and replied by observing, that as the inquirer so well knew his
name, he might also be acquainted with the nature of his business.
“I partly guess it,” rejoined the Seer, “and although I cannot
absolutely predict restitution of thy lost property, yet I foresee that
accident will throw the depredator in thy way, when the suit may perhaps
find its way back to thy wardrobe. Now, hence to thy business, and I to
mine.”
The Baronet having nothing further to ask, withdrew accordingly; and our
Squire of Belville-hall was next ushered into the _sanctum sanctorum_.
Bob was at a loss what to say, not having prepared himself with any
reasonable pretext of inquiry. A silence of a few moments was the
consequence, and the Squire having first reconnoitred the person of the
conjurer, who was arrayed in the appropriate costume of his profession,
scrutinized the apartment, when the attention of the visitor and visited
being again drawn to each other, the Soothsayer addressed himself to
Tallyho in the following words:
The shadows of joy shall the mind appal,
And the death-light dimly flit round the hall
Of him, by base lucre who led astray,
Shall age into fruitless minion betray!
The death-light shall glimmer in Belville-hall,
And childless the lord of the mansion fall;
A wife when he weds, vain, ugly, and old,
Though charms she brings forty thousand in gold!
The Squire was not prone to anger; but that this fellow should interfere
with his private concerns, and impute to him the intention of forming a
most preposterous connexion, under the influence of avarice, roused him
into a whirlwind of passion.--“Rascal!” he exclaimed, “who take upon
you to predict the fate of others, are you aware of your own! Vagabond!
imposter! here I grasp you, nor will I quit my hold until I surrender
you into the hands of justice!” And “suiting the action to the word,” he
seized and shook the unfortunate Seer, to the manifest discomposure of
his bones, who loudly and lamentably cried out for assistance. Alarmed
by the clamour, Dashall and the Baronet rushed up stairs, to whom the
Squire stated the aggravation ~~320~~~ received, and at the same time
his determination to bring the cheat to punishment. The trembling
culprit sued for mercy, conscious that he was amenable to correction as
a rogue and vagabond, and if convicted as such, would probably be sent
to expiate his offence in the Treading-Mill at Brixton, a place of
atonement for transgression, which of all others he dreaded the most.{1}
1 Union-Hall.--Hannah Totnkins, a miserable woman of the
town, was brought before R. G. Chambers, Esq. charged with
having robbed another of the unfortunate class of her
clothes. It appeared, that the prisoner had been liberated
from Brixton prison on Friday-last, after a confinement of
three weeks; and that on coming out she was met by the
complainant, Catherine Flynn, by whom she was taken to a
comfortable lodging, supplied with necessaries, and treated
with great kindness. The prisoner acted with propriety until
Monday night, during which she remained out in the streets.
On Tuesday morning, at four o'clock, she came home drenched
with rain. The complainant desired her either to go to bed,
or to light a fire and dry her clothes. The prisoner did
neither, and the complainant went to sleep. At about seven
the latter awoke, and missed her gown, petticoat, and
bonnet. The prisoner was also missing. The complainant
learned that her clothes were at a pawnbroker's shop, where
they had been left a short time before by the prisoner.
Hall, the officer, having heard of the robbery, went in
quest of the prisoner, and found her in a gin-shop in
Blackman-street, in a state of intoxication. He brought her
before the magistrates in this condition. Her hair was
hanging about her face, which was swelled and discoloured by
the hardship of the preceding night. She did not deny that
she had stolen the clothes of her poor benefactress, but she
pleaded in her excuse, that the condition of her body, from
the rain of Monday night, was such, that nothing but gin
could have saved her life, and the only way she had of
getting that medicine, was by pledging Katty Flynn's
clothes. The magistrates asked the prisoner whether she had
not got enough of the treading-mill at Brixton. The prisoner
begged for mercy's sake not to be sent to the treading-mill.
She would prefer transportation; for it was much more
honourable to go over the water, than to be sent as a rogue
and vagabond to Brixton. She was sent back to prison. It is
a remarkable fact, that since the famous Treading-Mill has
been erected at Brixton, the business of this office has
greatly declined. The mill is so constructed, that when a
man ventures to be idle in it, he receives a knock on the
head from a piece OF WOOD, which is put there to give them
notice of what they ere to do!!!
~~321~~~ The two ancient Sybils from the lower regions having now
ascended the scene of confusion, united their voices with that of the
astrologer, and Dashall and Sir Felix also interceding in his behalf,
the Squire yielded to the general entreaty, and promised the soothsayer
forgiveness, on condition that he disclosed the source whence he
derived information as to the Baronet's family concerns. The soothsayer
confessed, that he had elicited intelligence from the servant, who
in his simplicity had revealed so much of his master's affairs, as to
enable him (the conjurer) to sustain his reputation even with Sir Felix
himself, whom from description he recognized on his first entrance, and
by the same means, and with equal ease, identified the person of the
Squire of Belville-hall. He added besides, that he had frequently, by
similar stratagem, acquired intelligence; that chance had more than once
favoured him, by verifying his predictions, and thus both his fame and
finances had obtained aggrandisement. He now promised to relinquish
celestial for sublunary pursuits, and depend for subsistence rather on
the exercise of honest industry than on public credulity.
Thus far had matters proceeded, when the Baronet's servant Thady was
announced. The triumvirate anticipating some extraordinary occurrence,
desired the soothsayer to resume his functions, and give the valet
immediate audience, while they retired into another apartment to wait
the result. In a few minutes the servant was dismissed, and the party
readmitted.
“Chance,” said the augurer, “has again befriended me. I told you, Sir
Felix, that the depredator would be thrown in your way: my prediction is
realized; he has been accidentally encountered by your servant, and is
now in safe custody.”
On this information our party turned homewards, first leaving the
astrologer a pecuniary stimulation to projected amendment of life.
“There seems nothing of inherent vileness,” said the Squire, as they
walked onwards, “in this man's principles; he may have been driven
by distress to his present pursuits; and I feel happy that I did not
consign the poor devil to the merciless fangs of the law, as, in the
moment of irritation, I had intended.”
“By my conscience,” exclaimed Sir Felix, “I cannot discover that he
ought to be punished at all. He has been picking up a scanty living by
preying on public credulity; and from the same source thousands in this
metropolis derive affluent incomes, and with patronage and impunity.”
~~322~~~ “And,” added Dashall, “in cases of minor offence a well-timed
clemency is frequently, both in policy and humanity, preferable to
relentless severity.”{1}
1 As a contrast to these exemplary feelings, and in
illustration of Real Life in London, as it regards a total
absence of sympathy and gentlemanly conduct, in one of a
respectable class in society, we present our readers with
the following detail:--
Hatton Garden. On Saturday sennight, Robert Powell was
brought before the magistrates, charged with being a rogue,
vagabond, and imposter, and obtaining money under
fraudulent pretences, from one Thomas Barnes, a footman in
the service of Surgeon Blair, of Great Russell-street,
Bloomsbury, and taking from him 2s. 6d. under pretence of
telling him the destinies of a female fellow-servant, by
means of his skill in astrological divina-tion. The nature
of the offence, and the pious frond by which the disciple of
Zoroaster was caught in the midst of his sorceries, were
briefly as follow:--This descendant of the Magi, born to
illumine the world by promulgating the will of the stars,
had of course no wish to conceal his residence; on the
contrary, he resolved to announce his qualification in the
form of a printed handbill, and to distribute the manifesto
for the information of the world. One of these bills was
dropped down the area of Mr. Blair's house; it was found by
his footman, and laid on the breakfast-table, with the
newspaper of the morning, as a morceau of novelty, for his
amusement. Mr. Blair concerted with some of the agents of
the Society for the Suppression of Vice, a stratagem to
entrap the Sidéral Professor; in the furtherance of which he
dictated to his footman a letter to the Seer, expressive of
a wish to know the future destinies of his fellow-servant,
the cook-maid, and what sort of a husband the constellations
had, in their benign influence, assigned her. With this
letter the footman set out for No. 5, Sutton-street, Soho,