Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
where he found the Seer had, for the convenience of prompt
intercourse, chosen his habitation as near the stars as the
roof of the mansion would admit. Here the footman announced
the object of his embassy, delivered his credentials, and
was told by the Seer, that “lie could certainly give him an
answer now, 'by word of mouth,' but if he would call next
day, he should be better prepared, as, in the meantime, he
could consult the stars, and have for him a written answer.”
The footman retired, and returned next morning, received the
written response, gave to the Seer the usual donation of 2s.
6d. previously marked, which sum he figured upon the answer,
and the receipt of which the unsuspecting Sage acknowledged
by his signature. With this proof of his diligence, he
returned to his master, and was further to state the matter
to the magistrates. A vigilant officer was therefore sent
after the prophet, whom he found absorbed in profound
cogitation, casting the nativities of two plump damsels,
and consulting the dispositions of the stars as to the
disposition of the lasses; but the unrelenting officer
entered, and proceeded to fulfil his mission. On searching
the unfortunate Sage, the identical half-crown paid him by
Barnes was found, with two others in his pocket, where such
coins had long been strangers; and the cabalistical chattels
of his profession accompanied him as the lawful spoil of the
captor. The magistrate, before whom he had been convicted on
a former occasion of a similar offence, observed that it was
highly reprehensible for a man who possessed abilities,
which by honest exertion might procure him a creditable
livelihood, thus to degrade himself by a life of imposture
and fraud upon the ignorant and unwary. The wretched
prisoner, who stood motionless and self-convicted, exhibited
a picture of wretchedness from whicli the genius of
Praxiteles would not have disdained to sketch the statue of
Ill Luck. Never did soothsayer seem less a favourite of the
Fates! Aged, tall, meagre, ragged, filthy and care-worn, his
squalid looks depicted want and sorrow. Every line of his
countenance seemed a furrow of grief; and his eyes gushing
with tears, in faint and trembling accents he addressed the
Court. He acknowledged the truth of the charge, but said,
that nothing but the miseries of a wretched family could
have driven him to such a line of life. If he had been able,
he would gladly have swept the streets; but he was too
feeble so to do; he had tried every thing in his power, but
in vain,--
“He could not dig, to beg he was ashamed;”
and even if begging, either by private solicitation or
openly in the streets, could promise him a casual resource
in the charity of the passing crowd, he was afraid he should
thereby incur prosecution as a rogue and vagabond, and be
imprisoned in Bridewell. Parish settlement he has none; and
what was to be done for a wretched wife and three famishing
children? He had no choice between famine, theft, or
imposture. His miserable wife, he feared, was even now
roaming and raving through the streets, her disorder
aggravated by his misfortunes; and his wretched children
without raiment or food. To him death would be a welcome
relief from a life of misery, tolerable only in the hope of
being able to afford, by some means, a wretched subsistence
to his family.
The magistrates, obviously affected by this scene, said that
they felt themselves obliged to commit the prisoner, as he
had not only been repeatedly warned of the consequences of
his way of life, but was once before convicted of a similar
offence. He was therefore committed for trial.
Does Surgeon Blair, who obtains his twenty guineas a day,
and lives in affluence, think by such conduct as the present
to merit the esteem of the world, by thus hunting into the
toils of justice such miserable objects? If he does, though
we cannot respect him or his associates for their humanity,
we may undoubtedly pity them for their ignorance and
superstition.
~~324~~~ On the arrival of the party at the lodgings of Sir Felix, they
learned from the servant, that the latter having met the young swindler
in the streets, Thady recognized and secured him; and he was now at the
disposal of the Baronet, if he chose to proceed against him.
The sprig of iniquity, when made forthcoming, did not deny the accuracy
of the charge, neither did he offer any thing in exculpation. It
was with much difficulty, however, and under the threat of his being
immediately surrendered to justice, that he would disclose the name of
his father, who proved to be a respectable tradesman residing in the
neighbourhood. The unfortunate parent was sent for, and his son's
situation made known to him. The afflicted man earnestly beseeched, that
his son might not be prosecuted; he was not aware, he said, that the
lad was habitually vicious; this probably was his only deviation from
honesty; he, the father, would make every reparation required; but
exposure would entail upon his family irretrievable ruin. It was
elicited from the boy, amid tears and sobs of apparent contrition, that
the articles of apparel were in pledge for a small sum; redemption, and
every other possible atonement, was instantly proposed by the father:
Sir Felix hesitated, was he justifiable, he asked, in yielding to his
own wishes, by foregoing prosecution?--“The attribute of mercy,” said
Dashall, “is still in your power.”--“Then,” responded the Baronet, “I
shall avail myself of the privilege. Sir, (to the father), your boy is
at liberty!” The now relieved parent expressed, in the most energetic
manner, his gratitude, and retired. The prediction of the Seer was fully
verified, for in the course of the evening the stray suit found its way
back to the wardrobe of its rightful owner.
This business happily concluded, and the day not much beyond its
meridian, the three friends again sallied forth in the direction
of Bond-street, towards Piccadilly. As usual, the loungers were
superabundant, and ridiculous. Paired together, and swerving continually
from the direct line, it required some skilful manouvring to pass
them. Our friends had surmounted several such impediments, when a new
obstruction to their progress presented itself. A party of Exquisites
had linked themselves together, and occupied the entire pavement,
so that it was impossible to precede them without getting into the
carriage-way, thus greatly obstructing and inconveniencing all other
passengers. Lounging at a funeral pace, and leaving not the smallest
opening, it was evident that ~~325~~~ these effeminate animals had
purposely united themselves for public annoyance. Sir Felix, irritated
by this palpable outrage on decorum, stepped forward, with hasty
determined stride, and coming unexpectedly and irresistibly in contact,
broke at once the concatenated barrier, to the great amusement as
well as accommodation of the lookers-on, and total discomfiture of the
Exquisites, who observing the resolute mien and robust form of their
assailant, not forgetting a formidable piece of timber, alias “sprig
of shillaleagh,” which he bore in his hand, prudently consulted their
safety, and forebore resentment of the interruption.{1}
1 If in walking the streets of London, the passenger kept
the right hand side, it would prevent the frequent
recurrence of much jostling and confusion. The laws of the
road are observed on the carriage-way in the metropolis most
minutely, else the street would be in a continual blockade.
But
The laws of the road are a paradox quite,
That puzzles the marvelling throng;
For if on the left, you are yet on the right,
And if you are right, you are wrong!
The Baronet's two associates very much approved of his spirited
interference, and Dashall observed, that these insignificant beings,
whom Sir Felix had so properly reproved, were to be seen, thus
incommoding the public, in all parts of the metropolis; but more
particularly westward; that in crowded streets, however, for instance,
in the direct line from Charing Cross to the Royal Exchange, the
apparent Exquisites are generally thieves and pickpockets, who find
a harvest in this extensive scene of business, by artful depredation,
either upon the unwary tradesman, or equally unsuspecting passenger,
whose wiper or tattler, and sometimes both, becomes the frequent produce
of their active ingenuity.
The morning had been wet, and although the flag-way was dry, yet the
carriage-road was dirty. There are, in all parts of the metropolis,
indigent objects of both sexes, who by sweeping the cross-way, pick up
an eleemosynary livelihood. It not unfrequently happens, however, that
a chariot, or other vehicle, is drawn up at one end of the cross-way
directly athwart it, so as completely to intercept your way to the
pavement. Exactly so situated were our pedestrians. They had availed
themselves of a newly swept path, and were advancing towards the
opposite side, ~~326~~~in Piccadilly, when, before they could effect
their purpose, a carriage drew up, and effectually impeded further
progress by the cross-way, so that there seemed no alternative between
standing fast and gaining the pavement by walking through the mud. The
coachman retained his position despite of remonstrance, and in this
laudable stubbornness he was encouraged by a well-attired female inside
the vehicle, for the carriage was a private one, and its ill-mannered
inmate probably a lady of rank and fashion. Sir Felix, justly indignant
at this treatment, set danger and inconvenience at defiance, and
deliberately walking to the horses' heads, led the animals forward until
the carriage had cleared the cross-way, maugre the threats of the lady,
and the whip of the coachman, who had the audacity to attempt exercising
it on the person of the Baronet, when Tallyho, dreading the consequences
to the rash assailant, sprang upon the box, and arresting his hand,
saved the honour of Munster! The transaction did not occupy above two
minutes, yet a number of people had collected, and vehemently applauded
Sir Felix; and the lady's companion now hastily re-entering the chariot
from an adjacent shop, Mr. Jehu drove off rapidly, amidst the hoots and
hisses of the multitude.{1}
1 Sir Felix had not heard of the following incident, else he
certainly would have followed its example:--
Two ladies of distinction stopped in a carriage at a
jeweller's near Charing-cross; one of them only got out, and
the coach stood across the path-way which some gentlemen
wanted to cross to the other side, and desired the coachman
to move on a little; the fellow was surly, and refused; the
gentlemen remonstrated, but in vain. During the altercation,
the lady came to the shop door, and foolishly ordered the
coachman not to stir from his place. On this, one of the
gentlemen opened the coach-door, and with boots and spurs
stepped through the carriage. He was followed by his
companions, to the extreme discomposure of the lady within,
as well as the lady without. To complete the jest, a party
of sailors coming up, observed, that, “If this was a
thoroughfare, they had as much right to it as the gemmen;”
and accordingly scrambled through the carriage.
The poor street-sweeper having applied to Sir Felix for a mite