Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
any where--or any thing to do--eh--d------me.”
“Quite _ad libitum_,” replied Dashall, “happy to see Gayfield well and
in prime twig,--allow me to introduce my Cousin, Robert Tallyho, Esq.”
“You do me proud, my dear fellow. Any thing new--can't live without
novelty--who's up, who's down--what's the wonder of the day--how does
the world wag--where is the haven of destination, and how do you weather
the point.”
~~346~~~ “Zounds,” replied Tom, “you ask more questions in a breath than
we three can answer in an hour.”
“Never mind--don't want you to answer; but at all events must have
something to say--hate idleness either in speech or action--hate talking
in the streets, can't bear staring at like a new monument or a statue.
Talking of statues--I have it--good thought, go see Achilles, the
ladies man--eh! what say you. D------me, made of cannons and other
combustibles--Waterloo to wit--Come along, quite a bore to stand
still--yea or nay, can't wait.”
“With all my heart,” said Sparkle, twitching Dashall by the arm, “it
is quite new since my departure from town; “and joining arms, they
proceeded towards the Park.
“Been out of town,” continued Gayfield,--“thought so--lost you all
at once--glad you have not lost yourself. Any thing new in the
country--always inquire--can't live without novelty--go to see every
thing and every body, every where. Nothing new in the papers--Irish
distresses old, but very distressing for a time: how the devil can you
live in the country--can't imagine.”
“And I apprehend,” replied Sparkle, “it will be of little use to
explain; for a gentleman of so much information as yourself must know
every thing.”
“Good, but severe--never mind, I never trouble my head with other
people's thoughts--always think for myself, let others do as they like.
Hate inquisitive people, don't choose to satisfy all inquirers. Never
ask questions of any one, don't expect answers. Have you seen the
celebrated ventriloquist, Alexandre,--the Egyptian Tomb,--the------”
Sparkle could hold no longer: the vanity and egotism of this everlasting
prater, this rambler from subject to subject, without manner, method,
or even thought, was too much; and he could not resist the temptation to
laugh, in which he was joined by Tom and Bob.
~~347~~~ “What is the matter,” inquired Gayfield, unconscious of being
the cause of their risibility. “I see nothing to laugh at, d------me,
but I do love laughing, so I'll enjoy a little with you at all events;
“and immediately he became a participator in their mirth, to the
inexpressible delight of his companions; “but,” continued he, “I see
nothing to laugh at, and it is beneath the character of a philosopher to
laugh at any thing.”
“Never mind,” said Dashall, “we are not of that description--and we
sometimes laugh at nothing, which I apprehend is the case in the present
instance.”
“I perfectly agree with the observation,” rejoined Sparkle; “it is a
case in point, and very well pointed too.”
“Nothing could be better timed,” said Tallyho.
“What than a horse laugh in the public streets! D------d vulgar
really---quite _outre_, as we say. No, no, you ought to consider
where you are, what company you are in, and never laugh without a good
motive--what is the use of laughing.”
“A philosopher,” said Tom Dashall, “need scarcely ask such a question.
The superiority of his mind ought to furnish a sufficient answer.”
“Then I perceive you are not communicative, and I always like to be
informed; but never mind, here we shall have something to entertain us.”
“And at least,” said Sparkle, “that is better than nothing.”
The observation, however, was lost upon the incorrigible fribble, who
produced his snuff-box, and took a pinch, with an air that discovered
the diamond ring upon his finger--pulled up his shirt collar--and at the
same time forced down his waistcoat; conceiving no doubt that by such
means he increased his consequence, which however was wholly lost upon
his companions.
“And this,” said Sparkle, “is the so much talked of statue of
Achilles--The Wellington Trophy--it is placed in a very conspicuous
situation, however--and what says the pedestal--
TO ARTHUR DUKE OF WELLINGTON,
AND HIS BRAVE COMPANIONS IN ARMS,
THIS STATUE OF ACHILLES,
CAST FROM CANNON
TAKEN IN THE VICTORIES OF
SALAMANCA, VITTORIA, TOULOUSE, AND WATERLOO
IS INSCRIBED
BY THEIR COUNTRYWOMEN.
~~348~~~ “Beautiful,” said Gayfield--“Elegant--superb.” “Bold,” said
Dashall, “but not very delicate.” “A naked figure, truly,” continued
Bob, “in a situation visited by the first circles of rank and fashion,
is not to be considered as one of the greatest proofs either of modesty
or propriety; but perhaps these ideas, as in many other instances,
are exploded, or they are differently understood to what they were
originally. A mantle might have been thought of by the ladies, if not
the artist.”
“For my part,” said Sparkle, “I see but little in it to admire.”
During this conversation, Gayfield was dancing round the figure with his
quizzing glass in his hand, examining it at all points, and appearing to
be highly amused and delighted.
“It affords opportunities for a variety of observations,” said Dashall,
“and, like many other things, may perhaps be a nine days wonder. The
public prints have been occupied upon the subject for a few days, and I
know of but one but what condemns it upon some ground or other.”{1}
1 In all probability the following remarks will be
sufficient to make our readers acquainted with this so much
talked of statue:--
Kensington Gardens and the Park.--From three to seven
o'clock on Sunday, the gardens were literally crowded to an
over-How with the _élite_ of the fashionable world. The
infinite variety of shape and colour displayed in the female
costume, the loveliness and dignity of multitudes of the
fair wearers, and the serene brilliancy of the day,
altogether surpassed any thing we have hitherto witnessed
there.
There was nothing on the drive in the Park except carriages
and horsemen, dashing along to the gardens; and as to the
'Wellington promenade,' it was altogether neglected. Whether
it was that the 'naked majesty' of Achilles frightened the
people away, or whether the place and its accompaniments
were too garish for such weather, we know not, but certainly
it seemed to be avoided most cautiously; with the exception
of some two or three dozen Sunday-strollers, yawning upon
the Anglo-Greco-Pimlico-hightopoltical statue above
mentioned. It was curious enough to hear the remarks made by
some of these good folks upon this giant exotic--this Greek
prototype of British prowess. 'Well, I declare!' said a
blooming young Miss, as she endeavoured to scan its brawny
proportions, 'Well, I declare! did ever any body see the
like!'--'Come along, Martha, love,' rejoined her scarlet-
faced mamma; 'Come along, I say!--I wonder they pulled the
tarpoling off before the trowsers were ready.' 'What a
great green monster of a man it is,' exclaimed a meagre
elderly lady, with a strong northern accent, to a tall bony
red-whiskered man, who seemed to be her husband--'Do na ye
think 'twad a looked mair dedicate in a kilt?' 'Whist!'
replied the man; and, without uttering another syllable, he
turned upon his heel and dragged the wonder-ing matron away.
'La, ma, is that the Dook O' Vellunton vat stand up there
in the sunshine?' 'Hold your tongue, Miss--little girls must
not ask questions about them sort of things.' 'Be th'
powers!' said one of three sturdy young fellows, as they
walked round till they got to sunward of it.' Be th' powers,
but he's a jewel of a fellow; ounly its not quite dacent to
be straddling up there without a shirt--is it Dennis?'
'Gad's blood man!' replied Dennis, rather angrily, 'Gad's
blood man! dacency's quite out of the question in matters o'
this kind, ye see.' ''Faith, and what do they call it?'
asked the other. 'Is it--what do they call it?' re-joined
Dennis, who seemed to consider himself a bit of a wag--'Why
they mane to call it the Ladies' Fancy, to be sure!' and
away they all went, 'laughing like so many horses,' as the
German said, who had heard talk of a horse-laugh. Some of
the spectators compared the shield to a parasol without a
handle; others to a pot-lid; and one a sedate-looking old
woman, observing the tarpawling still covering the legs and
lower part of the thighs, remarked to her companion, that
she supposed they had been uncovering it by degrees, in
order to use the people to the sight gradually. In short,
poor Achilles evidently caused more surprise than
admiration, and no small portion of ridicule. But then this
was among the vulgar. No doubt the fashionable patronesses
of the thing may view it with other eyes.
~~349~~~ On their return from the Park, our party looked in at
Tattersal's, where it proved to be settling day. Dashall and his Cousin
had previously made a trip to Ascot Races, to enjoy a day's sport, and
were so fortunate as to let in a knowing one for a considerable sum, by
taking the long odds against a favourite horse. They therefore expected
now to toutch the blunt, and thus realize the maxim of the poet, by
“uniting profit and delight in one.”
“Yonder,” says Dashall, pointing out to his Cousin a very stout man,
“is H. R. H.; he is said to have been a considerable winner, both at the
late, as well as Epsom races; but the whole has since vanished at
play, with heavy additions, and the black legs are now enjoying a rich
harvest. The consequences have been, not only the sale of the fine
estate of O--t--ds by the hammer, but even the family plate and personal
property have been knocked down to the highest bidders, at Robbins's
Rooms.”
“I should have expected,” replied Bob, “that so much fatal experience,
which is said to make even fools wise, would have taught a useful
lesson, and restrained this gambling propensity, however violent.”
~~350~~~ “Psha, man,” continued his Cousin, “you are a novice indeed to
suppose any thing of the kind. No one uninitiated in these mysteries,
can form an idea of the inextricable labyrinth, or the powerful spell
which binds the votaries of play; and unfortunately this fatal passion
seems to pervade in an unusual degree our present nobility: indeed it
may be said there are comparatively but few of the great families who
are not either reduced to actual poverty, or approximating towards it,
in consequence of the inordinate indulgence of this vice.”
THE WELLINGTON TROPHY; or, LADIES' MAN{1}
Air--'Oh, the Sight entrancing.'
Oh, the sight entrancing,
To see Achilles dancing,{2}
Without a shirt
Or Highland skirt,{3}
“Where ladies' eyes are glancing:
1 We are told that this gigantic statue is a most
astonishing work of art, cast from the celebrated statue of
Achilles, on the Quirinal Hill; and the inscription on it
informs us, that the erection of it was paid for by the
ladies of England, to commemorate the manly energy of the
Duke of Wellington and his brave companions in arms. To
call it, therefore, the 'Ladies' Man,' is merely out of
compliment to such as patronised the undertaking; and here
we wish it to be particularly understood that we do not
sanction the word naked as a correct term (although that