Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II.
term is universally applied to it), inasmuch as this statue
is not naked, the modest artist having, at the suggestion of
these modest ladies, taken the precaution of giving Achilles
a covering, similar to that which Adam and Eve wore on their
expulsion from Eden.
2 The attitude of the statue is so questionable as to have
already raised many opposite hypotheses as to what it is
really intended to represent. Mr. Ex-Sheriff Parkins has,
with very laudable ingenuity and classical taste,
discovered that the figure is nothing more nor less than a
syce, or running groom; just such a one, the worthy ex-
sheriff adds, as used to accompany him in India, when
engaged in a hunting party, and who, when he grew tired,
used to lay hold of the ex-sheriff's horse's tail, in order
to keep up with his master. The author of the Travestie,
however, has hit upon another solution of the attitude,
still more novel, and equally probable, namely, that of
dancing, for which he expects to gain no inconsiderable
share of popularity.
3 Without a shirt or Highland skirt!--It is really
entertaining to see what a refinement of criticism has been
displayed upon the defects of this incomparable statue. Some
have abused the hero for being shirtless, and said it was an
abomination to think that a statue in a state of nudity
(much larger than life, too!) should be stuck up in Hyde
Park, where every lady's eye must glance, however repugnant
it might be to their ideas of modesty. But did not the
ladies themselves order and pay for the said statue? Is it
not an emblem of their own pure taste? Then, as for
putting on Achilles a kelt or short petticoat (called by the
poet a Highland skirt), oh, shocking I it is not only
unclassical, but it would have destroyed the effect of the
thing altogether. To be sure, it would not be the first time
that Achilles wore a petticoat, for, if we are rightly
informed, his mother, Thetis, disguised him in female
apparel, and hid him among the maidens at the court of
Lycomedes, iu order to prevent his going to the siege of
Troy; but that wicked wag, Ulysses, calling on the said
maidens to pay his respects, discovered Mister Achilles
among them, and made him join his regiment.
Each widow's heart is throbbing,
Each married lady sobbing,
While little miss
Would fain a kiss
Be from Achilles robbing!'
Then, oh, the sight entrancing,
To see Achilles dancing,
Without a shirt
Or Highland skirt,
Where ladies' eyes are glancing.
Oh, 'tis not helm or feather,
Or breeches made of leather,
That gave delight,
By day or night,
Or draw fair crowds together.{2}
Let those wear clothes who need e'm;
Adorn but max with freedom,{3}
Then, light or dark,
They'll range the Park,
And follow where you lead 'em.
For, oh, the sight's entrancing,
To see Achilles dancing,
Without a shirt
Or Highland skirt,
Where ladies' eyes are glancing.
1 If we could only insert one hundredth part of what has
been said by widows, wives, and maids on this interesting
subject during the present week, we are quite sure our
readers would acquit us of having overcharged the picture,
or even faintly delineated it.
2 We certainly must differ with the author here: in our
humble opinion, helmets, feathers, leather breeches, &c.
have a wonderful effect in drawing crowds of the fair sex
together--at a grand review, for instance.
3 This line, it is hoped, will be understood literally. The
words are T. Moore's, and breathe the spirit of liberty--not
licentiousness.
~~352~~~ Having succeeded in their object, Dashall and his Cousin
pursued their course homeward; and thus terminated another day spent in
the developement of Real Life in the British Metropolis.
But still the muse beseeches
If this epistle reaches
Achilles bold,
In winter cold,
That he would wear his breeches:{1}
For though in sultry weather,
He needs not cloth nor leather,
Yet frosts may mar
What's safe in war,{2]
And ruin all together.
But still the sight's entrancing,
To see Achilles dancing
Without a shirt
Or Highland skirt,
Where ladies' eyes are glancing.
1 The last verse must be allowed to be truly considerate,
nay, kind--that the ladies will be equally kind and
considerate to poor Achilles as the poet is, must be the
wish of every one who has witnessed the perilous situation
in which he is placed.
2 Achilles was a great favourite with the ladies from his
very birth. He was a fine strapping boy; and his mother was
so proud of him, that she readily encountered the danger of
being drowned in the river Styx herself, that she might dip
her darling in it, and thereby render him invulnerable.
Accordingly, every part of the hero was safe, except his
heel by which his mother held him amidst the heat of
battle; and, like his renowned antitype, the immortal Duke
of Wellington, he was never wounded. But, at length, when
Achilles was in the Temple, treating about his marriage with
Philoxena, daughter of Priam, the brother of Hector let fly
an arrow at his vulnerable heel, and did his business in a
twinkling.
We cannot quit this subject without paying a compliment to the virtues
of the Court. We understand there has not been one royal carriage seen
in the Park since the erection of the statue; and if report speaks true,
the Marchioness of C-----m's delicacy is so shocked, that she intends to
quit Hamilton Place, which is close by, as early as a more modest site
can be chosen!
CHAPTER XXV
Lack a day! what a gay
What a wonderful great town!
In each street, thousands meet,
All parading up and down.
Crossing--jostling--strutting--running,
Hither--thither--going--coming;
Hurry--scurry--pushing--driving,
Ever something new contriving.
Oh! what a place, what a strange London Town,
On every side, both far and wide, we hear of its renown.
~~353~~~
Escorting to the ever-varying promenade of fashion, the Hon. Tom Dashall
and his Cousin Bob, whose long protracted investigation of Life in
London was now drawing to a close, proceeded this morning to amuse
themselves with another lounge in Bond-street: this arcadia of dignified
equality was thronged, the carriage-way with dashing equipages, and
the pave with exquisite pedestrians. Here was one rouged and whiskered;
there another in petticoats and stays, while his sister, like an Amazon,
shewed her nether garments half way to the knee. Then “passed smiling
by” a Corinthian bear, in an upper benjamin and a Jolliffe shallow. A
noted milliner shone in a richer pelisse than the Countess, whom the day
before she had cheated out of the lace which adorned it. The gentleman
with the day-rule, in new buckskins and boots, and mounted on a
thorough-bred horse, quizzed his retaining creditor, as he trotted along
with dusty shoes and coat; the “lady of easy virtue” stared her keeper's
wife and daughter out of countenance. The man milliner's shop-boy, _en
passant_, jogged the duke's elbow; and the dandy pickpocket lisped and
minced his words quite as well as my lord.
Tom pointed out some of the more dashing exhibitants; and Bob inquiring
the name of a fine woman, rather _en bon point_, with a French face, who
was mounted on a chesnut hunter, and whom he had never before seen in
the haunts ~~354~~~ of fashion--“That lady,” said he, “goes by the name
of _Speculator_; her real name is Mademoiselle Leverd, of the Theatre
Français at Paris: she arrived in this country a month since, to
“have an opportunity of displaying her superior talents; though it
is whispered that the object of her journey was not altogether in the
pursuit of her profession, but for the purpose of making an important
conquest.”
“And who is that charming woman,” continued Bob, “in the curricle next
to L------d F------?”
“That,” returned Tom, “is Mrs. Orbery Hunter. The beautiful man next
you, is the “commercial dandy,” or as Lord G----l styles him, Apollo;
and his Lordship is a veracious man, on which account R------ calls
G------ his lyre.”
“Ah, do you see that dashing fellow in the Scotch cloak, attended by
a lad with his arm in a sling? That is the famous Sir W. M------,who
doubles his income by gambling speculations; and that's one of his
decoys, to entrap young country squires of fortune to dine with him,
and be fleeced. In return, he is to marry him (on condition of receiving
£100. for every thousand) to an heiress, the daughter of his country
banker.”
“Why, all the first whips in the female world are abroad to-day. There
is the flower of green Erin, Lady Foley. See with what style she fingers
the ribbans. Equally dexterous at the use of whip and tongue; woe to the
wight who incurs the lash of either.
“That reverend divine in the span new dennet and the Jolliffe shallow,
who squares his elbows so knowingly, as he rubs on his bit of blood, is
Parson A------. He is the proprietor of the temple of gaming iniquity,
at No. 6, Pall Mall. He is a natural son of Lord B------re, by whom
he was brought up, liberally educated, and presented with church
preferments of considerable value. He married, in early life, the
celebrated singer, Miss M--h--n, whom he abandoned, with his infant
family. This lady found a protector for herself and children in the
person of the Rev. Mr. P------s, and having since obtained a divorce
from her former husband, has been married to him. The parson boasts of
his numerous amours, and, a few years since, took the benefit of the
act. Before he ventured upon the splendid speculations at the Gothic
Hall, with F------r T------n, Mr. Charles S------, and Lord D------,
he used to frequent the most notorious g------g houses, ~~355~~~
occasionally picking up a half crown as the pigeons were knocked down
by the more wealthy players. But, chousing his colleagues out of their
shares, and getting the Gothic Hall into his own hands, he has become
the great man you see, and may truly be called by the title of autocrat
of all the Greeks.
“And who,” inquired Bob, “is that gay careless young fellow in the
Stanhope, who sits so easy while his horse plunges?”
“That,” replied Tom, “is the Hon. and Rev. Fitz S------, with the best
heart, best hand, and the best leg in Bond-street. He is really one of
the most fascinating men in polished society, and withal, the best
judge of a horse at Tattersalls, of a dennet at Long Acre, or a segar in
Maiden Lane.”
“You need not tell me who that is on the roan horse, with red whiskers
and florid complexion. (The Earl of Y------, of course). Madame B.
tells a curious story of him and a filly belonging to Prince Paul. His
Lordship had a great desire to ride the said filly, and sent Madam B.
to know the terms. 'Well!' said his Lordship, when she returned--'Fifty
pounds,' she replied.--'Hem!' said his lordship, 'I will wait till next
year, and can have her for five-and-twenty.'”
“By this hand, another female equestrian _de figure_.' That tall young
woman on the chesnut, is Lady Jane P------, sister of Lord U------. They